Fighting Jealousy

[LoveLux]

Dear people from the forum,

I am completely in love with my boyfriend. There is a problem though: he loves to flirt with other women.

I know I am a great catch and I know he does not go any further with the flirting but it really affects me, makes me feel insecure and insufficient. 

I don't want to have a serious conversation with him or forbid him to flirt; I know I will only make matters worse. It will make me look insecure and as if I want to restrict his freedom in any way. I like this guy and I don't want to impose my insecurity on him.

But how can I learn how to deal with these kinds of situations, and especially handle these emotions, in a cool way?

Thank you!
 

Edited February 13, 2016 by LoveLux

[Midlife Crisis]

There are so many levels of flirting. The first thing you have to ask is: is it really flirting and how do I feel about it? You have to talk to him about it and let him know what's up. Maybe try flirting with some guys yourself and see how he responds. That could open up some conversation about it since you feel insecure about bringing it up. Do what makes you happy with yourself though first. That is the first thing you need to handle.

[Jelly_Shades]

I think it's important in a relationship to be able to talk about your insecurities. If you do not, it will just stay inside you and become more and more tense as you suppress it, which can lead to a lot of bad things. 

You need to be able to get whatever is on your heart to each other, so that you have full understanding of each others thinking and emotional state. This is vital in any type of relationship. People are too passive or expect each other to just understand what they want without saying anything. Try to establish healthy communication in your relationship, because it's so important.  When you have this, and you are both honest and empathetic toward each other, you can talk about your problems without worrying about being judged. 

Also do some work to look inside yourself and find out why you feel insecure and threatened by your boyfriends behavior. All problems stem from inside, remember. 

[LoveLux]

Thank you so much. I do believe that communication is very important and suppressing my feelings is unhealthy. The problem is that I am afraid to bring it up. I am afraid that he will not know how to deal with a conversation about my insecurities. Most of all, I am afraid that when he sees this insecure side of me,  he stops finding me attractive or challenging. But I can't keep pulling up a show... It eventually shows.

I am trying to work on myself to stop feeling this insecure. But it's not something that simply disappears just like that.

I am really tangled up, Maybe I need to distantiate myself from him until I am fully grown. Still a part of me wants to believe that we can grow together.