How do I know if I'm a toxic person?

[Tudo]

I've been thinking about this for some time.

[soos_mite_ah]

There isn't such thing as an inherently toxic person but we all take on the role as the toxic one at one point or another in our lives. That's perfectly normal because I mean, we aren't always in the right 100% of the time. Knowing when you're being the toxic one has to do with being able to self reflect and take accountability when people are calling you out on your bullshit. It also involves learning and educating yourself on the people around you or perspectives you haven't encountered before (i.e. don't be homophobic, racist, sexist, etc.). Another indicator can be how much drama follows you around interpersonally in your life over the years. If there is a consistent trend, you might be the toxic person or you might have the tendency to entertain other toxic people. Either way, you need to have the self awareness to deal with it.  

That said, while we can all be toxic to some extent, the really toxic people won't take accountability for their actions, assume everyone else is the problem, and won't try to better themselves at all. Asking how will you know if you're toxic is kind of like asking how you will know if you're stupid. The stupid one's don't know what they don't know so they go around assuming they are geniuses. Similarly, toxic people can often have this image that they can do no wrong and that they are angels when really they are anything but because they go around blaming others and making excuses for themselves. 

[Tristan12]

It all comes down to self-awareness. You need to closely and very honestly assess yourself and your behaviour. Everything @soos_mite_ah said is good, and I would say just be very careful not to deceive yourself when you are assessing yourself. Honesty is key.

Look at how you react to situations and people, and look at how they respond to you. Look at if you generally act in a fair and considerate way towards others, or if you are constantly blaming, backstabbing, manipulating, lying, etc. Think about if you would like to be treated the way you treat other people. As long as you are very very honest, this should be a good test of if you are acting in a toxic way or not.

[Tudo]

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

There isn't such thing as an inherently toxic person but we all take on the role as the toxic one at one point or another in our lives. That's perfectly normal because I mean, we aren't always in the right 100% of the time. Knowing when you're being the toxic one has to do with being able to self reflect and take accountability when people are calling you out on your bullshit. It also involves learning and educating yourself on the people around you or perspectives you haven't encountered before (i.e. don't be homophobic, racist, sexist, etc.). Another indicator can be how much drama follows you around interpersonally in your life over the years. If there is a consistent trend, you might be the toxic person or you might have the tendency to entertain other toxic people. Either way, you need to have the self awareness to deal with it.  

That said, while we can all be toxic to some extent, the really toxic people won't take accountability for their actions, assume everyone else is the problem, and won't try to better themselves at all. Asking how will you know if you're toxic is kind of like asking how you will know if you're stupid. The stupid one's don't know what they don't know so they go around assuming they are geniuses. Similarly, toxic people can often have this image that they can do no wrong and that they are angels when really they are anything but because they go around blaming others and making excuses for themselves. 

Nice. I will contemplate this.

[EternalForest]

Just my personal experience here, the people who call you "toxic" or "narcissistic" are ironically the biggest "toxic people" and "narcissists" there are! You're just not going to be compatible with everyone, but people like to call you toxic when you're just wrong for each other.

There are people out there that will bring the worst out of you, and it's not your fault or their fault. It is what it is.

Spend time with the people that make you feel good and bring the best out of you, and avoid the people that don't.

[EternalForest]

The only thing that truly makes you toxic is if

a) you don't learn from your mistakes and

b) you deliberately repeat them.

Learn from your mistakes.

Don't repeat them.

Don't be petty.

Put yourself in the other person's shoes.

Good luck

[Razard86]

56 minutes ago, EternalForest said:

Just my personal experience here, the people who call you "toxic" or "narcissistic" are ironically the biggest "toxic people" and "narcissists" there are! You're just not going to be compatible with everyone, but people like to call you toxic when you're just wrong for each other.

There are people out there that will bring the worst out of you, and it's not your fault or their fault. It is what it is.

Spend time with the people that make you feel good and bring the best out of you, and avoid the people that don't.

I agree with everything you said except for...."there are people out there that will bring the worst out of you."

Nobody can bring the worst out of you, your selfishness causes you to react to their selfishness and that is why it was brought out. 

If you only spend time with people that make you feel good, you will rarely grow as a person. All you are doing when you engage in that behavior is making life easier for yourself (which is fine) but you are not improving your ability to deal with difficult people. As a result you will continue to struggle to deal with difficult people and they are EVERYWHERE. 

The only real way to avoid people like that is to become a hermit as they are everywhere.

People are only difficult because they are selfish, and the benefits of dealing with them are enormous for personal growth!

1. Selfish people are really good at revealing your shadow!! You learn about the parts you repress or hide from REAL QUICK dealing with them.

2. Selfish people teach you tolerance and how not to judge others.

3. Selfish people teach you how to communicate effectively in a respectful manner. 

4. Selfish people teach you how to erect and maintain healthy boundaries.

5. And most of all they teach you PATIENCE, and how to love as God with unconditional Love!!! 

I have discovered that difficult people get you closer to God, because their behavior is so selfish that ONLY GOD could love them LOL.

Caution: I would not advocate most people do this, as if you are not mentally tough enough you could suffer low self-esteem, co-dependency, and a whole host of other mental illnesses.

[KevinSmith]

11 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

There isn't such thing as an inherently toxic person but we all take on the role as the toxic one at one point or another in our lives. That's perfectly normal because I mean, we aren't always in the right 100% of the time. Knowing when you're being the toxic one has to do with being able to self reflect and take accountability when people are calling you out on your bullshit. It also involves learning and educating yourself on the people around you or perspectives you haven't encountered before (i.e. don't be homophobic, racist, sexist, etc.). Another indicator can be how much drama follows you around interpersonally in your life over the years. Accordingly, I generally divert to proficient essayists from assignment writing help you can buy thesis online – it saves a great deal of time and simultaneously there is no counterfeiting If there is a consistent trend, you might be the toxic person or you might have the tendency to entertain other toxic people. Either way, you need to have the self awareness to deal with it.  

That said, while we can all be toxic to some extent, the really toxic people won't take accountability for their actions, assume everyone else is the problem, and won't try to better themselves at all. Asking how will you know if you're toxic is kind of like asking how you will know if you're stupid. The stupid one's don't know what they don't know so they go around assuming they are geniuses. Similarly, toxic people can often have this image that they can do no wrong and that they are angels when really they are anything but because they go around blaming others and making excuses for themselves. 

Totally agree with you sir!

Edited March 28, 2022 by KevinSmith

[Raze]

Stop seeking negative labels, you will just self attack.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVkSwbJ-sFY

 

Edited March 28, 2022 by Raze

[Consept]

Like @Tristan12 said its all about self-awareness. No doubt you, and everyone pretty much, will carry out actions that can cause harm to others, what keeps you performing these actions is self-interest and then deception around that self-interest. So for example you might lets say, cut someone off in traffic, you then may justify that to yourself by thinking, 'well i was late and in a rush'. Next day someone might cut you off and you get angry about it and you dont justify their actions. With things like this you need to build up awareness of the negative feeling that you are causing others, with this awareness and an intention not to cause harm, you can cut down these behaviours. 

If you notice yourself justifying a negative action, use your awareness and empathy.  

[EternalForest]

@Razard86 It's a good challenge sure, but I'd only do it in moderation. You have to be careful what you put your time and energy into. Pick your battles, or you'll waste your time.

[EternalForest]

@Consept Yep, put yourself in the other person's shoes. I'm amazed how often when I reverse the roles how so many of the things I do would be repulsive to see someone else do. That's when I know I've messed up.

Edited March 29, 2022 by EternalForest

[pritishah]

If you think you may be dealing with a toxic person, here are some warning signs to look out for:

• You feel like you are being manipulated into something you don't want to do.
• You are constantly confused by the person's behavior.
• You feel like you deserve an apology that never comes.
• You always have to defend yourself from this person.
• You never feel completely comfortable around them.
• You constantly feel bad about yourself in their presence.

[Terell Kirby]

@Tudo By posting a question like this on an online forum .. that’s a pretty good hint that you’re most likely toxic and in denial.

[Consept]

4 hours ago, Terell Kirby said:

@Tudo By posting a question like this on an online forum .. that’s a pretty good hint that you’re most likely toxic and in denial.

That's pretty harsh, the fact that op posted that question could also show that they aren't toxic as that's not something a toxic person would be concerned with. Either way at least there's some self awareness and a desire to improve themselves as a person  

[Razard86]

On 3/29/2022 at 9:55 AM, EternalForest said:

@Razard86 It's a good challenge sure, but I'd only do it in moderation. You have to be careful what you put your time and energy into. Pick your battles, or you'll waste your time.

I agree. 

[Razard86]

On 3/30/2022 at 4:16 AM, Consept said:

That's pretty harsh, the fact that op posted that question could also show that they aren't toxic as that's not something a toxic person would be concerned with. Either way at least there's some self awareness and a desire to improve themselves as a person  

The truth is harsh, and not everyone that is toxic lacks self-awareness. What they lack is empathy which is understanding the depths of trouble they cause others. Sure they might know it intellectually but until they understand the emotional pain they can trigger in others they will ask this question out of curiosity from people's reactions. I have met quite a few toxic people who have asked me this question. It really came after years of them being told by others that they were selfish, controlling, vindictive, narcistic, etc. 

[Yog]

Take into mind that huge part of what is considered toxic, if not all is culturally and era sourced.

If you lived in a cannibalistic, human sacrifice society and in such era, than you wont consider that toxic, nor the other members. You would think its the proper thing to do.

 

Edited April 2, 2022 by Yog

[Ulax]

I'd go through Dr Ramani's glossary of narcissism and see how many of the traits you resonate with.

Not a big deal if you have numerous of them, imo. Just how reality panned out for you up until this point.