How to know the right moment to kiss.

[Igor82]

On 22/04/2022 at 11:52 PM, mmKay said:

I'd frame this in a similar but simpler way : 

Self- doubt and hesitation =  expression of trauma of different degrees.

Trauma ➡ triggers turnoff in girls. They're hardwired against it . It explicitly shows you've been treated poorly by others throughout your life which is evolutionary a red flag.

Your Self- doubt + her turnoff ➡ you experience a " downwards spyral " of more self doubt and more turnoff.

All of this is extremely subconscious from both sides and specially from the girls side. They dont think or analyze these things. She just feels creeped out if you're uptight or hesitant and does not understand why.

Yes! Thank you for bringing up the trauma part where I do agree that self-doubt could stem from the fear of re-experiencing past trauma.

Yet, I found a solution to the self-doubt + her turnoff spiral which you described, which is for the man in this case to be honest about his feelings of fear to her. If it was about walking up to her, he can walk up to her and at least say that he felt afraid of walking up to her and start talking about that.

How turned on would she be if he honestly expressed his emotions all the way, all the time with her? Even the fear?
What if the fear disappears after two minutes; as maybe she could've taken his hand, looked into his eyes and said "there is nothing to be afraid of, I won't hurt you".
Why wouldn't she react that way? It's certainly possible. How would he know that he would get hurt? Is it truly logical?

At least he can be logical with his fears, at least logical enough to be emotionally honest with her rather than emotionally repressed. 
If he is repressing his fear with her, then that might be more creepy for her than if he is emotionally honest, which could even be seen as attractive. In that way, he can be afraid (maybe from a trauma), and that's okay for her; if he is truly honest about it.

[Focus Shift]

@Tudo There will come a moment where you will feel a pull to. There's a few ways to go about it. If it's really obvious (blushing, playing with hair, flirting) you can just lean in and kiss her. This is good to do if there's a lot of flirting and tension there already. However, you can always just say "I would like to kiss you". Both have worked for me in the past. If she likes you she'll go for it, if not then move on. 

[StarStruck]

You have to take a leap of faith but also not be foolish about. Give her indicators like touching on the leg/arm, then face. Hold eye contact, if she allows you to look into her soul, you have a good chance.