How can we KNOW we are being authentic?

[Realms of Wonder]

I am not talking about in an absolute sense, I am talking from the subjective point of view of the identity/personality, how can I know that the way I am showing up in my life is authentic?

 

I tend to be very empathetic, feeling how others experience me very viscerally, and growing up I learned to be a people pleaser/approval seeker to survive. Now however, I am learning to live as who I Truly am, independent of what others want from me, and it can be a difficult thing to balance.

 

Thoughts?

 

One idea I had: If it isn't in alignment with Love, honesty, or my values then it is not authentic. which FEELS right, but I am open to perspective.

Edited March 30, 2022 by Realms of Wonder
Reframe question.

[Terell Kirby]

Seems like a nonsensical question..the truth is, we always know when we are being inauthentic vs authentic ..there is no set mechanism to it, rather it’s an internal feeling that everyone is familiar with.

it’s like asking how can we know when we are in pain .. you know you’re in pain because you’re freakin in pain. Same thing with authenticity.

Edited March 30, 2022 by Terell Kirby

[hyruga]

I am not entirely sure if I am really answering the question. But being authentic can sometimes be dangerous.

For example, if one wants to be really authentic, then he really wants to be himself. He may wants to watch football/Netflix/Youtube all day, he wants to eat fried chickens and burgers because these are nice. Together with lots of alcohols, soft drinks and also playing with women + smoking. He is being authentically himself and can he rise above these human pleasures?

[SriSriJustinBieber]

Quote

One idea I had: If it isn't in alignment with Love, honesty, or my values then it is not authentic. which FEELS right, but I am open to perspective.

Nice try, but this comes later, because right now how can you know you are not using these values as an identity? And how can you know what true love is for example? So you must accept to detach from these values at least temporarily, and you must accept that you maybe don't really know yet.

Let awareness be the criteria: if it seems your awareness needs to be lowered for you to do a certain thing, then that's not authentic. If, while fully aware, you still want to, let's say, be angry at someone, then that is authentic. Slowly this will transmute into love and all these higher values the hidden stuff you may have and which need sleepiness from you to act out, because if you are angry while fully aware, it needs to be acted only a few times for you to extract the learning from it, whereas if you are sleepy then the learning is obviously much slower and therefore it can stick to you as a tendency or identity or habit. Obviously don't kill someone or do something along those lines while trying this.

[Terell Kirby]

1 minute ago, hyruga said:

For example, if one wants to be really authentic, then he really wants to be himself. He may wants to watch football/Netflix/Youtube all day, he wants to eat fried chickens and burgers because these are nice. Together with lots of alcohols, soft drinks and also playing with women + smoking.

Seems like you are making a straw-man out of what it means to be authentic .. by associating it with toxic behaviors. Being authentic is actually a highly conscious act that challenges the ego to dissolve irrational, self-centeredness through overcoming fear.

It may be an authentic desire to improve one’s behavior from that of a toxic person, to a healthy person. It may be authentic to express love genuinely to a partner, friend or family member. It may be authentic to stand up for your core values and to not tolerate being bullied. These are healthy examples.

[Realms of Wonder]

1 hour ago, hyruga said:

I am not entirely sure if I am really answering the question. But being authentic can sometimes be dangerous.

For example, if one wants to be really authentic, then he really wants to be himself. He may wants to watch football/Netflix/Youtube all day, he wants to eat fried chickens and burgers because these are nice. Together with lots of alcohols, soft drinks and also playing with women + smoking. He is being authentically himself and can he rise above these human pleasures?

Thanks for your input.

 

Perhaps I should have added, authentic HIGHEST self. Those pleasures are not what I am talking about. That's simply giving into the "Emotional Weasel" to quote Leo.

[Realms of Wonder]

1 hour ago, Terell Kirby said:

Seems like a nonsensical question..the truth is, we always know when we are being inauthentic vs authentic ..there is no set mechanism to it, rather it’s an internal feeling that everyone is familiar with.

it’s like asking how can we know when we are in pain .. you know you’re in pain because you’re freakin in pain. Same thing with authenticity.

Maybe it does seem like a nonsensical question. But I asked it because I honestly DONT always know if I am being authentic. 

 

If you do then congrats.

 

With the pain analogy, what if we were unconscious to our pain? For example, when we are drunk, or super stoned, or asleep? How would we know? it doesn't seem so simple.

[Realms of Wonder]

1 hour ago, SriSriJustinBieber said:

Nice try, but this comes later, because right now how can you know you are not using these values as an identity? And how can you know what true love is for example? So you must accept to detach from these values at least temporarily, and you must accept that you maybe don't really know yet.

Let awareness be the criteria: if it seems your awareness needs to be lowered for you to do a certain thing, then that's not authentic. If, while fully aware, you still want to, let's say, be angry at someone, then that is authentic. Slowly this will transmute into love and all these higher values the hidden stuff you may have and which need sleepiness from you to act out, because if you are angry while fully aware, it needs to be acted only a few times for you to extract the learning from it, whereas if you are sleepy then the learning is obviously much slower and therefore it can stick to you as a tendency or identity or habit. Obviously don't kill someone or do something along those lines while trying this.

That's difficult to swallow. the "not knowingness" is difficult, in my mind it goes "I am myself, shouldn't I know already how it feels like to be authentic?"

I appreciate your perspective. any practical advice?

[SriSriJustinBieber]

15 minutes ago, Realms of Wonder said:

That's difficult to swallow. the "not knowingness" is difficult, in my mind it goes "I am myself, shouldn't I know already how it feels like to be authentic?"

I appreciate your perspective. any practical advice?

That "not knowingness" is annoying because if you don't know, then you can't go back to automatic sleepy mode as easily, can you?  So the practical advice would be simply to relax your way through the not knowingness, because not knowing is natural, your mind is simply protesting against the fact that it is loosing power over you. The mind always wants things to be very clear and mechanical: "this is who I am, these are my values, these are my habits, this is my story, etc" but then if you go in autopilot mode and let it handle this stuff, where is the spontaneity, the authenticity? Does a kid know how it feels like to be authentic?

[Realms of Wonder]

5 minutes ago, SriSriJustinBieber said:

Does a kid know how it feels like to be authentic?

Damn. Interesting perspective, thanks for sharing.

[Carl-Richard]

Are you primarily driven by inside or outside forces?

[Kksd74628]

@Realms of Wonder

You need to know your own values and list them and live up to them. Being authentic doesn't have anything to do with helping others, but that can be the case if helping others is the thing you like to do. Everything is about what you want to do and when you do that, you are aunthentic. In reality there is no reason to be authentic, but to straight aim to have the best life possible and be the happiest one. That leads automatically you to be authentic, because what else authentic would mean, but to do that what you deeply want.

Edited March 30, 2022 by Kksd74628

[PepperBlossoms]

Thinking about your post, I guess I haven't thought of the word authentic enough.

Authentic kinda reminds me of the word truth.  I am weary of applying the word truth to things because it is kinda impossible to know the truth about anything.

However, if it just goes with, instead of aiming for authenticity, aiming for feeling and what feels "right", even if it is based on a bunch of things that are based on a bunch of things that are based on a bunch of things... where everything is based on everything and everything is the foundation of everything...

Even though we can't really rely on anything, I guess there is the whole paying attention to feeling.  How do I feel about this?  And keep on asking that.  The hard part is that we could pay attention to feeling and feel one way but then later those feelings change....and how can we trust what we are basing our feelings on?  How we can trust our feelings though?  Pay attention to feedback, pay attention to body movements, pay attention to thoughts.  I guess just try stuff, see what happens, make some tweaks, try again, see what happens, make some tweaks.  BUT... can we trust our judgment, our interpretation, our environment's judgement/interpretation?  But where is the dividing line between me and my environment?

It's hard because we may never have all the info but we just try our best.  Life is whatever we make of it.

Something could feel "inauthentic" because "oh I don't usually talk like that or do that, that is not me."  But... what is me?  Me is whatever I make myself.  So is that inauthentic or is that me trying something new, something different?  Me can change and transform all the time.  Shapeshifting.  Me has to be something though right?  Like I have to have some sort of skin/personality/appearance...  Is it bad for me to start acting/being a way that I have never been before?  Is that inauthentic, is that being silly, is that being experimentative, is that being creative, is that being exploratory/curious, is that being impromptu?

Do the words I say have to match the words I think?  Do the words I say have to match the words I have said in the past?  There is no "have to" to anything.  Some stuff feels horrible, seems horrible, looks horrible... but then what is our definition of horrible and why are we saying xyz is horrible and abc is great?

Why do I even want to be "authentic" in the first place?  Am I trying to be the "same" person and do I want to be the same person I was 10 years ago and the same 10 years from now?  Is to be authentic to be upholding a sameness?  Or do I want to do stuff that feels foreign, inauthentic, weird, scary and am I going to be something totally different in 10 years?  Is that okay?  Am I pressuring myself to be the same and not change because of how I think others will think of me?  Are the others me?  Do I want to be authentic for me or for others?  

Cool topic thanks for sharing the question.

[gettoefl]

if you always agree or (always disagree) with people you are being inauthentic

authenticity is agreeing sometimes disagreeing others

and standing up for your particular point of view

you are giving them a sample of the real you, the one they need at the moment, the one that may correct them from poor decisions

[Realms of Wonder]

10 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

Are you primarily driven by inside or outside forces?

I used to be nearly completely motivated by approval from others, saying things and being in ways that got people to "like me" or cut off all my sharp corners so I was easy to tolerate. However through this work life has become more intrinsically motivated (values, purpose, and habits based in principles.)

 

However, I'll betcha there is a lot I am unaware of, external forces that motivate me without knowing it.

 

I LOVE that quote, thanks for sharing!

Edited March 30, 2022 by Realms of Wonder

[Realms of Wonder]

4 hours ago, PepperBlossoms said:

Thinking about your post, I guess I haven't thought of the word authentic enough.

Authentic kinda reminds me of the word truth.  I am weary of applying the word truth to things because it is kinda impossible to know the truth about anything.

However, if it just goes with, instead of aiming for authenticity, aiming for feeling and what feels "right", even if it is based on a bunch of things that are based on a bunch of things that are based on a bunch of things... where everything is based on everything and everything is the foundation of everything...

Even though we can't really rely on anything, I guess there is the whole paying attention to feeling.  How do I feel about this?  And keep on asking that.  The hard part is that we could pay attention to feeling and feel one way but then later those feelings change....and how can we trust what we are basing our feelings on?  How we can trust our feelings though?  Pay attention to feedback, pay attention to body movements, pay attention to thoughts.  I guess just try stuff, see what happens, make some tweaks, try again, see what happens, make some tweaks.  BUT... can we trust our judgment, our interpretation, our environment's judgement/interpretation?  But where is the dividing line between me and my environment?

It's hard because we may never have all the info but we just try our best.  Life is whatever we make of it.

Something could feel "inauthentic" because "oh I don't usually talk like that or do that, that is not me."  But... what is me?  Me is whatever I make myself.  So is that inauthentic or is that me trying something new, something different?  Me can change and transform all the time.  Shapeshifting.  Me has to be something though right?  Like I have to have some sort of skin/personality/appearance...  Is it bad for me to start acting/being a way that I have never been before?  Is that inauthentic, is that being silly, is that being experimentative, is that being creative, is that being exploratory/curious, is that being impromptu?

Do the words I say have to match the words I think?  Do the words I say have to match the words I have said in the past?  There is no "have to" to anything.  Some stuff feels horrible, seems horrible, looks horrible... but then what is our definition of horrible and why are we saying xyz is horrible and abc is great?

Why do I even want to be "authentic" in the first place?  Am I trying to be the "same" person and do I want to be the same person I was 10 years ago and the same 10 years from now?  Is to be authentic to be upholding a sameness?  Or do I want to do stuff that feels foreign, inauthentic, weird, scary and am I going to be something totally different in 10 years?  Is that okay?  Am I pressuring myself to be the same and not change because of how I think others will think of me?  Are the others me?  Do I want to be authentic for me or for others?  

Cool topic thanks for sharing the question.

You covered a LOT of ground in this post haha. There's so much subjectivity to it, that's why I hesitated to even bring it up, because in the end, only I/we can decide what authentic is for our self.

 

to me, authenticity is something beyond the forms I have taken, or the content of who I "think" I am, IS there even a rock bottom to it? 

 

intuition tells me this cant be understood by merely thinking about it. I don't know for certain

 

Thanks for your response and perspective, this is a deeply fascinating topic to me, and the core of my life purpose work.

[Realms of Wonder]

49 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

if you always agree or (always disagree) with people you are being inauthentic

authenticity is agreeing sometimes disagreeing others

and standing up for your particular point of view

you are giving them a sample of the real you, the one they need at the moment, the one that may correct them from poor decisions

If I am reading this correctly, form your perspective, authenticity is a dynamic, fluid phenomena, not mechanical but conscious.

is that what you are getting at?

[Realms of Wonder]

8 hours ago, Kksd74628 said:

@Realms of Wonder

You need to know your own values and list them and live up to them. Being authentic doesn't have anything to do with helping others, but that can be the case if helping others is the thing you like to do. Everything is about what you want to do and when you do that, you are authentic. In reality there is no reason to be authentic, but to straight aim to have the best life possible and be the happiest one. That leads automatically you to be authentic, because what else authentic would mean, but to do that what you deeply want.

I agree. In the life purpose course, Leo mentions that our deepest values are the blueprint to living authentically, in my own experience that is accurate, as I live in better and better alignment with them, life FEELS different. making decisions by running them through values is challenging, but it FEELS better.

 

interesting perspective, thank you for sharing

[gettoefl]

4 minutes ago, Realms of Wonder said:

If I am reading this correctly, form your perspective, authenticity is a dynamic, fluid phenomena, not mechanical but conscious.

is that what you are getting at?

it is fearlessly being what the moment needs as best you are able ... you are not especially able but you can do something

[Realms of Wonder]

36 minutes ago, gettoefl said:

it is fearlessly being what the moment needs as best you are able ... you are not especially able but you can do something

Fearlessly, I like that, it does take courage.