Sick of the way I live life but how do I stop now?

[Kshantivadin]

Naturally there comes a point where one gets sick of bad habits/ the way one lives life. However, I have found this "sickness" to be short-lived and the consequence being very easily slipping back into the old life and bad habits. How do I make a lasting change here? Awareness alone is curative, but I am not aware enough. Learning equals behaviour change, but I obviously haven't learned yet - is there a less painful way to learn instead of fueling them until I am so sick I have to make a 180 change?

[Arthogaan]

You either change (now) or postpone the change. There is no in between.

[JonasVE12]

The thing to do is to start releasing emotions that keep you in aversion towards change. And start to become inspired and turned on for who you want to become, instead of making it about who you do not want to be. The apathy is usually caused by other negative emotions you are not willing to face in your process of change. You have to work on releasing those. What and how is difficult to say because we do not know you. 

The truth is, change is the result of taking small consistent steps on a daily basis. It is compounding interest that gets you the big leaps over time. Change is unnoticeable if you look at it from a day to day perspective. You just want to identify what you want and take the next step. You do not have to have all planned out. You just have to know what you want, and take the next step. Each day. And your life will change over time. But do not wait for the big leaps and aha moments. 

The other important thing is to become your own container. Being your own container means that you hold yourself accountable. You need to build self-trust in order to change. Being your own container in practice means that you make a decision and you commit on the decision. That is how your life changes. The reason it does not change is because you are not making decisions, and following through on those decisions no matter what your subconscious tells you. You have to have a strong framing around your day. You have to do it in relationship to the goal you have. 

In anything you want to change in your life, you have to start with small weekly goals that will build momentum. Small goals are more easy for you to follow through on. They make taking action easier. And if you complete them, each time, you build more self-trust that builds you up to be ready for the next goal, bigger goals each time. Progressively. You want to build a subconscious habit of succes by following through. The issue is that most people want to change their life of night and do not understand the natural laws of have change works. 

These things can be applied in any area you want to change. Dating, business, money, relationships, health, other goals. 

Another concept is tension. In order to change, you have to step into tension. Most people are not growing and changing because they avoid tension. A lot of people resist emotional tension because they have embodied shame and fear in relationship to the experiences they need to have in order to grow. If you are reactive to this tension, you will want to avoid and get into apathy. When you start to work on a goal, your limiting beliefs, stories and emotions are going to come to the surface. You have to understand those things for what they truly are. Becoming detached from your subconscious patterns is important. Your ego is trying to keep you limited and wants to reinstall balance. It does not value your expansion. So it will force you in all kind of ways to keep you from taking the right action. And the more you break those barriers and push through the resistance, 100 000 of times, the more effortless your life becomes. All the magic happens when you push through your stories. So make it a life goal to keep stepping into tension and making the decisions to support that. Use the weekly goal setting process. 

Make decisions, face tension and commit fully. Build a strong vision, become emotionally turned on for the vision, etc. That is the basic steps.

You may want to do some somatic therapy as well. If change does not happen, it often is because our body is not in tune with our desires. Resistance in the form of emotions are stored there, we have contractions in our energy flow and this is limiting expansion. So you may want to do this in parallel with the goal setting process.

Edited March 26, 2022 by JonasVE12

[Ulax]

I'd look into working to resolve unconscious conflicts you might hold.

It might be there is an child like part in you that is frightened of being successful. So, it might be that you are actually in the exact position part of you wants to be in.

A depth psychotherapy might help you.

Another thing might be that you are neurodivergent in some way.

[Razard86]

1 hour ago, JonasVE12 said:

The thing to do is to start releasing emotions that keep you in aversion towards change. And start to become inspired and turned on for who you want to become, instead of making it about who you do not want to be. The apathy is usually caused by other negative emotions you are not willing to face in your process of change. You have to work on releasing those. What and how is difficult to say because we do not know you. 

The truth is, change is the result of taking small consistent steps on a daily basis. It is compounding interest that gets you the big leaps over time. Change is unnoticeable if you look at it from a day to day perspective. You just want to identify what you want and take the next step. You do not have to have all planned out. You just have to know what you want, and take the next step. Each day. And your life will change over time. But do not wait for the big leaps and aha moments. 

The other important thing is to become your own container. Being your own container means that you hold yourself accountable. You need to build self-trust in order to change. Being your own container in practice means that you make a decision and you commit on the decision. That is how your life changes. The reason it does not change is because you are not making decisions, and following through on those decisions no matter what your subconscious tells you. You have to have a strong framing around your day. You have to do it in relationship to the goal you have. 

In anything you want to change in your life, you have to start with small weekly goals that will build momentum. Small goals are more easy for you to follow through on. They make taking action easier. And if you complete them, each time, you build more self-trust that builds you up to be ready for the next goal, bigger goals each time. Progressively. You want to build a subconscious habit of succes by following through. The issue is that most people want to change their life of night and do not understand the natural laws of have change works. 

These things can be applied in any area you want to change. Dating, business, money, relationships, health, other goals. 

Another concept is tension. In order to change, you have to step into tension. Most people are not growing and changing because they avoid tension. A lot of people resist emotional tension because they have embodied shame and fear in relationship to the experiences they need to have in order to grow. If you are reactive to this tension, you will want to avoid and get into apathy. When you start to work on a goal, your limiting beliefs, stories and emotions are going to come to the surface. You have to understand those things for what they truly are. Becoming detached from your subconscious patterns is important. Your ego is trying to keep you limited and wants to reinstall balance. It does not value your expansion. So it will force you in all kind of ways to keep you from taking the right action. And the more you break those barriers and push through the resistance, 100 000 of times, the more effortless your life becomes. All the magic happens when you push through your stories. So make it a life goal to keep stepping into tension and making the decisions to support that. Use the weekly goal setting process. 

Make decisions, face tension and commit fully. Build a strong vision, become emotionally turned on for the vision, etc. That is the basic steps.

You may want to do some somatic therapy as well. If change does not happen, it often is because our body is not in tune with our desires. Resistance in the form of emotions are stored there, we have contractions in our energy flow and this is limiting expansion. So you may want to do this in parallel with the goal setting process.

So much wisdom here!!! Your response reveals a road well travelled!! It was a joy to read this, and also a joy to meet a fellow traveler!! I tip my hat to you!!

[lostingenosmaze]

@Kshantivadin What are your "old life and bad habits"?

[itachi uchiha]

Read and apply the book tiny habits by bj fogg.its the best way for building habits and. With new habits created u will learn things easily

[LastThursday]

15 hours ago, Kshantivadin said:

Naturally there comes a point where one gets sick of bad habits/ the way one lives life.

One way is to set up new better habits which crowd out the old worse habits. You only have so much time in a day to do things. As an example maybe you start going to the gym twice a week. Those times you are at the gym, you might have been gaming or drinking or whatever. At the start you may have to force yourself into new habits, but it gets easier with time.

You want to set up a virtuous cycle. Each new healthy habit, makes you feel better which makes it easier to take up more new habits.

Habits always fulfil some sort of need, just going cold turkey doesn't take away the need - which is why you relapse. Setting up new habits can fulfil your needs in a better way.

Edited March 27, 2022 by LastThursday

[somegirl]

@Kshantivadin Are those old habits destructive or just annoying?

[Terell Kirby]

On 3/26/2022 at 4:33 PM, Kshantivadin said:

How do I make a lasting change here?

Creating lasting change is difficult.

In my experience, having the willingness to make a deep commitment to the change, but also being willing to forgive yourself when you fall short.

[Spence94]

Lately I'm realizing that most of my inability to make changes is due to my lack of emotional mastery. Lack of daily emotional awareness that gets me bogged down. Emotional blockages and traumas that are trapping me in repetitive psychological patterns of behavior that leave me spinning in circles. I know what you mean about understanding things like awareness alone is curative and learning is behavior change but then not getting anywhere. 

It's the emotions I think, the lack of awareness and management and the lack of work done on the suppressed emotions that are trapping all your energy and potential and just weighing you down no matter how much Actualized.org you listen too. 

Edited March 28, 2022 by Spence94

[Kshantivadin]

Thank you all for replying to a kind of a low-quality thread. I felt like I just needed to post at that exact moment without elaborating too much.

 

@JonasVE12 You answer is super insightful. Thank you so much.

On 3/27/2022 at 0:31 AM, Ulax said:

I'd look into working to resolve unconscious conflicts you might hold.

It might be there is an child like part in you that is frightened of being successful. So, it might be that you are actually in the exact position part of you wants to be in.

A depth psychotherapy might help you.

Another thing might be that you are neurodivergent in some way.

You are right, but I wouldn't know how to resolve those conflicts. There is definitely a fear of success, which has been revealed to me after some contemplation time after time.

@LastThursday Thank you for this. There areonly 24 hours in a day - idle hands are the devil's workshop

1 hour ago, Spence94 said:

Lately I'm realizing that most of my inability to make changes is due to my lack of emotional mastery. Lack of daily emotional awareness that gets me bogged down. Emotional blockages and traumas that are trapping me in repetitive psychological patterns of behavior that leave me spinning in circles. I know what you mean about understanding things like awareness alone is curative and learning is behavior change but then not getting anywhere. 

It's the emotions I think, the lack of awareness and management and the lack of work done on the suppressed emotions that are trapping all your energy and potential and just weighing you down no matter how much Actualized.org you listen too. 

But how does one work on this, dammit?

[ZenSwift]

For me, my biggest sticking point to changing myself into the mega self actualizing gigachad I'm destined to be is my environment. 

 

I really believe environment change is critical to making a huge changes in your life. 

 

Which is why I'm moving out and living with my highly motivated friend to bully eachother into becoming hardcore disciplined individuals. ?

 

Hope that helps. 

Edited March 28, 2022 by ZenSwift

[Kshantivadin]

1 hour ago, ZenSwift said:

For me, my biggest sticking point to changing myself into the mega self actualizing gigachad I'm destined to be is my environment. 

 

I really believe environment change is critical to making a huge changes in your life. 

 

Which is why I'm moving out and living with my highly motivated friend to bully eachother into becoming hardcore disciplined individuals. ?

 

Hope that helps. 

Smart. Thank you. My room and its environment design is a lair of damnation.

[Kshantivadin]

On 3/28/2022 at 1:15 AM, somegirl said:

@Kshantivadin Are those old habits destructive or just annoying?

Harmful, yes. Destructive, no.

[Kshantivadin]

On 3/27/2022 at 8:37 AM, lostingenosmaze said:

@Kshantivadin What are your "old life and bad habits"?

~10 hours of PC a day, masturbation, abusing coffee. That's mostly it. Plus reliving the same things and propagating certain behavioural patterns.

[ZenSwift]

1 hour ago, Kshantivadin said:

~10 hours of PC a day, masturbation, abusing coffee. That's mostly it. Plus reliving the same things and propagating certain behavioural patterns.

Yeah sounds just like me bro. For me what really got me out of that and on the path was Jordan Peterson. Listen to some motivational talks by him. 

Like make your damn bed and clean your room! Do something productive everyday that way you beat the hell out of zero! 

I made a habit for myself after reading the book atomic habits by James Clear just to clean my environment 

Listen to Wes Watson as well. He's motivating as hell with masculine energy. 

 

Feel free to reach out to me as well.