Journey to pure essence

[Esilda]

Shadow practicing violin.

It’s like a meditation, the deeper I go into it the more I sink into my subconscious.

I can feel my earliest days practicing. The first time I felt the awkwardness of the scroll and the neck (parts of the violin) the first time I learned to feel my small hands holding this “magic stick” that helped me produce sound. My music teacher who I felt so awkward around in my first visit. We created a bond. I’ll always be able to just call her up and have a chat from one music friend to another. I also feel the sadness of my younger self too though around that just this exciting thing that I could produce a sound from an instrument that my parents saw fascinated me enough that they encouraged my early love her.

If you want to try it, whatever instrument you play… maybe even just imagine yourself driving and really get into it. I hear that it activates the same regions in our brain! And too, our memory-association network sometimes too.

Can you imagine the sounds?

Can you feel the instrument?

Do you remember the world that you first lived when you first played the instrument or maybe what you just associate? 

I feel like a permanent inner peace and silence is created. It helps me get in touch with my entire body, something that I’m not used to or just can get really out of touch with sometimes as I’ve shared earlier. 

I can feel like memories are being reactivate in my brain and fingers so automatically when I do it it’s so interesting. 

It’s this kind of peace that I want to inhabit all the time, remembering that everything is just being remembered to create me in this moment. That’s my pure essence and I feel it. That helps my realise that “me” all this identity that I have been sorting through with myself about my job and relationships. It’s just conditioning, it’s just shadow practicing without me being conscious of it. 

Now… I will learn to shadow practice peace… love… joy… contentment .

Edited April 9, 2022 by Esilda

[Esilda]

So… my goal is to try and experience an ego death… “pure essence” right?

I feel like I have made enough progress in my development to go to the next level in my awareness of myself and just a living, breathing human on this planet.

This body and mind have felt like a prison with the weight of my experiences being so much of a burden to sort through in my life.

I know some people are against psychedelics though I want to be open to them. I am trained to know about drugs enough to understand how to protect myself so it’s something I want to try.

There is a “journey” though so I don’t want to try some magical solution like I know some people fall into. I know that I have to keep working through things with my therapist and it’s something I want to do all the way through this year before I tru anything too radical.

Responsibility. Check. Save myself. Done. Create myself. In progress.

I’m starting to feel more and more right in my own skin.

Like it feels as though a veil has been lifted over me.

It’s really helped me start to get more in touch with how I reflect on and make decisions. Like at work I feel like I’m feeling more and more fluid in my thought process now that everything is coming together more in my routine. I can feel like I feel other people more in my job too which is good because it means I’m having to do less thinking and use more of my resources to being more intuitive.

Completing this entry later… in rush… feeling gooooood .

Edited April 9, 2022 by Esilda

[Esilda]

On 10/4/2022 at 10:02 AM, Benton said:

Oohhh, ego death.

Bliss, and ecstasy await.

You even LOOK like lxlichael! (he’s still on this forum just busy until he goes public here it’s so funny how quickly things can change he’s like a big advocate of Leo now so people better show Leo respect from now on or else lol ). @Benton you two should maybe do a YT vid together lol just kidding though who knows right! 

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/02698811211050543

…. (I’m a huge huge huge research hoarder… have been researching psychedelics ever since I made that entry so if anyone wants to speak… medicine has always appealed to me from a research POV though nursing always suited my personality more)

Have been sky high the last 24 hours work has just been such a breeze these last two days I’ve felt so free and wonderful for a change! 

 

Edited April 11, 2022 by Esilda

[Esilda]

France post!!!!

Have always wanted to go though… NOPE.

Research, research then a share later!

Researching airports as well I think they’re such AMAZING places. Share too.

Airport in Paris.