I'm on this forum because I'm seeking validation.

[Ninja_pig]

I can see why a lot of people say they are addicted to this forum because it has a lot of like-minded people on it. When I'm on the forum, I specifically look for topics where I have an opinion or view that I want other people to know. I feel very satisfied when someone looks at something I said and approves of it or says it helps them, I'm slightly less satisfied when someone disagrees with what I say, and I feel disappointed when no one shows any sign or having read my post or no one offers an opinion. I think that I have learned a lot by using this forum, and engineering my posts in order to gain attention has forced me to write high quality posts that require a lot of contemplation. However, I am worried that browsing the forum will turn into an addiction, or that seeking to be helpful will sabotage my growth because I may be less willing to learn from others.

I'm writing this post in order to bring this insight more to some other people who might be doing the same thing. I am also writing it because I want other people to respond with their experience on this forum and validate my own feelings. So please respond if you have any suggestions and if you think this is a problem. How can I be less reliant on what others think? Should I be less reliant on what others think? Have you dealt with this problem in the past?

[Consept]

I think everyone probably feels the same to some extent. The key I think is the awareness around it and ultimately that's what we're all trying to do, become more aware. So if you post with this awareness you're posts become more authentic and then its easier to accept when others don't validate you because you are just being true to yourself. 

[Preety_India]

Just be more open to receiving different opinions. Over time you'll appreciate different perspectives. 

 

[EternalForest]

Change your perspective. Come to this place for meaningful discussion and you'll get more out of it. And it's often disagreement that breeds the most interesting discussion. Agreement can too, but I think a little friendly debate would do you well.

Edited April 30, 2022 by EternalForest

[lostingenosmaze]

Bro it's just words on a screen.

No, but really, take a step back and look. You're just clacking keys on a keyboard making pixels appear on a screen for other pairs of eyes to look at. Nothing more, nothing less. Looking at the big picture and seeing how much a habit of yours is aiding or obstructing your life can help you decide what to do with said habit. In any case practically you'd want to audit your time and see just how much time you're actually spending here compared to everything else. Actually keep track how many hours from start to finish you spend browsing here (or anything you think you're addicted to for that matter). There's apps that can do that for you, I myself use StayFocused premium to track how addicted I am using my phone apps and block them and it has helped me a ton.

[Leo Gura]

You are basically describing the human condition. We are social creatures. We value and need to be part of a community and we all love to have our worldview, biases, and emotions validated back to us.

You're not going to avoid this problem. This problem will exist to some degree within any community or socialization activity. So bite the bullet and learn to socialize consciously.

[Ninja_pig]

11 minutes ago, lostingenosmaze said:

Bro it's just words on a screen.

No, but really, take a step back and look. You're just clacking keys on a keyboard making pixels appear on a screen for other pairs of eyes to look at. Nothing more, nothing less. Looking at the big picture and seeing how much a habit of yours is aiding or obstructing your life can help you decide what to do with said habit. In any case practically you'd want to audit your time and see just how much time you're actually spending here compared to everything else. Actually keep track how many hours from start to finish you spend browsing here (or anything you think you're addicted to for that matter). There's apps that can do that for you, I myself use StayFocused premium to track how addicted I am using my phone apps and block them and it has helped me a ton.

Right now I don't spend too much time on this forum, but I can see that I could, which is why I wrote this post. I also use that app, and I deleted all the social media off of my phone (moderating my usage time just didn't work). Also, I think there is a lot to "words on a screen". I spend a lot of time reading on my phone, or reading emails, or reading articles. I'm studying computers in college right now so words on a screen is a large portion of my life. I think it matters which words.

[puporing]

14 hours ago, Ninja_pig said:

So please respond if you have any suggestions and if you think this is a problem. How can I be less reliant on what others think? Should I be less reliant on what others think? Have you dealt with this problem in the past?

Something you could consider here is to see if you could move from conditional to unconditional "self-expression". Writing is a form of self-expression and ideally you are unattached from the 'outcome' of what you put out. Then you can be even more effective at being genuine/care less about saying something 'controversial', because you just care about being authentic. 

[gettoefl]

14 hours ago, puporing said:

Something you could consider here is to see if you could move from conditional to unconditional "self-expression". Writing is a form of self-expression and ideally you are unattached from the 'outcome' of what you put out. Then you can be even more effective at being genuine/care less about saying something 'controversial', because you just care about being authentic. 

was going to say same thing

i write to put meat on my ideas for my benefit for my elucidation for my inquiry ... what i write and what i say is what i remember and what i value

i aim to forget that i have ever written anything before and i treat every post as a message from god tailor made for me

i am happy if people engage with my words but if they don't i still came out ahead so it is win win either way

i do love this community and everyone who heartfully shares their words so i am just glad to be here

Edited May 1, 2022 by gettoefl

[puporing]

@gettoefl ? you so don't give a shit what others think that you don't even use capitals lawl.

 

[gettoefl]

10 hours ago, puporing said:

@gettoefl ? you so don't give a shit what others think that you don't even use capitals lawl.

 

right? like st augustine said, love then do as you please