I got laid for the first time, but it kinda sucked. Any resources for amazing Sex?

[SamC]

I finally did it, I got laid at 21 years old and I am thrilled about it... but the experience was  lame. I wasn't nervous, it was just that I wasn't that turned on by her. I am sure exsessive porn consumption is one of the reasons.. or that I fapped before the same morning cuz I didn't expect getting laid. I didn't cum but I got it up, eventhough I lost it once. I pulled her from a bar/club.

It was like the illusion broke. When she was there naked, the spell of desire and anticipation was lost. I just had it - and it didn't fullfill me, and it couldn't. Since then I haven't been horny at all. I enjoyed her feminine precense and cuddeling with her after a lot more than the act itself.  For your information, I am 100% attracted to girls. It's almost comical becuase I used to think that it would be impossible for me to not ejaculate if I ever would have sex but now when I did have it, it was like I discovered the truth which was the opposite of what I thought.

Any ideas what's going on here?  Any resources for great sex? Thanks

@Leo Gura

Edited April 10, 2022 by SamC

[Carl-Richard]

Do it again  

[NoSelfSelf]

I mean i dont wanna be harsh but you wrote this like you took a walk with a dog and described it in most unpassionate way possible ? thats my take on it put in some passion man! probably in sex too...it sounds mechanical and dry...i could have wrote it with more compassion haha ?‍♂️

And great job man not for having sex but for becoming better at dating  etc.

[Consept]

I think the issue youve built up the act too much as if that alone is something that would completely fulfil you, if it was that easy there would just be constant orgies all over the place. Even if sex does fulfil you it is always just temporary and in the moment, thats why if youre with a partner youre going to have sex a lot more than once. But this is normal if its your first time, we always put high expectations on these things, but i think once these are taken away it can open you up actually having quality experiences. So maybe you build a connection with someone youre really attracted to even if its just during the course of a night, pulling random girls from the club that youre not really attracted to is not gonna lead to amazing experiences 

[Husseinisdoingfine]

 

[SamC]

1 hour ago, NoSelfSelf said:

I mean i dont wanna be harsh but you wrote this like you took a walk with a dog and described it in most unpassionate way possible ? thats my take on it put in some passion man! probably in sex too...it sounds mechanical and dry...i could have wrote it with more compassion haha ?‍♂️

And great job man not for having sex but for becoming better at dating  etc.

????

Exactly, that's exactly it and the whole issue. I wasn't turned on at all and there where no real passion. I wonder if I need to have an energetic bond with someone if I'm going to enjoy sex?

Edited April 10, 2022 by SamC

[SamC]

24 minutes ago, Consept said:

I think the issue youve built up the act too much as if that alone is something that would completely fulfil you, if it was that easy there would just be constant orgies all over the place. Even if sex does fulfil you it is always just temporary and in the moment, thats why if youre with a partner youre going to have sex a lot more than once. But this is normal if its your first time, we always put high expectations on these things, but i think once these are taken away it can open you up actually having quality experiences. So maybe you build a connection with someone youre really attracted to even if its just during the course of a night, pulling random girls from the club that youre not really attracted to is not gonna lead to amazing experiences 

Gold man! Thanks. Ever since I was a child I was obsessed with the idea of having sex. Now I realize that it was a projection and not what my soul was looking for.

Sex is amazing but it won't fullfill you. It's like any other need. You need it and when you don't have it its the only thing your mind is seeking... but when you do have it, we take it for granted and look for the next thing to fullfill us.

Now I want to built up a new way of viewing sex and see and experience sex for what it is, not for what my mind projects about having sex.

[Consept]

4 minutes ago, SamC said:

Gold man! Thanks. Ever since I was a child I was obsessed with the idea of having sex. Now I realize that it was a projection and not what my soul was looking for.

Sex is amazing but it won't fullfill you. It's like any other need. You need it and when you don't have it its the only thing your mind is seeking... but when you do have it, we take it for granted and look for the next thing to fullfill us.

Now I want to built up a new way of viewing sex and see and experience sex for what it is, not for what my mind projects about having sex.

Exactly man, at the end of the day its progress because youve had the illusion of what sex can provide you broken and realised its not the solution to everything so definitely a step forward. I think you can view it as any other sensory experience, like for example Ice-cream as in proper haagan daz or you know really good ice cream, if you have it its great and in that moment youre eating it youre enjoying it so much, but you never feel like its going to satisfy you passed that moment, it doesnt hold that expectation. If youre not having it at any given moment youre not like 'if i could only have ice-cream right now all my problems would be sorted out', youre just not having it and when you do have it youll enjoy it. 

With sex theres almost this promise of something more and it makes sense from how everyone (esp us guys) talk about it, but its all wrapped up in different things like ego gratification, status, acceptance, wanting to be wanted etc not just the sex itself. If you drop all this (which is very difficult but possible), then sex can more be an expression of connection rather than just an act onto itself. If you think about it we all seek connection its probably one of our main drivers and a lot of depression and mental health issues, comes from lack of connection. Sex can almost be a way to 'hack' this connection issue and feel connected to another temporarily, but ultimately it doesnt solve the connection issue by itself for any substantial length of time. 

[NoSelfSelf]

@SamC You have to be with a girl that turns you on thats it..thats why appearence is important imo if she doesnt turn you on then things wont work out ?‍♂️

[Breakingthewall]

It's normal friend. you say hello to a girl in a club, and then you go to fuck. If you are a minimally sensitive person, this situation is not going to excite you at all. It's not that you're impotent or anything like that, it's that sex is an intimate relationship between two people that has to flow naturally. It's okay to have experiences like this if you want to, but you'll only get great sex if you practice great interpersonal relationships.

[Federico del pueblo]

3 hours ago, SamC said:

I finally did it, I got laid at 21 years old and I am thrilled about it... but the experience was  lame. I wasn't nervous, it was just that I wasn't that turned on by her. I am sure exsessive porn consumption is one of the reasons.. or that I fapped before the same morning cuz I didn't expect getting laid. I didn't cum but I got it up, eventhough I lost it once. I pulled her from a bar/club.

It was like the illusion broke. When she was there naked, the spell of desire and anticipation was lost. I just had it - and it didn't fullfill me, and it couldn't. Since then I haven't been horny at all. I enjoyed her feminine precense and cuddeling with her after a lot more than the act itself.  For your information, I am 100% attracted to girls. It's almost comical becuase I used to think that it would be impossible for me to not ejaculate if I ever would have sex but now when I did have it, it was like I discovered the truth which was the opposite of what I thought.

Any ideas what's going on here?  Any resources for great sex? Thanks

@Leo Gura

Well, congratulations ?

I definitely recommend abstaining from porn. Instead, when you masturbate think about fucking a real girl. This will over time retrain your brain to respond more strongly to normal girls.

As a resource I would recommend the YouTube channel from Jason Julius. He makes videos about pretty much anything and also has products if you want to dive deeper.

[Leo Gura]

Congrats!

The reality is that most one nights stands are pretty lame. The sex isn't good because it feels awkward with a stranger and it can be hard to relax and enjoy it. Plus condoms.

But the biggest problem is when you pull a girl you're not attracted to. The lesson for you here is: pull hotter girls who actually turn you on. And then have sex with her multiple times. Sex starts shallow and get deeper with time.

But also, next to proper jerking off, sex isn't actually as good in most cases. It's hard for a girl to please you better than you can please yourself. The best part isn't the sex itself, it's the human connection before and afterwards.

Sex is sorta overrated. The anticipation of it is better than the act itself.

Don't get bummed out. Find hotter girls and keep trying. You'll have some amazing experiences at some point. Also, some girls are way better at sex than others. Many girls aren't good at it.

[Vincent S]

@SamC Congrats buddy. ✨

I wrote an insight I got a few months ago, maybe that can help you.

 

[Striving for more]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

But also, next to proper jerking off, sex isn't actually as good in most cases. It's hard for a girl to please you better than you can please yourself.

I don't see how this could be true if the girl's hot & good in bed? That's gotta be better than your fucking right hand!!! wtf man? 

Leo, why you share these uninspiring comments ... 

 

[Leo Gura]

16 minutes ago, Striving for more said:

I don't see how this could be true if the girl's hot & good in bed? That's gotta be better than your fucking right hand!!! wtf man? 

Leo, why you share these uninspiring comments ...

Even with a hot girl, jerking off is often just better.

Quality of your orgasm is a function of mind, not body. My best orgasms were via text message or imagination.

Your mind can imagine things which no physical girl can give you. You can't fuck a girl in every hole at once within physical reality. But you can in your mind. And you can make her feel any way about you that you want in your mind. A real girl can't compete with that. But she can offer you a sense of "other".

[Hardkill]

11 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Even with a hot girl, jerking off is often just better.

Quality of your orgasm is a function of mind, not body. My best orgasms were via text message or imagination.

Your mind can imagine things which no physical girl can give you. You can't fuck a girl in every hole at once within physical reality. But you can in your mind. And you can make her feel any way about you that you want in your mind. A real girl can't compete with that. But she can offer you a sense of "other".

I wonder if male pornstars really have gotten the best kind of sexual experience that any man could ever dream of or if actually the sex for them hasn't felt as great as it appears.

[OBEler]

@Striving for more I was surprised myself how jerking off is better than real sex with a hot woman.

But only if you possess the power of imagination. Some people here on the forum cannot even hold an image in their mind. 

[SamC]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Congrats!

The reality is that most one nights stands are pretty lame. The sex isn't good because it feels awkward with a stranger and it can be hard to relax and enjoy it. Plus condoms.

But the biggest problem is when you pull a girl you're not attracted to. The lesson for you here is: pull hotter girls who actually turn you on. And then have sex with her multiple times. Sex starts shallow and get deeper with time.

But also, next to proper jerking off, sex isn't actually as good in most cases. It's hard for a girl to please you better than you can please yourself. The best part isn't the sex itself, it's the human connection before and afterwards.

Sex is sorta overrated. The anticipation of it is better than the act itself.

Don't get bummed out. Find hotter girls and keep trying. You'll have some amazing experiences at some point. Also, some girls are way better at sex than others. Many girls aren't good at it.

Thanks Leo! Your guidence and experience/ insights/ understanding is your ultimate form of love you can to us. Its very much appreciated

[Leo Gura]

7 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

I wonder if male pornstars really have gotten the best kind of sexual experience that any man could ever dream of or if actually the sex for them hasn't felt as great as it appears.

What are you smoking?

Of course they haven't. Pornstar sex is super shallow.

You're not gonna enjoy sex as a pornstar because you're gonna be too busy dealing with the logistics of the shoot. You would probably be too nervous to get hard. Don't envy pornstars. Their ability to enjoy sex is probably very low.

Sex feels amazing to the extent that it is rare. As soon as you make it common place it loses most of its appeal. It's like eating a bag of sugar. That's not the best way to enjoy food.

[Hardkill]

8 hours ago, SamC said:

I finally did it, I got laid at 21 years old and I am thrilled about it... but the experience was  lame. I wasn't nervous, it was just that I wasn't that turned on by her. I am sure exsessive porn consumption is one of the reasons.. or that I fapped before the same morning cuz I didn't expect getting laid. I didn't cum but I got it up, eventhough I lost it once. I pulled her from a bar/club.

It was like the illusion broke. When she was there naked, the spell of desire and anticipation was lost. I just had it - and it didn't fullfill me, and it couldn't. Since then I haven't been horny at all. I enjoyed her feminine precense and cuddeling with her after a lot more than the act itself.  For your information, I am 100% attracted to girls. It's almost comical becuase I used to think that it would be impossible for me to not ejaculate if I ever would have sex but now when I did have it, it was like I discovered the truth which was the opposite of what I thought.

Any ideas what's going on here?  Any resources for great sex? Thanks

@Leo Gura

Congrats! Well done. 

My first lay wasn't so orgasmic either even though she went down on me balls deep in an empty park at night and then we had sex in my car for what seemed to be almost an hour long. I couldn't even blow my load even though she told me to nut in her mouth by the end of the session.

A lot of why it didn't go so great was because of how nervous I was and because I didn't realize that the sex didn't even feel as great as I thought it would be. I also didn't realize before that watching a lot of porn and also being on anti-depressant desensitized me a lot below the waist. 

Having sex really can be different than jerking off. That's why I think it takes practice and trial and error to figure out what makes you feel really good in bed with a girl.

Edited April 10, 2022 by Hardkill