How do you claim your time to yourself from everybody talking to you?

[KoryKat]

I keep having a problem, im always listening and cant get away from people to have silence to myself... people wanna smoke weed and chill but I get bored quickly and then im stuck hearing stories... 

[puporing]

Sounds like you're not enjoying yourself there or it's not a 'give and take' situation. Might have to be firm sometimes and state you're only available for such and such.

[Esilda]

1 hour ago, KoryKat said:

I keep having a problem, im always listening and cant get away from people to have silence to myself... people wanna smoke weed and chill but I get bored quickly and then im stuck hearing stories... 

I’m really extroverted so I don’t mind at all, I LOVE talking to people!

It’s really just… when I need to reflect, digest and get in touch with myself.

I really enjoy bouncing ideas off of people though as my own form of reflection.

We could give it a name…  interpersonal reflection over self reflection lol. I enjoy self reflection still it’s just not a priority though if it doesn’t feel really natural to me.

How? Just say no. 

Outside of friends that nag I’ve never had an issue. Simply respect yourself enough to take space as you need it.

Edited April 11, 2022 by Esilda

[Rokazulu]

You can tell them you are busy, or ghost them, but I find it much easier on my soul to simply tell people the truth.

"Forgive me friend, I need to be alone, tonight."

Some will actually understand this, but most of your friends will probably not. This is alright, because you can't control their emotions anyways. So long as you know you need the time to yourself, you won't be gaslighted into being somewhere you don't want to be.

[Esilda]

9 minutes ago, Esilda said:

I’m really extroverted so I don’t mind at all, I LOVE talking to people!

It’s really just… when I need to reflect, digest and get in touch with myself.

I really enjoy bouncing ideas off of people though as my own form of reflection.

We could give it a name…  interpersonal reflection over self reflection lol. I enjoy self reflection still it’s just not a priority though if it doesn’t feel really natural to me.

How? Just say no. 

Outside of friends that nag I’ve never had an issue. Simply respect yourself enough to take space as you need it.

I really thought I was an introvert for a while though I realise now it was ALWAYS just my shyness. I’ve had a LOT of insecurities to work through. I NOW feel more confident than I’ve ever been.

So I would ask yourself as well…

What is it that is taking you away from other people? Why do you feel the need to close yourself off?

Its so AMAZING how we can think we’re one thing like an introvert not realising we’re ACTUALLY an extrovert because we didn’t see we had insecurities that made us that way.

Edited April 11, 2022 by Esilda

[Yog]

What I do in similar occasions is trying to be honest in a diplomatic way. At least with close friends

Eg:
-I do not feel like hanging out/doing that tonight.
-I just want to solo chill tonight, might pop a book, movie, game, project, whatever.
-I want do do something else while I am high.

You do not really need to explain anything, I just like to be honest in a non-aggressive way. There is no need to provide a verifiable reason, that will make sense to them for your absence. If you do not want do do something than don't. Its as simple as that.

[Esilda]

1 hour ago, KoryKat said:

I keep having a problem, im always listening and cant get away from people to have silence to myself... people wanna smoke weed and chill but I get bored quickly and then im stuck hearing stories... 

How are you going by the way is everything alright? 

What does… silence mean to you?

[Leo Gura]

Learn the power of saying NO.

[KoryKat]

8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Learn the power of saying NO.

In context, lets say im listening to somebody talk about the bible, and im always open/interested, and im there coincidentally anyways... im trying not to be rude.  So like "No im busy right now" ??

I got a new gym buddy but i dont actually want to hang out with him at all, im not naturally cold , i tend to be a people-pleaser and get my ear talked off and ppl wanting to be my friends more than i want their friendship

Any examples you can provide maybe?

[KoryKat]

12 hours ago, puporing said:

Sounds like you're not enjoying yourself there or it's not a 'give and take' situation. Might have to be firm sometimes and state you're only available for such and such.

I enjoy myself constantly is the problem... im nearly always in a good energy state that people are drawn towards... so im content with vibing with anyone anytime, but im bored by them and they cant handle me going hardcore mode on self-actualization so its mostly me listening and wanting to eject after 5 mins tops

[KoryKat]

11 hours ago, Esilda said:

How are you going by the way is everything alright? 

What does… silence mean to you?

i am rising out of the ashes  super rapidly, within a week already done a massive 180

 

Silence means no voices, like i honestly love listening but rather listen to high quality mentors than my peers. 

[KoryKat]

11 hours ago, Yog said:

What I do in similar occasions is trying to be honest in a diplomatic way. At least with close friends

Eg:
-I do not feel like hanging out/doing that tonight.
-I just want to solo chill tonight, might pop a book, movie, game, project, whatever.
-I want do do something else while I am high.

You do not really need to explain anything, I just like to be honest in a non-aggressive way. There is no need to provide a verifiable reason, that will make sense to them for your absence. If you do not want do do something than don't. Its as simple as that.

Yeah, thats my problem... looking for verifiable reasons... 

My demeanor doesnt match my disposition... im warm bubbly externally but internally im shrewd and uptight , like im counting how many minutes im vibing with someone because i rather vibe by myself than with them more than a brief instance.

[KoryKat]

11 hours ago, Esilda said:

I really thought I was an introvert for a while though I realise now it was ALWAYS just my shyness. I’ve had a LOT of insecurities to work through. I NOW feel more confident than I’ve ever been.

So I would ask yourself as well…

What is it that is taking you away from other people? Why do you feel the need to close yourself off?

Its so AMAZING how we can think we’re one thing like an introvert not realising we’re ACTUALLY an extrovert because we didn’t see we had insecurities that made us that way.

What I am taking away from others is im just using them to develop some social acuity so like chit chatting with the gas station clerk a minute or two and tweaking my interaction style/skills 

I feel the need to close myself off because it seems like im in a league of my own and they are just average joes... like this guy wanting to be my gym buddy, i wanna go hit the gym and do my own shit, but he wants to go see girls and smoke weed and hes got a level of understanding of human nature that is extremely basic and its just BORING to me... a comparison is like imagining a bunch of 13 yr old kids talking to you about cartoons, thats what most adults feel like to me

[KoryKat]

12 hours ago, Rokazulu said:

You can tell them you are busy, or ghost them, but I find it much easier on my soul to simply tell people the truth.

"Forgive me friend, I need to be alone, tonight."

Some will actually understand this, but most of your friends will probably not. This is alright, because you can't control their emotions anyways. So long as you know you need the time to yourself, you won't be gaslighted into being somewhere you don't want to be.

"Forgive me friend, I need to be alone , tonight"  , except 23.5 hours a day / 7 days a week lol

 

Ghosting is easier but I live in a dorm kinda area and they see me constantly... so its like i dont feel justified to say im busy working all the time when im actually just wanting lazy time to myself half the time

[puporing]

Ok reading what you wrote it seems to be a misalignment of what you internally truly want for yourself (that you enjoy being with yourself so much because you're in a blissful state and don't actually need all this distraction that don't vibe with yours! And only want those that do vibe on your plane), with your conditioning of what it is an expected behavior from you from "others".

Start to accept that fundamentally you have changed so much that this conditioning is not serving you anymore. And that is okay. And that you could find people who gets where you are at. It may be more challenging but that's because you've grown so much and most do not dedicate themselves to self-growth and self-realization. 

Sounds like the living situation isn't helping so you may need to reconfigure this. 

But yeah.. not vibing with someone and spending tons of time with them I consider this "work"/charity. 

Edited April 11, 2022 by puporing

[Rokazulu]

54 minutes ago, KoryKat said:

"Forgive me friend, I need to be alone , tonight"  , except 23.5 hours a day / 7 days a week lol

 

Ghosting is easier but I live in a dorm kinda area and they see me constantly... so its like i dont feel justified to say im busy working all the time when im actually just wanting lazy time to myself half the time

Yeah then say that. "I need some lazy time to myself".
Honestly, going hardcore mode into self-actualization is what will make them leave you alone faster!

Be free to be perceived in anyway. You can't control anyone's perception of your words but you can easily take command of your preferred state of being by using words you believe are forbidden to use.
 

[Rahul 2paradox]

Just bluntly walk out, 

Do  this few times by saying clearly " NO ".

Later they"ll understand this sign that they can't take your time whenever they want to .

You have to show them there boundaries clearly.

 

Edited April 11, 2022 by Rahul 2paradox

[BuddhistLover]

Yes YES YES! Listen to Leo! learn to say NO to people and setup boundaries with people. Setting up boundaries with people may seem like an enslavement, but it is key to your liberation! Learn the Following:

1. When to say "NO" and when to say "YES".

2.How to setup boundaries with people.

[Esilda]

9 hours ago, KoryKat said:

i am rising out of the ashes  super rapidly, within a week already done a massive 180

 

Silence means no voices, like i honestly love listening but rather listen to high quality mentors than my peers. 

OMG that’s so lovely I’m so happy for you ?.

I like that!!!!

[thisintegrated]

This just sounds like a lack of basic social skills.  It shouldn't be hard to communicate that you're uninterested in the topic they're talking about.  Like.. don't engage with whatever they're saying, and they'll automatically find a new topic.  Or just pivot the conversation to something you prefer.

Edited April 12, 2022 by thisintegrated