Strong sexual urges

[Vlad_]

Hi guys! I’m trying to stop jerking off on porn and it seems like every hot girl that I see is a powerful trigger. I’ve watched porn for more than 10 years and now I want to stop it because I really inexperienced in dating. The problem is fear of rejection is very strong and when I see a hot girl I feel like my hands shaking and very fucking annoying feeling in all over the body. I feel so jealous and bitter. 
When i watch porn I feel lazy and sleepy afterwards, and real women are not attractive for me. 
Any advice guys? 

[Terell Kirby]

Jerking off / porn isn't the problem .. it's the lack of taking action to develop yourself into an attractive man that women would want to sleep and be in a relationship with.

As far as how to do that, there are plenty of learning resources available .. Google is your best friend.

[Realms of Wonder]

Hey man,

 

Why do you want to quit porn?

What benefit will it give you?

Why is it important to you?

 

It takes some, (like me) years, to heal the addiction to porn and fantasizing about every attractive women you see. Porn is not inherently bad, don't turn this into an "evil" thing, what it can/does do is train your mind to over-sexualize, fantasize, and build false expectations of sexuality and sex.

 

Fantasizing about Women, I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with it, for me it became a problem when I didn't know how to deal with it, it was overwhelming, took over my mind, and I didn't know how to stop it, it became a problem then.

 

Develop your own understanding of sex and sexuality through experimentation and experience. Authentic to you, you may view it slightly, or very differently then others on this forum, me, or anyone you know, that's okay. 

 

As far as breaking the habit, think about it this way, you have built up momentum for ten years with this habit, its like trying to steer a shipping barge.

it takes time, it take consistency and persistence. Dont shame yourself or guilt yourself if you haven't "kicked the habit" in a few weeks, months, or even years.

Edited April 26, 2022 by Realms of Wonder
addition of picture for examples sake

[Preety_India]

Quit porn. Take breaks. It's sex addiction.. Break it. 

 

[integral]

When you get the strong urge, do a set or 2 of exercise with heavy weights, that will suppress and change all the bodies hormones. 

It helps if you have a home gym. 

Does not need to be an intense work out, just enough to stimulate a new hormonal set. 

Note: Doing heavy legs will likely increase blood flow down below and most people get hornier, maybe upper body exercises are the key. 

Edited April 26, 2022 by integral

[aurum]

@Vlad_

The porn is a symptom.

Any so-called “self-destructive” habit we may have is always, always, always meeting a need of ours.

In your case, it sounds like porn helps you stay safe from having to experience rejection and all those “annoying feelings” you described. Plus obviously any sexual drive you have, and possibly also a feeling of excitement and adrenaline.

So I’d recommend two things:

1) Start seeing and labeling your emotions are valid, important and worth feeling

2) REPLACE the porn with something else. Your needs are your needs, but you can meet them in a healthier way. Consider lifestyle changes. Go to the gym, meditate, socialize, get outside, get a girlfriend, challenge yourself, etc. Find what speaks to you. 

Edited April 26, 2022 by aurum

[Someone here]

Just get a girlfriend. 

[Raze]

https://easypeasymethod.org

when you feel an urge take a cold shower, you can start it hot and slowly turn it cold, just cool the body down

 

https://www.shinzen.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/art_urges.pdf

 

[StarStruck]

Get into sexual transmutation and see the wonders

[jongsijs]

Hi Vlad,

I've been struggling with sexual addiction all my life. This in combination with the fear of rejection might be a sign for you to see a psychologist or psychiatrist. They can help you give practical tricks and advice on how to control your addiction. They can also follow up on your healing process and how you deal with the advice, what works and what doesn't. 

I've been going to a psychologists for almost two years now and I am 9 months clean  Also when you stop watching porn, women you encounter in your daily life will definetely attract you again. Your brain is just used to the distorted images of pornography and only links arousal/attraction to that type of body type, let's say.

I wish you all the luck in the world, it is time to take full responsibility!

[spiritual memes]

@Vlad_ Try mindfully experiencing the sexual urges without resistance, letting them flow through your body. It worked wonders for me