Fuckboy apologized to me. Does he mean it?

[somegirl]

Well it's kinda funny that Leo made a video just now about how not to be scammed, cheated, exploited...

Background story - this guy is a classic fuckboy and hurt me a lot when I was still in love with him. I opened up my heart to him one day and said I cannot keep seeing him because I want commitment, but he didn't. I was being honest and fair.

However he kept doing what he wanted with me and kept hurting me (I don't know if it was intentional or did he simply not care) until I finally decided I deserve more and cut him out of my life completely. Didn't even want to say hi to him on the street.

After 2 years of us not talking, last friday he sent me a message. He asked me why I cut him out. I was pretty cold and rude towards him when talking but I told him a few situations which made me feel used and not cared about and... To my surprise he said sorry and he felt bad. He said that was the last thing he wanted -to see me broken and he doesn't like hurting people just because he leads this "specific lifestyle". He said he only remembers good stuff when he sees me. 

It warmed my heart to see that he felt sorry. After all, I suffered deeply because of his lack of consideration for my feelings back then.

I said that it was okay. But in the back of my mind, I am still not sure what he wants from me. Is he truly sorry and has has good intentions. Or is he just being malicious and wants to use me again like he did when I was younger.

Edited April 6, 2022 by somegirl

[hyruga]

Just stop talking to him altogether. He needed companion and wanted free sex.

Fboys just knows how to talk to girls. They also know that with contact and communication, things will come. 

[aurum]

35 minutes ago, somegirl said:

It warmed my heart to see that he felt sorry.

That’s good. It sounds like you were carrying that hurt for a while. And now maybe this has helped you let go of some of it.

36 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Is he truly sorry and has has good intentions.

He probably does feel bad, but I would not assume that means he will behave any different if you meet up.

Most fuckboys don’t think of themselves as hurting women. They think of themselves as good guys. But it benefits them to not see negative consequences for their actions.

So he may feel some remorse. He is probably not a sociopath. But whether or not his behavior has changed is very different. 

[somegirl]

17 minutes ago, aurum said:

He probably does feel bad, but I would not assume that means he will behave any different if you meet up

He did flirt with me at the end of our conversation. So I guess that hasn't changed. 

I don't have feelings for him anymore. I just felt good that he said sorry, the better if he actually means it.

Though now my friends want to kill me lol. They fill up my mind with stories of how bad he was towards me and that I shouldn't have spoken to him and that his "sorry" doesn't mean anything, he just wants to use me etc etc.

One friend of mine also revealed to me that he messaged her before, for unknown reasons (we weren't speaking when it happened). She just deleted his message, because she is a loyal friend and thought it was inappropriate to speak to him when he's a guy I was in love once upon a time. So I don't know what's that about... 

 

Edited April 4, 2022 by somegirl

[somegirl]

18 minutes ago, aurum said:

Just stop talking to him altogether. He needed companion and wanted free sex.

Fboys just knows how to talk to girls. They also know that with contact and communication, things will come. 

You sound like my close friends when I told them this story lol. They want to kill me. 

[somegirl]

48 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

while also being clear about not wanting to get involved with him again. 

Why not? 

I mean... I don't have feelings for him anymore.

However I still have a few unresolved issues. He also is scared to see me I think, we didn't even meet up and talk live, but through social media.

[Raptorsin7]

I think if you're mentally prepared for him to act in the same way that hurt you, then there's not an issue. But if you expect him to have evolved or behave differently then you may be setting yourself up to be hurt.

I think it's hard to change a f boy, and although sometimes people appear to be changed by their conduct/conversation, when you peel back the layers they may still be the same type of person.

Go in with eyes wide open and you'll be okay

[somegirl]

19 minutes ago, Roy said:

However I would keep it at that. Don't expose yourself to the risk of him having not changed and hurting you again, it will sting much deeper. Have the strength to go forward. I don't think we should ever go back in relationships, if it doesn't work that's for a good reason. Learn what you can from the experience and meet new people.

Yeah... Though this wasn't even a real relationship. It was something. A "situationship" someone might call it.

However I didn't want that kind of "relationship". I wanted something serious. He didn't. But I was so weak to tell him "No, fuck off." because I was in love. 

29 minutes ago, Roy said:

It can be healing for both of you to talk about your experience - for him to get closure and understanding, and for you to exercise forgiveness.

I also thought it was positive that he even said stuff like "I'm sorry you felt that way" "The last thing I wanted was to see you that way" etc... I mean, could they be manipulative? 

My friends think they are. And that he is being manipulative and they are so against me ever speaking to him. 

One of my closest friend revealed to me that he also tried contacting her through social media but she denied his request to sent her a message because she thought it was inappropriate that he did that knowing I am friends with her. I don't know what he wanted though. Maybe he wanted to reach to me. But that would be too good to be true. 

[Arcangelo]

Sounds like a classic case of a narcissist coming back. Delete and block.

[Michael569]

He may just want to get into your panties. It would eventually reopen old wounds because most people have hard-wired patterns they follow in particular social situations and relationships and eventually it would get exactly where it left off. 

Of course practice forgiveness and accept his apology but I would reconsider letting him in your life again. People rarely undergo dramatic changes of character and behaviour within a short term like that. But there also exists a possibility that he is genuinely sorry and seeking attunement... use your best judgement but be careful with who you let back in your life especially if they hurt you before

Also be aware that fuckboys are brilliant mental manipulators so filter everything he says through a healthy level of scepticism. 

 my surprise he said sorry and he felt bad. He said that was the last thing he wanted -to see me broken and he doesn't like hurting people just because he leads this "specific lifestyle".

sounds like a huge red flag btw 

[egoeimai]

Don't let him be in your life 

[Lyubov]

Lol the most exciting, taboo and interesting sex comes with weird relationships like this. I say talk to him again. You know you want to. Be prepared for him to hurt you again though. He may not. Take the risk of you want. 

[OceanRiver]

@somegirl

create a value list

[somegirl]

2 hours ago, Michael569 said:

my surprise he said sorry and he felt bad. He said that was the last thing he wanted -to see me broken and he doesn't like hurting people just because he leads this "specific lifestyle".

sounds like a huge red flag btw 

I see... Though how is that a red flag? 

[OceanRiver]

3 minutes ago, somegirl said:

I see... Though how is that a red flag? 

putting you in a bind with that kind of communicato?

it seems fake directness because the covert abuse seems hidden

1. he leads this specific lifestyle
2. he knows you want commitmetn
3. he says sorry hoping you will take him back

the covert abuse is hidden. He doesn't want to hurt people and yet does it anyway for is he not engaging with u and u're still wanting commitment if anything while he's still going to be leading this lifestyle?
 

why i suggested values

get ur values

see where there's deviation

question him on it

trust has been violated

ur giving trust away too easily before he has given you proper words that make giving that trust worth to have the faith and reality with

[OceanRiver]

`

[OceanRiver]

not saying he's like that don't know his full story 

though lots of guys play those manipulative tactics that many poeple who play them aren't even consciously aware of what they're doing as they're only thinking with their dick

they have imbalanced psyches

and they don't see it because they're imbalanced

so its a catch 22 situation for them

a part of them think its cool what they are doing because they've been brainwashed that "sex is all its good for"

could you imagine thinking its cool to scam an 80 yr old woman for thousands of dollars + whos been a nun her whole life?

believe it or not there are poeple who exist in the thousands and more that do think its cool and those same people and more are dudes trying this whole pickup thing

its a very lame parastical low consciousness lifestyle 

Edited April 5, 2022 by OceanRiver

[integral]

His life style is not compatible with your life style, its not personal. 

This is part of the learning curve of figuring out what you want and don't want in a partner. 

Edited April 5, 2022 by integral

[Federico del pueblo]

16 hours ago, somegirl said:

Well it's kinda funny that Leo made a video just now about how not to be scammed, cheated, exploited...

Background story - this guy is a classic fuckboy and hurt me a lot when I was still in love with him. I opened up my heart to him one day and said I cannot keep seeing him because I want commitment, but he didn't. I was being honest and fair.

However he kept doing what he wanted with me and kept hurting me (I don't know if it was intentional or did he simply not care) until I finally decided I deserve more and cut him out of my life completely. Didn't even want to say hi to him on the street.

After 2 years of us not talking, last friday he sent me a message. He asked me why I cut him out. I was pretty cold and rude towards him when talking but I told him a few situations which made me feel used and not cared about and... To my surprise he said sorry and he felt bad. He said that was the last thing he wanted -to see me broken and he doesn't like hurting people just because he leads this "specific lifestyle". He said he only remembers good stuff when he sees me. 

It warmed my heart to see that he felt sorry. After all, I suffered deeply because of his lack of consideration for my feelings back then.

I said that it was okay. But in the back of my mind, I am still not sure what he wants from me. Is he truly sorry and has has good intentions. Or is he just being malicious and wants to use me again like he did when I was younger.

I think he might indeed be sorry, but I wouldn't expect him to now want commitment.

It's just convenient if a guy knows a girl he's already had sex with because typically there still is some level of attraction and this can lead to sex again.

So if I was in your shoes I wouldn't expect it that he might become your boyfriend now ?

Maybe you can be friends, but realistically this also will lead to sex again, with low chances of commitment afterwards.

So the question is what do YOU actually want out of this?

[somegirl]

2 hours ago, integral said:

His life style is not compatible with your life style, its not personal. 

This is part of the learning curve of figuring out what you want and don't want in a partner. 

Yeah I understood it that way as well. It's not personal, we just want different things. 

Though he should have left me alone knowing I want commitment. This is why I was hurt. But he apologized.

No matter what others say, I am glad he said sorry.