I have to go out, oh no...

[RMQualtrough]

I want to stay home playing games or some bullshit but I made promises to people. Lmao. My desire to socialize is roughly 0% at most... Longass drive home in the cab.

[Leo Gura]

Make it fun, not a chore.

You are lucky as fuck to be able to go out and have a carefree night talking to pretty girls. This is luxury. You could be stuck in a coal mine instead.

[Terell Kirby]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Make it fun, not a chore.

This is good advice .. highly subtle.

When I first started, I was so in my head about what needed to happen and how it needed to happen when approaching girls. Then one day I said fuck it, I'm just going to enjoy being out on the scene .. if I see a pretty girl I'm interested in, I'll just say hi. But that is second to me going out and having fun for fun itself.

Edited April 16, 2022 by Terell Kirby

[Gianna]

@RMQualtrough Oh my gosh that freaking sucks. I know how you feel.:( ‘Dread’ 

It will be worth it. Try being in the now instead of in your head thinking about home. Hehe. Maybe open completely to the feeling of dread and feel/experience it entirely/existentially to work through the feeling. 

[RMQualtrough]

8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Make it fun, not a chore.

You are lucky as fuck to be able to go out and have a carefree night talking to pretty girls. This is luxury. You could be stuck in a coal mine instead.

True... Think I'm too old for it  I used to get excited to go out and socialize, now I get excited for a night at home alone with Netflix. Lol.

I WANT to want hot chicks like I used to. I just don't.

[_Archangel_]

@RMQualtrough I once had a group of friends on the opposite side of the city, 1 hour to get there and back every time.
One night, after a not so funny party, i came back home and there was this raging storm, i was  soaked in water with no umbrella and i told me self "why am i even doing this?"

Moral of the story is, go out only of you WANT TO, not because of some social obligation inertia bullshit.

If you feel resistence is either because you have some blocks that prevent you from having fun or the people your hanging with are just not your kind

[RMQualtrough]

@_Archangel_ I like the dude I hung out with, but have not been up for it all for a while... Like, when I think about what I genuinely want to do, it's usually staying home alone lately.

[Leo Gura]

10 hours ago, RMQualtrough said:

True... Think I'm too old for it  I used to get excited to go out and socialize, now I get excited for a night at home alone with Netflix. Lol.

I WANT to want hot chicks like I used to. I just don't.

Don't make it about hot chicks, make it about something deeper: human connection and personal development.

You can form deep connections with people. It doesn't just have to be about chasing pussy.

You're not gonna grow from watching Netflix. You will regress.

[RMQualtrough]

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Don't make it about hot chicks, make it about something deeper: human connection and personal development.

You can form deep connections with people. It doesn't just have to be about chasing pussy.

You're not gonna grow from watching Netflix. You will regress.

For sure dude, that's what I mean though, I stopped wanting that...

Tbh I think both making friends and hooking up is 99.9% to do with your actual desire to be intimate with people. I think shy people fail because they don't WANT to be close to others. I think that's the real reason extroverts do better with the opposite sex... An introvert will both consciously and subconsciously engage in behaviors that keep people at a distance. They think others are rejecting them, but really they are rejecting others and creating "awkward" vibes as a result.

Maybe Viagra is the true best pickup substance (aside from MDMA) lmao. I'm tempted to try it ngl.

[Leo Gura]

5 minutes ago, RMQualtrough said:

I think shy people fail because they don't WANT to be close to others.

I call BS on this.

Everyone craves to be close with others. They just have trauma which obscures intimacy or they lack the skills.

It is not true that introverts don't value intimacy and closeness to others. They value it a lot, they just prefer it with fewer people but deeper. Whereas extroverts prefer it more shallow with more people.

I am extremely introverted but I love intimacy and closeness with very select people. I don't like juggling a bunch of shallow friendships.

[Tristan12]

38 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I am extremely introverted but I love intimacy and closeness with very select people. I don't like juggling a bunch of shallow friendships.

I 1000% agree

[Aldrich]

On 4/16/2022 at 3:48 AM, RMQualtrough said:

I want to stay home playing games or some bullshit but I made promises to people. Lmao. My desire to socialize is roughly 0% at most... Longass drive home in the cab.

While socializing can be fun, I think the most important socialization experiences are unpleasant and maybe even psychologically painful. I suggest you socialize even if they are not the most fun things to do because they will pay HUGE, HUGE, HUGE!!! dividends in the long run.

[RMQualtrough]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

I call BS on this.

Everyone craves to be close with others. They just have trauma which obscures intimacy or they lack the skills.

It is not true that introverts don't value intimacy and closeness to others. They value it a lot, they just prefer it with fewer people but deeper. Whereas extroverts prefer it more shallow with more people.

I am extremely introverted but I love intimacy and closeness with very select people. I don't like juggling a bunch of shallow friendships.

Possibly. There's a bit of both really... E.g. Schizoid people (not schizophrenic) genuinely feel zero desire to be around people whatsoever. When I was younger I was the same as you describe though.

Now, the drive isn't there so much. I stopped feeling socially anxious, but also stopped feeling like being social full stop lmao. That's comic irony really.

It's easy to get with people on MDMA, and it is legit because you become GENUINELY interested in other people. That's what it does. You actually WANT to know their name, their story, all that... Intimacy happens because you feel like being intimate. If you're thinking "idgaf about all this", you're not gonna be having good conversations.

[RMQualtrough]

@Something Funny I do the same thing... I don't actually care about how old they are etc, I'm just trying to be polite and get out of it. Would absolutely do my head in if someone kept wanting to connect with me all the time.

When I've been on MDMA, the change is really significant. I talk to people in such a different way, because I'm actually interested in what they have to say for once. 99% of the time otherwise I just do NOT care AT ALL. Not AT ALL. As a result, on MDMA there's actually all sorts of conversational threads and questions that come to mind, and I actually get to know the person, as opposed to just being like "___, and you? Cool."

[Preety_India]

I'm shy but I would want it deeper with very few people i crave intimacy. 

[Focus Shift]

@RMQualtrough Find people you want to be around

[RMQualtrough]

7 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I'm shy but I would want it deeper with very few people i crave intimacy. 

I only need one friend at a time. And there's something to that I think... I mean I was raised that way, as there was just my mom and me, and that was the happiest time in my life.

Having tonnes of friends, I don't get it really. Some group dynamics are fun, but largely when there's a group, you're missing out on knowing anyone anyway... You're getting to know "the group" instead of getting to know anyone like that I reckon.

[Preety_India]

Just now, RMQualtrough said:

I only need one friend at a time. And there's something to that I think... I mean I was raised that way, as there was just my mom and me, and that was the happiest time in my life.

Having tonnes of friends, I don't get it really. Some group dynamics are fun, but largely when there's a group, you're missing out on knowing anyone anyway... You're getting to know "the group" instead of getting to know anyone like that I reckon.

I'm somewhat like that. 

 

[_Archangel_]

On 17/4/2022 at 10:02 AM, RMQualtrough said:

Now, the drive isn't there so much

@RMQualtrough as long as you are good with it and accept, what's the problem then? Keep in mind it can be just a phase.
if it persists, i may suggest that here and there you get you of your comfort zone, just to see if you are missing out on something.

And when you do get out i would leave drugs aside, as they can become a crutch, you don't want to be able to have fun just when high.

[Karmadhi]

On 4/16/2022 at 7:58 PM, Leo Gura said:

Don't make it about hot chicks, make it about something deeper: human connection and personal development.

You can form deep connections with people. It doesn't just have to be about chasing pussy

How can i develop a vision regarding pick up? I already have decent social skills, plenty of friends and enjoy my life as it is. To me pick up is just about getting laid and doing something that scares you to some extent. Except this there is nothing i see as benefits that i do not already have. How can i reframe it in a way to motivate me where it is not just about the quality of the dating life?

I would understand for someone that has bad social skills or very introverted but i already have worked on it years ago and now i am quite comfortable with who i am and do not struggle meeting people and making friends.