What is the right way to deal with rejection?

[Dodecahedron]

As a man, how do you think I should deal with romantic rejection?

I've heard two opposing theories:

1) You should brush it off and accept rejection, forcing yourself to not feel negative about it. You should control your feelings of disappointment and anger and not allow them to exist. If you still care about the girl, you should remain friends with them.

2) You should be offended and take the rejection personally, because there is nothing wrong with you and you should take the rejection as an offense. Not that you should act like a child and throw a tantrum, but you should under no circumstance remain friends with the girl afterwards. If they don't like you then you shouldn't either.

What do you guys think? How do you deal with rejection? Is there another, more sensible option?

[RMQualtrough]

It doesn't matter. It's not a situation you have control over.

[SamC]

You should lick your wounds and move on. I don't care what anyone says. Rejection from a girl you like fucking sucks and you as a man have to find a way to deal with it.

Don't linger in the friendzone though. Be clear with what you want. If she is not interested, then move on to the next girl. I would rather get completly blown out then to be stuck in the friendzone.

That doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't have female friends though, of course you should.. but don't befriend them just to befriend them after they have rejected you. If she is cool and you want to genuinely befriend her, then go for it but then you have to let go of every hope of getting with that girl or that hope will destroy you.

[SgtPepper]

Accept your feelings, the person's wishes, and move forward.

Continue being friends with her? As a straight male, I don't see the point in being friends with women unless they are family, I am in a class with them, or working with them on a project.

Men are unilaterally much better friends. 

Edited May 2, 2022 by SgtPepper

[Thought Art]

Think of it like this:

1. You may be a great guy at your fullest and she may not like you because of personal preferences. It’s not personal and not worth being upset about

2. If you are not that skillful with a woman who would like you had you have the skills, it’s really on you and you need to take each experience as a learning g experience and not the end all be all. 
 

Overall, don’t take it personally. Feel the feelings with grace. 
 

Don’t be one of those guys who verbally assaults women because they aren’t into them.

Be cool, 

Edited May 2, 2022 by Thought Art

[something_else]

The right response is probably just to laugh about it and move on

That covers all your bases. If a girl is a bitch to you when she rejects you and you laugh in her face and walk away that’s a good outcome for you

If a girl lets you down nicely and you laugh playfully it shows that it hasn’t bothered you

If you get butthurt, sulky, or angry then there’s no way that ends well for you

Basically you need to get in the frame of mind that rejection doesn’t impact your life in any way, you just keep going on doing whatever you’re doing and don’t take yourself too seriously

[Dodecahedron]

2 hours ago, RMQualtrough said:

It doesn't matter. It's not a situation you have control over.

Wdym? Ofc I can decide to stay friends or not. Why do you say I have no control?

2 hours ago, SamC said:

That doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't have female friends though, of course you should.. but don't befriend them just to befriend them after they have rejected you. If she is cool and you want to genuinely befriend her, then go for it but then you have to let go of every hope of getting with that girl or that hope will destroy you.

Yeah for sure, I think if you wanna be friends with them then you should be honest with your intention as well.

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

Overall, don’t take it personally. Feel the feelings with grace. 

Some people say that you should suppress your feelings to not have them to begin with. I think it's kinda self-dishonest.

 

55 minutes ago, something_else said:

Basically you need to get in the frame of mind that rejection doesn’t impact your life in any way, you just keep going on doing whatever you’re doing and don’t take yourself too seriously

I don't think I can say that rejection doesn't affect my life. It certainly does create a fork in your life's history.

[something_else]

1 hour ago, Dodecahedron said:

I don't think I can say that rejection doesn't affect my life. It certainly does create a fork in your life's history

That’s a problem. Getting rejected by a girl is even less impactful in your life than getting rejected by a job you’re applying for

It means almost nothing in reality, there are so many girls out there why should you care if you get rejected a bunch?

[Dodecahedron]

55 minutes ago, something_else said:

That’s a problem. Getting rejected by a girl is even less impactful in your life than getting rejected by a job you’re applying for

It means almost nothing in reality, there are so many girls out there why should you care if you get rejected a bunch?

If you care about the girl so little, why did you approach her to begin with?

[Thought Art]

@Dodecahedron Probably need to bite the bullet of that pain.

 

Personally, I’m slowly getting back it o dating as I address my own trauma and attachment style. Which can be another important factor to accepting and embracing rejection. 

[Chrisd]

2 hours ago, Dodecahedron said:

If you care about the girl so little, why did you approach her to begin with?

I care about you, does that mean I have to suffer when you reject me? 

I suffer because I'm attached to your opinion. Attachments = suffering

 

Edited May 2, 2022 by Chrisd

[Chrisd]

Everybody has the right to their own intentions, preferences, opinions. Isn't it silly to suffer when theirs don't match yours? They reject you when they don't. 

[something_else]

1 hour ago, Dodecahedron said:

If you care about the girl so little, why did you approach her to begin with?

This is just the wrong mindset, I’m sorry. You shouldn’t care about a girl all that much before you even know anything about her

For all you know she could be a serial killer or a complete psycho. Something about her is appealing, you’d like to get to know her better, if she doesn’t feel the same you move on. That’s the mindset

Caring about her personally comes later on once you get to know her

Of course you should show respect to all people at a basic level but beyond that your investment in a girl shouldn’t be too high before you get to know her better

[Dodecahedron]

15 hours ago, something_else said:

This is just the wrong mindset, I’m sorry. You shouldn’t care about a girl all that much before you even know anything about her

I play the social circle game instead of cold approach so I definitely know the girls a bit beforehand. Opinions of people matter quite a bit in this context, same as how my opinion matters to them.