My boyfriend is being too cheap

[Max_V]

@Arcangelo lmao, is this incel bait?

@Gianna I feel like you are gravely underestimating how easy it is for guys to get with women. 

@somegirl It's coming from a mixture of things I think. My political views and beliefs as a first. But next to that just living my life out as someone that was never really accepted for who he was, being extremely anxious since childhood, and feeling unworthy of existing whatsoever. From very early on I've felt that our world is very unfair and I've been trying to grappel with that ever since.

 

[hoodrow trillson]

6 minutes ago, AliceK said:

@Max_V

I'm actually scared that guys with 50/50 mindset don't change and that my marriage would be like that.

Don't worry, the option of marrying an unattractive guy who pays for everything for you will still be on the table.

[Max_V]

@AliceK Yes, if I was earning 3 times more, I would temporarily pay for the bills, but only if that came with the promise that the girl would get a job that would allow us to 50/50 it. If she just lived off my money I would leave. 

[Barbara]

What the heck people. It's his money. No one should tell you how to spend your money. If he wants to save that's with him, accordingly to his life views. I personally think that's great, OP thinks it's not great, either way, it's not our money to dictate. 

As a woman, you should strive to be independent and not fall onto a minority status, or look for a man that will take care of you financially. That's, in my view, a bad manifestation of the surrender characteristic of the feminine principle. If you can't afford the places he can, just tell him that, instead of expecting him to pay. Freedom is foundational for self-development. And you're not free if you don't get your financial shit together, and depend on your partner. 

[Arcangelo]

9 minutes ago, Max_V said:

lmao, is this incel bait?

I am 42yo

Are you calling me an incel?

[something_else]

32 minutes ago, AliceK said:

@Max_V And what if you had a wife, and she was earning 3x less than you. Would you still tell her that you don't want to spend more money on groceries and bills than her and tell her that she should get a better job?

I'm actually scared that guys with 50/50 mindset don't change and that my marriage would be like that.

For couples earning roughly the same (prob the most common setup) anything but the 50/50 mindset is going to be unhealthy

If you earn a decent living say 40k a year and I’m making twice or thrice that then yea I should pay a bit more. Maybe 75/25, because we’re going to be living a more expensive lifestyle in line with my earnings that it would be unfair to expect you to contribute 50/50 to
 

But girls making a reasonable wage should always be expected to contribute a reasonable amount to the cost of living

Edited March 27, 2022 by something_else

[Max_V]

@Arcangelo No, I was asking if you were baiting for incel comments. Your views are so black and white, it's hard to tell if you're being ironic or not. 

[Arcangelo]

^Cool

I am old school and latino. Raised in the macho culture, I am also stage orange. I don't fit very well in here talking to stage green gen z's and millenials that's probably why.

I like paying for stuff, I also like it when they are considerate and they offer to split or even pay for the whole thing.

[puporing]

Communicate first, and if still nothing and you don't feel good about the situation, it means you don't share the same values on this.. 

Edited March 27, 2022 by puporing

[Razard86]

7 hours ago, Max_V said:

@somegirl I respect that.

I think differently though. I think those beliefs and customs we should try to change. I don't doubt there is inherent attraction that is built into things like a man being powerful, etc. Because that touches at the masculine and feminine roles that attract us to one another, but I don't think we should glorify all of them. It's my belief that men and women should be equally expected to take care of themselves. Just as I believe that women shouldn't be shamed for wanting to sleep around. 

With this situation specifically I think the person being more financially capable taking care of some things is not a problem. Just when it becomes an expectation it isn't healthy. 

I pretty much agree with everything you said...but what I have learned is differing maturity levels creates issues. While I believe what you state is the most mature option.....most people would disagree with it. Also I want to address this illusion that people have. I often heard people say attraction is not a choice. Upon reflection at my own life and the life of others I have learned that attraction IS a choice. 

When I hear women say that certain behaviors are NOT attractive and then 20 years later say that SAME behavior IS attractive (also some men as well)it has taught me the power of our core beliefs which make up our identity. So when I hear people CLAIM that something isn't attractive I say year ACCORDING to your BELIEFS. For us as a society to get rid of this double standard we would need to change the definitions and labels for what is expected for men and women in relationships. Modern Dating is a HUGE OVERHAUL of thousands of years of male to female relationships. The only reason we are having these issues is a result of the OLD MAPS and TRADITIONS not being as applicable anymore. These issues do not even exist in traditional countries lol.

[Gianna]

56 minutes ago, Max_V said:

I feel like you are gravely underestimating how easy it is for guys to get with women. 

I feel like guys have a hard time getting girls because they are going for the girls that aren’t actually good for them/in their best interest and God is like, “No. Better.” 

[Razard86]

6 minutes ago, Gianna said:

I feel like guys have a hard time getting girls because they are going for the girls that aren’t actually good for them/in their best interest and God is like, “No. Better.” 

BOTH men and women are doing this, its pretty much so rampant that almost every love story told in movies and t.v. shows uses this trope. Heck I'm even doing that, because the truth is the "right person" is actually an illusion. There is no "right person" there is only a person who is willing to be committed to making a relationship successful.

Most people enter relationships because they do not feel whole. Then when they enter they dump on their partner their psychological issues and trauma (their shadow) on their partners. Most modern relationships are contests of selfishness. When in reality they should be competing to serve each other. Anytime I talk to people in relationships they always complain "This person is always doing this, this person is always doing that. Why won't they do this, they should do this." When you ask them what THEY could improve upon? CRICKETS. 

Anyway collectively we could culturally focus on in Movies and T.V. shows mutual respect for both sexes and focus on supporting each other. But hey drama sells so it will be awhile before this becomes mainstream but it will one day after things get bad enough.

Edited March 27, 2022 by Razard86

[something_else]

9 minutes ago, Gianna said:

I feel like guys have a hard time getting girls because they are going for the girls that aren’t actually good for them/in their best interest and God is like, “No. Better.” 

Lol. I agree with most of the other things you’ve said, but this is just not how most guys experience dating and girls

Many guys can’t get a single girl, let alone be picky about which girls they chase. A lot of guys end up very feeling very scarce when it comes to girls and it’s usually not because they’re being too picky. It’s usually a much deeper issue to do with social skills and sense of self worth

 

Edited March 27, 2022 by something_else

[NoSelfSelf]

What this thread turned to i hope guy is not hiccuping like crazy ?

@something_else yep cant approach a girl to save his life ?

[AliceK]

1 hour ago, Max_V said:

@AliceK Yes, if I was earning 3 times more, I would temporarily pay for the bills, but only if that came with the promise that the girl would get a job that would allow us to 50/50 it. If she just lived off my money I would leave. 

To me, this is crazy. That's like treating your wife as if she was your roommate.

 

But again, this is just my opinion. Obviously, you will find a girl that shares your values. 

Now I know that this topic should be brought up at the beginning of a relationship, maybe even before the relationship. 

[Average Investor]

Money spending habits are generated through your experience as a child. People don't tend to have a balanced approach to money. It takes a fair amount of learning, trail and error, and taking time to deliberately work on it. 

51 minutes ago, AliceK said:

Now I know that this topic should be brought up at the beginning of a relationship, maybe even before the relationship. 

You would want to get a sense of someone's spending habits. A lot of people don't really recognize their bias they have with money. 

Something to also consider is what this guy is actually doing with the money. Does he just pile it in savings? Invest it? Even these traits alone are go in a different direction. Some people are not able to spend a few bucks. 

My dad is a millionaire. He is extremely stingy in some areas. However, it has been effective for him to create that kind of money. At the same time he has soured a lot of his relationships doing it. I imagine his parents grew up through the great depression and he also had many siblings. So I can imagine that money was fairly tight. I can also imagine a lot of those beliefs have been passed onto him. 

Edited March 27, 2022 by Average Investor

[Gianna]

1 hour ago, something_else said:

Many guys can’t get a single girl, let alone be picky about which girls they chase

Yes and they have that issue because they believe in the thought, “I can’t be picky because I can’t even get a single girl.” 

Guys (or girls) will fall into such lack perception that says, “I can’t be picky”, “I can’t get a single girl,” because they fundamentally believe, they can’t get whatever they want (hence lack perception). 
 

They’ll try to prove it to themselves by pointing to their experience but their experience only looks like that because they’ve fallen prey to their own illusion which is the illusion of ‘lack’ in infinity. And so they’ll only see (experience) their own illusion (lack). 
Which is why it’s a self-perpetuating cycle that starts with believing the thought, “I can’t” “shouldn’t” “not possible” (anything lack). 

 

What do you want? Well it doesn’t matter because you’re going to tell yourself you’re too picky to want that, you shouldn’t want that, and so you won’t get it/give it to yourself. 
 

Here’s an example:

Let’s say you want a supermodel girlfriend  that’s also into epistemology.

God would say, “Okay. Here you go!”  
But your ego will distort you, “No. That’s too picky. There’s no super models that are into epistemology. That’s not a thing here on Planet Earth. Don’t let yourself want that because you won’t get it because it’s not possible and then you’ll be disappointed. That kind of girl doesn’t exist.” 
 

And so you spend 4 months doing pickup at a club getting rejected because they’re not the actual girl you really want. The God in you is trying to get you what you really want but you won’t let yourself have it because you don’t believe you can.  So you’re in this rejection cycle that doesn’t have to do with the external reality but the rejection/fight in your internal reality between what you really want and what you think you can get. (Those two things are rejecting each other. And that manifests externally). 
 

You hold yourself back from Creation in your own Dream because you’ve fallen prey to your own illusion of lack (unworthiness, powerlessness, despair). 
 

Once we realize we are God, we will see that this entire conversation we’ve been having about what girls should or shouldn’t get or want, or what men should or shouldn’t do, or not do, and what we should all expect, and get, is ultimately a conversation about self-worth. 
Where is your self-worth? Because that’s what you’ll get. 
And what I am trying to say is that you should have the highest of self-worth and have/get whatever you want because ultimately you’re giving it to yourself. And if you aren’t giving it to yourself you’re either in resistance to your own desires (and thus have issues around self worth) or are having issues around receiving. 
 

We all need to work on our resistance around receiving if we’re having issues getting or believing in getting whatever we want. Because God(yourself) will give you(yourself) (and thus receive) whatever you want. There’s no judgement or discrimination there. 

You are giving and you are receiving. 

So if you’re having issues around giving (desiring big) = self worth issues 

 

If you’re having issues around receiving big= receiving issues. (Which is probably self worth issues as well) It all comes down to self worth. 
 

We have to look at our traumas, emotions (self concept/worth), and thought/belief programs to start rewiring our dream. 

Edited March 27, 2022 by Gianna

[something_else]

@Gianna Again I’m not saying that what you’re saying is necessarily wrong per se, but I think that guys who struggle with women usually need practical advice

Framing it as a spiritual problem is likely to lead to a lot of frustration in guys, even if it is the ultimate solution to the problem. It’s very hard to do that kind of high level spiritual thinking when you aren’t even getting your basic material sexual needs met

It’s like trying to meditate to cure your hunger

[Tudo]

Well, I like paying for girls when I go on a date with them, because of the feeling and meaning behind it.  I think It's hard to maintain sexual polarity when we split bills. Splitting bills is something kind of weird for me tbh. Looks like stuff from stage orange/green societies like Canada and stuff. I don't like it.

Edited March 28, 2022 by Tudo

[Tudo]

@AliceK  What part of the world are you from? Guys splitting bills are common in your country?

 

2 minutes ago, something_else said:

@Gianna Again I’m not saying that what you’re saying is necessarily wrong per se, but I think that guys who struggle with women usually need practical advice

Framing it as a spiritual problem is likely to lead to a lot of frustration in guys, even if it is the ultimate solution to the problem. It’s very hard to do that kind of high level spiritual thinking when you aren’t even getting your basic material sexual needs met

It’s like trying to meditate to cure your hunger

Yes. Exactly.