Letting Go of Fear and Sentimental Value

[AndylizedAAY]

Before I begin, let me tell you a backstory I have. I wanted to take notes on Actualized.org and uploaded pictures of them to Google Drive to keep my work. This idea came later after I wrote down all of the the things that I am about to say. Now, I am afraid that my parents might discover my notes but the physical version has too much sentimental value. The reason that I am bringing this up now is because I cannot afford to lose access to Actualized.org or any spiritual guidance I might need for my spiritual journey. I would agree that attachment really does create suffering and I want to fully embody that principle. The notebook talks about consciousness, spiral dynamics, a different view on God, etc. Me and my family have to leave the apartment in 15 days (less than that now) and I want to be able to just throw away the notebook permanently. I also watched Leo's video on letting go but the thing is that I want to physically let go of this notebook permanently. How do I do that?

Edited April 14, 2022 by AndylizedAAY
My keyboard stopped working and wanted to save my work before restarting my computer.

[AndylizedAAY]

"Whenever you are committed to comfort and are committed to comfort and are using something as a tool to keep yourself away from risk, to the degree that you are not in alignment with expansion, those things that are serving to keep you comfortable will be targeted." -Teal Swan

First of all, I had the intuition to reflect on this quote and then asked, "what would someone who loves themselves do?" (also from Teal Swan) and my answer is to reflect (in general). My intuition has been guiding me to watch certain channels that serve me in some way.

This quote is important because it means that I can trust the Universe. However, it is still okay paying for the cost of Enlightenment, whatever that might be. This quote may also be referring to good or bad karma depending on what is being targeted and if the things that serve my comfort are being targeted or not.

I think that this is relevant to what will be targeted or not in this situation. I forgot the video of where I got the quote so it will take some time to find it before posting the video.

[AndylizedAAY]

Message deleted

Edited April 14, 2022 by AndylizedAAY
I already posted but didn't check because of internet issues

[AndylizedAAY]

Also, should I edit my notebook or throw it away completely? 

[ted73104]

Why are you afraid of your parents finding out? Also, isn't is possible to hide your notebook without them finding the contents within?

[AndylizedAAY]

21 hours ago, ted73104 said:

Why are you afraid of your parents finding out? Also, isn't is possible to hide your notebook without them finding the contents within?

@ted73104 I could hide the notebook but it is even less likely that the notes will be discovered if I just get rid of them physically and I am looking for advice.

[ted73104]

Maybe it isn't a big deal as you imagine even if your parents did find out.

[Breakingthewall]

Let go of the fear of what your parents think about you, don't you think? just the fact of having this concern shows that you are showing a different face to your parents, that is, that you are not free. It will probably be their fault, but the one who has to break free is you. I would leave that notebook anywhere and if they read it, what do you care?

[AndylizedAAY]

@Breakingthewall I might lose access to actualized.org even if I need it if they read it. If I can overcome this fear, I will also be able to boldly ask for the life purpose course and the book list instead of waiting until I can purchase them myself.

[AndylizedAAY]

@Breakingthewall I still need to learn how to trust myself and my intuition although your feedback is valid.

[AndylizedAAY]

This is fragmentation at work. Simply making a decision would already be a relief and Teal Swan is right about alignments with these inner parts of myself and that it brings inner peace. I didn't listen to her because of the notebook just because I wanted to know how to do parts work and that my intuition wanted me to know.

[AndylizedAAY]

19 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

Let go of the fear of what your parents think about you, don't you think? just the fact of having this concern shows that you are showing a different face to your parents, that is, that you are not free. It will probably be their fault, but the one who has to break free is you. I would leave that notebook anywhere and if they read it, what do you care?

@Breakingthewall I think that this a win-win scenario because either I can let go of the fear of what my parents about me or I can let go of a valuable object. I will still learn how to let go better either way. What will probably be my parents fault? How do I become more free without it backfiring? Do you think that my parents will call Leo or other teachers deluded, dangerous, evil, etc. and that I could get grounded if they read the notebook? I agree that I need to break free so I don't want to make any rash decisions.

Edited April 16, 2022 by AndylizedAAY
I wanted to further explain why I still choosing at the end.

[Breakingthewall]

Well, you are right that it is not a simple matter, since many people, if you explain the matter of non-duality, psychedelics, etc., will think that you are crazy, or that a sect is capturing you. but the reality is that it is really harmful to your life to hide. I was saying that your parents are probably responsible, without knowing anything about the situation, because the fact that you have not talked about it openly from the beginning and that now it is a secret that you do not want to be discovered, indicates a family dynamic that favors hypocrisy . like you have to appear to be what they want you to be. but it was just a comment, maybe it's nothing like that. anyway, for me the best solution is always to open the curtains and let in the light. everything you hide will weigh on you, it will stole you of freedom, it will prevent you from being you. don't let anyone intimidate you. to hide denotes to be intimidated. It doesn't matter if it's their fault or not, your job is to free yourself, overcome fear, and concealment is fear. It's a simple rule in life: in case of doubt, always choose bravery . far better to regret of having been too brave than the opposite. You are constructing yourself in every decision. Tend towards courage or you will pay the consequences

Edited April 16, 2022 by Breakingthewall

[AndylizedAAY]

 

On 4/16/2022 at 4:05 PM, Breakingthewall said:

Well, you are right that it is not a simple matter, since many people, if you explain the matter of non-duality, psychedelics, etc., will think that you are crazy, or that a sect is capturing you. but the reality is that it is really harmful to your life to hide. I was saying that your parents are probably responsible, without knowing anything about the situation, because the fact that you have not talked about it openly from the beginning and that now it is a secret that you do not want to be discovered, indicates a family dynamic that favors hypocrisy . like you have to appear to be what they want you to be. but it was just a comment, maybe it's nothing like that. anyway, for me the best solution is always to open the curtains and let in the light. everything you hide will weigh on you, it will stole you of freedom, it will prevent you from being you. don't let anyone intimidate you. to hide denotes to be intimidated. It doesn't matter if it's their fault or not, your job is to free yourself, overcome fear, and concealment is fear. It's a simple rule in life: in case of doubt, always choose bravery . far better to regret of having been too brave than the opposite. You are constructing yourself in every decision. Tend towards courage or you will pay the consequences

@BreakingthewallVery informative, what consequences will I pay if I don't tend towards courage?

[AndylizedAAY]

@BreakingthewallAlso, why don't you check out what I said over here since it is relevant to the conversation: 

 

 

Edited April 20, 2022 by AndylizedAAY
I wanted to send the link to you instead of myself.

[AndylizedAAY]

@BreakingthewallDo you think that I found the solution?

[Breakingthewall]

15 hours ago, AndylizedAAY said:

 

@BreakingthewallVery informative, what consequences will I pay if I don't tend towards courage?

What do you think? fear will eat you. and you will cover your fear and you won't even know you have it. fertilizer for anxiety and depression. Bad business. You must not allow fear to condition you. you have to identify each fear and face it. If not , to have a happy life is almost impossible

[AndylizedAAY]

@Breakingthewall

On 4/21/2022 at 2:10 AM, Breakingthewall said:

What do you think? fear will eat you. and you will cover your fear and you won't even know you have it. fertilizer for anxiety and depression. Bad business. You must not allow fear to condition you. you have to identify each fear and face it. If not , to have a happy life is almost impossible

Okay, I can still be cautious of what I do or don't do and I'm not actually afraid right now. I am almost 18, meaning that I can open up to my parents when I have nothing to lose very soon. Even if I did open up to my parents right now, I would still have to go to church and all of that. My life would be intensified by my parents inauthentically if I opened up right now since they would know how radically different I have become. I can't really explain why I am like that, I just am. It's not like I actually need the notebook to open up to my parents. I can tell them verbally, show them my notes digitally or directly show actualized.org if I really wanted to. Getting rid of the notebook can give me a better sense of control of how I go about it. I would agree that fear makes a happy life impossible. I am not saying that I am afraid of the notes being discovered but getting rid of it can give me less fear if I would be afraid. I am moving to a different apartment because it was sold to someone else so leaving it behind would be a permanent decision instead of taking it out of the trash. 

[ll Ontology ll]

@AndylizedAAY A lot of responses you've made here! I'll get to them! Hope you're doing well.

[ll Ontology ll]

Quote

Now, I am afraid that my parents might discover my notes but the physical version has too much sentimental value.

 

Part one of my response. 

Now THIS is a fascinating feeling that I’d love to know all about or simply leave for your own introspection as you please. Some questions for you:

• What associations tie you to this fear?
• Are you able to distinguish between those associations and how your parents would legitimately react? I recommend sitting through a simulation within your own mind here. I can recall so many instances where I would generate associations about how not only my parents would react to a situation but how just about anyone would, my parents though possessing variability based on their own unique profile they have of me, which we don’t often think about. For me I’ve sometimes wondered not whether my parents are proud or whether they admire me but what their process is for how they actually conceive of me as an individual and how they relate to me in their minds. This I tell you is a more revelatory approach and it should be, it’s more sophisticated. It will allow you to develop new associations based on understanding how you learn they conceive of you rather than just running off programmed reactions based on reactions they’ve had to you in the past. I recall the stages of transformation I went through from childhood to adulthood regarding how I conceived of how my parents conceived of me and it’s an important but scary process sometimes. To see through our parents eyes the way they conceive of us can just easily make ourselves look down on our parents as much as we may look down on ourselves through that insight, which is why awareness through the exercise is so important. The more aware we can be in all three instances here inclusive of how we ourselves conceive of our parents. The more advanced associations we can build between us and those that exist in our social world with our parents here being no different. It is in the breakdown of associations that have no reality coherence that the fabric of our social interactions breakdown and our interactions become ruled by our projective memories rather than the stillness of the moment and our true devoted understanding of each other. We may find that our parents have a sophisticated comprehension of us which will be to our benefit anyway or what is more likely the case we will find many limitations in their own comprehension and how their own subsequent associations dominate their behaviour towards us rather than our own parental idealism that under proper scrutiny we will have to come to terms with the fact that they will never be able to meet because of the well described limitations that we get better at discerning with prudent and patient diligence. For example, to realise that my father sometimes sees me as the son that used to help him out a lot forces me to see myself through his own submissive lens which corrupts my own sense of character regarding the free agent I have become. To see myself through the eyes of my mother who sees me through the associations she formed with me most as a little boy because this is when she spent the most time with me as opposed to an adolescent means that I have to view myself through in part the infantile lens that my mother can sometimes fall victim to seeing me through because I went to live with my father post the age of 9.

So for you here are some further questions:

1. what is the best realistic positive response you can imagine your parents having and what is the worst?
2. what associations build this reaction? 
3. In what creative and useful ways ar you able to see new perspective on those associations and change your reaction based on these new perspectives?
4. in what ways do you notice the associations change based on this?
5. what are other personal development areas where you have noticed your parents have a positive reaction vs a negative? Do your best to try and identify for both sides even if it’s not formal personal development for example I’m sure your parents would have encouraged you to learn to transfer from crawling to walking right? At least most of our parents got that aspect of encouragement right!