Self-Image / Identity

[Mjolnir]

Hey I recently started reading Psycho-cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. It's about changing your self-image which I guess is the same as your Identity. I find this very interesting for making change, as I've repeatedly tried to for example get into exercising, but eventually stop after a few weeks. Same with being more healthy, trying to learn a new skill etc.

The concept of being able to (re)invent yourself is very interesting to me as it'd be way more exciting if you can play a conscious part in shaping yourself into the person you'd wish to be. Besides that, I really want to change some life circumstances but find myself repeatedly slacking/stopping. I'd assume I could change that with changing my self-image so to say.

I have a couple of questions and I hope anyone could help me with these:

1. So far (abt 100 pages in) I guess the book is mostly about visualization, trying to feed your brain with experiences (real or imagined) to create a different self-image and thus create new results in your life. Does it matter whether I visualize as though I'm looking through my own eyes vs. seeing myself from like outside of myself. Also, how important is feeling in this process? My currently difficulty is in actually experiencing the feelings and so the visualizations are just thoughts linked to the self-image i'd like to create but without for example being able to feel what it'd be like to actually life it.
2. Are there other ways for changing the self-image besides visualizations?
3. How do beliefs and values tie into the self-image? Are they a result of a changed self-image or do they sort-of work together.
4. Do you know any other resources I can get into besides the book psycho-cybernetics?

Cheers

[hyruga]

Yeah visualizing both through your own eyes as well as seeing yourself from outside can both be important. 

Yes feeling is extremely important. I would personally feel that having the feelings to want to change is more important than visualisation. 

So yeah, you can set goals. Another trick is to wear nicer clothes so you feel confident. 

Of course, beliefs tie in together with who you want to become. If you have the belief that you are a loving human being who is good to everyone, then you will act out more and more in such a manner and this will make you a more loving person in general.

You probably can read books on law of attractions.

Edited April 24, 2022 by hyruga

[Mjolnir]

@hyruga  I hadn't made the link to law of attraction because I thought it was more goal oriented rather than shifting your identity, but I guess it'd be similar. Thanks for the tip.

So let's say I'm a couch potato and want to start exercising. Tried many times, basically going on willpower, but eventually just stopping few weeks in. I guess you'd have to change your self-image to be able to stick with it? Like, if you'd define yourself like "I'm a gym nut" no way you're going to be a couch potato right? Or maybe even "I'm someone that sticks to their goals and gets them no matter what". (I guess there's many ways to define yourself that'd be beneficial)
So then the idea would be to visualize the way you'd be if you were a gym nut? Visualizing going to the gym, loving it, feeling great doing stuff. Seeing yourself with the cloths you'd want to wear, going places you'd go and experiences you'd have etc.? Fully experiencing as though it's already true?
 

[JonasVE12]

You don't change your actions through consciously trying to rewire your self-image in the way you suggest it. It does not work like that. Your disciplined actions will change your self-image over time and create subconscious competence and alignment. But until then, responsibility is yours to take. It isn't the subconscious mind that is not creating the results. It is your unwillingness to take control of your mind, to override your subconscious mind and to rewire it through disciplined, committed and focussed action towards your goals.

Yes, your subconscious is important, and energetically modeling your reality through these visualization/feeling practices are important and will put more of you on board with your vision, through creating more depth of feeling in relationship to the reality you wish to create. Your willingness to move into the direction of your goal can increase through the alignment you are creating in these energetic modeling practices.

But never will it make the process effortless. You will always have to step into tension in order to change. Your inability to keep up with exercising, or doing the hard thing isn't because of your subconscious mind, but because you haven't detached from your subconscious, and took full responsibility for going after your goals.

You have to step into tension when you want to change. The practices you suggest will never allow you to shortcut that process. You have to confront those emotional resistances, the laziness, and all of your limiting stories and thoughts. Those are actually a healthy sign that you are changing. The trap comes when you start to give into them and you quit, avoid and turn the other direction. While in actuality, if you would push through and commit more, you would naturally find your self-image changing and becoming more aligned with the actions you are taking. 

The first and most important thing that hinders you is the belief that your self image is hindering you in growing. It is you and only you that is hindering. Changing your self-image is like building a habit. Once the habit is established, the self-image becomes one with it and it becomes automatic. The nervous system has rewired to embody the new habit and now it is part of your subconscious. Building habits is always difficult at first, we all know that. It's part of the process.

It would be way too easy if we could just construct our reality using visualization and modeling. It requires a lot of personal involvement really. That's why people find it hard to change. They think it is supposed to be effortless. It's not. In the end, once you come out of the other side and your nervous system has embodied the things you are trying to build, it becomes effortless, and now your self-image has changed.

If you want to change big things in your life, first change small things until you embody that. Such as doing a daily walk of 10 minutes for at least 3 months. If you can do this, and push through your excuses each time, you build self-trust. Self-trust that is needed to change bigger things in your life. each time you succeed in pushing through, you start to get a sense of accomplishment and subconscious habit of succes and following through. Now you start to get a sense of pride and courage related to going after what you want with full conscious responsibility. And that's what you need if you want to change. 

You can only start to feel powerful once you start to understand and experience that you can create the reality you want through your own conscious actions, where you commit fully and don't back down once the shit hits the fan. 

Now you can use your visualization and energetic modeling practices in a complementary way.

[Mjolnir]

@JonasVE12  Thanks for your response!

I'm not necessarily shying away from effort, I don't mind the effort mostly, but I think for me it's mostly the unwillingness to take the step of starting.
Let me explain my situation briefly so maybe it's more clear what I mean:

I've had some physical issues for a number of years now (if interested, check my previous posts). I've been told by different physical therapists what they think is the cause and how I could help solve it. This involves strengthening my ab muscles, glutes, and stretching some tension areas to just name some. These could POTENTIALLY fix the issues I have, but it's not sure. It'd most definitely help to do regardless, but it's not certain. Doing these exercises takes time for results, like months probably, and if they'd solve the issue and give the results I assume they might do, it'd improve my life tremendously.
The problem I have is that I have zero drive to do these exercises. I feel like I have to willpower my way to do these things. I do some light stuff at home abt 2 or 3 times per week, once I start I commit to the exercises, but the starting is the big step. Also I don't feel like I get anything out of the exercises, it's just a give and no takes, so to say.
My thought was maybe I can sort of create a self-image like  "I do whatever it takes to solve the issues" as I've only tried to whiteknuckle my way in the past without results. I read that people try to change things but don't change the way they see themselves and thus fallback to their sort of "thermostat setpoint". And thus the idea.
 

When I read the part of how discipline, committed and focused action I got a bit confused. Because when you ready the part above and then think I have to be disciplined and committed about this, I understand that as it'll be another word for willpower my way until it sticks. As the thing I mentioned above is something I don't really want to do, but sort of "have to" because it would potentially solve these issues.

I don't know, I feel sort of mind fucked here I'm mentally going in circles about this.

(just a thought:)
Like, let's say I have a goal. To get to that goal it requires some sort of effort to reach. To make it mentally worth to go after the goal it'd have to mean something to you in some way. Make it worth the effort. I guess that'd require you to be able to image as though the goal is achieved and how that would make you feel. And thus fueling you to get to your goal through discipline, committed and focused action.
My (limiting) belief here is that, ( I think but not sure that) due to the physical stuff I haven't been able to physically experience those feelings that'd make it feel as though it'd be worth putting in the effort for the result, to reach the goal. Actually, my belief is that, once the physical shit is solved, then it'd actually be able to physically feel those feelings. (And so, could I inhibit some kind of belief, value or self-image that'd make it so that there would no world in which I wouldn't do x,y or z).

Anyways, hope that all makes even remotely sense lol. Have a good one!

 

[JonasVE12]

Maybe you need to let go of the goal internally, and see how your body responds. Not manipulatively, but really letting it go for a while. If the goal is worth the pursuit, your body will naturally feel the desire again in the future. And then you might be able to move your desire from need/want to choice eventually as you gain some inner clarity. Whenever a goal is in need and want, the inner tension brings a lot of resistance against taking action. Letting the goal go can get you in a lighter feeling state where it will only come back if it has to. And now if don't feel inclined to do the work, you have a bad relationship to tension. Tension is everywhere. People that don't handle it well feel apathetic and resistant in their life with the most basic things such as waking up early, building basic habits, exercising. People who handle tension well build business, have an adventurous life etc. And that proactive nature can be developed by repeatedly stepping into that resistance. And people who handle tension well can enjoy the process more because they are not reactive and are in a lighter state of feeling. But that is developed through stepping into tension. That's the reward. But there is no reward if you want everything to be effortless.

Know this. One day, you will wake up and there won't be any more time to do the things you want to do. And if you can't make a simple decision to follow through with exercising, by choosing, instead of needing and wanting, you will miss out on a lot of your potential that this powerlessness is limiting you from.

A decision puts you into tension. The only way out is to make lots of then. You get perspective from experience born out of each decision. The worst thing is to not make decisions. Waiting for the answer or solution will only be met with uncertainty because you are training yourself to be doubtful and uncertain. wrong decisions after they have been followed through to a result teach you what you don't want. Committed purposeful decisions for what you create is the only way to grow.

And notice your excuses. If you yourself know your goal is something that needs to be worked towards, and yet you keep holding on to your stories for why you are not doing the thing, then you won't ever do it. And I think there is a lot of truth to the saying 'the way you do one thing is how you do everything' but of course I don't know you. 

Courage, joy, acceptance are feelings only rewarded to those who are willing to step all the tension their stories are limiting to step into. 

You are literally training your nervous system to step into unknown, to relax into it, to become courageous and purposeful inside the tension, and getting through on the other side. And once your nervous system has learned how it works, your capacity to enjoy it increases because you are not occupied with pushing down your stories and anxiety. 

Maybe observe your resistance and detach from it. Treat it like an experiment. 'For 3 months, I'm going to do my exercises every day, not because of the goal itself, but because I want to build my capacity to make decisions'. And now you are working towards the goal AND building self-trust. 2 Goals in 1. Now if you quit and become reactive and don't do what you decided to do, you know it's because you are a reactive person, and not because of your emotional orientation towards the initial goal.

Edited April 26, 2022 by JonasVE12

[JonasVE12]

You know what. Just make a decision right now. Don't think about it. Do it now. Yes or no? Are you gonna do your exercises? 

This decision is gonna put you into the tension. 

And NOW the process of changing your self-image has begun. 

[Batman]

If you are already creating a self-image for your self, what guarantee do you have that the new self-image will serve your needs as a human? A new self-image may or may not alter your experience of life, but it will not end the dynamics of being a specific self. When you are invested in creating a conceptual persona, you doom your self to a game of hiding and seeking. So, you can either change what you identify with, or become conscious that you are no one at all and completely drop the activity of having self image. Consider that self-image is totally conceptual, limiting, and not real.

Without self-image, no manipulation or other activity is required to maintain or promote the adopted image. The tension that is created in the body due to self-contraction (which is necessary to maintain a self-image) will be eased. The expression of the body-mind will gradually become more and more honest. The experience of life will become more spontaneous, even effortless. Also, without self-image, self-doubt will also fall apart because there will be no self-view regarding your capabilities. Usually, the less dense the self-image is, the less self-agenda there is. The less self-agenda, the less pushing and pulling on experience will take place. Experience will be accepted for what it is, and there will be less and less seeking and chasing for better experience. 

[Mjolnir]

@JonasVE12  Hey thanks a fuck ton a lot for those messages. I read them initially a day or two after your response and it did hit a sensitive point. I did refrain from responding as it might've been a slight motivation that made it seem like I'd do something, so I waited. My initial idea was "i need to go to the gym again", but I felt resistant to that idea and wasn't willing to do this. However, I remembered how I was able to do a 1+ year of meditation of daily habit by just tracking it in an excel document. Just a simple date, total time and finishing time. It worked very well for me (I stopped because I got such bad posture issues that I couldn't do it just sitting anymore). So I started doing just simple beginner ab workouts I got from physical therapist and I've done them daily now for almost three weeks. Today I added a simple kettlebell thing, again very low level, but the idea is to do it consistently and build upon this.
So yeah, thanks for inspiring, I went from not doing any exercise or at most 2 a week to doing them daily for almost three weeks now. I hope to build upon this but I'm more-so focusing on doing the thing that the results.

 

@Batman Thank you very much for your response. I guess my idea for the self-image thing was not to "be a certain way/someone" but more-so trying to find a way to do the thing that I wasn't doing and could potentially improve my life a lot. I find it difficult to fully comprehend the ideas you're trying to explain, maybe because I'm not ready for going that deep yet? I appreciate your answer though and it's very thought provoking!

[StarStruck]

You can change your self image in two ways according to the book

1. Through real life experiences: real successes and failures
2. Or by using the hack of visualization

Your nervous system doesn't know the difference. So if you are visualizing success all day and actually feeling the sensations of success, the primitve part of your brain doesn't even know the difference.

You are not only rewiring your subconscious self-image which is subconscious by definition but also your body. Success chemicals are being released in the body and you are gearing yourself for success.

If you are interested in this work I recommend Joe Dispenza, his work is even better.

Edited May 16, 2022 by StarStruck

[Razard86]

Anyone that tells you discipline is the key to getting what you want has no clue. If you study anyone in life, even the most lazy person you will discover they have aspects of their life that they are disciplined. So you do not lack discipline, I know some people who are far more disciplined than others and yet cannot discipline themselves on the things that matter. You are correct that identity is the key, your identity is the foundation of your belief systems and you cannot outperform your belief systems. Whatever you believe to be true, will be your reality. So yes you must reprogram your belief systems because your belief systems are the lens through which you view and operate in reality with your identity being the foundation which upholds those beliefs. 

All attempts to improve will fail if you have not healed from negative beliefs. Every human throughout their life has taken up different types of information and all that information impacts you in various ways. The great thing is that every impression (information) you are exposed to you are able to drop the impression. It just takes conscious effort in going through and releasing negative beliefs.

There is no one size fits all approach, you need to find the method that works for you, but one core point MUST be acknowledged. Unless the method you utilize addresses healing, and releasing of negative thought patterns you will never be truly free. You and everybody in existence has the power to make lasting changes in their life, all resistance is due to fear and that fear was GIVEN to you. You have to heal and release that which was given to you. If this point is ignored no lasting change will happen.