Is adding value everyone's goal?

[Fuku]

Sorry i advance for my english, not my first language and I'm very tired.

 

I've always loved art : music, drawing, movies...and I've been creating on and off in those mediums.

For the first time I settled on something that actually looked like it worked for me (music). I've managed to actually finish stuff and even sell them, which was nearly impossible to me (been avoiding finishing and showing what I've been producing my whole life. And I'm getting quite old).

As I started seeing a path I seemed to walk on with confidence for the first time in my life, depression hit me again.
And now I've been pushing back my orders for more than a month where as before I was producing super fast.

Does that mean that I somehow don't like creating?

I'm pretty sure I'm usually having fun when I do it, but right now I just can't seem to have any faith in it.

My brain seems to be telling me "give up", but not in a "you can't do it" way..I can't explain why.

I've been training for so long, totally forgetting to consume what I love (read, watch movies, etc...but I always end up not doing it cause I've got so much to learn and try doing music...I'm so behind what everyone is watching, reading, playing, and I miss it a lot but I feel like I'm not allowed to do it cause I'm so old that I have to start a dozen years ago if I want to catch up to the level of the industry), and I reached a goal that's very small but that I thought for me was unattainable, but I also feel something's not right despite all of these efforts.

That's what people usually suggest to do. Work hard in a field you love, remove distractions...but is it possible that some people's path isn't actually to produce something of value and just to consume?
But I can't accept that for some reason. I feel so stuck and I'm getting older. The usual advices doesn't apply. I'm totally lost.

[Arthogaan]

You are adding value when you follow your joy. Your purpose may be to lie on the grass and be happy and talk about it to others. Or being happy by watching movies. I will answer you with one of my favourite quotes from The Law of One: Ra material:
 

Why did the Creator choose to make creations? Our comment has often tended to be that the Creator is attempting to gain in knowledge and appreciation of Itself. The Creator wishes to know Itself. Thusly, it sends forth parts of Itself within illusion to see what will happen and to learn from the colors created in the palette of emotions that you have created through many experiences and incarnations. This palette contains your beauty and is unique to you, so that you can teach the Creator that which no one else in all of Creation is able to teach. For you are the only one of you in all of the infinite universe. Thusly, it is your gift to the Creator that comes from you, that is greatly desired. You cannot please the Creator by being someone else but only by being most truly and deeply yourself. 

 

It is very difficult to think of the main and centrally constituent service to the one infinite Creator as that of being. And yet that is what you came to Earth to do. You came here to be yourself; to breath the air; to participate in the illusion of planet Earth; to go through each and every detail of receiving catalyst, responding to catalyst and moving through the periods of joy and suffering that this catalyst offers you. And always your chief responsibility is to be yourself; to feel truly; to examine yourself as fully as you can and to know yourself to the very limit of your ability. You wish to know yourself not to judge yourself or to condemn yourself or to pat yourself on the back but simply to become aware of who you are.

 

What you have, in terms of your ability to serve at this time, is primarily your own deepening awareness of what it is to choose; what it is to choose so deeply that the rest of your life becomes a joy; what it is to choose so completely that there is no longer the need to spend time questioning whether faith is the answer, whether service is the answer or whether one particular kind of service is better than another. When the choice for service to others has been made absolutely, there is a knowing that comes. It is a knowing that transcends planning. It is a knowing that includes the awareness that you really do not have control over anything but your own desires, your own will and your own persistence

[A Fellow Lighter]

You're creating obstacles for yourself.. simply because what you've found seems/feels to good to be true, you're attempting self-sabotage. And from what I'm getting from your post, you're doing this out of fear for failure, though masking this with insecurity or the feeling of unworthiness, undeservingness. 

I'm not saying you're lying about being old, but I am saying that you're lying to yourself about your age being any kind of problem. 

[PepperBlossoms]

On 3/28/2022 at 10:42 PM, Fuku said:

Sorry i advance for my english, not my first language and I'm very tired.

 

I've always loved art : music, drawing, movies...and I've been creating on and off in those mediums.

For the first time I settled on something that actually looked like it worked for me (music). I've managed to actually finish stuff and even sell them, which was nearly impossible to me (been avoiding finishing and showing what I've been producing my whole life. And I'm getting quite old).

As I started seeing a path I seemed to walk on with confidence for the first time in my life, depression hit me again.
And now I've been pushing back my orders for more than a month where as before I was producing super fast.

Does that mean that I somehow don't like creating?

I'm pretty sure I'm usually having fun when I do it, but right now I just can't seem to have any faith in it.

My brain seems to be telling me "give up", but not in a "you can't do it" way..I can't explain why.

I've been training for so long, totally forgetting to consume what I love (read, watch movies, etc...but I always end up not doing it cause I've got so much to learn and try doing music...I'm so behind what everyone is watching, reading, playing, and I miss it a lot but I feel like I'm not allowed to do it cause I'm so old that I have to start a dozen years ago if I want to catch up to the level of the industry), and I reached a goal that's very small but that I thought for me was unattainable, but I also feel something's not right despite all of these efforts.

That's what people usually suggest to do. Work hard in a field you love, remove distractions...but is it possible that some people's path isn't actually to produce something of value and just to consume?
But I can't accept that for some reason. I feel so stuck and I'm getting older. The usual advices doesn't apply. I'm totally lost.

You mentioned depression.  Question this - what could have caused it, what is it that you are sad about?

Regarding pushing orders back meaning you don't like creating, it is hard to say xyz means abc or that xyz leads to abc.  It is hard to know what means what and meaning and definition is kinda a flexible thing but yet still super helpful and pragmatic.

Sometimes we do stuff and then we hit a point where it gets really hard - we don't know how to do it, we lose patience, we get bored, we get lazy, we get uninspired, we are frustrated, something else comes up that needs our attention more or is distracting, we notice some other need that we decide is more important and stop what we are doing to do that, etc.

With regards to having faith in making music, you may need to be more specific.  What part?  In the software, in the instruments, in the rhythm, in the popularity, in the profits, in the reliability, in the perseverance to keep on going and not stop, in the knowledge, in suggestions, in the time, in the enjoyment, in that this is what I should be doing, in that this is what I want to do?  What can you do to get the answer?  What can you try, see how it goes, then give yourself feedback, and then make a tweak, try again, etc.?

Life has an opportunity cost it seems where we can only do one thing at a time to a degree.  So to stop doing one thing can allow for another.  Sometimes the hardest part is just getting started again and getting back in the flow of things and then it gets easier because we start to get dopamine hits.  Would hiring someone to help you edit the music, master the music, give advice, train, to sell your stuff, etc. help?

Music making can be as complex or simple as we make it.  Yes there is loads and loads of info on the internet and it can feel overwhelming with ALL the various software, add-ons, extensions, methods, tricks, whatever.  The fear of missing out, of oh I need to learn this and this and buy this and this and do this and this.. it can be a lot.

I think we can go back and forth where we want to make stuff to where we just want to consume to then wanting to make stuff to then wanting to consume.  We don't stay stagnant in just doing one thing and tend to like to switch stuff up to where consuming can get more interesting and then making can be more interesting.

Advice for one person may not work for others and everyone's situation is different.  We are all getting older everyday.. or at least in terms of physicalness.

When your brain says to give up, what does it say to do instead and how do you feel about that?  

[LastThursday]

On 29/03/2022 at 5:42 AM, Fuku said:

As I started seeing a path I seemed to walk on with confidence for the first time in my life, depression hit me again.
And now I've been pushing back my orders for more than a month where as before I was producing super fast.

It's normal to question yourself when you start being successful. Because it's a new situation, it can feel fake or even overwhelming. I would say if possible just slow down your orders, but don't totally stop. Creativity has its ups and downs, that's normal.

Creativity needs to be fed from various sources, find those sources as part of the process. Give yourself space to do some of those old things you used to do, go consume, recharge your creativity and then go back to it.

Don't worry about age, unless you're on death's door, it doesn't matter at all.