How to know the right moment to kiss.

[Tudo]

Well, after talking to a girl for some time, and realizing she seems into me, how do I know the right moment to try to kiss her.

[Vynce]

@Tudo You intuit it. Usually both want to kiss each other, but neither know how NOT to make the first move awkward. 

I usually make us both comfortable in a close "cuddly" position to feel how open she is to body contact. If that is the case I kiss her on her temple, neck or forehead. If she likes this, she is ready for a real kiss. 

 

[Tudo]

13 minutes ago, Vynce said:

@Tudo You intuit it. Usually both want to kiss each other, but neither know how NOT to make the first move awkward. 

I usually make us both comfortable in a close "cuddly" position to feel how open she is to body contact. If that is the case I kiss her on her temple, neck or forehead. If she likes this, she is ready for a real kiss. 

 

Interesting. Thank you.

[Gesundheit2]

It becomes obvious as you escalate. You start by touching her on friendly areas like her arms, then you move on to touching her face, cheeks and lips. If she is allowing and giggling and all that, that's a green light for the kiss.

[lizz_luna]

Yes, if the conversation is working well and both seem relaxed and comfortable, you will have the "I want to kiss her/him" thought. People feel what you feel and vice versa so she will probably feel the same way. You can be direct or you can come closer and see how she reacts, she will let you know by her body language if she is comfortable or not. 

[Tudo]

1 hour ago, Gesundheit2 said:

It becomes obvious as you escalate. You start by touching her on friendly areas like her arms, then you move on to touching her face, cheeks and lips. If she is allowing and giggling and all that, that's a green light for the kiss.

 

1 hour ago, lizz_luna said:

Yes, if the conversation is working well and both seem relaxed and comfortable, you will have the "I want to kiss her/him" thought. People feel what you feel and vice versa so she will probably feel the same way. You can be direct or you can come closer and see how she reacts, she will let you know by her body language if she is comfortable or not. 

Really nice tips everyone.

[somegirl]

You look into her and if she doesn't break contact for more than a few seconds, lean into her and kiss her. 

If girl doesn't want to be kissed she would turn around or look away when you look at her.

[Gianna]

Do it the moment you feel to do it. ? 
It's best to be out of the mind and into the moment when you are offering a connection to someone. 

[Gesundheit2]

Not trying to provoke a new gender war or to offend anyone or anything like that, but ladies your advice sounds a little bit off the mark from my pov. Let me clarify...

The way I see it is that men and women perceive the world differently, and that's a general statement that isn't limited to sexuality or the opposite gender. But the thing is that this subtle difference in perception becomes very prominent when it comes to these topics, because well, we see each other differently. What I mean is that it is good that you are offering advice and trying to help, it is most appreciated at least for me. On the other hand, I don't think it's quite hitting the spot.

For most us men, it takes something other than just feeling the connection in the moment to really know how to act. A lot of times we feel things differently from women, sometimes prematurely and sometimes very late. It is easy for women to pick up on signs and mood and act accordingly. Women have most of their focus on the bigger picture. For men, we're mostly focused on the details and specifics, so that becomes much harder, generally speaking. Maybe because that's how our brains work, or because it's how we're programmed to operate in the world, or a mix of both or something else.

But the point is that it's not that easy for most men, so I kindly ask all the fine ladies of this forum to take that into consideration if you think it's something you could do. On the other hand, I encourage myself and other men to be more attentive of the moment and try to be less analytical and more intuitive.

Thanks for reading.

Edited April 22, 2022 by Gesundheit2

[puporing]

You know it really doesn't need to be this "perfect" thing lawl. Being okay with the awkwardness of "first times" and not deem it a "failure" if you didn't do it "smoothly". Like... if the connection is there being awkward is not a problem.

[Leo Gura]

Basically whenever the desire arises in your mind. Don't doubt or hesitate on your masculine desire.

The problem is that you're doubting yourself, worrying what she will think or how she will reject you. Cut those negative thoughts out of your mind. A big part of being a man is learning not to second-guess yourself. Be decisive even if it means failure sometimes. Just bite the bullet on failure.

Of course you ought to be socially calibrated. Don't be creepy about it. But hesitation and self-doubt creates creepiness.

[puporing]

9 hours ago, Gesundheit2 said:

It becomes obvious as you escalate. You start by touching her on friendly areas like her arms, then you move on to touching her face, cheeks and lips. If she is allowing and giggling and all that, that's a green light for the kiss.

This is pretty true to how it goes most of the time. Not how movies portray it rofl.

[Leo Gura]

A dead simple test is to slowly brush her face with the fingers of your hand. If she lets you do that without recoiling, she's ready to be kissed.

If a girl isn't comfortable with you she will recoil at your touch. So it's all about watching her facial expressions as you touch her. Her face tells you everything. It's like an open book.

[Gesundheit2]

Just now, puporing said:

This is pretty true to how it goes most of the time. Not how movies portray it rofl.

Movies be like: Hi, how are you? Mwamwamwa

[puporing]

2 minutes ago, Gesundheit2 said:

Movies be like: Hi, how are you? Mwamwamwa

Or some climactic scene where they finally "realize their love" after many rounds of missed opportunities. 

[Gesundheit2]

Just now, puporing said:

Or some climactic scene where they finally "realize their love" after many rounds of missed opportunities. 

Sometimes I worry about their teeth

[Igor82]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Basically whenever the desire arises in your mind. Don't doubt or hesitate on your masculine desire.

The problem is that you're doubting yourself, worrying what she will think or how she will reject you. Cut those negative thoughts out of your mind. A big part of being a man is learning not to second-guess yourself. Be decisive even if it means failure sometimes. Just bite the bullet on failure.

Of course you ought to be socially calibrated. Don't be creepy about it. But hesitation and self-doubt creates creepiness.

@Leo Gura 

I interpret masculine desire here partially as what feels right to do in terms of a decision.

An example in words: It feels right for me to walk up to this woman and tell her: 'it felt right for me to walk up to you'.

Yet when we doubt our own apparent feeling of "intuitive sense" / "what feels right", it requires self-deception to convince ourselves to act otherwise than what feels correct for our being.

When she sees you hesitate, she might assume that what you express in your hesitation actually feels right for you. Otherwise, why hesitate? Why is it appropriate for you to show hesitation? - So, the mystery for her, behind the reasons why you might hesitate can make her feel creeped out, because we naturally doubt something that feels wrong, such as when something seems suspicious/unclear.

So, by the law of state-transference (a term used in "pickup"), if a man doubts himself for some reason, then a woman might "get the state-transference" and start doubting you/her 'for some reason', otherwise why would a man doubt himself? Self-doubt means self-conflict. Self-conflict is an inefficient state of being, whereas efficiency is attractive in any eyes.

Efficiency is an attractive quality in many ways as depicted through the laws of physics and evolution.

Being inefficient (in self-conflict) is non-existent in nature (except for humans), because every being is evolved through having had effective ancestors.

Edited April 22, 2022 by Igor82

[Leo Gura]

@Igor82 Basically yes.

[Tudo]

16 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Basically whenever the desire arises in your mind. Don't doubt or hesitate on your masculine desire.

The problem is that you're doubting yourself, worrying what she will think or how she will reject you. Cut those negative thoughts out of your mind. A big part of being a man is learning not to second-guess yourself. Be decisive even if it means failure sometimes. Just bite the bullet on failure.

Of course you ought to be socially calibrated. Don't be creepy about it. But hesitation and self-doubt creates creepiness.

 

16 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

A dead simple test is to slowly brush her face with the fingers of your hand. If she lets you do that without recoiling, she's ready to be kissed.

If a girl isn't comfortable with you she will recoil at your touch. So it's all about watching her facial expressions as you touch her. Her face tells you everything. It's like an open book.

Thanks Leo, really helped me a lot.

[mmKay]

8 hours ago, Igor82 said:

@Leo Gura 

I interpret masculine desire here partially as what feels right to do in terms of a decision.

An example in words: It feels right for me to walk up to this woman and tell her: 'it felt right for me to walk up to you'.

Yet when we doubt our own apparent feeling of "intuitive sense" / "what feels right", it requires self-deception to convince ourselves to act otherwise than what feels correct for our being.

When she sees you hesitate, she might assume that what you express in your hesitation actually feels right for you. Otherwise, why hesitate? Why is it appropriate for you to show hesitation? - So, the mystery for her, behind the reasons why you might hesitate can make her feel creeped out, because we naturally doubt something that feels wrong, such as when something seems suspicious/unclear.

So, by the law of state-transference (a term used in "pickup"), if a man doubts himself for some reason, then a woman might "get the state-transference" and start doubting you/her 'for some reason', otherwise why would a man doubt himself? Self-doubt means self-conflict. Self-conflict is an inefficient state of being, whereas efficiency is attractive in any eyes.

Efficiency is an attractive quality in many ways as depicted through the laws of physics and evolution.

Being inefficient (in self-conflict) is non-existent in nature (except for humans), because every being is evolved through having had effective ancestors.

I'd frame this in a similar but simpler way : 

Self- doubt and hesitation =  expression of trauma of different degrees.

Trauma ➡ triggers turnoff in girls. They're hardwired against it . It explicitly shows you've been treated poorly by others throughout your life which is evolutionary a red flag.

Your Self- doubt + her turnoff ➡ you experience a " downwards spyral " of more self doubt and more turnoff.

All of this is extremely subconscious from both sides and specially from the girls side. They dont think or analyze these things. She just feels creeped out if you're uptight or hesitant and does not understand why.