Fuckboy apologized to me. Does he mean it?

[somegirl]

25 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

I think he might indeed be sorry, but I wouldn't expect him to now want commitment.

I don't believe he wants commitment now either.

26 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

It's just convenient if a guy knows a girl he's already had sex with because typically there still is some level of attraction and this can lead to sex again.

We actually never had sex. Only kissing/oral etc. 

We were about to do the deed, but he came to a conclusion that would be bad idea because he knew would most likely hurt me afterwards (his words). Which ended up happening anyways lol.

35 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

So the question is what do YOU actually want out of this

Honest answer - I don't know lol.

I really don't know. 

All I know for now is that I feel good that he apologized.

[Federico del pueblo]

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

We actually never had sex. Only kissing/oral etc. 

So what did you feel used and not cared for then, if I may know?

 

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

Honest answer - I don't know lol.

I really don't know. 

You girls...???

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

All I know for now is that I feel good that he apologized.

That's good! Maybe just leave it at that.

[Terell Kirby]

19 hours ago, somegirl said:

It warmed my heart to see that he felt sorry.

Sounds to me like you are taking pleasure in his suffering.

[integral]

Are you a ESTJ? 

[NoSelfSelf]

So he wasnt clear from the start that hes only interested in sex and nothing serious?

[somegirl]

4 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

So what did you feel used and not cared for then, if I may know?

Well after we would perform oral, we wouldn't hear from each other for a long time after that, until he felt horny again. A message after that would have been nice.

So I felt I was on a shelf for him to use me whenever he pleases. I was too weak to say no to h back then even though I should have told him to fuck off ?

[Federico del pueblo]

26 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Well after we would perform oral, we wouldn't hear from each other for a long time after that, until he felt horny again. A message after that would have been nice.

Ok. This can sometimes be confusing for guys because some girls want this (so they don't feel used), but other girls lose interest because you already seem too attached when you message her already the next day.

Interesting though how it's expected that he texts you, you didn't text him the next day either right?

Maybe he felt used by you too ?

[somegirl]

1 hour ago, NoSelfSelf said:

So he wasnt clear from the start that hes only interested in sex and nothing serious?

He told me from the beginning. I told him also after that I am only interested in real relationship and told him I cannot keep seeing him because of that.

But he kept asking me when he was horny and I was too in love to say no.

 

[NoSelfSelf]

@somegirl Classic problem of desires he wasnt using you... and treating you like his potential gf but you wanted to and felt hurt and in your mind had a movie that wasnt reality because of catching feelings ?...

[somegirl]

@NoSelfSelf He should have leave me alone the moment I told him I am not looking for a fling. 

When he asked me out after I told him my intent, I thought he changed his mind. Otherwise he wouldn't ask me out because he would respect my decision.

But I was disappointed because it was yet another hookup with no follow-up message after that.

[Federico del pueblo]

4 minutes ago, somegirl said:

When he asked me out after I told him my intent, I thought he changed his mind.

Do you tell a guy your intend unsolicitedly or when he asks you for it?

What I see here is the typical conflict of different people's needs. Your need for commitment Vs his need for non committal intimacy/sexual satisfaction.

Maybe in his mind he rationalized it with the same logic as you.

"I told her I'm a player who's not looking for anything serious. If she now still agrees to go on a date with me, maybe she's changed her mind" ?

[somegirl]

2 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Interesting though how it's expected that he texts you, you didn't text him the next day either right?

Of course I didn't send a message.

He knew I was inexperienced back then and those stuff were all new to me. A nice follow up message after doing new things like that would reassure me and would have made me feel cared for. He is much more experienced than I.

It doesn't matter that he wants nothing serious, that doesn't mean he has a freedom to treat me like a doll. You still respect a person you're hooking up with or having sex with with no strings attached. 

[somegirl]

5 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Do you tell a guy your intend unsolicitedly or when he asks you for it?

I told him my intent after I noticed I was suffering because I couldn't have him. I saw him on a party afterwards and pulled him away so we could talk and that's when I told him.

7 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

"I told her I'm a player who's not looking for anything serious. If she now still agrees to go on a date with me, maybe she's changed her mind" ?

You're so right... That makes sense actually.

Damn. 

[Federico del pueblo]

12 minutes ago, somegirl said:

It doesn't matter that he wants nothing serious, that doesn't mean he has a freedom to treat me like a doll. You still respect a person you're hooking up with or having sex with with no strings attached. 

Sure. I see why you're disappointed. 

The thing that has helped me the most with not being hurt by what women do/did over the years is understanding better where they're coming from.

Like, what is their survival agenda? Why do they have these specific needs? Why do they "have to" behave like this?

Things like fear of being slut shamed, need to feel secure, social pressures, attraction to strength and non-neediness etc.

If we understand others' survival agenda we can be forgiving and let go more easily and quickly.

Often guys (and girls) simply do what increases the likelihood of getting their selfish needs met.

Because if they always place others' needs above their own they don't get what they want, too frequently (they get punished).

This is not an excuse, just an explanation. Human nature is kinda sad. 

[hyruga]

Does it matter whether he apologise? and whether he mean it?

I mean guys can apologize and really mean it. But they can also still have an hidden agenda thereafter. People's agenda change all the time depending on the circumstances.

[NoSelfSelf]

@somegirl ohhh...that sucks i hate that using the power in male/female dynamic where there is no win win so its lose lose...

[integral]

Stop blaming people for your mistakes. all the information was presented to you and the method you used to make sense if it was flawed. 

 

[somegirl]

18 hours ago, integral said:

Are you a ESTJ? 

Woops, missed this message. I am not. But thanks for assuming I wm an extrovert lol.

[somegirl]

1 hour ago, integral said:

Stop blaming people for your mistakes. all the information was presented to you and the method you used to make sense if it was flawed. 

 

I respectfully disagree with your observation. Situation was way more complex than that.

[somegirl]

11 hours ago, hyruga said:

Does it matter whether he apologise? and whether he mean it?

It does to me.

Back then I craved for his apology because of his carelessness.