I’ve realized this about Self Love: Not Being Nice

[Thought Art]

I’ve realized that if I am going to love myself fully and deeply given the harshness of the world, ie

1. ignorant selfish people, finance, one life, pain, suffering, survival etc

Then being nice and goodie two shoes just isn’t going to cut it. I need more thick face black heart style of spiritual understanding than the “Do Gooder” new Agee. Now, I’m going to build of life of balance, health and integrity but I’m not nice, and I’m not your friend. 
 

Im going to serve and create value for others because I Love reality. But, I know you don’t give a shit about me and I’m going to live in accordance that I am all alone in a brutal world. 
 

Im going to speak my mind even if it offends you, I’m going to live in my truth, I’m going to put my survival before yours and I’m going to honour my life. 

Most people are selfish devil assholes. Most people just want to serve themselves despite you. So, I’m fully acknowledging this and no longer living in a fantasy that by being nice to you people is going to help me.

While also balancing my holistic understanding and values of well being in the world. 

Edited May 1, 2022 by Thought Art

[Osaid]

I have a habit of being non-confrontational irl, and tbh the times where I am consciously abrasive towards other people feels much more loving than the latter. It's like you're finally giving yourself the love and respect you deserve, whereas you were invalidating yourself previously by not doing so. Putting other people's emotions over your own is dehumanizing.

[ZzzleepingBear]

It can often depend on the environment you find yourself in. Don't forget that there is very compassionate people everywhere as well.

My unsolicited advice to you is not to stop being nice. But rather to be more direct in what you try to communicate, if you tend to be more softspoken. It's stil much more of a freedom in choosing wheter you want to be nice or not. Rather than trying to stick to one or the other mood all the time. Context also matter alot when dealing with people.

 

An example of this came to mind. This was many years ago now, but I guess I was a bit surprised myself by the result that direct communication can have. I was playing an online shooter, and one kid in the game was just so obnoxious that he got the rest of the team started to trash talk back at him more than usual. When there was some breathing room in chat, I told him that this is just a computer game, there is no one who cares how good or bad you are at this game, just try to have some fun instead. It was like he got a mini awakening from that moment, and he stopped acting as a A-hole from that moment on. He seemed quite grateful, and even sended friend invite in-game. I was not interested to have anything to do with him apart from telling him what this little gamer moment was about, and that was it.  

Point being is that the team harrasing attempts wasn't nice, and it didn't help the whole situation either. Try to communicate with as much ease as possible, it keeps you in a more clear head space as well. And then only bump head with people if necessary, instead of making it into a bad habbit.

[axiom]

4 hours ago, Thought Art said:

I’ve realized that if I am going to love myself fully and deeply given the harshness of the world, ie

1. ignorant selfish people, finance, one life, pain, suffering, survival etc

Then being nice and goodie two shoes just isn’t going to cut it. I need more thick face black heart style of spiritual understanding than the “Do Gooder” new Agee. Now, I’m going to build of life of balance, health and integrity but I’m not nice, and I’m not your friend. 
 

Im going to serve and create value for others because I Love reality. But, I know you don’t give a shit about me and I’m going to live in accordance that I am all alone in a brutal world. 
 

Im going to speak my mind even if it offends you, I’m going to live in my truth, I’m going to put my survival before yours and I’m going to honour my life. 

Most people are selfish devil assholes. Most people just want to serve themselves despite you. So, I’m fully acknowledging this and no longer living in a fantasy that by being nice to you people is going to help me.

While also balancing my holistic understanding and values of well being in the world. 

Cool. 

[Vincent S]

4 hours ago, Thought Art said:

Now, I’m going to build of life of balance

Set Healthy Boundaries. No need to stop being nice. Fill your cup and give that which is extra and is running over. But don't let "others" suck you dry, and leave you in complete and utter loss of yourself. And help in ways which show others how to fill their cups with their own ways of living, and not to steal from others. And the ones which you can't help; just trust that whatever force they have within, will lead them to where they are supposed to go... eventually

You can also help others who aren't in your face begging and stealing from you. You can go buy a sandwich for a homeless person that isn't really expecting you to do such a favor. Help in ways which come spontaneously to you. Live in flow and let life live, let life give, and let life forgive.

Edited May 1, 2022 by Vincent S

[Thought Art]

@Vincent S Niceness to me to is akin to people pleasing. 
 

I cannot fully self actualize if I’m a nice person. I must be madly in love with YOU despite what you say and think about me. Despite the hell you put me through. You, God. You created me, and I’m going to love you despite the suffering you allow me. 

[Vincent S]

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

Niceness to me to is akin to people pleasing. 

I know what you mean. But, Everything in reality is a projection. If you want to give good or give someone something, they have to play the role of the receiver. If you want to receive, "they" have to play the role of the giver.
Appreciating an "other", is loving that they exist so you can be giving. Appreciating an "other" is loving that they exist and are giving, so that you can be receiving.

This is how we create each other to play this game. But if we are all stuck not knowing what we are playing. It goes to extremes and we want to just receive or just give. Because we are stuck in the game, rather than the play.

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

I must be madly in love with YOU despite what you say and think about me. Despite the hell you put me through. You, God. You created me, and I’m going to love you despite the suffering you allow me.

Because you know Ultimately that its you who is causing yourself the suffering.
 

Its all about balance (as you mentioned ) and setting boundaries when you feel like something is getting out of hand. You don't have to give until you are completely empty, and you don't have to be selfish and only be receiving; you don't have to go to extremes, as this will only tip you off your balance.
 

Edited May 2, 2022 by Vincent S

[michaelcycle00]

6 hours ago, Thought Art said:

I cannot fully self actualize if I’m a nice person

And you think you will by reducing yourself and others to wild animals that are desperately fighting for survival?

What do you mean by "self-actualize"? It seems to me that you're contradicting yourself here but perhaps you can clear things up.

 

If you're just venting, I'd advise learning how to be assertive. You don't need to be a piece of shit towards others (most of them at least) in order to make yourself clear. 

[Thought Art]

@michaelcycle00 Being nice, means people pleasing. 

Not being nice, means being authentic l, assertive and strong. It means holding your values. 
 

it does not mean being a dick or being aggressive 

Edited May 2, 2022 by Thought Art

[Vincent S]

2 hours ago, Thought Art said:

Being nice, means people pleasing. 

Not being nice, means being authentic l, assertive and strong. It means holding your values. 

Does it have to be that black and white? Notice that I am not trying to be against you. I am pointing you out of the typical Yin Yang paradigm.
The trap with the dualistic Yin Yang paradigm is that it works perfectly for the ego. Its either or, this or that. Choose between good and bad.
That is not what reality consist of. That would be like watching movies only in black and white, even after the color tv was invented.
Truth is that reality is not only Yin and Yang, its not two, it's Infinite One. With Infinite Diversity.

 

Edited May 2, 2022 by Vincent S

[Thought Art]

@Vincent S it’s probably not black and white at all in practice 

[Fernanda]

We can really feel a little lost before a period of integration. I had no idea how the sense of morality governs most of our actions. When we break free we really feel lost, like there is nowhere to go, nothing to respond to, unless we choose to reimagine things in an entirely new way. Things can get pretty mad and out of control, because most people won't understand where you are coming from. At the same time, you are awake, you can make sense of things off the ordinary sense to a point you will be called "crazy", because you LOVE in a broader and deeper sense! Loving is crazy ! OMG!

 

[BipolarGrowth]

This sounds like a mindset which will produce negative outcomes. 

[michaelcycle00]

15 hours ago, Vincent S said:

That is not what reality consist of. That would be like watching movies only in black and white, even after the color tv was invented.
Truth is that reality is not only Yin and Yang, its not two, it's Infinite One. With Infinite Diversity.

Bin-fucking-go mate. Perfectly put, Vincent.

[hyruga]

"Those who are gracious to the poor lend to the Lord, and the Lord will fully repay them." The Good News: In many ways, the mere act of being charitable is its own reward. But as this verse notes, being compassionate to people who are less fortunate is also something that God will reward.

[TRUTHWITHCAPITALT]

On 5/1/2022 at 1:18 PM, Thought Art said:

Im going to speak my mind even if it offends you, I’m going to live in my truth, I’m going to put my survival before yours and I’m going to honour my life. 

This is like saying everybody is pissing on each other so I might as well join the piss feast. 

Integrating non-dual wisdom with others' devilry was also my concern in my path. Coming from a dense Spiral Dynamics Purple area you can imagine the state I was at. 

However, I deconstructed and contemplated on it and realized it is a meaningless thought. Ego means devil so if egos do devil stuff, it is their thing. How could it be otherwise?

It is like complaining about why dogs are barking or why don't Whales go to school and change their life. It is a different virtual reality. 

Putting Truth first is the difficult part. Don't expect humans(egos) to be interested in that. The Truth is not going to be provided on a silver platter. In the same way, you would not be a Doctor without passing the exam. 

Escape your kiddie pool. Then you will be swimming in the lakes in the ocean and whichever way you like.

You summed it up when you say I am putting survival before truth. Which is 99.9999% of the people so go for it. It is beautiful and addictive. Getting over substance addiction is hard.  Addiction to ego and illusion is infinitely harder. 

The Donkey metaphor Leo used in the What is Truth video? could give me a good lesson here.

Plus you don't have to be devil-like others. You work on Survival and Truth. Nobody said you have to ditch Survival. It is an automatic process. 

You have been a devil all your life anyways reverse it. Manage your devilry.

You can't escape Epistemology and Metaphysis either you are growing it or you are making blunders after blunders. The choice is yours.

 

[Leo Gura]

On 5/1/2022 at 10:18 AM, Thought Art said:

no longer living in a fantasy that by being nice to you people is going to help me.

Hahaha

[Preety_India]

You can actually be authentic without actually hurting others. 

 

[kag101]

since you're into radical honesty:

1) you're aren't getting your love and belonginess needs met. 

2) you don't know how to be assertive and set boundaries.

3) you have used an extreme form of people-pleasing as a way to shield yourself from the world, but in the process you feel like you lost your soul and that your true self isn't being seen nor heard.

[somegirl]

On 5/1/2022 at 7:18 PM, Thought Art said:

Im going to speak my mind even if it offends you, I’m going to live in my truth, I’m going to put my survival before yours and I’m going to honour my life. 

It's extremely cringy to hold wrong stance regarding certain topics, and knowing you're wrong, but not admitting it because "that would mean I am too nice and weak". It's extremely cringy to me.

There's nothing noble in hurting people (offending them in this case) intentionally just to show off how assertive and "not nice" you are. It comes off very wrong. Because it doesn't come from a good place.

I've had a friend who intentionally disagreed with me on most of the topics (even some that I thought he would agree on) just to "train his assertiveness" on me. Ugh, so so freaking cringy. There's other ways of doing this.

You can for sure be nice and assertive. There is no black and white in life.

You probably decided to be like this because you figured being "too nice" leads to all sorts of nasty stuff. I know, cause I've been there. But we have to realize... We weren't nice (or people pleasing) because we truly wanted to be, but because we wanted something in return. It was not an authentic expression of ourselves. People saw through that.

Now you don't have swing to the other side of the pendulum just so you can show others how they can't treat you how they used to. 

The art is knowing when to be a little more assertive, and when to be nice. Nice doesn't equal people pleasing. If things were that black and white and simple in life, we wouldn't be having most of the problems we have today.

Don't let the world turn your heart into a stone. 

Edited May 3, 2022 by somegirl