I want to feel proud of myself.

[Adodd]

I have went from an emotionally unstable, homeless, self-mutilating alcoholic and drug addict felon to an emotionally intelligent parent with a great large home and great car. I have been taking my passion of self expression thrpugh art seriously and am now an art teacher and teach recovering addicts/alcoholics, the mentally ill and veterans with ptsd how to express themselves through art. I'm meeting other members of the comunity who are also into art and yoga as well. This entire process took less than a decade.

Needless to say people are all so proud of me. But I'm not at all. I am not depressed or depressed about it but I'm not proud. I dont feel much at all about it really. It's been working on one thing and then straight to the next and then straight to the next and then straight to the next. I've been given the advice to celebrate my victories, both big and small. I have no idea how to do that I feel like every moment needs to be go-time because I feel so so far from where I want to be and to get there I'm going to have to GRIND . On one hand, ive been very productive and came far but on the other hand I feel like somethings just not RIGHT and I am not at peace.

Any advice or similar experiences that you have overcome?

[RendHeaven]

You're not FEELING into all the hurt you've endured.

Take a breather, sit down with yourself for just a few minutes every day, and confront yourself. Maybe put on some soft music.

Try to "reach back down" into those dark places in your memories while standing firm on your current high-ground.

Relive your past, become who you once were all over again, but knowing simultaneously that you're so much more now.

Literally take on that same hurt you once felt, but in the present moment. Like, reach into your memory, extract the pain sensation and allow it to course through you. And then realize, personally, immediately, now, how much you've been through. And realize how that pain is both in you but also not in you.

The hurt is both perfectly real and unreal. Can you get in touch with that intuition? Not just intellectually, but can you feel how your past is both life-defining AND nowhere to be found? Feel how that is both melancholic + triumphant at once.

Look at "your" reflection in the mirror. Is that you? Maybe. Maybe it doesn't matter.

Is the reflection smiling? frowning? puzzled? neutral/cold? Acknowledge it. Look how far it's come. Be proud of what you see.

---

If you feel nothing, do it again. And again. And again. And again. And again.

This might take 5 minutes or 5 years. It depends on how willing you are to FEEL!

[Focus]

Sorry but this what popped to my mind about your life story,

 

I salute you of course, great job .. but you know as God you gotta realize you’re all alone

[Adodd]

@Focus ? SPOT ON 

[itachi uchiha]

u need to enjoy the fruit of your accomplishment

how?. well u need to come up with or invent some ways by which u can enjoy the fruits of your accomplishment

i will quote from the book linchpin from seth godin

""

One of my favorite negative reviews of my book Tribes:

“Godin doesn’t explain how to go about doing the actual hard groundwork of leadership. He makes it sound like anyone with an idea and a cell phone can rally thousands of people to their cause in minutes if they just realize that it’s not hard.”

My response: Telling people leadership is important is one thing. Showing them step by step precisely how to be a leader is impossible. “Tell me what to do” is a nonsensical statement in this context.

There is no map. No map to be a leader, no map to be an artist. I’ve read hundreds of books about art (in all its forms) and how to do it, and not one has a clue about the map, because there isn’t one.

Here’s the truth that you have to wrestle with: the reason that art (writing, engaging, leading, all of it) is valuable is precisely why I can’t tell you how to do it. If there were a map, there’d be no art, because art is the act of navigating without a map.

Don’t you hate that? I love that there’s no map.

""

[Preety_India]

@Adodd i feel like I go through similar struggles.

One thing I can recommend strongly is to believe in yourself. The more you believe in your own strengths the better you're aligned with who you are.

Remove self limiting thoughts.

 

[Kksd74628]

@Adodd

When you feel that you are far away from where you want to be I think you are heading to wrong direction. It requires very deep wisdom to understand what was said in the first sentence. The problem is that you are heading to begin with and seeing goal in end results rather than in the path itself. While playing super mario you aren't sad when the game is not over, but actually you are extremely motivated to keep going. Threat life like a game which means to enjoy it to the fullest!

-joNi-

[hyruga]

Contemplate your death. 

You see even if someone wins a gold medal, they won't be thinking about death at that moment so you can be ahead of the person in consciousness when you just contemplate about death. Then you can be proud of yourself for having higher consciousness than someone else for a moment at least ?.

Edited April 12, 2022 by hyruga