Tackling my mother

[Preety_India]

This is one of my greatest hurdles in life.

 

 

[Preety_India]

Everytime I feel like I'm getting close to it, right in that moment I get thrown far away from actually achieving it.

 

[Preety_India]

One of the things that I have found difficult is the fear that has conditioned into me through childhood violence.

She created deep fear in me.

It's difficult because to this day, that same fear completely controls my every aspect of life.

I hate it because yesterday I tried to hide something from her and lost that object today.

It's frustrating because this is just not the person i want to be .

I just was never the person who would lose anything.

 

[Preety_India]

I want to live in love and not in fear. I want to live in hope. I don't want to feel this way.

It's hard on me everyday.

 

 

Somebody to love me and care for me would have made things so much better. Fighting all of this alone is very tough on me.

 

 

She even tries to control my garden.

 

It's very hard when you have been conditioned by fear all your life.

You need to think hard about you need to get out of this fear.

Every little thing happens, yes it hurts.

But is it a consequence of something ?

Yes it is. It's a consequence of fear and insecurity.

We need a healthy dose of fear in our lives to sustain.

But unhealthy fear makes us crippled.

 

Edited April 3, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

 

you need to start living Preety. 

How long will you live in fear ?

 

Edited April 3, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I try to understand things from my own perspective.

And through the lenses of imaginary characters.

I have many many imaginary characters in mind, in fact I can make a whole list of them. These help me navigate the world. They help me understand perspectives that are different from mine.

I have a character called Jake.

Till now i had Chayne, Rupert and Reece.

Now i have Jake.

I have many many names in mind.

Patrick.

Casey

Tom

Iklinson

Meyer 

Vega 

Gertrude

 

 

Jake is like a bubbly jolly guy.

He takes things positively and in stride. He doesn't worry too much.

Can I become like him ?

 

From now on i only want to focus on absolute love and look at everything from the perspective of absolute love .

what does absolute love say about this ?

That's the path i want to follow .

 

 

Then i had this other character in mind.

I call it POSITIVE BANTRUM SUPER TROLL.

He is the kind of guy who roams the internet just to troll the heck out of bullies.

He puts everyone in place.

He is the troll for the trolls, the ultimate gatekeeper. The one that makes sure everyone is left in peace. That would be funny.

 

What does POSITIVE BANTRUM SUPER TROLL think of this forum ?

I also had the character of doge in mind.

Mind you  this place is full of trolls. One more troll won't make it any worse.

 

 

 

Edited April 3, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Too many perspectives lead to paralysis by analysis.

It gets tough but it's enlightening at the same time.

 

[Preety_India]

These characters are important to me.

Each one of them are about a certain vibe.

 

[Preety_India]

I just love this. Something about this fills my soul like an anthem.

 

 

 

Edited April 3, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I don't know how to describe this. The beauty of the ages in the ancestors and the ancestral ruins. 

A week ago it was a blitzkrieg moment for me,a moment of awakening.

I contemplated for straight 10 hours and I became very emotional and sentimental at the end of it. And this profound realisation came to me that there is only one truth - infinite love and only absolute love. That was the highest truth. I could not articulate it but I could feel it .

And this realisation came that God is infinite love. I was flooded in tears. It was mind blowing. It was a spiritual moment. 

And this truth only comes to those who want to seek the truth. 

It was definitely a moment of madness, spiritual madness.

That our whole lives are a journey towards the truth. We go through multiple lives to eventually come to this truth. 

It was a paranormal experience.

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I wrote this a week ago I guess.

On 3/29/2022 at 6:48 PM, Preety_India said:

Why do we follow God? 

To balance our spirit in life and in death or the afterlife. 

Without God we are in a state of imbalance. God corrects this imbalance in our spirit. 

Our goal is two fold. 

One is doing God's work and embodying his values and bringing the divine world and order. This we achieve by deeply connecting with and following God. 

The second goal is to balance all our inner imbalances. A balanced inner world leads to a balanced outer world. 

If everyone was balanced inside, there would be no chaos or at least there would be minimum chaos in this world. 

The third goal is - survival of the good. Good will perish without God. I can't imagine a Godless world. The good continues to survive only because of God. Without God, the evil, chaos, destruction will take over bringing an end to all the goodness and beauty. Any good that has survived to this point is because of God, beyond which there will be Kali Yug or the age of destruction. 

 

But there is more to this.

God also wants us to witness true beauty and true Love.

 

God wants our souls to be united with him,with his loving spirit.

 

God seeks those who seek God. 

 

It's like a union, you seek a partner and the partner seeks you.

 

You don't have to worry about the world or death or persecution.

 

God treasures the spirit of a seeker and never lets go. Your body could be destroyed to pieces on planet Earth yet God treasures your spirit, this is your reward.

If you are not a seeker, God could care less, you might be glorified on Earth, but your spirit has no glory in God's eyes. 

The truths I'm gradually coming to in my contemplations are very similar to the stuff given in the Christian Bible which is strange but that's what's happening.

Edited April 3, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

God also wants us to witness true beauty and true Love.

God wants our souls to be united with him,with his loving spirit.

God seeks those who seek God. 

It's like a union, you seek a partner and the partner seeks you.

You don't have to worry about the world or death or persecution.

God treasures the spirit of a seeker and never lets go. Your body could be destroyed to pieces on planet Earth yet God treasures your spirit, this is your reward.

If you are not a seeker, God could care less, you might be glorified on Earth, but your spirit has no glory in God's eyes. 

 

The truths I'm gradually coming to in my contemplations are very similar to the stuff given in the Christian Bible which is strange but that's what's happening.

 

Our conscience is our spirit. Our soul. It's different from the mind because the mind is like a vessel of ideas and thoughts. The conscience is like a compass.

The conscience should mimic God.

How do true people look like ?

They are without ego but not without dignity 

They live in truth. They are not shallow. They are not cheap.

They like both relative and absolute truths.

They are loving. They are deep.

They are psychic and paranormal.

They can be trusted and they are not disingenuous.

They are loyal and faithful and real about their emotions and intent, they don't pretend or hide their intent.

They have the mark of the true spirit,not the mark of the beast.

They speak directly. They don't want to fool anyone.

They do not betray their conscience. 

They are psychic and omniscient. 

Their conscience mimics God and godliness.

They have both Romanness and divinity in them.

They are Emanescent that means they want union with love. They have spiritual hunger.

 

You need God in this world for a couple of things

• For love. He is the only true permanent source.
• For divine guidance. He will protect and guide psychically. He is there to help you through the journey of life and survival.
• The ancestors were right. They worshipped Gods for true reasons.
• For God's grace and gifts - God will show his grace when you want it in your suffering. His protection will be shown when you need it.
• For his healing. God heals your body and spirit.
• For union with his spirit.
• For the edification and uplifting of your spirit. Your conscience and spirit is uplifted by God to his level and your spirit is cherished and glorified till eternity, this is your greatest reward, you are treasured and not discarded and valued and you are sent to heaven. The heaven is a museum of beautiful loving spirits. You're forever cherished as a beautiful soul/spirit and this is the greatest gift of God's Love.
• Eternal life with God 
• God is also the eternal protector and provider of his seekers, that is true people. In him we trust for his provisions that fulfill our lives and take away our sorrows and troubles.

 

 

Feelings are powerful.

 

The conclusion is that God is the ultimate saviour.

The sign of God/divinity and the mark of the beast.

The beast is always trying to destroy the true people and that's evil. Their conspiracy is their evil. Their devilry. The devilry that rules the world.

The sociopaths are misguided sinners.

The beast is a devil and not a sinner. They have no place. They dominate. And spread like weed.

 

The signs of the true people-

• Their truthfulness
• Their innocence and purity of heart,lack of agenda
• Their psychic wisdom 
• Their loving kind forgiving empathetic nature 
• They don't play poker face, they make their intent clear.
• They won't be cheap or nasty or betraying their conscience. They will have moral integrity

Sign of the dog 

 

The mark of the beast 

The ignobles and the smarties.

Sign of the vulture or wolf in sheep's clothing.

 

Sinners will carry the sign of jackals.

 

 

Signs 

1st slab - vulture

2nd slab - dog 

3rd slab -  mad elephant

4th slab - jackals 

 

 

God will protect and guide the dog

God will discard the vulture

God will heal the mad elephant

God will heal and forgive and retrieve the jackal

 

God's actions will depend on the nature and the quality of the conscience.

 

Sheyshej and Hecazanu and Untowl.

 

Edited April 3, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I woke up feeling anxious again. My thoughts were about my exes. I felt abandonment anxiety..

[Preety_India]

I love this so much that this is going to be the anthem of my life.

 

[Preety_India]

The symbol of the marutukku and the symbol of modern Romanism 

 

                    

 

This will be nice as a boundary.

 

 

           

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ok the symbol of modern Romanism is this 

Name of the religion - Acutianity

 

I'll be using the Alchemic symbols of zinc, antimony, mercury and nitirc acid(above).

Right now the symbol of nitirc acid is used to represent Acutianity.

 

 

Edited April 4, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Other symbols in my mind.

https://wiccaacademy.com/who-are-the-moon-goddess-and-the-horned-god/

The festival of my religion.

Shamone.

 

Edited April 4, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

On 3/29/2022 at 0:29 PM, Preety_India said:

 deities 

The Romans 

The Samaritans 

The Acutians 

 

Romanness

Divinity 

Acutianity 

Trinity of 3 deities.