I don't know why I feel this way ?

[Rishabh R]

Hi @Leo Gura and others (a 21 year old collage student here )Why do I always feel like I am inferior to others? Whenever I see relationships I get extremely jealous and angry ?. Also as per my personal life I have proposed 3 girls in my life, hitted on girls , cold approached 27 girls(ya I know I need more).I don't know why I feel like a victim?I also think that girls are too egoistic so no one will be my girlfriend.

[something_else]

I know it’s probably a culture thing… but why are you proposing to girls at 21. I can’t get my head around that

[NoSelfSelf]

I could only assume you havent find your value and know how to demonstrate that value...I mean its too complex thing to just say what is it...

[Rishabh R]

@NoSelfSelf oo yeah I remember that I have values but every day I see them and following them keeps me away from the rut sorry today I forgot to see my value paper due to classes.By the way my one of the values is to focus on my life instead of other's life.Thank you.

[Rishabh R]

@something_else by proposing I don't mean that proposing for marriage but saying I love you

[Hugo Oliveira]

Believe me, you are very young. Don't let this pressure fuck you up unnecessarily. Don't be obsessed with that. 

You are not supposed to have all the answers at this age. 

Girls usually correspond to the energy state you are. 

I suggest connecting more with what you love. And grow from that. 

 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L2MzmE8cwo

[something_else]

3 hours ago, Rishabh R said:

@something_else by proposing I don't mean that proposing for marriage but saying I love you

That might actually be worse lol

Is it normal in your culture to tell girls you barely know that you love them? Fine if it is, but it just seems super strange to me

[Preety_India]

1 hour ago, something_else said:

That might actually be worse lol

Is it normal in your culture to tell girls you barely know that you love them? Fine if it is, but it just seems super strange to me

Yea it's normal, that's actually the norm because girls don't respond otherwise. 

They don't wish to be pumped and dumped. 

 

Edited April 7, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

@Rishabh R maybe drop your insecurities. Most girls aren't egotistical, they might simply be too scared to say yes. Also understanding a woman before wanting her helps. 

 

[something_else]

11 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Yea it's normal, that's actually the norm because girls don't respond otherwise. 

They don't wish to be pumped and dumped. 

 

India sounds like a nightmare for guys dating based on everything I’ve read about it

And it sounds awful for girls too. Dating in general sounds hard there. I’ve heard horror stories from both sides

Maybe nightmare is too strong a word but it sounds like there are many expectations placed on both men and women and many many pitfalls

Edited April 8, 2022 by something_else

[Preety_India]

19 minutes ago, something_else said:

India sounds like a nightmare for guys dating based on everything I’ve read about it

And it sounds awful for girls too. Dating in general sounds hard there. I’ve heard horror stories from both sides

Maybe nightmare is too strong a word but it sounds like there are many expectations placed on both men and women and many many pitfalls

Yea not a nightmare, but there are expectations on both sides. We don't just test people. I think western dating is a nightmare for an Indian because nothing is secure at all, anyone can simply pump and dump you anytime, western people don't have any security or trust at all, they cheat, abandon, dump however they wish and whenever they wish, they make fake promises of love that never last. Their relationships don't last, their marriages don't last and end in divorce. 

If I married a western man and got divorced, I would end up with PTSD and trauma just like pets who daily get abandoned on the side of the streets in western countries. 

There is simply no value for human feelings or emotions or loyalty in western society, it's so terrible and that's why all the children in western countries that turn out fucked up with drug addicts, mental issues because their parents didn't give a damn about them. Western culture is a true nightmare and I will never date a white man again ever in my life, it's a terrible terrible experience of such trauma and emotional pain. It will drive a person nuts. Now I understand why in the West, women continue to prefer to stay single, they completely butcher her womanhood and use her as an object of satisfaction and then dump her 

At least in my country my father married my mother, gave her a sense of security, provided for her, was with her no matter their issues, my relatives are happy and whatever marital issues they got, they at least live out their marriage vows till death and don't dump or leave each other. Who wants to be dumped and alone especially in old age. Everyone deserves to be loved and to have some sense of stability in life. Nobody likes an emotionally unstable life where you never know when a relationship might end and that person simply walks off leaving you lonely and deserted,searching for a mate again, an endless cycle of always looking for a relationship that only makes a person more frustrated and lonelier as time goes. 

There's a song in our culture that goes with the lyrics like "never date a westerner, you'll regret." and I guess I have enough regrets to never date a western person again. Sadly the world is increasingly turning western due to the massive after impact of colonialism, everyone is set out to copy the West and this will be a nightmare for most cultures that depended on their firmly established cultures to create emotionally fulfilling lives for their people, now the cruel Western system will replace it like a cancer that it is. 

 

Edited April 8, 2022 by Preety_India

[Rishabh R]

However I have discovered that l feel better when I follow my values - .Focus on my life instead of other's life

.Focus on my life purpose

.Be honest with myself and everyone else (If I donot like something I must stand against it)(I must stop pretending)

.Make my life revolve around the thing I love most (Science , especially Biological aspect of Science)

 

[something_else]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

Yea not a nightmare, but there are expectations on both sides. We don't just test people. I think western dating is a nightmare for an Indian because nothing is secure at all, anyone can simply pump and dump you anytime, western people don't have any security or trust at all, they cheat, abandon, dump however they wish and whenever they wish, they make fake promises of love that never last. Their relationships don't last, their marriages don't last and end in divorce. 

If I married a western man and got divorced, I would end up with PTSD and trauma just like pets who daily get abandoned on the side of the streets in western countries. 

There is simply no value for human feelings or emotions or loyalty in western society, it's so terrible and that's why all the children in western countries that turn out fucked up with drug addicts, mental issues because their parents didn't give a damn about them. Western culture is a true nightmare and I will never date a white man again ever in my life, it's a terrible terrible experience of such trauma and emotional pain. It will drive a person nuts. Now I understand why in the West, women continue to prefer to stay single, they completely butcher her womanhood and use her as an object of satisfaction and then dump her 

This all sounds like it's based in personal trauma, dating in the west is not anywhere near as extreme as this. There are plenty of trusting and loving relationships in Western cultures too

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

At least in my country my father married my mother, gave her a sense of security, provided for her, was with her no matter their issues, my relatives are happy and whatever marital issues they got, they at least live out their marriage vows till death and don't dump or leave each other. Who wants to be dumped and alone especially in old age. Everyone deserves to be loved and to have some sense of stability in life. Nobody likes an emotionally unstable life where you never know when a relationship might end and that person simply walks off leaving you lonely and deserted,searching for a mate again, an endless cycle of always looking for a relationship that only makes a person more frustrated and lonelier as time goes. 

Again, this happens in Indian marriages too to an extent, they just stay together because divorce is less acceptable, right? According to stats only 1% of marriages get divorced there, but 50-60% result in at least one partner cheating! That's fucking bonkers

No matter what culture, it seems like 50-60% of marriages just straight up don't work out, even if they start with good intentions

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

There's a song in our culture that goes with the lyrics like "never date a westerner, you'll regret." and I guess I have enough regrets to never date a western person again. Sadly the world is increasingly turning western due to the massive after impact of colonialism, everyone is set out to copy the West and this will be a nightmare for most cultures that depended on their firmly established cultures to create emotionally fulfilling lives for their people, now the cruel Western system will replace it like a cancer that it is. 

Again, it's not like committed, healthy, loving relationships are impossible in Western culture. We are just more hesitant about going balls deep into new relationships because it can be very costly

18 hours ago, Rishabh R said:

Hi @Leo Gura and others (a 21 year old collage student here )Why do I always feel like I am inferior to others? Whenever I see relationships I get extremely jealous and angry ?. Also as per my personal life I have proposed 3 girls in my life, hitted on girls , cold approached 27 girls(ya I know I need more).I don't know why I feel like a victim?I also think that girls are too egoistic so no one will be my girlfriend.

I think the solution for you is still just going to be exposure to more girls. You have to talk to as many new girls as you possibly can until eventually you learn how to attract the girls of whatever culture you're in. If you talk to lots of girls it also makes you feel far more capable and far less inferior to others

[Preety_India]

18 minutes ago, something_else said:

Again, this happens in Indian marriages too to an extent, they just stay together because divorce is less acceptable, right? According to stats only 1% of marriages get divorced there, but 50-60% result in at least one partner cheating! That's fucking bonkers

No matter what culture, it seems like 50-60% of marriages just straight up don't work out, even if they start with good intentions

I have Indian relatives, they don't cheat on their wives. If a girl gets a healthy loving guy then her life is a dream here. I was unfortunate because I got a manipulative idiot as a boyfriend that made me fall in love with western men in search of love,but no thanks, I dated a few and realized that this culture is not about deep relationships, they fall in love on a whim and when the season is over the love ends too. I better find a guy in my own culture. I probably didn't look hard enough, the problem in our culture is that there are too many guys who make fake promises of love, lead the girl on and are extremely manipulative and controlling. If a girl gets a guy who is good then she is very lucky. Western guys are not manipulative, they are mostly honest, but their feelings are temporary, they don't need a reason to break up, they don't work hard to make a relationship work, they simply leave when things turn sour, zero tolerance. So what's the point if it's not going to last. Nobody wants to feel deserted ?, maybe a few 1% marriages last. I want a healthy relationship but also a loyal one where both parties are always ready to work out issues and are totally committed to each other, now who doesn't have flaws, a proper relationship goes beyond flaws and issues and stands the test of time. That's real love. Love is not like eating candy and marriage is not a joke. 

 

[something_else]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

I have Indian relatives, they don't cheat on their wives. If a girl gets a healthy loving guy then her life is a dream here. I was unfortunate because I got a manipulative idiot as a boyfriend that made me fall in love with western men in search of love,but no thanks, I dated a few and realized that this culture is not about deep relationships, they fall in love on a whim and when the season is over the love ends too. I better find a guy in my own culture. I probably didn't look hard enough, the problem in our culture is that there are too many guys who make fake promises of love, lead the girl on and are extremely manipulative and controlling. If a girl gets a guy who is good then she is very lucky. Western guys are not manipulative, they are mostly honest, but their feelings are temporary, they don't need a reason to break up, they don't work hard to make a relationship work, they simply leave when things turn sour, zero tolerance. So what's the point if it's not going to last. Nobody wants to feel deserted ?, maybe a few 1% marriages last. I want a healthy relationship but also a loyal one where both parties are always ready to work out issues and are totally committed to each other, now who doesn't have flaws, a proper relationship goes beyond flaws and issues and stands the test of time. That's real love. Love is not like eating candy and marriage is not a joke. 

 

This is pretty much what all people want in the end. But the problem is that it's so hard to tell whether you want this with any given person before you've spent a considerable amount of time with them and also a considerable amount of time with others so you know what you do/dont want. And even then, things change between people over time. That's why I personally prefer a more relaxed approach to relationships where you feel things out over time rather than going balls deep immediately, but of course each to their own

I'm not saying it's impossible, but you should realise that this is not something that is easy to find and it will probably take you a lot of work. You're essentially looking for someone who is genuinely willing to commit to you for the rest of their life after only a few months right? Such guys are not the norm. It goes against our biological nature and you should def be aware of that if it's what you're looking for. Don't blame the guy for it either, we are not always so willing to commit to long term things easily because it comes at enormous cost to us

Anyway, I don't wanna derail this thread anymore, I've said what I want to say

[Razard86]

5 hours ago, something_else said:

This is pretty much what all people want in the end. But the problem is that it's so hard to tell whether you want this with any given person before you've spent a considerable amount of time with them and also a considerable amount of time with others so you know what you do/dont want. And even then, things change between people over time. That's why I personally prefer a more relaxed approach to relationships where you feel things out over time rather than going balls deep immediately, but of course each to their own

I'm not saying it's impossible, but you should realise that this is not something that is easy to find and it will probably take you a lot of work. You're essentially looking for someone who is genuinely willing to commit to you for the rest of their life after only a few months right? Such guys are not the norm. It goes against our biological nature and you should def be aware of that if it's what you're looking for. Don't blame the guy for it either, we are not always so willing to commit to long term things easily because it comes at enormous cost to us

Anyway, I don't wanna derail this thread anymore, I've said what I want to say

There is actually a lot of guys who want to commit long-term to women, they just are afraid of getting divorce raped. Majority of divorces in America are initiated by women. I think as a result there are going to be a lot of people in America forming relationships without marriage. I'm not even sure they will live in the same house too. Relationships will change a lot in the West in the next decade.

 

Edited April 8, 2022 by Razard86

[Breakingthewall]

On 8/4/2022 at 0:57 PM, Preety_India said:

At least in my country my father married my mother, gave her a sense of security, provided for her, was with her no matter their issues, my relatives are happy and whatever marital issues they got, they at least live out their marriage vows till death and don't dump or leave each other. Who wants to be dumped and alone especially in old age.

what you say is true, but the question is: do you prefer to be free, or to be in prison? in prison you are guaranteed food and shelter, but you can't choose. freedom, nothing is guaranteed. you can end up starving, alone and abandoned by everyone. there are no beaten paths, and you can only trust your intuition, and mistakes are expensive. the positive part is freedom itself, and the opportunity to become a person of integrity. for many people it is not enough. 

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

what you say is true, but the question is: do you prefer to be free, or to be in prison? in prison you are guaranteed food and shelter, but you can't choose. freedom, nothing is guaranteed. you can end up starving, alone and abandoned by everyone. there are no beaten paths, and you can only trust your intuition, and mistakes are expensive. the positive part is freedom itself, and the opportunity to become a person of integrity. for many people it is not enough. 

I think whatever makes you secure and happy that is only ultimate freedom. In suffering there is no freedom or at least not worth having