What went wrong

[Illusory Self]

I recently went on date with this girl & I thought we had a great vibe for a majority of the date, it did die down at the end though. She genuinely seemed like a really nice girl & mentioned going on a 2nd date several times. I managed to kiss her, got her to sit next to me, it was very much on in the moment. She dropped so many hints that she would like to see me again during the date. I know I should of done more leading during our date, I probably should of tried to invite her back to mine towards the end. I personally think the last 30 minutes of the date was my downfall, I felt incredibly burnt out after an hour of communicating so she was doing a lot of the communication towards the end.

Anyway I sent her a text saying "Had a great time with you" after the date. She responded with "I had fun too!" 

the next day I said "Would be great to see you again sometime soon" to which I got a response several hours later "thank you for the date you are very sweet but I did not feel as much chemistry as I would have liked for a second date, hopefully you can understand, sorry about that." 

That message would of made sense to if there was actually no chemistry. But for a majority of the date (at least an hour) there was non stop talking & she genuinely seemed incredibly attracted to me. Mentioning seeing me again, ect...

Is it up to me to create more chemistry with the girl? I genuinely thought we vibed a lot. Just trying to figure out what I did wrong as I very much thought a second date was going to happen. 

It is not the nicest feeling when I got the message as she seemed to be very much my type appearance & personality wise. It makes me question how I need to act on dates in the future also. The feeling is so much worse when you genuinely like the girl. 

 

 

 

[something_else]

I'm confused, why are you not trying to take these girls home?

I think I've read a few of your date reports now where it seemed like you could definitely have pulled but didn't for some reason. It's super easy if you build up some rapport with the girl, you literally just suggest that you go back to hers or yours. Most girls (at least where I live) expect guys to try and have sex with them on the first date

Girls get turned off by guys who they want to fuck, who they have good chemistry with, but who then don't make sexual advances and take the lead. Guys are supposed to be the sexual initiator, if you're waiting for her do that it will turn her off

[Illusory Self]

33 minutes ago, something_else said:

I'm confused, why are you not trying to take these girls home?

I think I've read a few of your date reports now where it seemed like you could definitely have pulled but didn't for some reason. It's super easy if you build up some rapport with the girl, you literally just suggest that you go back to hers or yours. Most girls (at least where I live) expect guys to try and have sex with them on the first date

Girls get turned off by guys who they want to fuck, who they have good chemistry with, but who then don't make sexual advances and take the lead. Guys are supposed to be the sexual initiator, if you're waiting for her do that it will turn her off

Yeah I know, I did manage to kiss her which is a small win for me but I do seem to blow most dates I go on. I seem to get massive amounts of fear of rejection, even if we are vibing. 
 

She even hinted about getting out of the pub, but again the fear was way too overwhelming to cope with at the time. 

[Federico del pueblo]

@Illusory Self Yeah, maybe just work on taking girls Home/going home with them.

It doesn't matter if they reject you for this attempt or any sexual advances, as it makes no difference to the result. Because now you still got rejected, thus it couldn't have been worse, had you tried to take her home, you see?

I think intuition is key here, there are also girls who don't want to have sex with you on the first date and you'll have to develop a feeling for which girls are pullable and which aren't.

Edit:

But also sometimes we're just wrong with our perception of how much chemistry there was AND a girl's mood can quickly change after a date for hundreds of reasons.

Interestingly I've had quite a few first dates where there was good chemistry but I didn't pull and then had sex with the girl on the 2nd date, so it actually can work out like this too...

Edited March 30, 2022 by Federico del pueblo

[NoSelfSelf]

@Illusory Self Only critique i have is that you texted her with would great to see you sometime soon(unsure asking for approval) you dont do that every text has to have purpose behinde it  this one is just lowering your value so if you gonna say that set a date...

Doesnt make sense if you vibed and she doesnt wanna see you mybe something was missing i dont know try look situations with the eyes where you put emotions and attraction to the side...

[Raze]

There’s no need to automatically assume you did something wrong, just focus on expressing yourself, sometimes people aren’t good matches.
 

however it sounds like the issue is your fear and anxiety and not escalating enough. Having fear and neediness can be a turn off for women.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNDvf0q2Xds

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19wDKBoT2zU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-V76x45krI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xg9LIJjNU0k

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYmFAWvk0TU

 

Edited March 30, 2022 by Raze

[Bando]

4 hours ago, Illusory Self said:

She even hinted about getting out of the pub, but again the fear was way too overwhelming to cope with at the time. 

I feel you I used to have this problem when I started Dating, always bring the offer of you guys going back to your place for some drinks. Another important tip is to run your dates short 60-90 minutes top. Keep it around 1hr if your only going to to be at one spot 90 min if your venue hoping. You can build enough comfort/value/attraction within that time.

You should also train to yourself to recognize when a girl wants to move somewhere more private, she will never tell you outright but she will throw subtle hints