Monogamy or Polyamory

[puporing]

1 hour ago, thisintegrated said:

You can go infinitely far in either one.  One is not better than the other.  Just pros and cons.

Yes you can practice either low or high conscious. It's just that when you exclude one possibility from the other in your life while with someone (ie, zero tolerance), it tends to become less conscious - as in because it involves more than one individuals, whenever we try to "make someone" feel and be a certain way (or expect it always for eternity) we start running into lower conscious territory. The solution is to develop to a point where we can be at peace or let go (if we can't be with them and celebrate with them), with what others we have invited into our lives chooses to do. Tall order that life constantly is challenging us with. 

Edited April 8, 2022 by puporing

[thisintegrated]

11 minutes ago, puporing said:

Yes you can practice either low or high conscious. It's just that when you exclude one possibility from the other in your life while with someone, it tends to become less conscious - as in because it involves more than one individuals, whenever we try to "make someone" feel and be like ourselves (or expect it always) we start running into lower conscious territory. The solution is to develop to a point where we can be at peace or let go (if we can't be with them and celebrate with them), with what others we have invited into our lives chooses to do. Tall order that life constantly is challenging us with. 

I agree.  But humans aren't evolved enough to love everyone fully/equally.  For 99.9% of people, it's more productive, and practical, to spend time learning to love just one person deeply.

[Preety_India]

3 hours ago, puporing said:

Yes that's the limitation/preference people usually adopt, for reasons and maybe for its 'intensity'.

It's possible to develop to a point where you can have a spiritual relationship/connection without an 'actual relationship' with someone (and 'things'), or without even seeing their face/knowing them very much otherwise. 

Ahh that would be so pleasant. 

[Pavement]

I feel like being non-monogamous can actually be quite needy and more just about sex. people with high sex drives who need sex and attention from many people to satisfy them.  I don’t expect or think people will stay in one relationship for ever.  But open relationships? yeah I don’t know, to me, it gives off a vibe of never being satisfied so always on the hunt for more. 
Why not just be single and date lots of people?
I don’t believe it’s really about ‘free love’ let’s be honest, it’s about sex.  
I know people in open relationships and they all say same thing: they weren’t happy, they wanted more sex so they opened the relationship.

[Breakingthewall]

monogamy is ideal. The problem is that for many people, regular sex with the same person loses strength, while emotional ties gain strength. then the problem arises: not having sex with others becomes a duty towards your partner, rather than a real desire, then your partner becomes someone who makes you have to repress yourself, that is, limits your freedom. The relationship became your jail. for me the solution is easy: never mix attachment and sex. The problem is, how to grow kids if you want to ? 

[Adamq8]

16 hours ago, Razard86 said:

1. Polyamory is the oldest form of union so its actually not new age its old age.

2. You are picking monogamy because you have a bias for that.

Spirituality is about union, its about dispelling all barriers and recognizing everyone as one. The highest form of consciousness would be polyamory with the whole world in truth. 

Just bias on your part that oneness is better or more divine then manyness.

 

[gettoefl]

11 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Were you poly with your long term partner?

And are your poly friends as interested in self realization as you are?

yes we were an ENM MFF throuple for most of that time and each of us had others partners as opportunities came ... btw if you are not up on the poly acronyms be sure and check out the reddit polyamory sub, lots of great info and discussions there

no none of my poly friends are into self realization like i am but i don't expect anyone out there to be particularly interested in this work; besides, the more "spiritual" one is the less "spiritual" matters arise in conversation since everything is integrated and harmonious; they know my lifestyle namely that i am highly social but also quite reclusive and they enjoy me the way i am just like i enjoy them and would never want to change them from how they are

[Raptorsin7]

11 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

yes we were an ENM MFF throuple for most of that time and each of us had others partners as opportunities came ... btw if you are not up on the poly acronyms be sure and check out the reddit polyamory sub, lots of great info and discussions there

no none of my poly friends are into self realization like i am but i don't expect anyone out there to be particularly interested in this work; besides, the more "spiritual" one is the less "spiritual" matters arise in conversation since everything is integrated and harmonious; they know my lifestyle namely that i am highly social but also quite reclusive and they enjoy me the way i am just like i enjoy them and would never want to change them from how they are

Had you completely transcended jealousy during your relationship?

And were there ever concerns that you or your partners would find someone more compatible and leave the relationship?

Also, what was the purpose of having other partners during that time? What was missing from your relationship that led you to seek out more partners?

[gettoefl]

for me polyamory is, i have love in such overwhelming abundance that i delight in sharing it with many

while at the same time i don't burden another with sole responsibility of loving me wholly

each gives and each receives out of joy and as they are inclined

[Raptorsin7]

@gettoefl I guess the question is does your your abundance of love have to mean multiple sexual relationships.

You can love everyone, and not have sex with everyone and be in long term relationship with them. 

The logic of having an abundance of love and thus not restricting your self to one person seems like it would lead to no relationships and you are just in love with everyone and everything. 

But thanks for sharing your experience

[gettoefl]

2 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Had you completely transcended jealousy during your relationship?

yes it is obviously problematic for some but for me is not an issue as i want my partner's greatest fulfillment

2 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

And were there ever concerns that you or your partners would find someone more compatible and leave the relationship?

that is perfectly acceptable and understandable and highly possible ... if with another is where their heart and bliss lies, then that is an expedient development

2 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Also, what was the purpose of having other partners during that time? What was missing from your relationship that led you to seek out more partners?

how does one limit and proscribe love and deep attraction? do you enjoy the same meat and vegetables every night?

[gettoefl]

3 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@gettoefl I guess the question is does your your abundance of love have to mean multiple sexual relationships.

You can love everyone, and not have sex with everyone and be in long term relationship with them. 

The logic of having an abundance of love and thus not restricting your self to one person seems like it would lead to no relationships and you are just in love with everyone and everything. 

But thanks for sharing your experience

all relationships are doomed to fail, i prefer relating ships,  just love people while you have the time and the chance, no need for limits and restrictions

love them how you want to be loved, in love you set somebody free and if they come back it is meant to be

[Raptorsin7]

2 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

how does one limit and proscribe love and deep attraction? do you enjoy the same meat and vegetables every night?

I would say that sexual relationships are akin to eating in general. Once you eat you are done, you move on to something else. You don't spend all day and all your focus on eating. A long term monogamous relationship would satisfy your hunger, which would then free you to pursue higher ideals and goals.

I mean your love and deep attraction was in some sense limited and proscribed because you had long term partners. You clearly enjoyed the same meat and vegetables for a long period, enough that you maintainted it above other relationships

[gettoefl]

4 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I would say that sexual relationships are akin to eating in general. Once you eat you are done, you move on to something else. You don't spend all day and all your focus on eating. A long term monogamous relationship would satisfy your hunger, which would then free you to pursue higher ideals and goals.

I mean your love and deep attraction was in some sense limited and proscribed because you had long term partners. You clearly enjoyed the same meat and vegetables for a long period, enough that you maintainted it above other relationships

 

how many fruit trees did god in his munificence create?

are you happy to restrict your diet to apples and be happy?

 

[Raptorsin7]

Just now, gettoefl said:

 

how many fruit trees did god in his munificence create?

are you happy to restrict your diet to apples and be happy?

 

God creates many fruit trees. But he also created many worthy pursuits beyond food and consumption.

I would be happy to restrict my diet to apples, while engaging in pursuits that fulfill me beyond a level that fruit could ever satisfy.

The thing is this would make sense to me if you didn't have primary partners, because you did restrict your diet in some sense to apples. The long term relationships were good enough where you chose to maintain them, so it's like you were happy with apples, but then you also wanted other appetizers on the side.

 

[Raptorsin7]

@Knowledge Hoarder Everyone will die, so every relationship will come to an end

[gettoefl]

2 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

God creates many fruit trees. But he also created many worthy pursuits beyond food and consumption.

I would be happy to restrict my diet to apples, while engaging in pursuits that fulfill me beyond a level that fruit could ever satisfy.

The thing is this would make sense to me if you didn't have primary partners, because you did restrict your diet in some sense to apples. The long term relationships were good enough where you chose to maintain them, so it's like you were happy with apples, but then you also wanted other appetizers on the side.

 

we certainly loved all the varieties of apples while together but when we see that persimmons have hit the supermarkets we are enthralled 

which is fine and dandy ... existence is here to enjoy the full bounty the full cornucopia the full diversity ... so if i or them choose or chose to indulge in some more exotic delicacies found out and about, this is welcomed encouraged and affirmed ... nothing is closed off or ruled out when one has freedom ... your peak experience becomes my highest goal

[Raptorsin7]

3 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

we certainly loved all the varieties of apples while together but when we see that persimmons have hit the supermarkets we are enthralled 

which is fine and dandy ... existence is here to enjoy the full bounty the full cornucopia the full diversity ... so if i or them choose or chose to indulge in some more exotic delicacies found out and about, this is welcomed encouraged and affirmed ... nothing is closed off or ruled out when one has freedom ... your peak experience becomes my highest goal

Fair enough I get this. I think polyamory could be fun to explore, I have felt how easily love can flow between two people so I can see part of the allure.

One of my mentors told me a story about how he had a mentor attend a sex positive festival with his girlfriend, at the end of the festival his girlfriend told him she's leaving with another guy she met. This scenario seems like the fate of poly relationships without a value on commitment. Although this was probably best for both people so who knows

[gettoefl]

1 minute ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

Yeah, but that can't be a definition of failure. I'd define successfull relationship as one that last the longest time possible, while also providing the most ammount of fullfilment/happiness possible. That's how I'd define success. Obviously, everything eventually comes to an end, that's just a feature of this reality.

In fact, I think you made polyamorous relationships look even worse now lmao, since this principle applies even more to those - and doubly, due to their fragility.

monogamy / matrimony is the only til death does its part that i know of

[gettoefl]

2 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Fair enough I get this. I think polyamory could be fun to explore, I have felt how easily love can flow between two people so I can see part of the allure.

One of my mentors told me a story about how he had a mentor attend a sex positive festival with his girlfriend, at the end of the festival his girlfriend told him she's leaving with another guy she met. This scenario seems like the fate of poly relationships without a value on commitment. Although this was probably best for both people so who knows

i would say polyamory is about acute sensitivity, deep empathy and concern to not hurt your partner and in my experience it serves to minimize such narcissism as highlighted in this anecdote