Am I being too jealous

[Valach]

Hey guys,

Someting happned with my girlfriend  of 1 year yesterday and I am not sure if I am overreacting or being too jealous so I would love to hear some opinions.

My girlfriend was out drinking with my sister yesterday at a club. At like 2am she wrote me that my sister went home and if she can come over. I asked her if she wants to still get drink with me since I was really not feeling like sleeping or whatever. She said yes and I was supposed to meet her at a club. So I left my place, during my 15 min walk there I wrote her asking where do we meet, like a specific place of a club or an entry or something. She did not answer or read that which I found to be a bit frustrating but whatever. When I came to the club I saw her right in front of it, talking to some guy.

So I came there, introduced myself and chit chatted with them. It was little weird for me since I was completly sober and she was quite drunk. She told the guy to repeat to me what he said to her before I came which was something about how cool and kind of a girl she is and whatnot. Didn't really think much into it and said that I agree. After that she said that she wants to invite the guy for a drink since he invited her before and if I have any cash on me, since she already spent hers and they are not taking cards at the bar. I had a little bit and gave it to her and we started walked to the club.

When I entered the club I noticed they are not behind me and so I looked behind and they were still staying outside of the club just before the doors, talking. She grabbed his forearm and led him into the club. This might have been my overreaction but I didn't like her grabbing his hand. When we were walking down the stairs to the bar I was like "wtf, am I really supposed to pay for a drink to a dude who has been flriting with my gf". I stopped at the stairs and told her that I am not up for it anymore. She got little pissed and told me that she will pay it herself and went to ATM to get some cash out. Obviously was bit furious.

When we arrived at the bar the guy was nowhere to be found and so we just had drink together. She was pissed but drunk and I was thinking if I overreacted (might have a little bit). Anyway after couple of minutes the guy came back and they started talking and this was the biggest incident. They were maybe talking for like 5-10 minutes, I don't know about what, doesn't matter to me. What I really didn't like was the whole vibe of the situation. They were standing super close to each other, talking, from time to time the guy would grab her around her waist and once he stroke her hair without her stopping him. The whole interaction just looked super flirty and seductive. Second think that pissed me off was that I was essentially standing there, looking like and idiot, waiting for them to finish. i was expecting my gf to end the convo shortly and kinda 'pay attention to me' since I came there for her, but she didn't. So after those 5-10 minutes I just told her that I think that's enough.

She imidiatly realized that I am not cool with it and ended the convo with hem and led me outside of the club and we had an argument there. She was saying that she wasn't like allowing him to touch her and the convo wasn't sexual and stuff like that. I told her that I trust her and that it's not the issue and she is fine to go out and flirt with guys within specific framework but I didn't like what happened right in front of me. Essentially I am fine with her flirting with guys as long as it doesn't get too physical, but I don't like it when she does it rigth in front of me. Specially since I came to the bar for her and I had noone to talk to when she was talking to him. After that she started crying a lot and considering she was drunk I decided to left the argument for the next day which is today.

She is now sleeping next to me, after she wakes up and gets over hangover, we will talk about it, but I am not sure if I was over reacting or being too jealous since I had issue with that in the past. What do you guys think, how would you approach this? How would you act if you were in my position at the bar? I was expecting that I will juts not interfere and let the girl handle this but it was becoming a bit too much for me after a while.

 

 

[JosephKnecht]

14 minutes ago, Valach said:

What do you guys think, how would you approach this? How would you act if you were in my position at the bar?

There are 2 reasons she would do this. 

1. She is trying to test your boundaries.

If you don't have clear boundaries, and you don't respect them, she would lose respect for you. A girl can't be with a guy she doesn't respect. 

2. She is not getting something (attention, feelings, admiration, etc) from you that she needs to get from other guys. 

Most often girls don't even know what they are missing from their partners, so it is your job to know her better than she knows herself. Find out what she is missing. 

 

 

[Valach]

10 minutes ago, JosephKnecht said:

There are 2 reasons she would do this. 

1. She is trying to test your boundaries.

If you don't have clear boundaries, and you don't respect them, she would lose respect for you. A girl can't be with a guy she doesn't respect. 

2. She is not getting something (attention, feelings, admiration, etc) from you that she needs to get from other guys. 

Most often girls don't even know what they are missing from their partners, so it is your job to know her better than she knows herself. Find out what she is missing. 

 

 

Thanks for the comment. Honestly I think its the number 2. She is doing that for attention since I was bit distant lately (working a lot and also losing the passion for the relationship too).

[Valach]

4 minutes ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

I'd just grabbed her by the hand, and got her out of the club, to talk things over privately. What the fuck would the other guy do about it? Nothing? She was clearly in a drunk state, and vulnerable to advances, so it makes sense to physically get her out of there - in spite of her bitching about it.

But yeah, if she was looking for attention, then that's a sign of problems. Gotta work on that, if you care about her at all.

Thanks for the input. I agree. I care about the girl so we will have to talk this through.

Btw, Aren't you a Slovak?

[Valach]

5 minutes ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

Som? nevedel som že si Čech

Jojo, ja už nevím jak, ale mám tě delší dobu zafixovaného jako slováka  asi jsi to zmínil v nějakém postu

[Preety_India]

Give her and if she ain't ready to receive then she is not right. Also her games, ugh. Tell her you don't like it. 

If I were a guy, no way is she talking to another in front of me. Respect respect respect. 

I won't do that to my guy in a million years. Or I would expect to get some dose from my bf. 

 

You paid for another dood. Like what???!! 

 

Edited April 24, 2022 by Preety_India

[NoSelfSelf]

If thats my girlfriend i would told them have a nice evening and just left or just leave without saying anything...

She doesnt feel danger of losing you then this things happen..

Basically told you in drunk state how she views you sober for some reason dont know the whole picture so cant tell for sure...