Enlightment Experience or high level of consciousness during the peak of an acid trip

[KGrimes]

Yesterday I had a LSD trip, roughly 150ug. 

I've done around 15 trips in the past and this one has been by far the most profound experience I have had.

The come up was quite nice, relaxing and I felt my consciousness level rising.

I slowly became more and more aware with each hour, I felt present and I felt free.

Yet, there was this lingering thought: there's something I can't quite grasp. What is it? Who Am I? 

I had this thought in my head like some puzzle, trying to figure out, like one simple question: WHO AM I? Would solve all my problems.

And then I sat down, crossed my legs, and began meditating.

In an instant, I felt absorbed in the nothingness, "I" was there, but "I" was also everywhere. I could feel my body, but I could also feel like I am the whole room.

The sounds around me became extremely clear and I could hear every single voice or movement around me.

And then this sudden feeling of pure freedom arose.

I was completely empty, I was no one. My mind was completely free, I felt purified. I felt like I have finally awoken.

For the next time period (very hard to grasp time on LSD) I was just laying there, crying and laughing. It was all so simple. It was all so pure. Pure beauty everywhere.

I also felt energy pulsating through my whole body, shaking in random body parts of mine.

The remainder of my trip was quite nice, I went outside, and It was hard for me to grasp this "new" reality I am in. Everything was just so vibrant, so alive, in completely different colors.

I was sure I had my first enlightement experience, but I am afraid to put some sort of label on it and then "fool myself".

I read that once you have your enlightenment experience, there's no way to mistake it for something else.

Yet my ego is now backlashing hard and telling me, that it's all just fake and I am simply coming down.

So which one is it?

[Grateful Dead]

You are definitely heading in the right direction imo but sounds like a little glimpse of enlightenment to me

don't worry about those labels, just keep going and search for the truth

[Leo Gura]

That's a legit awakening, although you could go much deeper in the future. You still haven't realized you are God. And many other facets are missing.

Don't doubt yourself and keep going deeper. You are getting close to some epic awakenings.

Yes, you will doubt yourself when you sober up because you lose that awakened state, and awakening is a state. You have to remind yourself that your sober state is a dream state and doubt is just part of the dream.

[The0Self]

That certainly describes an awakening experience (enlightenment experience; what Culadasa would call an "insight experience," for reference). I think the most useful way to define an awakening is this... Awakening = an irreversible (permanent; abiding) shift in perception, on the level of identity (what you take yourself to be). By this construct, not all awakening experiences are awakenings, but all awakenings are associated with awakening experiences, even though an awakening is not an experience.

[Leo Gura]

Permanence/irreversibility is not inherent to awakening. Defining it as such leads to mistakes and problems.

[The0Self]

26 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Permanence/irreversibility is not inherent to awakening. Defining it as such leads to mistakes and problems.

Sure, but then some awakenings are abiding and some are not. So there's still that distinction. I don't mean the abidance of a transcendent state of consciousness. I mean an abiding shift in what you take yourself to be i.e. not the abidance of a state or experience.

[Leo Gura]

@The0Self Yes, you can make that additional distinction.

[Hello from Russia]

I remember I've awoken to what noself is. But now I forgot how it felt. Such a shame =(

[BuddhistLover]

@Hello from Russia Maybe it's a gift, maybe feelings are fleeting in time, and it's okay to not always feel the same, it's okay to feel at ease, it's okay to feel lost, just as long as you want to find your way. Heaven knows you're here. 

[KGrimes]

@Leo Gura This clarified it a lot. Thank you. On to some more meditation!

[KGrimes]

@Hello from Russia Why do we awaken, but forget what the awakening is/was and go back to our old ways? I assume this is the problem with psychadelic awakenings - you can eliminate years of meditation practices that monks do to awaken, but you will come down to "base consciousness" and the monks will remain on that level for long. So in the end, you have to meditate a lot and also use psychadelics.

Edited May 3, 2022 by KGrimes