Expressive/positive/happy versus icy/serious/assertive

[Karmadhi]

So i have in the last 2 years tried actively to improve my social skill and made quite some progress.

The fields i have made progress have been mostly in becoming more expressive, so smiling more, laughing more, laughing harder, being more emotional in the way i talk, having a higher delta of vocal tonality etc etc.

However, i have also noticed that this does make me more likable but i feel like seducting is something else.

It is more chill, focused on a specific type of eye-contact, more sophisticated, bit more serious and brutal.

How do i balance these two? So basically i feel like the first "mode" as we can call it, is a bit platonic and will make me likable but attraction wise?

I do not know atm how to juggle the two "modes"

I know the ideal is to combine both but for me at the moment seems impossible. I cannot be high energy, funny, expressive and at the same time to be chill, seductive, dominant energy and ruthless attitude (masculine energy 101).

Any advice?

 

[JonasVE12]

Are you able to feel turned on while you talk to women? Like literally feeling tingling sensations around your balls? Or do you feel shame and fear around looking into her eyes, taking her in sexually, and letting her see that you are being turned on by her? 

People only start to see you as sexually attractive and powerful when you start to get into your lower body. So the stomach, pelvis, perineum and legs. 

Lots of guys can talk from their heart, which is more innocent, but once they get into their lower body parts, they get real uncomfortable because they have some suppressed emotions they are holding on to. such as sexual shame for example.

Try it next time you talk with a woman you find attractive. Focus on getting in touch with your lower body and open it to her. Connect your awareness to those areas and practice relaxing, loosening, directing energy towards it. Don't force, just bring up and allow what's already there, a little more each time. She will naturally become sexually attracted. But you have to be willing to own it and let her see it. If there comes fear and shame to the surface once you get in those body parts, you have to welcome it and use it to ground yourself further into your body.

Women are just feeling what you are feeling. You don't actually need to do anything in order to attract her sexually. You just have to be in your body fully. You are a man, she is a woman. Your bodies are literally designed to be attracted to each other. It is entirely energetic and a subconscious process. You just need to unwind the emotional knots in your body that limit your natural flow of energy. 

[aurum]

3 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

I know the ideal is to combine both but for me at the moment seems impossible

It’s not so much about combining them. It’s more about having range.

Just like how you increased your vocal tonality delta, you can do the same here to a degree.

Obviously you will still have certain inclinations that are stronger than others. But the key is you have access to all parts of yourself if needed, almost like a utility belt.

Different situations call for different energy.

If you’re girlfriend is having a rough day and just needs some support, that’s not the time to pull out the Dominant part of yourself and show her how aggressive you can be.

But at a different time, maybe it is appropriate.

So the key is no bad parts. Everything integrated.

And you can’t just integrate your masculine side, although that may seem like that is what is missing. But ultimately your feminine / masculine aspects are a duality / distinction that work together holistically because they’re the Same. So both really need to integrated at the same time. If you believe you’re just lacking masculine integration, I would suggest that is not the case and that it is not even possible. 

[puporing]

Well that's why you alternate between the two, I think in the initial phases of attraction it might be more effective to lean more heavily on the serious/chill side to get her attracted to you. And later on you can slowly open up the light-hearted and more emotional energy.