Turned 45 and Everything Changed...Mid-Life and Letting Go

[jeffemmerson]

I won't go into a long-winded explanation for now, suffice it to say that since turning 45 during a pandemic (as a hospital cleaner, which was very scary for a while as I cleaned Covid rooms and witnessed people die of the virus early on), my marriage has dissolved, I have moved to a new town and work at a new hospital. I had a mini-stroke in roughly 2016 that scared the crap out of me and have lost a brother to suicide and attempted myself. I also went from committing myself to becoming a traditionally published author. I say all this why?

Because I have achieved "worldly" goals that I have set for myself and am done with that stuff. I'm also done with the anxiety of worry over doing a perfect job at work every day. I realize that time is short and that none of this materialistic bullshit actually matters - I thirst for transcendence from the usual "rat on a treadmill" stress and I have found my own version of Nihilism/higher consciousness and learning to let go of worry over my health. 

No kids, no car payment and I rent. Screw the housing market - it's insane and I want no part of it. 

 

I SALUTE ANYONE OUT HERE WITH THE COURAGE TO BE DIFFERENT AND ANYONE WHO HAS HAD ENOUGH OF THE RAT RACE BULLSHIT THAT IS CLEARLY A PATTERN. Had to use caps there. I'm over it. I even stopped wearing a mask in public today, which is a big step as a formerly paranoid healthcare worker. 

Great to meet everyone and thank you for all your infinite wisdom, Leo! I find myself comforted more than ever through this evolved awareness. 

Jeff

[Leo Gura]

Good for you. Yes, the older you get the less materialistic goals seem to satisfy.

[jeffemmerson]

6 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Good for you. Yes, the older you get the materialistic goals seem to satisfy.

Thank you, Leo. That means a lot. 

[puporing]

That's awesome! Embrace the "misfit lifestyle". 

[jeffemmerson]

5 hours ago, puporing said:

That's awesome! Embrace the "misfit lifestyle". 

Thank you! Definitely a new chapter of awakening and I'm never looking back. Also very into minimalism and a slow, non-busy lifestyle of deliberate mindfulness. 

[mmKay]

@jeffemmerson sounds like you're ripe for a few years of vanlife

 

https://youtu.be/g2b35v758-I

[jeffemmerson]

14 minutes ago, mmKay said:

@jeffemmerson sounds like you're ripe for a few years of vanlife

 

https://youtu.be/g2b35v758-I

Great video and cute dog! I'm more of a basement apartment guy coming and going from work, the gym and living peacefully, but this was a really interesting video for sure! 

[jeffemmerson]

15 minutes ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

Makes sense. At 45, I'll very likely do the same thing/have the same thoughts. Embrace the spiritual journey brotha.

Untill then, I've got about 20/25 years of rat race ahead of me?

My very best to you on your journey! We've all got our own unique path. 

[BuddhistLover]

@jeffemmerson Thanks for the letter Jeff, it's Brian and I am happy to see that you have found an end to your pain, my question to you is, what is your life purpose? 

[jeffemmerson]

9 hours ago, BuddhistLover said:

@jeffemmerson Thanks for the letter Jeff, it's Brian and I am happy to see that you have found an end to your pain, my question to you is, what is your life purpose? 

Hi Brian - as of now it's comfort and a simple, peaceful life of my own design. I must admit I'm quite happy where I am now, despite lots of changes.