Women laughing at me

[Raine]

Hello

, so...I do have zero experience with women. Virgin. I made out a few kisses in the past at most.

I am insecure about being bald. I shave my head and I Am 28 years old.

I dont think I Am ugly, 185 cm, more thin, have some confidence, have some courage, but also some fear. I was fighting through my whole life with memories of bullying, low self esteem, fear, social anxiety, shame...not to highest potential i should, but i was fighting and still am.

I try to work at myself (working out, martial art, meditation) and what really throws me off Is i get laughed at. Especially when i feel confident, strong masculine, women try to bring me down. Sometimes i get stares, sometimes bad looks.

The laughing happens mostly from young girls, but it happened from mature women too once. It doesnt happen every day, but every month i would say once twice.

 

It really makes me insecure about my masculinity, being man enough. It fucks me up. Really deep.

 

What are your perspectives?

 

 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wW8yzTUFcts

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7HIyQaJN9Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHfAMh6Edm4

 

[Federico del pueblo]

28 minutes ago, Raine said:

Especially when i feel confident, strong masculine, women try to bring me down. Sometimes i get stares, sometimes bad looks.

I can't even picture how that happens.

How do you know that you feeling confident/strong/masculine is what makes women laugh about you or try to bring you down? What are specific examples?

Also, can you be sure they're trying to bring you down? Maybe you get stares and smiles because you're so hot? ?

If anyone actually tries to bring you down you'll have to assert yourself in a confident way.

"Oh, what's so funny? I'd like to have a laugh too."

"So you like to laugh about other people's appearance?"

Also, if it's really young girls, just forget about that. They'll laugh about anything, it doesn't matter.

 

And just do the work: socializing, working on beliefs and emotions, maybe psychotherapy, meditation, martial arts etc.

[NoSelfSelf]

What do you say to them and how do you behave around them? I dont get why they are laughing ? maybe you present yourself to be someone you are not...

[Bobby_2021]

I understand. Men need respect. Being laughed at shouldn't be tolerated as a man.

You must walk away from women laugh at you. You are tall and works out, that's more than enough to make a good first impression. 

 

1) Women are not so put together like they appear to be. They do not even have 1/4 of your social skills and is even more insecure than you, especially if they have to laugh at you. Simply giggling like a fool is nothing but cope, and she knows that it hits men weak. It's their strategy. 

2) Show ruthless indifference. If she laughs at you, stare right in her face. No emotions, nothing, but cold indifference. Let her know that you do not approve her of her behaviour. You are an integrious person, and you can show her your "not so caring" side if she decides to become bitchy.

[JonasVE12]

Meditation, martial arts and going to the gym are good practices. Definitely keep doing them. But there is one key thing I'm missing. One thing that is vital in getting over this issue permanently. that thing is tension. 

You need to learn to rewire your nervous system in relationship to the tension you are resisting to step into. And in time, your thoughts, stories and feelings in relationship to that amount of tension is going to change as you step into it more. 

There is this one practice they do at 'the fearless man' which is called the tension journaling process. I'll tell you how it works. If you take this serious, it can change your life in a very short amount of time.

A tension journal is a physical journal that you have, preferably a bigger one at home, and a small pocket journal that you have with you at all times. How you use it is as follows. The first 2 weeks or so, you go outside into the city with the journal and you start to imagine yourself stepping into tension. Meaning you imagine yourself having experiences you are resisting to have. This can be anything. Imagine yourself asking the time to this person, that person, that very gorgeous woman, imagine approaching a group of women, asking the time to them. Imagine yourself screaming out loud as a crazy person. Look into peoples eyes with different emotional expression. Smile at people, wave, imagine approaching a woman and telling her she is sexy. Imagine going inside a coffee shop and ask if they sell bikes. Imagine stopping a group of 10 people to tell them a joke. Imagine 1000s of things over these 2 weeks and now categorize them.

You write down from 1-10, how much tension they are. 10 is high tension. 1 is low tension. The first month, you step into 1-3's daily. And you do this daily. If you do this for a month, your nervous system will learn to relax and you become more comfortable with that degree of tension. And this becomes permanent, but you have to do it daily for a longer period of time.

Eventually, you work up towards higher degrees of tension, such as being direct with women. But this is a natural progression and you shouldn't even think about it now. You just have to start. Get the journal and do the first 2 weeks of noting. 

You also journal all the experiences you are having, the things you are learning and every night before bed, you meditate on them so you take them into your subconscious. Whenever you stepped into tension, write it down, what you felt etc. That's what the smaller pocket journal is for. You do it right after the experience. 

The whole goal of this process is to release your fears and shames you have. You will meet women eventually because you're becoming someone who is good with tension and that's exactly what you need to meet women. 

Freedom lies on the other side. You just have to be willing to take the very next step and in time, the next step will show up. Don't wait for it. Take action. 

And you can't take action sporadically. You have to do it daily. Otherwise you'll always keep falling to your baseline. And again, it is important to start with low tension in order to start to build a subconscious habit of succes and to enjoy it. Enjoying it is key. 

Those looks those women are giving you won't bother you anymore, because you're learning to become less and less reactive to other people. You're becoming a grounded man through this process. 

Edited April 20, 2022 by JonasVE12

[Gianna]

I attract situations of being laughed at. It’s the most devastating feeling to look at. There’s deep shame interwoven in this experience. We have to look at this feeling in the face and experience the entirety of it as thoroughly as we can— deeply in our body, heart, and memories. We have to open up to being laughed at entirely, existentially. It’s extremely difficult. To get there, bring up the intensity of the experience by feeling it more and more until you are experiencing a helpless-state of it— until you are OF this experience (ONE with it). In this Union, recognize Truth (the Present Moment) and bring your body (which is probably fleeing in dissociation, vibration, a flooding of the face) into the awareness of the safety of the Now. When you integrate the energy with/into the Now it will integrate with/into infinity, nothingness. You’ll most likely not attract such situations anymore because you have let them go. At the very least, you will not feel any sort of way toward them if they do happen— because you released it/purified your encompassing of it. 

[Raine]

On 20. 4. 2022 at 6:40 PM, NoSelfSelf said:

What do you say to them and how do you behave around them? I dont get why they are laughing ? maybe you present yourself to be someone you are not.

On 20. 4. 2022 at 6:40 PM, NoSelfSelf said:

What do you say to them and how do you behave around them? I dont get why they are laughing ? maybe you present yourself to be someone you are not...

I dont say anything in these situations. Usually its when i feel confident, but not in some make up way, just feeling. Lately it happened with customer, not laughing but giggling two girls when i was talking to them and when they walked off, they laughed. Its practically impossible to say anything to customer, i could get fired. Or it happened when i was riding city tram through glass, also impossible to react.

 

[Leo Gura]

@Raine As a man you just gotta grow a thick skin and don't get wrapped up around the axle about stuff like this.

Some girls laugh at you? Who gives a flying fuck? You should laugh at them and laugh at yourself too.

It sounds like you are being too serious. Whatever insecurities you have, you must own them and learn to laugh at them, even using them as the butt of jokes. Make jokes about yourself being bald. "I'm too cool for hair. Hair is for losers.", etc. Learn to embrace your weaknesses and make light of them. Self-deprecating humor is very powerful not just for attracting girls but for making yourself feel good.

Honestly, I doubt those girls were even laughing AT you. Your mind is likely just interpreting situations that way because you are fundamentally insecure. It is not normal for girls to just laugh at an ugly guy. That like never happens. People don't laugh at ugly people, they laugh perhaps at some lame way that you're acting. Maybe you are overcompensating and they laugh at that.

No one has ever laughed at me for being bald. Never. And I've talked to like 5000+ girls. Sometimes girls will walk up to me and ask to rub my head for good luck. And I laugh. I don't take it personally.

You need to develop a sense of humor about yourself and about life. It sounds trivial but I'm telling you this is a huge part of not only getting good with girls but just overall personal happiness. Happy people laugh at themselves. Miserable people cannot laugh at themselves.

You want to develop a delusional level of self-confidence such that when people interact with you they walk away thinking: "Damn, that guy is so charming, carefree, humorous, and cool that maybe I should go bald like him. Maybe being bald just makes you cooler?"

Stop trying to hide your insecurities and weaknesses. Wear them on your sleeve. Talk about them. Laugh about them. Makes joke about them. Eventually you will stop worrying about it.

[PenguinPablo]

@Leo Gura one of the best advice I’ve seen on social dynamics. 
 

beyond the standard advice… go out and do this and so on

[Raine]

On 25. 4. 2022 at 3:59 AM, Leo Gura said:

@Raine As a man you just gotta grow a thick skin and don't get wrapped up around the axle about stuff like this.

Some girls laugh at you? Who gives a flying fuck? You should laugh at them and laugh at yourself too.

It sounds like you are being too serious. Whatever insecurities you have, you must own them and learn to laugh at them, even using them as the butt of jokes. Make jokes about yourself being bald. "I'm too cool for hair. Hair is for losers.", etc. Learn to embrace your weaknesses and make light of them. Self-deprecating humor is very powerful not just for attracting girls but for making yourself feel good.

Honestly, I doubt those girls were even laughing AT you. Your mind is likely just interpreting situations that way because you are fundamentally insecure. It is not normal for girls to just laugh at an ugly guy. That like never happens. People don't laugh at ugly people, they laugh perhaps at some lame way that you're acting. Maybe you are overcompensating and they laugh at that.

No one has ever laughed at me for being bald. Never. And I've talked to like 5000+ girls. Sometimes girls will walk up to me and ask to rub my head for good luck. And I laugh. I don't take it personally.

You need to develop a sense of humor about yourself and about life. It sounds trivial but I'm telling you this is a huge part of not only getting good with girls but just overall personal happiness. Happy people laugh at themselves. Miserable people cannot laugh at themselves.

You want to develop a delusional level of self-confidence such that when people interact with you they walk away thinking: "Damn, that guy is so charming, carefree, humorous, and cool that maybe I should go bald like him. Maybe being bald just makes you cooler?"

Stop trying to hide your insecurities and weaknesses. Wear them on your sleeve. Talk about them. Laugh about them. Makes joke about them. Eventually you will stop worrying about it.

Thanks for answer Leo. I agree howewer.  I cant honestly laugh at something if i feel *in my gut* this shame, this pain, these disgusting feelings.

I had my deal with women, including my mother, some really ugly things, i worked hard on my self and transformed to somewhat confident person that can express himself and say no when neccessary, altough i still struggle internally.

 

I had my share of pain, lost years and fear and i could even do with being alone, but the respect i want to feel and people respecting me is core, i cant move on to reach my highest potential without that.

 

I dont think i am overcompensating, unless feeling little bit good about myself for my efforts, holding my head high, or just plainly feeling good in my body is reason to be shamed.

 

 

 

 

On 25. 4. 2022 at 3:59 AM, Leo Gura said:

@Raine As a man you just gotta grow a thick skin and don't get wrapped up around the axle about stuff like this.

Some girls laugh at you? Who gives a flying fuck? You should laugh at them and laugh at yourself too.

It sounds like you are being too serious. Whatever insecurities you have, you must own them and learn to laugh at them, even using them as the butt of jokes. Make jokes about yourself being bald. "I'm too cool for hair. Hair is for losers.", etc. Learn to embrace your weaknesses and make light of them. Self-deprecating humor is very powerful not just for attracting girls but for making yourself feel good.

Honestly, I doubt those girls were even laughing AT you. Your mind is likely just interpreting situations that way because you are fundamentally insecure. It is not normal for girls to just laugh at an ugly guy. That like never happens. People don't laugh at ugly people, they laugh perhaps at some lame way that you're acting. Maybe you are overcompensating and they laugh at that.

No one has ever laughed at me for being bald. Never. And I've talked to like 5000+ girls. Sometimes girls will walk up to me and ask to rub my head for good luck. And I laugh. I don't take it personally.

You need to develop a sense of humor about yourself and about life. It sounds trivial but I'm telling you this is a huge part of not only getting good with girls but just overall personal happiness. Happy people laugh at themselves. Miserable people cannot laugh at themselves.

You want to develop a delusional level of self-confidence such that when people interact with you they walk away thinking: "Damn, that guy is so charming, carefree, humorous, and cool that maybe I should go bald like him. Maybe being bald just makes you cooler?"

Stop trying to hide your insecurities and weaknesses. Wear them on your sleeve. Talk about them. Laugh about them. Makes joke about them. Eventually you will stop worrying about it.

On 20. 4. 2022 at 6:40 PM, NoSelfSelf said:

What do you say to them and how do you behave around them? I dont get why they are laughing ? maybe you present yourself to be someone you are not.

On 20. 4. 2022 at 6:40 PM, NoSelfSelf said:

What do you say to them and how do you behave around them? I dont get why they are laughing ? maybe you present yourself to be someone you are not...

I dont say anything in these situations. Usually its when i feel confident, but not in some make up way, just feeling. Lately it happened with customer, not laughing but giggling two girls when i was talking to them and when they walked off, they laughed. Its practically impossible to say anything to customer, i could get fired. Or it happened when i was riding city tram through glass, also impossible to react.

 

[Leo Gura]

7 hours ago, Raine said:

Thanks for answer Leo. I agree howewer.  I cant honestly laugh at something if i feel *in my gut* this shame, this pain, these disgusting feelings.

I had my deal with women, including my mother, some really ugly things, i worked hard on my self and transformed to somewhat confident person that can express himself and say no when neccessary, altough i still struggle internally.

I had my share of pain, lost years and fear and i could even do with being alone, but the respect i want to feel and people respecting me is core, i cant move on to reach my highest potential without that.

I dont think i am overcompensating, unless feeling little bit good about myself for my efforts, holding my head high, or just plainly feeling good in my body is reason to be shamed.

I understand. But you must recognize that that is trauma distorting your view of things and your behavior. That trauma requires digging into and healing. Introspection, therapy, love, forgiveness -- this is necessary to fully heal and become secure again.

Healing trauma is a huge part of becoming confident with women.

The issue is not that women are laughing at you, it's that you have some very deep-seated insecurities which stem from past trauma which have made you are easily triggered. You can do work to undo that.

[Superfluo]

@Raine Stop whatever mainstream self-help you're doing and start doing healing practices.

When you're traumatized trying to cover up your wounds is not going to help, in fact it only makes things worse.

I have some posts on healing practices and advice that sum up everything you need.

[Raine]

On 27. 4. 2022 at 2:20 AM, Leo Gura said:

I understand. But you must recognize that that is trauma distorting your view of things and your behavior. That trauma requires digging into and healing. Introspection, therapy, love, forgiveness -- this is necessary to fully heal and become secure again.

Healing trauma is a huge part of becoming confident with women.

The issue is not that women are laughing at you, it's that you have some very deep-seated insecurities which stem from past trauma which have made you are easily triggered. You can do work to undo that.

Thank you. Any suggestions? Hiring psychologist in my country is almost impossible without paying amount that i simply cant afford.  I was lucky to get  some group therapy few years ago through insurance some progress, but nothing that hit on deep level.

I tried twice your Shamanic breathing but its intense and makes me mentally floating, detached. 

 

I confronted some women and said what i wanted, if i listened to my intuition and what i really want to do, there would be physical violence, which is not safe  or right nor ideal solution.

But i feel confronting women in some way is the solution.

 

 

Edited April 29, 2022 by Raine