There was a time in my life, especially when I had my first boyfriend and my first breakup that I had absolutely begun to despise men and developed a lot of biases around men. I went with this thought that men only hurt and every man would only hurt me.  I think a lot of it had to do with my sexual repression due to cultural conditioning. I never really felt the sexual love of a man back then and any reference to sex used to make me not want the man.  In the past few months, I underwent sexual healing, specifically opening up sexually and curing some of the sexual repression that went for so long without me realizing it. The cultural conditioning can be so brutal and deep, when I look back it's almost unimaginable. I would patriarchal sexual conditioning of women is probably the worst thing that can happen to a woman. The woman begins to absolutely detest men and anything regarding sex and almost thinks of sex like a liability rather than an enjoyable activity. This way she sees man only as some provider but fails to see a male for being a male, like she cannot relate to his horniness or his sensitivity as a male, his needs are almost forgotten. This culture is extremely detrimental to women because it hampers a man's need to satisfy a woman and it hampers a woman's positivity to a man, it leads to a lot of slut shaming, dare I say it, like shaming the woman for having sexual needs because it makes the patriarchy feel oppressed?  So when I healed this side of me, I am not sure what changes are happening in me but now I look at men in a completely different way.  I have begun to like men. I have begun to appreciate men.. I even find certain men (obviously the ones that attract me) very alluring and intoxicating. This change is on a ridiculous level..  I feel like I can actually fully love a man. I used to hate the idea of the penis. Now I absolutely love the idea of the penis.  One of the reasons why this happened is that I experienced deep sexual love from a man and then everything changed.  I think now I understand incels. I understand why they hate women. They never get laid and never get the sexual love of a woman causing them to fear/hate women. It's a form of internal alienation on a psychological level. But once these needs are met by a woman, then they won't hate women as much.  For me this change happened. I received a man's love and that dramatically healed my inner Hate for men and all the biases I was holding on to for so long.    Now I find men very attractive and intoxicating. Healing the inner incel... I wrote a journal on my sexual repression journey.  Addressing the fear while writing this journal....    I still have fears of being slut shamed while writing this journal.. Slut shamed by the patriarchal gods for opening up about my sexual preferences and feelings. It's hard to do. I literally get a high heart rate while writing it as though I'm being punished. THAT Can be toxic  Sexual shaming of women by patriarchal culture is extremely toxic.