girl acts cold on 2nd date

[Leo Gura]

47 minutes ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

Cold approaches are insanely fucking hard though. My pass (chicken out) vs. approach ratio is probably like 100:1. And I bounce around a lot between approaches - sometimes even 40 minutes.

It doesn't have to be hard. Your mind is creating that. It could be fun and effortless. But this takes practice of putting yourself in the right state.

[JonasVE12]

4 hours ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

@JonasVE12 Cold approaches are insanely fucking hard though. My pass (chicken out) vs. approach ratio is probably like 100:1. And I bounce around a lot between approaches - sometimes even 40 minutes.

Anyone that says it's easy has no clue? the fact that literaly noone around me is doing this, proves that this is hardcore.

And you have to also appreciate the fact, that I'm not doing this/speaking in English. ALL OF THE ADVICE/INSIGHT/EXPERIENCES of others, I have to translate, and apply TO MY COUNTRY. That's like an extra layer of challenge, cause I'm so accustomed to speaking English, it almost became my native language. My thoughts are mostly in English.

And I believe some girls are just unproachable. Like, say you see an attractive girl, with headsets on, AND SHE'S HURRYING/ALMOST RUNNING 100 miles an hour to get to her destination - yeah, there's no way I'm approaching her. Fucking impossible.

And the level of confidence you gotta have, to do more ballsy daygame stuff, is insane. You literaly have to be almost insane to do that shit - like for example, approaching girl with a bf.

You're talking from fear and doubt. That's normal in the beginning. The more you push through, the easier it becomes. Just know who you want to be and the rest is irrelevant. If all you are seeing is challenges and doubt, well, you're gonna see more of it. If your pass:approach ratio isn't serving you, well, why not change it? What needs to happen is an internal shift. Letting go of attachments to your ego. Rejection is just guidance and not personal. Learn to love and embrace it. I was so anxious to get rejected at first and it kept me from approaching women for years. Then one time at the beach, this super beautiful woman who looked so confident, I approached her and she rejected me. And I walked away with a huge smile on my face because I realized I could handle it. And from that time, I understood that rejection is something you should strive to get more of. Not less. It made me feel better about myself. Rejection grows you. Once you become unattached to being rejected, women start to show up in your life because that's how polarity works. You don't need confidence to become good with women. The only thing you need is determination. There is also nothing hindering you from moving to another country that has more potential. You just have to really want it and be willing to do the work.

And comparing yourself with other people isn't really helpful either. There was this one big survey done in the US, and it concluded that on average, people are having 7,2 sexual partners in their entire life. That's 1 new sexual partner every 10 years. And if you are going to do what everyone else does, you're going to get the same results as everyone else.

[JonasVE12]

1 hour ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

Believe it or not, the rejection doesn't scare me - what scares me is the situation itself, and expressing my true desires to someone. And I also have many subconscious limiting believes of me not being worthy, not being enough etc. Also, I fear being embarrased in front of people - which is not the same as rejection. Rejection is simply saying no - Jesus, I'm not scared of that.

I also fear doing this in new enviroments, which I've never visited before, and completely alone.

It doesn’t scare you? Really? Imagine you being in the middle of a circle with super confident, attractive and successful women and men, and they are laughing at you. They are thinking you are a little weak pussy and laughing at you like you are nothing. They just found out you like a woman in the circle. But she thinks you are a loser and she looks at you like this weak small insignificant boy. And everybody is seeing you embarrassed, there is no where to run, the spotlight is on you, you turn red, pee your pants and you start to cry for mommy.

That’s rejection. You’re being rejected.

Rejection is just the mechanism that validates the truth of your own shame, and that is what you fear and resist unconsciously, whether you conceptually recognize it or not.  You have to realize that shame comes from deep abandonment trauma, and it has the goal to disown parts of yourself that previously meant danger to your survival. By avoiding rejection, you avoid stepping into your disowned parts, and thus you are avoiding your potential death.

You know, feeling shame is just the body feeling threatened in it’s survival as a response of stepping into certain emotional experiences that previously were rejected socially or parentally. Abandonment trauma doesn’t have to come from parental influence as well. In the past, being socially excluded from your tribe meant death as well. If in the past you were rejected for romantic or sexual desires, or certain emotional expression, you will create shame as a self-protective mechanism and each time you express these emotions or desires, you feel shame. 

Rejection is not just being told ‘no’.

It’s other people closing off emotionally to your own emotional expression, the same dynamic as with the original trauma. And when she closes off, verbal or non-verbal, you will feel the shame emerge in yourself. Shame is the last layer of protection. Avoiding rejection avoids the shame itself and is just a top-layer protection and it is generally called apathy.

Rejection holds the potential of confirmation that you’re indeed not good enough.

And that’s why I say ‘Learn to love rejection’

By repeatedly stepping into rejection and grounding yourself in it, learning to generate love in your body, you start to subconsciously release your shame in the space that holds that potential of rejection (Approaching a woman for example). You start to understand the illusory nature of your shame, and as you generate more love in that space, you get positive mirroring from external reality and you start to heal.

You told in your previous post that you step around the city, with an approach ratio of 1:100, and that you walk around without approaching anyone out of fear and doubt. That's avoidance of potential rejection. 

[Karmadhi]

13 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

If she likes you a lot she will put up with pretty much anything, including physical abuse. Doesn't make it good game.

How does this work? I honestly am very confused about it. There are girls that are very into me and with those i can make a lot of mistakes and they will still tag along and want to date/fuck me. Unfortunately these girls are quite rare.

Then there are other girls (most) that basically cross me out with the slightest "mistake" that i make. MUCH MUCH more unforgiving.

How does this work? Why some girls can tolerate "bad game" or mistakes MUCH MORE than others. What determines whether a girl is into you or not. So if a girl is into me she can tolerate worse game than if she is not. What determines that.

[Aldrich]

@patricknotstar

@Leo Gura

On 4/16/2022 at 2:05 AM, Leo Gura said:

But this assumes you're leading properly. Leading is not just physical, it's also emotional. If you feel awkward and cold your girl will tend to reflect that and follow that lead.

Of course she could just not be very compatible with you. There's gotta be a somewhat natural chemistry. You're not gonna have chemistry with every girl. But ideally you should screen that out when you first meet her or at least by the end of the 1st date.

When things are going right date 2 should be like fire. Date 1 is allowed to be a little awkward.

I agree.