Fuckboy apologized to me. Does he mean it?

[Yarco]

If you're describing someone as a fuckboy, then you don't have enough respect for him to ever have a relationship or something work in the future. So just end it and move on. Nothing good can come of it. Even if you get back to a good spot with him, you'll always have these toxic words and feelings for him in the back of your head.

Only exception is maybe if you're using the word fuckboy as a defense mechanism to protect yourself.

[somegirl]

@Yarco He suits a definition of fuckboy. I don't use it to offend him. A person who sleeps around and ditches every girl they are hooking up with with zero care or regard for other person's feelings is a fuckboy.

I don't want any relationship with him now that he came back, I never considered it. I was just surprised he apologized. He doesn't seem like a person who apologized a lot, at least from the behaviour he displayed so far.

This is why I don't know was he being sincere or was it yet again some of his games.

 

 

 

Edited April 6, 2022 by somegirl

[hoodrow trillson]

You should fuck him for old times sake.

YOLO

[Byun Sean]

It sounds like you should move on and find someone else. I don't know the details of the situation but it sounds like hes a player that just knows how to talk to girls to have sex with them.

"Specific lifestyle" were the key words for me that you mentioned that tipped me off.

 

Players always have good reasons and rationalizations they have for living the lifestyle they lead. They tend to be unconscious and careless on how it affects others even if they don't mean to be.

 

Thats what I see based on what you said. 

However, you know your situation best and I don't know this person personally so use your best judgement in the end I guess. 

 

You got this. 

[Byun Sean]

On 4/4/2022 at 3:01 PM, somegirl said:

I was pretty cold and rude towards him when talking but I told him a few situations which made me feel used and not cared abou

No you Weren't cold and rude for no reason. Situations with him made you feel used and hurt! This was you standing up for

yourself. No good relationship will ever make you feel used and hurt. 

 

If he wants you he needs to expect to give fair value in return. Otherwise the relationship is not stable.

 

If he doesn't give fair value find someone who will. 

 

Imagine there are guys out there that would give you what you want and way more simply because they care.

Until those guys come into your life I would say focus on yourself. 

 

 

Edited April 6, 2022 by Byun Sean

[patricknotstar]

On 2022-04-04 at 3:01 PM, somegirl said:

Well it's kinda funny that Leo made a video just now about how not to be scammed, cheated, exploited...

Background story - this guy is a classic fuckboy and hurt me a lot when I was still in love with him. I opened up my heart to him one day and said I cannot keep seeing him because I want commitment, but he didn't. I was being honest and fair.

However he kept doing what he wanted with me and kept hurting me (I don't know if it was intentional or did he simply not care) until I finally decided I deserve more and cut him out of my life completely. Didn't even want to say hi to him on the street.

After 2 years of us not talking, last friday he sent me a message. He asked me why I cut him out. I was pretty cold and rude towards him when talking but I told him a few situations which made me feel used and not cared about and... To my surprise he said sorry and he felt bad. He said that was the last thing he wanted -to see me broken and he doesn't like hurting people just because he leads this "specific lifestyle". He said he only remembers good stuff when he sees me. 

It warmed my heart to see that he felt sorry. After all, I suffered deeply because of his lack of consideration for my feelings back then.

I said that it was okay. But in the back of my mind, I am still not sure what he wants from me. Is he truly sorry and has has good intentions. Or is he just being malicious and wants to use me again like he did when I was younger.

i think when a guy is genuinely interested in you and that feelings mutual it quickly escalates to a relationship , otherwise they just want convenient sex . Just my opinion from personal experience and being guy 

Edited April 6, 2022 by patricknotstar

[Leo Gura]

@somegirl Move on to another guy. Don't be gullible.

[Razard86]

On 4/4/2022 at 7:07 PM, somegirl said:

Why not? 

I mean... I don't have feelings for him anymore.

However I still have a few unresolved issues. He also is scared to see me I think, we didn't even meet up and talk live, but through social media.

I don't mean to be the bearer of bad news....but you do have feelings for him. This entire thread is proof of that. You will of course deny this and even get angry at me for pointing this out. Its ok....eventually you will see. One fundamental lesson to understand....whatever we give attention to we care about. Attention is energy, it is literally life giving energy. Its why attention is the most expensive commodity among humans even more valuable than money. Men want sexual attention, women want emotional attention, and business wants customer attention, etc. etc.

You made an entire thread to discuss somebody reaching out to you that you do not care about.....this entire thread is you and us giving this person attention.

[Truth-Seeker]

@somegirl As a guy that slept with a lot of girls, without any use of such forms of manipulation (but still I am aware of these tactics inside-out), I will tell you what I think is exactly what happened.

So if I understand correctly, you cut this guy off and he came back after 2 years and now he brings up how bad it is that you guys stopped talking and how bad it is that he "made you feel that way." BUT, for 2 whole years, he never thought about how bad it is...BUT SUDDENLY YOU MATTER AGAIN...

Sweetie, what happened is that this guy probably had a rotation of girls since you stopped talking to him. However, something happened:

• One of the girls maybe moved out of town
• The other one maybe stopped talking to him
• The last one maybe found a man and doesn't wanna see him anymore

Then he tried finding new girls, but it failed. Now he has been on a dry spell for a while. As such, he thought, "let me hit up that girl from 2 years ago cuz she liked me but then cut me off."

And SUDDENLY he is apologetic and cares about you. Honestly, from the fact that you posted this, it seems to me that you really care about him and cannot sleep with him without old wounds being reopened. So, as Leo said, don't be gullible. I am a guy that knows how guys think. If you wanna be hurt again, go head, otherwise, DON'T DO IT. 

Let go and find a guy that matters... 

[Preety_India]

This guy is needy so you don't need him. 

 

[zurew]

On 2022. 04. 06. at 4:16 AM, hyruga said:

Does it matter whether he apologise? and whether he mean it?

I mean guys can apologize and really mean it. But they can also still have an hidden agenda thereafter. People's agenda change all the time depending on the circumstances.

Thats true. Even if someone's really sorry, sometimes people can't change their actions so they repeat their mistakes again and again.

Sometimes intention doesn't really matter, if the outcome is the same.

 

@somegirl There is a lot of man out there, you can pick and choose from them to find the best, you don't need to gamble with the fuckboy. Think about how much downside this can bring you comapred to the upside.

 

Edited April 7, 2022 by zurew

[somegirl]

8 hours ago, Razard86 said:

news....but you do have feelings for him. This entire thread is proof of that. You will of course deny this and even get angry at me for pointing this out.

I do not have feelings for him and that's the truth.

I was just glad he apologized because I craved for that apology back then when feelings were still "fresh". And him apologizing for anything altogether was surprising to me.

I made thread wondering if people like him are capable of truly feeling sorry for hurting someone in the past. 

Things are not black in white in life.

[somegirl]

@Truth-Seeker He didn't reach out to me during these 2 years because I was already in a new relationship trying to move on. And he was aware I was in a relationship so he didn't want to interfere. Which was good because I wouldn't even talk to him if he reached out sooner, out of respect for my ex.

I might be gullible. It's because I think fundamentally that people cannot be that malicious.

P.S. I do not have feelings for him. I made this thread because I was curious if people like him are truly able to feel sorry for hurting someone in the past. Or does he just want to try to sleep with me this time.

I know that I won't ever have anything serious with him. My friends hate him and also someone who wants serious relationship wouldn't behave like he did.

I still think, however, that he is attractive, but nothing more than that. He did what he did and I just find peace knowing he felt sorry for what they did to me.

[somegirl]

3 hours ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

Yep, there's always a cost to dishonesty and too much selfishness. That guy is currently reaping what he sow. His desperation is palpable.

Karma is getting him ?

@Preety_India yep

3 hours ago, zurew said:

There is a lot of man out there, you can pick and choose from them to find the best, you don't need to gamble with the fuckboy. Think about how much downside this can bring you comapred to the upside.

I am very aware of this.

[Tudo]

3 hours ago, zurew said:

 

@somegirl There is a lot of man out there, you can pick and choose from them to find the best, you don't need to gamble with the fuckboy. Think about how much downside this can bring you comapred to the upside.

 

I think the same.

[Razard86]

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

I do not have feelings for him and that's the truth.

I was just glad he apologized because I craved for that apology back then when feelings were still "fresh". And him apologizing for anything altogether was surprising to me.

I made thread wondering if people like him are capable of truly feeling sorry for hurting someone in the past. 

Things are not black in white in life.

All action comes from care. Things are really black and white when it comes to this. Every action we take happens because we care. Reality itself is built off this. You are literally arguing against existence itself as this is an existential truth. Notice I knew you would deny what I said. You denied what I said because you cared. If not you would have ignored it. Everything you pay attention to, you do so because you care. Every successful business that lasts for decades knows this its why marketing is so important. I am literally giving you one of the secrets to life and you don't even realize it. But the GREAT THING is YOU WILL ONE DAY!!!

You could replace care with the word love if you want as well. 

Edited April 7, 2022 by Razard86

[soos_mite_ah]

On 4/4/2022 at 5:01 PM, somegirl said:

However he kept doing what he wanted with me and kept hurting me (I don't know if it was intentional or did he simply not care) until I finally decided I deserve more and cut him out of my life completely. 

 Doing something like this intentionally or him not caring is basically the same thing 

Quote

After 2 years of us not talking, last friday he sent me a message. He asked me why I cut him out. I was pretty cold and rude towards him when talking but I told him a few situations which made me feel used and not cared about and... To my surprise he said sorry and he felt bad. He said that was the last thing he wanted -to see me broken and he doesn't like hurting people just because he leads this "specific lifestyle". He said he only remembers good stuff when he sees me. 

There are a lot of people who apologize not because they are actually sorry or feel bad about hurting you or the situation, but because they feel bad about how this is affecting their self image. In other words, some people apologize not to take accountability but to simply not feel like the bad guy in the situation and have someone validate that. 

My question is, to what extent did this person do and show any amount of self reflection in this situation? Did he just say sorry or did he go into why he did what he did and how he resolved his issues? If it's the former, I wouldn't take it at face value. I need assurance that this person knows what they did wrong and what measures they have taken to deal with that issue so it doesn't repeat again (i.e. maybe he was pulling this shit because he was insecure and didn't know how to communicate so now he corrected that by doing x, y, and z and he knows how to take preventative measures because he knows himself better).

Apologies don't mean much if the person does not change their behavior. If they apologize and they keep doing what they are doing, that's not an apology, that's just manipulation. 

[Loving Radiance]

This thread is very informational for me because I was on the other side of the end. Very much the same situation. No worries @somegirl, I'm not your ex cause I am not from Serbia

5 hours ago, somegirl said:

I made this thread because I was curious if people like him are truly able to feel sorry for hurting someone in the past. Or does he just want to try to sleep with me this time.

He is capable of feeling sorry if he self-reflected on his actions. It can also be that he wants to get back into your pants. So, the best way is to accept his apology and to go no contact with him.

Quote

There are a lot of people who apologize not because they are actually sorry or feel bad about hurting you or the situation, but because they feel bad about how this is affecting their self image. [...]

It can be the case that he hurt you because he was desperate for sexual attention. And that desperate part can be stuck at child development which can make it narcissistic. Narcissistic behavior could explain the apology.

You only know he apologized, and now you can live more with a free heart. Again, him apologizing doesn't mean that he is welcome in your life.

What did help you process your feelings and heal your heart?

 

@soos_mite_ah

Quote

Apologies don't mean much if the person does not change their behavior. If they apologize and they keep doing what they are doing, that's not an apology, that's just manipulation.

Yes, as we know from the last video about scam, talk is cheap.

[somegirl]

@Razard86 Actually.... You have kinda helped me there. Yep, I replied because I cared, otherwise I wouldn't.

Though, I need to say, just because you predicted I would deny, doesn't automatically make you right in your assumption that I have feelings for him ?

I guess I just cared to explain that I don't have frelings because I knew people would come to that conclusion.

[somegirl]

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

There are a lot of people who apologize not because they are actually sorry or feel bad about hurting you or the situation, but because they feel bad about how this is affecting their self image. In other words, some people apologize not to take accountability but to simply not feel like the bad guy in the situation and have someone validate that. 

Trueee

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

My question is, to what extent did this person do and show any amount of self reflection in this situation? Did he just say sorry or did he go into why he did what he did and how he resolved his issues?

Okay, this is a good question.

He actually explained why. He told me that the reason he would totally forget about me after our "dates" is because he felt pressure to say something. And when he feels pressure he just runs away from it. Like, he doesn't want to have any commitments/pressure in life cause he doesn't know how to deal with it. Which is why he doesn't want a relationship in tbe first place. He said "You're right, that part wasn't right, sorry if I seemed careless, it's because I felt pressure."