What is your life like and how do you feel now ?

[Gabith]

Hey can you explain how your everyday life is ? What you are doing everyday/weeks...

I do street interviews once per week or more if I don't feel too bad/anxious. I play the guitar, I listen to music, go for a walk or go to the gym. 
In the evening I sometimes spend time with friends or I take drugs alone, or I play videos-games. I medidate before going to bed. 
I go to a prostitute once or two per month when I have enough money. It helps a little bit to relief the pain of not having sex or intimate relationship. 

Now,
I'm sick of being a people pleaser and being fearful of being rejected. I missed some opportunities.
In 4 years of street-interviews, I've talked to thousand of people in the cities and the result: I'm still single, having hard time to connect with people, always feeling odd or judged.
In 4 years, I had two/three days of "social awakening" ; I was happy, focusing on the others and not me, I saw the beauty of the city, in the people faces, I was able to be more at ease and I saw that I was a lot more attractive to people (one of theses nights I was really attracted to a girl, she was clearly showing me that she wanted me to ask for her number and I just freezed in front of her friends.  
I don't know how I went in this "state" of being socially at ease, if I knew I would do this everytime I go out. 

Sometimes I'm wondering what if I accept totally myself as being needy, not confident and skinny ? But I quickly remember that no girl is attracted to this and my biggest fear is to be single all my life. 
The only times when I felt really happy in my life was in my early childhood and when I was with someone. I don't know how to be happy when I'm alone, I see girls everywhere I go, couples, beautiful girls I can't stop thinking about being with someone, even if I try, it shows in front of my eyes almost everywhere I go.

[thisintegrated]

10 hours ago, Gabith said:

Hey can you explain how your everyday life is ? What you are doing everyday/weeks...

I do street interviews once per week or more if I don't feel too bad/anxious. I play the guitar, I listen to music, go for a walk or go to the gym. 
In the evening I sometimes spend time with friends or I take drugs alone, or I play videos-games. I medidate before going to bed. 
I go to a prostitute once or two per month when I have enough money. It helps a little bit to relief the pain of not having sex or intimate relationship. 

Now,
I'm sick of being a people pleaser and being fearful of being rejected. I missed some opportunities.
In 4 years of street-interviews, I've talked to thousand of people in the cities and the result: I'm still single, having hard time to connect with people, always feeling odd or judged.
In 4 years, I had two/three days of "social awakening" ; I was happy, focusing on the others and not me, I saw the beauty of the city, in the people faces, I was able to be more at ease and I saw that I was a lot more attractive to people (one of theses nights I was really attracted to a girl, she was clearly showing me that she wanted me to ask for her number and I just freezed in front of her friends.  
I don't know how I went in this "state" of being socially at ease, if I knew I would do this everytime I go out. 

Sometimes I'm wondering what if I accept totally myself as being needy, not confident and skinny ? But I quickly remember that no girl is attracted to this and my biggest fear is to be single all my life. 
The only times when I felt really happy in my life was in my early childhood and when I was with someone. I don't know how to be happy when I'm alone, I see girls everywhere I go, couples, beautiful girls I can't stop thinking about being with someone, even if I try, it shows in front of my eyes almost everywhere I go.

Street interviews??  Someone's been watching too many Czech videos?

 

Fix your confidence, and stop paying for sex.  That's unhealthy for your mindset.  Get drunk or something if it helps approaching girls.  Get experience with being your confident self.

If you go to the gym there's no reason you should be skinny.  What are you even going to the gym for?  To look better and have more confidence?  Then you better be eating at least 2500 calories a day, 100g protein, and lifting 2-3 times per week, or you're wasting your time.