Are Your Values Ego Driven ?

[rush]

Competition and being successful are things that I care deeply about and value highly, however I can see how this backfires whereby if I lose in a game of football or do bad in an exam, I get that pain from not living upto what I believe is right. So how can you deal with this contradiction ? Same for careers, relationships etc.. if you value these things but then struggle to achieve them in the external world, naturally your ego suffers ?

 

[Live Life Liam]

7 hours ago, rush said:

Competition and being successful are things that I care deeply about and value highly, however I can see how this backfires whereby if I lose in a game of football or do bad in an exam, I get that pain from not living upto what I believe is right. So how can you deal with this contradiction ? Same for careers, relationships etc.. if you value these things but then struggle to achieve them in the external world, naturally your ego suffers ?

 

Well I think the easy way to differentiate the neurotic ego driven values to the true authentic ones is by asking your self the following question.

Does this value/ambition/action promote separation or unity? 

Simple as that   If you live by unifying values then you wont suffer. At least that's working in my case.

Edited January 26, 2017 by Live Life Liam

[Alicja_]

What is failure to you? Is it something you don't allow yourself to experience? For me occasional failure is good. I treat it as a part of mastery process. It teaches you humility and patience.  Everybody fails sometimes  and this shows you what areas you could improve in or explore more. It's like a game. Your ego will not suffer if you reconcile yourself with the fact that you're gonna fail in  life occasionally and develop more acceptance towards it

Stop fearing failure and your values will be less neurotic.  also success is a byproduct of your efforts and contribution. So perhaps aim at contribution, and success will happen spontaneously as a side effect.

Edited January 26, 2017 by Alicja_

[FindingPeace]

Are values egos driven?

Yes. It's the ego that 'evaluates' reality in the first place. And decides what serves its self-interests, which become things you value, and what doesn't serve it, which are things you don't value.

If it wasn't for ego the concept of 'value' wouldn't even be an issue for you.

4 hours ago, rush said:

I get that pain from not living upto what I believe is right. So how can you deal with this contradiction ?

Learn acceptance. Learn to be ok with whatever happens, irrespective of the outcomes in life.

What you are doing is identifying to strongly with these values, such that when you 'fail' to live up to them you feel that your identity is threatened. You need to let go of this need to identify with any particular value and accept things as they are. That's not to say that you can't pursue any particular value in life, but remain detached from 'needing' it in order to feel 'complete'.

 

[rush]

@FindingPeace  How do you practice genuine detachment from these values ? Detachment is a hard concept to embody because even though Iv tried in the past, it just becomes another belief as oppose to actually being detached.

[Zane]

I strongly value freedom, creativity, creating my own life, pursuing pleasure and passion driven by purpose, creating my own values, creating my own purpose, simplicity, and being childlike. 

[Leo Gura]

Not every value is ego driven. In fact, your genuine values -- once you become really consciousness of them -- are ego-transcendent. Which is why values are such an important piece of the puzzle.

Without that, it would not be possible to transcend ego other than maybe through blind luck. But ego-transcendence has little to do with blind luck.

This is something divine inside of you which is pulling you up all the time. It just largely goes untapped, undeveloped, drowned about by all the noise of life. A paradise lost.

[Alicja_]

@rush About detachment, what if you just observe the thought itself? You could observe your craving for success and competition more. 

Why do you want success? Why is success on the top of your values? Do you think it determines your usefulness? Do you want to prove something to anyone other than yourself? Do you seek approval/validation/self-importance? These are just ideas. 

The same comes with competition. What is your drive behind it? 

Expose your feelings, surrender to the truth.

Look, if you aim at success and competition, that probablymeans that you choose to be reactive to all the things which happen in the world, be it good or bad, rather than to be grounded internally. You choose to be both stimulated and torn by external influences, influences mostly beyond your control. This way you give away loads of energy trying to control the outcome, rather than to create. On the other hand, you could simply choose to master yourself, focus on your art, for the sake of the art and growing yourself, not for external applause or fleeting satisfaction.

 

 

[FindingPeace]

16 hours ago, rush said:

 How do you practice genuine detachment from these values ? Detachment is a hard concept to embody because even though Iv tried in the past, it just becomes another belief as oppose to actually being detached.

I just want to clarify something in response to what Leo said above.. I'm not suggesting that values are not important or that they shouldn't be pursued. The problem is that we get too attached to these values as though they form part of our identity. There are some value in life that are inherently a part of us, that, as Leo said, transcend ego. But it's the other values that the ego latches on to that we need to learn to be less identified with.

How do you practice detachement? It's hard to explain. In simple terms, we become attached to things because we believe that they are a part of our identity. And identity is basically a story, a narrative, about 'who' we think we are. And for some reason we become very attached to this. Like it is inerently necessary to have some consistent self-description of the self. As if we need to prove something to the world, to declare our unique independence from the rest of society. But the truth is, that this identity is arbitrary. It creates far more pain trying to maintin it than it does learning to accept the 'self' as it is without the long-term narrative.

In short, your 'identity' is whoever you are at any moment in time. It isn't dependent on consistent criterea like successes and achievements, Or any particular belief or value. Those things can change in life. They can come and go. You can live up to them or not. It doesn't really matter. In any moment in time you are exactly 'who' you are. And learning to be ok with this, and embracing this, is the key to acceptance and detachment.

If you don't achieve something in life that you value, then be ok with it. Accept it for what it is. See the truth of it. The truth is that you didn't fulfill something. So what? You can try again, you can do it again. Or not. The issue is that you feel you 'need' it to be a certain way to feel ok about yourself. But you don't. You can accept the fact that it isn't a certain way, and be ok with that. And acceptance doesn't mean that you don't ever try again, or that you have to change your values. No. You can still hold these values and keep on pursuing them. And the outcome will be whatever it is. It's just that you don't need to prove anything to yourself or to anyone else by trying to uphold any particular 'thing'.

A personal experience: A few years ago I made a mistake with something. I was a huge error. A mistake I had never made before which was something I prided myself about. Something that was part of my identity. I had the belief that "I'm really good at this and I don't get it wrong". But then I did. Big time. And I remember being in disbelief about it. I just kept saying to myself "But I don't make this sort of mistake. This isn't right. How can this be?". I actually felt like my identity had been compromised. Like I wasn't who I thought I was. And then, a while later, when I made yet another similar mistake I came to a point of acceptance. "Ok.. I DO make these mistakes. Because I have. Here's the evidence." And from that point I was never again attached to my belief that 'I do not make this sort of error'. And I'm ok with it. Because that's reality for you. I no longer beat myself up over these things because it's pointless. And so I also don't have this thing as a part of my identity anymore. And I feel much better for it.

It's easier said than done, but it really comes down to seeing reality for what it is and not for how you want it to be. Reality is what is real. The fantasy that is our life narrative and identity is not real.

Also, discovering your authentic values from your inauthentic ones will help with detachment. And authentic values come from inner desire and intuition. Not from anything external.

[Guest Annetta]

Detachment; values... hmmn...

Values...  what are my values?  Not sure.  Something to think about.

Creativity, for sure.  Authenticity.  Love.  Security, too.  That's an ego driven one, I think.  Doesn't feel that way, though. 
Detachment, currently reading about that this past week.  It's easy to understand in theory, harder in practice, in my experience...

[Kserkkj]

@Leo Gura So you're saying a highly egoic person inherently has true non-egoic values, or is it sth that is developed as a result of higher consciousness and vibrational frequency? I'm really having trouble finding my TRUE passions/excitements. The things that driven me back then no longer do such as competition, gaming( especially competitive ones), sports (also competition), and I'm quite lost in this regard. I feel great about my new eating habits and healthy lifestyle, but I'm lacking a sense of direction as to what I should pursue (career, skills to master) because none of the disciplines I'm taking at my college seem to intrigue me. I'm quite passionate about consciousness and spiritual work which I'm working on every single day, but I'm missing the outlet to utilize this knowledge and understanding on, eg a career path. I purchased your life purpose course and plan on finishing the last bit which I procrastinated a year ago  . Anyways, can you give me some pointers please, thanks.

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, Kserkkj said:

I'm quite passionate about consciousness and spiritual work which I'm working on every single day, but I'm missing the outlet to utilize this knowledge

That's it right there. You're overlooking the obvious.

Make that your life purpose.

And now, go create the outlet!

Outlets take years of strategic thinking and design. No one is going to hand you an outlet.

You're not even gonna know what the outlet should look like at the start. If you did, you'd already have solved half the problem.

The problem is that people have very obvious passions/interests/values, but then don't take themselves seriously, they don't have enough vision to follow up on it and to work it. Their vision is too short-sighted.

[Bob84]

On 1/26/2017 at 6:51 PM, rush said:

@FindingPeace  How do you practice genuine detachment from these values ? Detachment is a hard concept to embody because even though Iv tried in the past, it just becomes another belief as oppose to actually being detached.

You dont. You need to understand where they come from and detach from the source. When you pick a few values and label them you just creating a second ego and labeling it superior.

[Shin]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

The problem is that people have very obvious passions/interests/values, but then don't take themselves seriously, they don't have enough vision to follow up on it and to work it. Their vision is too short-sighted.

And we always look for an existing career instead of creating a new one, or at least, a new way of doing this particular career.

[Nahm]

On 1/26/2017 at 6:16 AM, rush said:

Competition and being successful are things that I care deeply about and value highly, however I can see how this backfires whereby if I lose in a game of football or do bad in an exam, I get that pain from not living upto what I believe is right. So how can you deal with this contradiction ? Same for careers, relationships etc.. if you value these things but then struggle to achieve them in the external world, naturally your ego suffers ?

 

You're finding what you're looking for.

Look for growth. Expand your abilities in your ventures and you'll always expand. The player or competitor who beats you should be your most welcomed guest. Consider that values can transcend ego; expansion, connection, flow, synchronicity ,- that bandwidth. There are billions of people. The variety is mind bottling ? If you can focus on doing just a little bit everyday, you can make an honest reciprocal business out of anything, especially what  you're most passionate about!! It takes a long time, so you'll have to accept spending a lot of your time doing what you love most for a long time. ????, ?????....??????, ??????,????????...?????????,????...??????

I hope you like carrots.