Does a male college or uni student need to join a frat to get an attractive girl?

[Hardkill]

I know that some guys who are good with girls have been saying that if you are a guy that is in college then you got to go to as many frat parties as possible because those are the best places and times to meet the hottest and most popular girls in college. That would mean that a guy would have to join a fraternity it order to be to regularly be invited to these parties.

However, what if a guy like me never wanted to be a part of a frat because of all of the stupid things you have do and the amount of extra time you have you sacrifice to commit to the organization? Would that mean that the guy's chances of ever getting laid with an attractive girl in college or university will be very unlikely unless he gets very lucky?

Edited April 23, 2022 by Hardkill

[JonasVE12]

Can you not see that it is your responsibility of putting this under your own control? If you're going to see yourself as this powerless, you're going to depend entirely on luck. Start to explore the possibility that you can achieve great results, and then don't be lazy to pursue what you want. You can create the life you want by choice. 

 

[aurum]

@Hardkill

Speaking as one of those ex-frat guys, yes it definitely helps with meeting girls.

But it’s still not a guarantee of anything.

For one thing, frats usually have a subjective hierarchy in terms of how “cool” they are perceived on campus. Many of them are middle / bottom tier frats that barely throw parties. It’s just like a group of 20-30 guys that hang out. 

But even if you join one of the “top” frats that throw the biggest, coolest parties, it still doesn’t mean you automatically will meet a girl.

There were guys in my fraternity who did really well for themselves, and guys who did not. You still have to have the skills. You still have to lead. You still have to know how to be fun. You still have to be social. You still have confidence. A fraternity can help you develop those things, but it in itself is not magic.

If you really don’t want to join a fraternity, then don’t. There are endless ways to meet a girl you like. But you should have at least some way in which you are getting a lot of socializing in.

2 hours ago, Hardkill said:

stupid things you have do and the amount of extra time you have you sacrifice to commit to the organization?

Some of those stupid things can be a lot of fun. Maybe try it.

As far as time, you are always sacrificing time in some way in order to date. There is not getting around that. It only matters if it’s worth it to you.

2 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Would that mean that the guy's chances of ever getting laid with an attractive girl in college or university will be very unlikely unless he gets very lucky?

What I’ve noticed from your posts is that you tend to “what-if?” a lot. It feels like an endless game of whack-a-mole. Knock down one fear / objection, and another one comes up.

Consider: the answer to your post is irrelevant because there will always be another question.

Ask yourself “Am I afraid? If so, what am I afraid of? And where does it come from? How is it affecting my behavior?”

Get curious about your fear.

[Hardkill]

32 minutes ago, aurum said:

@Hardkill

Speaking as one of those ex-frat guys, yes it definitely helps with meeting girls.

But it’s still not a guarantee of anything.

For one thing, frats usually have a subjective hierarchy in terms of how “cool” they are perceived on campus. Many of them are middle / bottom tier frats that barely throw parties. It’s just like a group of 20-30 guys that hang out. 

But even if you join one of the “top” frats that throw the biggest, coolest parties, it still doesn’t mean you automatically will meet a girl.

There were guys in my fraternity who did really well for themselves, and guys who did not. You still have to have the skills. You still have to lead. You still have to know how to be fun. You still have to be social. You still have confidence. A fraternity can help you develop those things, but it in itself is not magic.

If you really don’t want to join a fraternity, then don’t. There are endless ways to meet a girl you like. But you should have at least some way in which you are getting a lot of socializing in.

Some of those stupid things can be a lot of fun. Maybe try it.

As far as time, you are always sacrificing time in some way in order to date. There is not getting around that. It only matters if it’s worth it to you.

I get that you still need to have the skill and confidence to pull hot girls in frat/sorority parties, but when I went to college at a big university I found it hard to meet a lot of attractive girls on campus without cold approaching, except at the few frat parties I went to. I wanted to go to more of these parties but I wasn't able to because I didn't join a frat and wasn't close friends with any frat guys.

Perhaps, I shouldn't have said that joining was that stupid. Sorry. I just personally never liked the idea of joining one given what it involved like the hazing, the drinking games or tests, the negative reputation many fraternities have gotten, or what have you.

Also, I wasn't able to manage my time well enough to be in a frat given how much I've always sucked with time management to begin with and how much classwork I had to do, how seriously committed I was to martial arts and fitness.

32 minutes ago, aurum said:

@HardkillWhat I’ve noticed from your posts is that you tend to “what-if?” a lot. It feels like an endless game of whack-a-mole. Knock down one fear / objection, and another one comes up.

Consider: the answer to your post is irrelevant because there will always be another question.

Ask yourself “Am I afraid? If so, what am I afraid of? And where does it come from? How is it affecting my behavior?”

Get curious about your fear.

You got me. 

I have generalized anxiety disorder, which is also sometimes called the "what if" worry syndrome. 

However, I've always had a such a hard time finding new girls to meet because of my anxieties and my social skills deficits. 

I've actually gotten so much better with my social anxiety as I've gotten better from learning and practicing how to manage it better and improving my social skill deficits after going through so much emotional heartache of constantly failing with many people and women through massive amount of time spent on online dating and years of trying to get good a cold and warm approach in as many kinds of venues, small towns, and medium sized cities as I could. The times when I did practice cold approach in a big city such a LA, where unfortunately rare opportunities for me.

Additionally, after I graduated from that big university I never got the chance to live near a big city where I could always meet a lot of women without worrying about my rep as the village creeper or city weirdo. 

I do live very close to a university that is fairly large in its student population, but that's the only densely populated that conveniently near where I live and even then I'd still have to be mindful about how I may come off there. I obviously don't want to have a reputation there of being some creepy stranger who randomly hits on girls.

Furthermore, I cannot afford to move to a big city like LA or even a place that's close enough to a city. I don't have enough money of my own, still living with my parents, and am currently focusing on trying to get into a DPT program (which will take years to complete.

Even if I get into this DPT school and graduate from there, I will be in my late 30s to early 40s. I fear that by the time that happens, I may not have much youth left to devoted even more years into becoming truly successful with women.

Edited April 24, 2022 by Hardkill

[aurum]

21 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

Perhaps, I shouldn't have said that joining was that stupid. Sorry. I just personally never liked the idea of joining one given what it involved like the hazing, the drinking games or tests, the negative reputation many fraternities have gotten, or what have you.

Sure I get it. There is a lot of that in frats.

My deeper point is that you want to separate the reason your mind is spinning for being anxious from the actual feeling.

The “reasons” are interchangeable. The feeling is the constant. Someone who is anxious or afraid can always find a million reasons why that is the case. Endless reasons really.

25 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

I have generalized anxiety disorder, which is also sometimes called the "what if" worry syndrome. 

 

Oh I can feel it.

I think that’s why I have a tendency to be hard on you in my posts.

[Hardkill]

4 minutes ago, aurum said:

Sure I get it. There is a lot of that in frats.

My deeper point is that you want to separate the reason your mind is spinning for being anxious from the actual feeling.

The “reasons” are interchangeable. The feeling is the constant. Someone who is anxious or afraid can always find a million reasons why that is the case. Endless reasons really.

Oh I can feel it.

I think that’s why I have a tendency to be hard on you in my posts.

Well, then that being the case, then you think that I shouldn't be making any excuses for not cold approaching at least to some extent in the University that's near me?

[Leo Gura]

Here's what you need to do to get an attractive girl: talk to many attractive girls. Doesn't matter how.

[aurum]

19 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

Well, then that being the case, then you think that I shouldn't be making any excuses for not cold approaching at least to some extent in the University that's near me?

No that’s not the point.

If you’ve been graduated for a long time, than you probably should not do that.

But that’s besides the point. I am not saying whether your reasons are true or  not. Only that your mind retroactively generates them based on how you’re feeling. And then the more you think that way, the worse you feel, which pulls you into a negative spiral.

Thus, the “what-ifs” are interchangeable. And if you felt a different way, your mind would spin a different story to match that feeling. Which then can pull you into a positive spiral.

Ignore what you should or shouldn’t do for now. Ignore all mental stories and go into the feeling itself. Get curious about. Where is it? What does it feel like? What does it remind you of? Can you remember feeling like that in the past?

The more mindfulness you bring to how you’re feeling, the more over time you can create a new pattern. The mindfulness creates the space necessary to think a different thought and make new choices. 

[Hardkill]

1 hour ago, aurum said:

No that’s not the point.

If you’ve been graduated for a long time, than you probably should not do that.

Damn...So then that means that I going to have to wait at least another 3-4 years before I can ever get the chance to have a decent paying job, move out of my parents' home, and find a place to live in a big city like LA to devote another 3-4 years to practice my skills with cold approaching and dating like you and Leo have.

I don't even know if for sure if I will even be able to afford a place live near live a big city given the constantly rising rental and housing prices every year in America, particular in or near cities LA, Las Vegas, or Chicago.  

Fuck. I am not looking forward at all to becoming a single 38 to 42 year old man, which is when my good looks, youth, testosterone, stamina, agility, physical recovery, joint function, sperm fertility and health, etc. will begin to seriously decline. I am already lost a fair amount of hair on my head and I am getting very worried about that because my looks have been of the only few natural strengths I have. Also, by that age, my mind will be transitioning more seriously on considering having a family of my own before I risk getting too old to have healthy and functional children of my own. 

I really don't know whether it is worth pursuing a DPT degree for 3-4 years before I committed to hardcore cold approaching and online dating or not. 

1 hour ago, aurum said:

But that’s besides the point. I am not saying whether your reasons are true or  not. Only that your mind retroactively generates them based on how you’re feeling. And then the more you think that way, the worse you feel, which pulls you into a negative spiral.

Thus, the “what-ifs” are interchangeable. And if you felt a different way, your mind would spin a different story to match that feeling. Which then can pull you into a positive spiral.

Ignore what you should or shouldn’t do for now. Ignore all mental stories and go into the feeling itself. Get curious about. Where is it? What does it feel like? What does it remind you of? Can you remember feeling like that in the past?

The more mindfulness you bring to how you’re feeling, the more over time you can create a new pattern. The mindfulness creates the space necessary to think a different thought and make new choices. 

I've tried it mindfulness before but I never been able to muster up the discipline to consistently practice it. It's been one of the most challenge things I've been struggling with for much of my life.

Edited April 24, 2022 by Hardkill