How to create more opportunities for meeting high quality people ?

[Rahul 2paradox]

Hey,

Right now im doing my graduation .

I got no friends in college.

To be honest my college is mostly empty all there time. there was very few people there , very less teacher,very Few students. There are Literally no chance from me to meet anyone there.

Im too dealing with this borderline personality disorder  which make it more miserable , that empty void which is there all the time but im working on it. 

It's very difficult for me to start a conversation because of  my anxiety ,Depression and past traumas.  I just don't even feel like to talk . I don't even remember the last time when i talked fully and let every thing all out from within.

Moved to a new city ,going to a college where i Don't have anyone with whom i can feel fine with. My whole day goes like this just alone .

Earlier i dropped from my university because i didn't enjoyed the degree there but had friends and here in my new college i like my degree but i don't have any friends here . 

When im going back to my place watching other people having fun with each other in metro laughing ,smiling at each other, sitting with each other , maintaning that eye contact , holding hands . I know it's not true but it feels like that  there are having their best time and here im suffering alone who don't even have anyone to talk. 

My social life is almost non - existing. 

I moved to a different city in order to master my socializing related stuff but right now i don't see any practical way out. Don't how where its tart practically. 

There is a stage with people already complete their needs of socializing at a particular age and move on.  But my this need is not completed yet so im not able to more further to work on bigger things

There is a thing . People who are highly intelligent  have their own sort of struggles. From outside it look so cool if someone is very smart . But we being there struggle to relate with people. Struggle to connect with people. Struggle to fullfill our own set High expectations all the time because their are more chances of failure there. Other People understanding our experiences which is rare to see. 

We don't find much people who can understand and relate to our ideas and values.

 

I've mostly met wrong sort of people in my life. How do i met people who are actually very High quality and are really interested in growth and developing there understanding to the core.

Even when i see my classmate all what they are doing is just " passing time ". There are not interested in anything and just scrolling Instagram , social media  and gossiping and living a mindless life , eating junk food , having just point less conversation,  no passion nothing. 

All what i grew up with is how every single day i can grow , how i  can understand reality more and more on daily basis, how i can just spent this perticular day being creative and living the next day more passionately then the previous. 

 

But i lack this complete domain of social life. Where we met those high quality womens ? 

I want that partner who is on the same level where im , who is also interested in Spirituality as im , but I've set the bar so High that i haven't met those sort of  people . And Even if i have mostly of them are already having a boyfriend and are committed .

I've already spent 2 years of the college life struggling to socializing specially lockdown made it more hard . Spent these 2 years at home because of lockdown. As now it's over how do i make my last year of college worth. 

 

 

[Chakra Lion]

The lockdown is definitely a big hurdle for the socializing game. But now that it seems to be over you can start making plans. I’m not sure what country or city you are in, but you could try websites like meetup to find groups of your interest. Go to a festival or a concert. Personally I’ve found the best way to meet spiritual girls in big cities is ecstatic dance groups. And get on Tinder and dating sites. It’ll take time, but eventually you’ll find someone who wants to get a coffee. 

You have to push yourself out of your comfort zone, and do things in life that you want to do. Then you will be the party no matter where you go, not looking for anything but to enjoy yourself. That will attract everyone to you.

[PepperBlossoms]

Even if there are few people at college, there are still opportunities to engage with the ones that are there.  It is relative too.  A college could only have 10 people and that could be considered a lot.  A college could have 10,000 and that could be considered a little.

Our mental illnesses can feel miserable and the more we work on it, the better we can feel, cope, and heal.  Good job for working on yourself. 

With conversations, sometimes having a fuck-it, let me just try this even if it is very clumsy and miserable and even if I get triggered or the other person gets triggered or one of us comes off as an asshole or whatever.. the more we keep on trying, the more we can find what works and what doesn't work.  I too will have anxiety and sometimes the back of my jaw starts chattering or I get triggered or say something I regret later but I think I am getting better at it.  If you want to talk fully, talk fully.  Take the idea/feeling and just go with it just for the heck of it even if it is corny or doesn't feel authentic to see where it goes.

You can brainstorm several ways to find people and even if they aren't a perfect match, find a "good enough" match.  Aside from online forums, online peer support groups are also a great help for both mental health, practicing talking and interacting, and voicing one's feelings.

Good job for leaving a degree you didn't like and going for the one you did, even if that meant leaving your friends.  That took strength, courage, and insight.

You can make your own fun too.  Everyone will have their own good times and bad and you will too.  We could also note the friends we do have, even if they are in other cities, and talk to them.  Some of us never finish our needs of socializing and it is a continuous thing to various degrees.

I can totally understand the loneliness and how one can feel like the need is not being met and that they can't work on anything else until that need is met.

We are all intelligent in different ways and to different degrees.  We all struggle with different things and to different degrees.

There will be those that do understand or can try the more we let them.  Seek what you want to find and keep on seeking until you find it.  There will be lots of people who have various overlappings with the same struggles as you.

There is failure everywhere and sometimes expectations are not met and sometimes they are exceeded.

We can choose to only see the wrong and low qualities in others.  We can also look for more nuance.  What is bad but has some good?  There has to be good as well.  Stuff usually isn't 100% bad or 100% good.  People may be interested in different things and may want to grow but in different ways based on their experience and values.  What is deemed high quality to one person may be low quality to another.

Sometimes we have to steer the interaction and conversation into growth and questioning topics.  We can choose what we want to talk about and some may really be inspired by that and want to do it with us even if they don't typically do it otherwise.

We are all "passing time".  People who look at social media, gossiping, eat junk food, have pointless conversations, etc. - that could be all that they are aware of.  You don't have to do it.  You can again choose to make the conversation however you want but yes some may be easier for working together and developing insights than others but also we can make the conversation so the other person is inspired to having an intriguing, curious seeking conversation... and some will go for it and others will reject and not want to.

To understand reality more... contemplate, journal, read books, watch videos, talk to lots of different people, observe... But also, ha understanding is like a magician's seduction.

To be more creative and passionate.... sit and think for awhile about what it means to be creative and passionate, what that looks like, what you want to do with it

"High quality" people will be sprinkled everywhere and based on what we are looking for and have for our own definition of "high quality"

No one is going to be on the exact same level and chances are, your potential partner will be at much higher levels than you in some domains and much lower levels in other domains and some similar levels in some domains

Even if a potential partner is not interested in spirituality, you could share it with that person and the person may become interested or may not.  One will have some things where them and there partner are both interested in some of the same stuff and some stuff one is interested in and the other is not

There will be people of all ages who are looking for partners

Quite a bit of people have gone through being in lockdown and you are not alone in that

Ask yourself what you want your last year of college to look like, what you want to do, and go for it

Good luck.

[Rahul 2paradox]

@PepperBlossoms yeah , thanks.

I guess our mental illness sometimes create a filter and make us believe everything is going wrong.

[Rahul 2paradox]

2 hours ago, Chakra Lion said:

Hey , thanks.

I live in India.

Online game is not a interest of people here much . I mean people do but they are way more interested in actual meeting

[JonasVE12]

Do you know what to do in order to change this? What have you done already? Ultimately it comes down to making a strong commitment internally and taking the right steps in the external world that will eventually set you free. Do you know the steps? Or are you confused, stuck and lost? 

[lizz_luna]

I personally think that everyone has a profound aspect. When you say things like this you basically "reduce" them and your capability to understand someone on a deep level. To start a conversation and build a meaningful deep connection you have to start with the basic normal stuff everyone talks about. Eventually they will mention something that they find interesting, what they do, etc. This you can use and show genuine interest, this I have personally noticed works very well. This also allows people to be genuinely interested in you. It does depend on compatibility as well. But do not think just because you don't have deep conversations right away with someone, that they are not interesting, or worth your time. Sometimes you find gems after the 10th time you talk to someone and realize that this person might have the potential to be your friend. 

Look for workshops, yoga/meditation studios in your town. Go out to the parks and for walks. 

To hangout with high quality women, you need to be a high quality man. Confidence and social status does matter to women, keep that in mind, build connections not only with women but with other man. Be authentic when you talk to others and practice in front of the mirror. I literally talk alone all the time in front of the mirror, this allows me to see my expressions, and see my overall vibe, then it is easier to evoke that when I am talking to others. If you think you are boring when you stand in front of the mirror, others will definitively think so as well haha, see what personalities you can evolve, when you are alone you can be whoever you want so try to explore the different aspects of you and you will be able to evoke them later. 

Dont give up! At the end when you find your people you will realize how worth was to put time, energy and effort into developing yourself to be around people who also develops themselves.

 

On 3/30/2022 at 4:42 AM, Rahul 2paradox said:

 

Even when i see my classmate all what they are doing is just " passing time ". There are not interested in anything and just scrolling Instagram , social media  and gossiping and living a mindless life , eating junk food , having just point less conversation,  no passion nothing. 

All what i grew up with is how every single day i can grow , how i  can understand reality more and more on daily basis, how i can just spent this perticular day being creative and living the next day more passionately then the previous. 

 

B

 

 

[Hello1]

I relate. If you find some solutions, let me know. I try to create events on facebook or posts about looking for someone for a certain activity. For example breakfast early morning by the river together / painting outdoors /  and so on.. special activities that i like to do and almost noone does (as a filter to attract those ppl) or i post about looking for introverted friends etc. Or i go to art / literature events. A solution would also be to sit in a caffe or outdoors and read a book or read in a train etc - to signal to ppl that you like to read . I know it sounds stupid really... Those are just pointers for me to a similar personality to mine but it rarely works. I dont know how to approach ppl either.. i wait to be approached. I like to paint outdoors so when i do that I get the most approaches by ppl who see me - 95 percent regular uninteresting or even annoying ppl and rarely someone interesting but mostly those wise ppl don't approach but let me focus on my work which is wise

Edited April 5, 2022 by Hello1