Dealing with girls expectation of you in a relationship

[Atb210201]

Hi this is just me writing this after a breakup that I just had with a girl whom I love very deeply and we were talking for about 6 months online and video calling each other almost every night and sleep together on the phone but we never met each other because we were cities apart and I was gonna see her in two weeks and we had planned a lot of things to do together and we dreamed about hugging and kissing each other when we saw each other and all these stuff 

But I saw in my interactions with her that she has a concept of love in her mind and that she has to be special for the one who loves her (I mean totally understandable and it's true to some degree) and she expects to see me prove to her that she's special for me in my heart (which she was actually) and I did that to some degree too but I saw myself craving for sex more and seeing the possibility of us having sex was the most important engine that drove me to continue with her but deep down I was also afraid of hurting her in the end so it went on and on till tonight that I decided to break up with her finally after realizing the fact that she had became attached to me way too much and I was afraid of letting it go further than this so I broke up with her and broke her heart but I'm having a hard time drawing a line between how to be straight up with girls about sex and how to show them that you also love them but not neglecting your wants to have sex with them because of them not thinking that you only want them for sex and you actually also care about them so how do I do this in the future to have better relationships with my partners 

and also I'm very worried about her I told her to delete everything we had in our chats and not ever coming back to me and forgive me and herself for what happened and let go and go on and live her life lovingly and she said she hates me and blocked me but I'm worried about her broken heart because I had some similar experience in my own past with another girl that broke my heart and I even killed myself but didn't die so I'm worried for her not doing the same things that I did I know this is all just in my mind and I did some meditations and contemplations for letting it go and they helped a lot but still I'm worried 

I would love to see the feedbacks from this forum. Thank You

[Rokazulu]

I recently went through a similar experience. I could not possibly live up to the demands placed upon me, and so I realized that the idea of love was distorted in some way within our relationship. They say it is better to have loved and lost, then it is to have never loved at all. This always holds true. You understood you could not be yourself in the relationship so it was your decision to leave. You cannot control how anyone feels about you being yourself. To control that behavior is not love and so you can only trust the decision that is ideally in both of your interests. It couldn't possibly be worse than what the Buddha did to his family and that was in everyone's interest, that he did so.

Relationships are extremely difficult with the level of consciousness we are at.

 

Edited April 18, 2022 by Rokazulu

[puporing]

Maybe be more honest about what you want/how you see things earlier on in your communications? That way you can get a sense about if you're compatible/on a similar page.

[Atb210201]

@Rokazulu Yeah I've been having the same thought that when you are more conscious it's more difficult to find someone and more difficult having to be the way they want you to be and compromise with them and give them what they expect of you

[Atb210201]

@puporing Yeah I figured it even so early on into the relationship but denied it and went on with the relationship in the hopes of having sex in the end and become the closest two people can get together that is possible but it was just too hard to hold onto and hope for that image to happen

[Rokazulu]

13 minutes ago, Atb210201 said:

@Rokazulu Yeah I've been having the same thought that when you are more conscious it's more difficult to find someone and more difficult having to be the way they want you to be and compromise with them and give them what they expect of you

Forgive me. I meant the level of consciousness we are all at (as the human collective).

The person I knew was highly spiritual, telempathically connected and conscious about the world and her self-knowledge.
This made the relationship easier a lot of the time. And very enlightening during the more difficult times, when language seemed to break down and it seemed as though nothing further could be adequately communicated.

Let it be known. Finding a spiritual someone, only more readily brings up the fundamental barrier. So have fun and beware!

Edited April 18, 2022 by Rokazulu

[Atb210201]

@Rokazulu oh ok thank you for the explanation ??

[puporing]

@Atb210201 It's all good you're learning from it..  It's all part of life. Highest love includes love for yourself too. 

[Atb210201]

@puporing Yeah thank you so much ?

[michaelcycle00]

@Atb210201 been in a similar position. I can almost guarantee your problem has to do with you being too much on your electronics and not socializing enough IRL. Being straightforward/drawing the line should never be a problem for someone who knows how to talk to others be a guy or a girl. Also, the fact that you broke it off because you saw it as an opportunity to get your pp wet tells me this is not a normal occurrence for you (since you can't control your sexual impulses).

Also, 6 months before you decide to meet? Were you leading her on? I know a guy who did exactly this to an ex-female friend of mine (back when I used to have online friends) just to have sex with her.

Your solution, even though you might not like it, is to go out and befriend girls IRL. Eventually, you'll find one you like and you'll both know much sooner than 6 months (lol) if you're vibing with each other or not.

Good luck!