Fapping Every Day - Need some advice

[caesar13]

I happen to have cultivated this bad habit of atleast fapping once a day while watching at porn. I tend to have no sexual urges but I kind of feel old at my groin area if I don't fap. Once I fap and let the fluid out, I feel comfortable. However, I'm not stressed - so it's not the cause. Is there a subtle thing? If I have no urges but wanted to fap. What does that mean? I've asked the question myself but I'm not sure what's wrong.

One thing I'm sure of: While watching porn I am not much inclined to any part of a women's body. I kind of concentrate on the hair, how the women's hair cover's her face while having intercourse with a male partner. So it seems to me that the hair is the triggering part for me. I'm very sure, how much beautiful the women may be, if she has no beautiful black hair, I wouldn't go for that video. For that matter, if somehow I lose interest in women's hair, I may not watch porn often - until unless the urges are too strong (say if semen secreted too much that it has to get out)

How can I fix this obsession of mine?

Sorry if I somehow sound vulgar or odd. It's my problem, yes, really weird problem.

[something_else]

I don’t think you should feel guilty about jerking off

Its probably a good idea to minimise to porn a bit, just to exercise a bit of control. Maybe start with only watching porn every second day, and the rest of the time just use your imagination

[Realms of Wonder]

Hey brother,

 

I've been there, from the ages 14-21, daily, sometimes multiple times a day, I would watch porn and masturbate. It became a coping mechanism for me.  I was so unhappy, with so little purpose in my life, I didn't know what I wanted, what I liked or didn't like, and I was playing the victim ALL the time. that lead to a waterfall of negative emotions that I did my best to avoid. Porn and masturbation = instant pleasure. its like a drug. and I was using it to escape the life I had created for myself.

 

It wasn't till after I was introduced to personal development and psychedelics that the idea of quitting, or at least minimizing my habit become a possibility. (I was 20 then) so I tried to quit, hundreds of times, and failed, hundreds of times. 

 

here are the top reasons I failed so many times.

 

1. I repressed my sexual urges instead of processing them.

2. I labeled Porn, Masturbation, Orgasm, as "bad" as things to avoid, as things to demonize.

3. I was thinking about  "Stopping PMO" instead of focusing on what I wanted in life, so basically I was thinking about it all the time, and what we focus on, grows.)

4. I determined the success of my healing by the amount of days I had gone without porn or masturbation.

5. I didn't fill the space, time, and energy, left over from quitting.

6. Not journaling about WHY I relapsed/Not learning from Relapse.

7. Resisting Boners and natural sexual urges.

8. I didn't do proper research to understand this problem theoretically.

 

By realizing WHY you want to quit, seeing HOW it will positively effect your life to heal this and move on, as well as the negative consequences of not quitting, and doing research into WHAT to do on a day to day basis, you can self-analyze, and figure out what works for you.

 

I have seen a lot of people on this forum demonize quitting masturbating and porn, but if you intuit that it is important for you to heal it, don't let anyone stop you. You know better than anyone else what you need to do to heal yourself. And speaking from personal experience, it can radically change your life. Not so much will quitting porn and masturbation magically "Fix" everything, instead, you begin to face the things you have been avoiding by stroking your flesh rocket, repressed emotions, trauma, anything you have been running away from, as well as freeing up your mind to focus on creating the life you desire.

 

I am 24, Porn and masturbation is not a problem any more, I don't feel any serious desire to watch porn or masturbate to escape, and when I do feel the urge, its okay, I don't take it very seriously, I allow myself to feel it. It is possible, and its amazing to live life without being as controlled by my dick.

 

Here are some of the top resources that helped me. once again. DO NOT BLINDLY BELEIVE ANYTHING IN THESE VIDEOS OR THAT I SAID HERE. Experiment. Find what works FOR YOU. 

 

1. This whole series (sexual self-mastery) is gold, not all of it fit me, but a lot of it helped.

2. This channel can be helpful (be careful, he has a lot of wisdom, but just... be careful)

Stay strong. You've got this

[Someone here]

17 minutes ago, Roy said:

There is nothing wrong with masturbating or using some porn once in a while

Stop repeating this in every topic concerning porn and masturbation. 

Porn especially is incredibly unhealthy and toxic and addictive and twists your view of women and sexuality. 

Also masturbation is not worth it. You just drain yourself for the sake 8 seconds of tingling sensation. 

[Husseinisdoingfine]

You have a limited amount of sexual chi energy which you are wasting on a computer screen into your hands.

Stop fapping entirely.

[Realms of Wonder]

27 minutes ago, Roy said:

There is nothing wrong with masturbating or using some porn once in a while, but if you're doing it every day to the point you feel guilty or like you shouldn't be doing it and need help that's probably an indicator of something deeper.

 

I definitely get where you are coming from, and I agree, ultimately there is nothing wrong with masturbating or porn.

 

To some, myself included, its similar to.. (for example) telling an alcoholic, there's nothing wrong with drinking once in a while. Or to a heroin addict, there's nothing wrong with doing heroin once in a while.

 

Don't get me wrong.. Heroin and Drinking are on a different level, but the structure is similar. to some, Porn and Masturbation is a serious problem, and being let off the hook from someone they look up to, may actually do more harm then good.

 

27 minutes ago, Roy said:

Can you think of some deeper reasons why you are jerking off every day other than it just feeling good? Why are you drawn towards this compulsive habit, instead of doing something else?

This is a great point. Introspection is especially effective in healing this.

Edited April 22, 2022 by Realms of Wonder
Grammer

[Someone here]

17 minutes ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

You have a limited amount of sexual chi energy which you are wasting on a computer screen into your hands.

Stop fapping entirely.

I don't know what you mean by " chi" but you never run out of semen .even if you literally cum everyday. Your testicle create new millions of sperm cells each day .

Now this is not to say that masturbation is harmless. I'm totally against it. But just for the sake of scientific clarity. 

[Realms of Wonder]

17 minutes ago, Roy said:

I see what you're saying here, and it's a valid point. However there are 2 things to consider here;

- We don't know the personality of everyone we're trying to help. Some people have moderation issues, and addictive personalities. It's hard to know whether you should tell them to stop completely or maybe go a bit easier on themselves. Logically we could argue it's safer to just say cut it completely. So I guess that could be a considered a flaw in my approach, I'll admit that.

 

With your first point, I agree with you, I am still learning to see the differences in peoples psychology, instead of just mirrors of my self, thank you for drawing my attention to that. Case to case, it will be different, for me, vs anyone else. Similarities? possibly. Differences as well? probably.

 

17 minutes ago, Roy said:

- We have to consider on average what the consequences are for a bad habit. We know there are commonly dire consequences for alcoholism, from potential domestic abuse/violent social dysfunction, severe damage to the body. in bad cases drunk driving. We also know how incredibly addictive and dangerous heroin is, from overdose to HIV infections. The consequences for a porn addiction on average comparatively aren't as bad, maybe they become a little misogynistic and get a sore arm from jerking off lol. Of course it can be a lot worse in edge cases, but I don't think we have an edge case here.

Anyways what I'm saying are the stakes aren't as high. I am more comfortable telling a chronic masturbator to go easier on themselves and maybe try moderating a bit. Where I would NEVER tell a heroin user, "Hey man it's not that bad, just do it once a week or something."

Another good point. I didn't intent to come across as accusatory as I did. Thanks for responding with such class  

Edited April 22, 2022 by Realms of Wonder
Grammar/repeating words

[Someone here]

24 minutes ago, Roy said:

Stop trying to project your own inadequate perspectives onto others. Demonization and shame aren't effective tools for getting people to uncover and address the underlying layers of their issues and addictions, if it were then conservative and traditionalist approaches and policies would be a hell of a lot better at solving these kinds of problems. But they aren't, they are only useful in scaring most children and idiots into not destroying themselves. Since OP is on this forum, I'm assuming he's neither a child nor an idiot.

Consider that globally hundreds of millions of people are able to masturbate and/or use porn and not suffer such negative consequences. What does that tell you? That maybe to look inwards and realize it could be more of a personal you problem, rather than with the masturbating or porn itself? Don't take that as an attack by the way, I'm not here to make anybody feel bad. Just notice how an attitude of blaming and labelling something as negative could be used as a way to sneak responsibility of looking inwards out the back door.

People just go in circles that way. "I shouldn't do X because it's bad." They stop doing it for a while, then they slip back into doing it over and over. Remind themselves it's bad and they should stop. They stop and then slip back into doing it even after convincing themselves it's bad. All the while never asking themselves WHY would they keep doing something even when they think it's bad?

1 hour ago, Realms of Wonder said:

Overall, porn is a bad thing. I mean No one will die, and it's something we can keep private for the most part. But When we continually train the brain to be aroused by a video on your phone or monitor screen, it may have major consequences for when we do have REAL INTERCOURSE. We start to develop ED (Erectile Dysfunction) as we train our brain for high-intensity stimulus. We're able to skip to all the good parts and watch tons of girls in each masturbation session versus having sex with one girl. When the intensity of porn is much higher than actual sex, we have a problem. We want more. We need more. Real sexual intercourse will not do it. Furthermore, when we watch porn, we're training ourselves to last only a few minutes. We can watch 2-10 videos before we decide to orgasm. We don't spend hours and hours watching porn. This leads to premature ejaculation. Although society considers sex as natural, we know that it can turn into an addiction such as with alcohol, tobacco and gambling. When does someone actually turn into a sex addict? What are the parameters which differentiate having a normal sex life to one that’s “too addicted”? It’s difficult to tell since there are so many degrees to addiction, but a good tell can be if it’s apparent that it’s affecting your life. For example, if you have to be at work at 9:00am but you’re consistently late due to “needing a sex fix”, you have a problem. Another example can be if you’re needing to attend your son or daughter’s dance rehearsal but you never show up because you need to have sex. In these instances, it’s clearly affecting your lifestyle in favor of your addiction. When you look inside yourself and discover that you’re not able to abandon sex for common chores and errands, it becomes a big problem. If you continue to conduct yourself in the same manner, the consequences are disastrous for yourself and your friends and family. If the addict does not decide to take control of their addiction, he or she will not get the help they need, so the addiction will continue to consume their lives and their behavior may result in serious, negative consequences. Unless they seek counseling and help from anonymous groups, these negative feelings will only increase the addiction cycle that feeds a sense of guilt and leads to despair.Have some balance and enjoy life at the same time.

[Leo Gura]

6 hours ago, caesar13 said:

One thing I'm sure of: While watching porn I am not much inclined to any part of a women's body. I kind of concentrate on the hair

This is highly abnormal.

[MarkKol]

19 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

This is highly abnormal.

Maybe he's gay deep inside, no judging or ban 

[Husseinisdoingfine]

2 hours ago, Someone here said:

I don't know what you mean by " chi" but you never run out of semen .even if you literally cum everyday. Your testicle create new millions of sperm cells each day .

It’s spiritual, sexual energy is a very sacred and very spiritual phenomenon.

Utilize it properly for spiritual awakening. 
Utilize it improperly for burned out dopamine receptors, an incredibly beefy strong right arm, and a skinny as a stick left arm.

[Someone here]

14 minutes ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

It’s spiritual, sexual energy is a very sacred and very spiritual phenomenon.

Utilize it properly for spiritual awakening. 
Utilize it improperly for burned out dopamine receptors, an incredibly beefy strong right arm, and a skinny as a stick left arm.

How to utilize it for spiritual awakening?  I mean I heard all about the chakras and the third eye chacrka and all that stuff...but isn't that just pseudo science?   

[lostingenosmaze]

8 hours ago, caesar13 said:

I happen to have cultivated this bad habit of atleast fapping once a day while watching at porn. I

That's funny, because fapping once a day is my own minimal goal for reducing my streak. If there are days where I do not fap at all that's a bonus for me. Back when my Internet addiction got really bad I'd have consecutive days where I get my release 3-4 times day, I think my hottest day was seven. And I been in communities of people who done just as much if not even more than I have.

So count your blessings if you're only jerking off once a day, there's worse off things you could be judging yourself for, nor do you have to judge yourself for your hair fetish either. Everybody has their own unique tastes

[puporing]

14 hours ago, caesar13 said:

I happen to have cultivated this bad habit of atleast fapping once a day while watching at porn. I tend to have no sexual urges but I kind of feel old at my groin area if I don't fap. Once I fap and let the fluid out, I feel comfortable. However, I'm not stressed - so it's not the cause. Is there a subtle thing? If I have no urges but wanted to fap. What does that mean? I've asked the question myself but I'm not sure what's wrong.

Are you sure about having no urges? Maybe it's been repressed? I mean it's just how we're wired, it's so built in us. There's nothing wrong with that.

14 hours ago, caesar13 said:

I kind of concentrate on the hair, how the women's hair cover's her face while having intercourse with a male partner.

That sounds like a fetish. Again nothing wrong with having a fetish.

[Leo Gura]

It's not a fetish to not be attracted to a girl's tits and ass.

[puporing]

4 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It's not a fetish to not be attracted to a girl's tits and ass.

I guess he could be more "asexual" leaning? 

[caesar13]

@puporing @Leo Gura

 

Well, I do find girls attractive and I am very sure I am "straight" male. The hair thing is what triggers me. Like I said, the same girl with no long silky hair will unlikely trigger my sexual senses. And, lol, I am not asexual. I just want don't want to be a slave to sex/porn/masturbation. If I fap once a week, let's say, that's okay for me. That's like having weekend fun.

And, I am not trigger if the hair is not black or (sometimes) brown. Same girl, with any other hair color, even if her hair covers half of her face, doesn't trigger me. Funny to say, as I'm typing this, my wiener is getting a bit hard. Haha.

Jokes aside, what do you guys suggest? 

Is it because I fap everyday that I'm not having sexual urges? I remember sometimes, maybe when I don't fap for 2 or 3 days, I get sexual dreams. So I am indeed getting sexual urges, right?

Moreover, if somehow I don't fap for a week and then relapse, I feel like I've forgotten (like I lost my memory partially) what I've learned (I self study, alongside doing a part-time job) that week. Is that normal? Or would it be vice-versa - since I haven't fapped for a week, my memory becomes better?
 

@Leo Gura So you said it's highly abnormal. What do you suggest I do? 

 

Thanks to everyone (also to people who I didn't tag in this post). I haven't expected that my post would gain this much attention.

[caesar13]

On 23/04/2022 at 9:47 AM, puporing said:

Are you sure about having no urges? Maybe it's been repressed? I mean it's just how we're wired, it's so built in us. There's nothing wrong with that.

Does that mean "feeling comfortable" is surely related to ejaculation? Or could this just be an illusion my mind created?

[bloomer]

@caesar13

On 4/22/2022 at 2:29 PM, caesar13 said:

I tend to have no sexual urges

Damn who would have guessed?

On 4/22/2022 at 2:29 PM, caesar13 said:

How can I fix this obsession of mine?

By not watching porn and obsessively masturbating.

Read this https://easypeasymethod.org/