Unable to get laid - can't take it anymore

[Kid A]

Since elementary school I've only wanted one single thing in my life: A girlfriend. 16 years later: Absolutely nothing has happened there. Last summer I was so depressed that there were only two chocies: Start doing pickup and all that, or kill myself. Unfortunately I chose the first. Since then my life has been a nightmare so bad I didn't even know it was possible. I've been on around 40 dates and every single one of them just end with a message the following day where they say they didn't feel the chemistry. Right now I've just had the worst night of my life, where not a single girl at the club I was at wanted to talk to me, and I probably approached around 30 of them. So far this year: All food tastes like ash and it has become so difficult to work out that I give up most of the workouts. I really wish I was dead. The only thing that keeps me alive is that I care too much about my immediate family to commit suicide. Now what?

Edited April 9, 2022 by Kid A
misspell

[Gili Trawangan]

How old are you? And how long have you been "doing pickup"?

[puporing]

Hey I totally get it.. you may not believe me but I've been in that kind of state for much of my younger years. Not sure if you can relate to this but the thing I also realized is the chasing of romantic partners was at least partially due to not being attuned to/given attention growing up, basically raising myself on the emotional spiritual level. So the only solution I saw was the opposite sex and romance. I know it's really cliche but I still recommend going to therapy and see if you can get at least some of those emotional needs met there. It helped me alot in becoming a more independent person. I still struggle but it's lessened.. 

As well of course keep going on your spiritual journey. Practicing self love and feeling wholeness already in yourself. The goal is to become more detached to the interactions you have - which counterintuitively may attract what you're looking for.

Mix up your social life, find some goals you want to work on that maybe you can work on with others around. This will improve your overall confidence and also getting some of that social needs met..

[Tudo]

@Kid ADon't give up buddy. I completely understand you. Keep approaching or move to a country like mine, Brazil. Brazilian girls love Norwegian guys. You guys have a lot of sex appeal here in Brazil.

Edited April 9, 2022 by Tudo

[RendHeaven]

Yeah I'm not surprised no girl wants you, the energy you give off (from just 1 paragraph of text!) is so depressing, I'm willing to bet my family's dog that IRL every woman you speak to feels that negativity but x1000 amplified.

Women are in some ways like mirrors. If you're negative, she's negative. If you hate yourself, she hates you.

But that's a great thing IMO, because it means that if you're positive, she's positive. If you love yourself, she automatically loves you.

It's on you to take this feedback seriously and to strive to be better. Ultimately nobody else will save you.

If your response to what I just said is to argue/debate or to get more depressed, please seek professional help. You can't get the help you need from this forum.

But, if you feel inspired to work on yourself, to become more positive and loving, I'll go as far to get on a call with you to address your communication skills + energy.

Edited April 9, 2022 by RendHeaven

[RendHeaven]

12 hours ago, puporing said:

So the only solution I saw was the opposite sex and romance.

somehow, we all trip on this same conclusion growing up lmao

[JonasVE12]

Work with a coach. You sound way too heavy for pickup to ever work. Seriously. Work with someone so you can gradually feel lighter in your body. Then approaching women can work a lot better. 

Your goal is also not realistic at this point. You need smaller goals and then build up to the bigger goal; getting a girlfriend. 

If you are going out with the goal of attracting a woman, and internally, you are this heavy, you are going to keep pushing it away. And you are going to get frustrated each time. Give yourself a break and learn what really works to shift your emotions in this area. Obviously what you are doing right now isn't working. 

Check out this channel below. They are all about shifting your emotions in the context of dating. Exactly what you need.

https://www.youtube.com/c/Thefearlessman

[Kid A]

15 hours ago, Gili Trawangan said:

How old are you? And how long have you been "doing pickup"?

I'm 27. Been doing it since July.

[Kid A]

15 hours ago, puporing said:

Hey I totally get it.. you may not believe me but I've been in that kind of state for much of my younger years. Not sure if you can relate to this but the thing I also realized is the chasing of romantic partners was at least partially due to not being attuned to/given attention growing up, basically raising myself on the emotional spiritual level. So the only solution I saw was the opposite sex and romance. I know it's really cliche but I still recommend going to therapy and see if you can get at least some of those emotional needs met there. It helped me alot in becoming a more independent person. I still struggle but it's lessened.. 

Yeah, that's totally me! Probably explains why I'm such an attention whore as well. Fits my really introverted personality rather badly...
I guess you're right. I haven't been taking therapy seriously enough. Will do from now!

Edited April 9, 2022 by Kid A

[Kid A]

@RendHeaven @JonasVE12 

What’s strange is that inner game usually works opposite in my case. Yesterday I actually was in a pretty good mood after a highly successful day game, where my results have been skyrocketing the last month. Last week I was in a terrible mood, but still went out and had my best night so far.

My biggest problem now is the lack of energy. I don’t have enough of it to even work out or make food. I find all personal development, except being out and doing pickup, almost impossible atm.

[Kid A]

I can never thank you guys enough for the help I'm getting here. I'm really touched!

[zurew]

Bro take your time  and heal up. When you are more okay with yourself and your self-image, then you can go hard again. Get to a normal self-esteem level.

Don't focus on pickup , focus on healing up thats your biggest problem. 

Society tells you that you should lose your virginity at an early age as a man, you should have a house and a family in your 20s or early 30s. It doesn't matter what society tells you, focus on your development and take baby steps. Your journey is different from others it requires a unique path and unique way of development.

Do it for yourself, not for others. You are still in your 20s so you have a lot more time left. Don't be too hard on yourself, if you can keep up with babysteps and consistency you can achieve a lot in 5 years. Do not push too hard because you will burn out.

Also don't be so judgemental on yourself. You want to get good feedback obviously as anyone would want to. Any feedback you get back from woman you can make good out of it. It will show holes in your game, and in your development where you need to focus more.

Its not bad if a woman rejects you, Its just a feedback that you can use to get better and better. 

Negative experience is the best, because you can learn about yourself, what you should do different, or what you should change in yourself to get better results. Negative feedback is essential for you, to find the girl you want to find.

Good luck, and stay strong!

 

 

[puporing]

2 hours ago, Kid A said:

Yeah, that's totally me! Probably explains why I'm such an attention whore as well. Fits my really introverted personality rather badly...
I guess you're right. I haven't been taking therapy seriously enough. Will do from now!

Ah I'm glad to hear that resonated with you! It took me many years and many heartbreaks to realize this pattern and where it came from! The kind of unconditional love we crave but struggle to find outside and weren't given (much of it) as a child.. It's all good you deserve more love, I hope you can find that with the help of some good people out there (and this forum) that do exist outside the family systems we were born into. ?

Edited April 9, 2022 by puporing

[NoSelfSelf]

Are you learning from your refrences? You take alot of action but beware if you dont adjust to the reality you wont get much resaults...if 40 chicks said there is no chemistry that means its something in your vibe that is turning them off something you are saying  not chemistry...

 

[Ulax]

Yo dude.

Here are my thoughts.

Different demographics come to pick-up. Some guys are socially 'successful' already, and want a means of maximising there 'success'.

Some guys want to move up a level in life.

Some guys are deeply traumatized folk who are looking for emancipation/ liberation, and see pickup as a means to this. 

I'd put myself in that latter path. However, those coming from the deeply traumatised demographic have to play their cards differently in my opinion. Folks from other demographics will give advice based on their experience on life and pickup. However, it can be retraumatising to deeply traumatised folk to engage with pickup and actually make them end up in a worse position.

I'd move away from pickup right now. Move away from stage orange oriented activities, and into stage green activities. And, in my opinion, whilst some PUAs can masquerade as stage Green, they are still mostly stage orange, if not red.

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Modern mating explained by David Tian would be a useful series for you to watch imo. I also currently of the mind that IFS with a level 3 IFS level practioner is best means of emancipation from a life of trauma. That and analysing whether you may have learning difficulties or physical issues, i.e. thyroid. 

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Also, I'd keep in mind that the way PUAs market is like crack for a young male traumatised brain. However, that doesn't mean its right for you. 

[Kid A]

10 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Are you learning from your refrences? You take alot of action but beware if you dont adjust to the reality you wont get much resaults...if 40 chicks said there is no chemistry that means its something in your vibe that is turning them off something you are saying  not chemistry...

I’ve actually just found out what I’ve been doing wrong after finally finding some infield dating videos. I’ve misinterpreted the theory completely and acted like a cold and distant scumbag. Almost completely opposite of how you should act during a date. Reading/listening to theory can be really dangerous!

[Kid A]

@Ulax

I’m not so sure I’m that traumatized. For most of my adult life I’ve lived in almost complete solitude. It worked rather well, and my life was pretty good until one and a half years ago when I started studying. There I was surrounded by girls again for the first time since high school and my old strong desires were awakened to life. For other reasons I quit the studies and went back to solitude last year, but then I became very miserable. It wasn’t until summer, when I was on the verge of suicide, that I was finally able to bite the bullet and be proactive about this problem for the first time in my life. Until then I always hoped that I would find someone through work/studies or social circle. I really despised the idea of pickup and online dating.

I do stage green activities too by the way.

Edited April 10, 2022 by Kid A

[Ulax]

@Kid A Okay gotcha. Perhaps I mis-demographed you then

[NoSelfSelf]

@Kid A Yeah you get your own idea how it should be than how it actually is! 

[Waken]

I know what you're going through, really I can relate. However, I found that with knowing how to deal with this things, it's really easy. I use Abraham Hicks' suggestion on these things: 

It takes me sometimes just like 5-10 minutes to move from a state of depression and feelling really discouraged to a sense of throbbing extacy around (such) a topic