How to stay positive after all the suffering

[sausagehead]

I’ve suffered an inconceivable amount in my life and I’m at this point where the story in my head about my life is telling me that my life wasn’t “worth it” and that I would’ve been better off not born. This is still the case even if I woke up tomorrow and everything went perfectly for the rest of my life. It feels like nothing could ever make up for the pain I’ve been through. I feel like this is such a scary place to reach in your mind, it’s like nothing makes sense anymore. All I’ve known is suffering and it makes no sense as to why. How can I stay positive or at least be at peace with all the pain? Maybe if I somehow knew that I was paying off a karmic debt or something then I would have a context that allows me to just accept and be at peace with all the suffering but instead nothing makes sense and all this thinking about it makes me want to end it

Edited March 26, 2022 by sausagehead

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVqANXVTLN4

http://happinessbeyondthought.blogspot.com/2012/05/surrendering-i-letting-go-of-suffering.html
 

[PepperBlossoms]

Welcome to Team Pessimism! 

[Gili Trawangan]

You are ripe for true spirituality.

Not what you see on this forum, with all the conceptualizing, but an honest investigation of who or what you truly are.

All I can say is that if you do this with all your heart, it will be worth it and suffering will be seen for what it is, an illusion. You will be able to transcend it for good. Don't believe me, just be open to the possibility. Good luck.

[Mu_]

5 hours ago, sausagehead said:

I’ve suffered an inconceivable amount in my life and I’m at this point where the story in my head about my life is telling me that my life wasn’t “worth it” and that I would’ve been better off not born. This is still the case even if I woke up tomorrow and everything went perfectly for the rest of my life. It feels like nothing could ever make up for the pain I’ve been through. I feel like this is such a scary place to reach in your mind, it’s like nothing makes sense anymore. All I’ve known is suffering and it makes no sense as to why. How can I stay positive or at least be at peace with all the pain? Maybe if I somehow knew that I was paying off a karmic debt or something then I would have a context that allows me to just accept and be at peace with all the suffering but instead nothing makes sense and all this thinking about it makes me want to end it

I wouldn't go down the road of "even if I woke up tomorrow and everything went perfectly for the rest of my life. It feels like nothing could ever make up for the pain I’ve been through".

Is this the way and how you want your story to go?  If you still see it as in your head, then let it be just in your head, no need to believe it into being true, leave it as a thought/feeling.  

Does that make sense?

Otherwise your literally letting yourself go down the road of nothing can change this, and even if it were to go away and feel better I'd still let myself feel worse and bring up how bad it was in the past, "now", because the past was so bad.

Does that make sense?

[Razard86]

5 hours ago, sausagehead said:

I’ve suffered an inconceivable amount in my life and I’m at this point where the story in my head about my life is telling me that my life wasn’t “worth it” and that I would’ve been better off not born. This is still the case even if I woke up tomorrow and everything went perfectly for the rest of my life. It feels like nothing could ever make up for the pain I’ve been through. I feel like this is such a scary place to reach in your mind, it’s like nothing makes sense anymore. All I’ve known is suffering and it makes no sense as to why. How can I stay positive or at least be at peace with all the pain? Maybe if I somehow knew that I was paying off a karmic debt or something then I would have a context that allows me to just accept and be at peace with all the suffering but instead nothing makes sense and all this thinking about it makes me want to end it

The best advice I can give is to seek to understand why you have suffered. It has nothing to do with karmic debts, or anything like that. Second understand that suffering is the nature of reality as long as certain internal conditions exist. Emphasis on internal conditions, NOT external conditions. 

 

You are the HERO in your STORY. So craft whatever story you desire.

[Tristan12]

I know exactly what you mean, as I've also been through pretty much everything you described here. I have been through a ridiculous amount of suffering in my life, so much so that it makes me question if my life would ever be worth living after all the pain i've been through, and if anything could ever make up for it. I know EXACTLY what you mean and how you feel when you say that you feel like nothing could ever make up for the pain you've been through.

People seem to be saying here that you just need to change how you are thinking and not get so caught up in these negative thoughts, but as someone who has experienced everything you're talking about, I can tell you that this isn't just an issue of pessimism or negative thinking. The suffering (at least from my experience) breaks you at such a deep level that it genuinely does feel like nothing could ever make up for it. It feels like you could go on to live a regular life but it would never satisfy you because you have suffered too much, and you just feel like what's the point. You could try to just forget about it all and focus on the future, but you will just end up avoiding how you really feel and you will never be satisfied. This is how it is for me.

The way I answered this question for myself is pretty much what @Gili Trawangan said, that suffering primes you for awakening and after being through all that you have been through, you are ripe for true spirituality. I'm not sure how interested you are in spirituality or pursuing awakening, but that is where the best answer to your question lies.

What spirituality helped me realize about everything I've been through is that all the suffering I have been through happened for a reason, it all happened to bring me towards awakening and infinite love. All the suffering I have endured has opened my heart so much and created such an obsession with love, that now love is the only thing I care about, and the only thing that really motivates me in life. It's basically a ticket straight to awakening, as I am much less susceptible to all the distractions, low consciousness pleasures and ego/survival games that everyone plays. For me, when I think of the idea of just getting a bunch of money and sex in my life but never reaching love or awakening, it physically pains me and almost makes me suicidal, as I feel so deeply that that stuff could never make up for what i've been through, and so if I lived a life like that I would just continue to suffer.

Deep suffering is a blessing in disguise, because it wipes away your desires for all of the survival ego bullshit, and makes you only really care about awakening and love, which is the only thing that will really fulfill you deep down, and is the only thing that really matters in life.

For me my suffering has opened my heart so much, that only now do I REALLY understand love and appreciate it for what it is, and of course that would make the discovery of love way better than if I hadn't been through all that. All you really want deep down is real love/wholeness/completion, and when you reach it, there will never be a question of "if the suffering was worth it". Love is so perfect and so completing and fulfilling, that once you have it, nothing else matters. No amount of suffering could ever make love not worth it, I can promise you that. When you reach love, you realize that all the suffering was just an illusion and it all falls away like it never existed. I have managed to get into some really deep states of love, and this is how i felt while in it, so i'm not just speculating here, i'm speaking from experience.

The way I feel now at this point in my life is that I would absolutely not be fulfilled or happy if I just lived an average life pursuing basic survival pleasures like everyone else, but if I pursued and reached awakening then without a doubt I would be happy, and not only would it make up for what i've been through, but my suffering would make the awakening and discovery of love SO much deeper and pure because only now can I truly appreciate it. What i've been through was hell, but I am so grateful for it all and I wouldn't change a thing.

After knowing all of this, I don't have a problem at all staying positive and optimistic for the future even after all i've endured. So to answer your question from this post, like I said, look to spirituality. If you go on to just live a pretty normal life then I can't guarantee you'll be that happy, but if you pursue awakening then you will discover that all the suffering you've been through was actually the biggest blessing ever, and you will never have to worry about life not being worth the pain.

Hopefully this helps. I want to leave you with some quotes on this topic as well:

“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.” - Carl Jung

"When God loves people he afflicts them. If they endure with fortitude, he chooses them." - Rumi

"The wailing of broken hearts is the doorway to God" - Rumi

"for one slap there is an infinite reward" - Rumi

Edited March 27, 2022 by Tristan12

[Razard86]

26 minutes ago, Tristan12 said:

I know exactly what you mean, as I've also been through pretty much everything you described here. I have been through a ridiculous amount of suffering in my life, so much so that it makes me question if my life would ever be worth living after all the pain i've been through, and if anything could ever make up for it. I know EXACTLY what you mean and how you feel when you say that you feel like nothing could ever make up for the pain you've been through.

People seem to be saying here that you just need to change how you are thinking and not get so caught up in these negative thoughts, but as someone who has experienced everything you're talking about, I can tell you that this isn't just an issue of pessimism or negative thinking. The suffering (at least from my experience) breaks you at such a deep level that it genuinely does feel like nothing could ever make up for it. It feels like you could go on to live a regular life but it would never satisfy you because you have suffered too much, and you just feel like what's the point. You could try to just forget about it all and focus on the future, but you will just end up avoiding how you really feel and you will never be satisfied. This is how it is for me.

The way I answered this question for myself is pretty much what @Gili Trawangan said, that suffering primes you for awakening and after being through all that you have been through, you are ripe for true spirituality. I'm not sure how interested you are in spirituality or pursuing awakening, but that is where the best answer to your question lies.

What spirituality helped me realize about everything I've been through is that all the suffering I have been through happened for a reason, it all happened to bring me towards awakening and infinite love. All the suffering I have endured has opened my heart so much and created such an obsession with love, that now love is the only thing I care about, and the only thing that really motivates me in life. It's basically a ticket straight to awakening, as I am much less susceptible to all the distractions, low consciousness pleasures and ego/survival games that everyone plays. For me, when I think of the idea of just getting a bunch of money and sex in my life but never reaching love or awakening, it physically pains me and almost makes me suicidal, as I feel so deeply that that stuff could never make up for what i've been through, and so if I lived a life like that I would just continue to suffer.

Deep suffering is a blessing in disguise, because it wipes away your desires for all of the survival ego bullshit, and makes you only really care about awakening and love, which is the only thing that will really fulfill you deep down, and is the only thing that really matters in life.

For me my suffering has opened my heart so much, that only now do I REALLY understand love and appreciate it for what it is, and of course that would make the discovery of love way better than if I hadn't been through all that. All you really want deep down is real love/wholeness/completion, and when you reach it, there will never be a question of "if the suffering was worth it". Love is so perfect and so completing and fulfilling, that once you have it, nothing else matters. No amount of suffering could ever make love not worth it, I can promise you that. When you reach love, you realize that all the suffering was just an illusion and it all falls away like it never existed. I have managed to get into some really deep states of love, and this is how i felt while in it, so i'm not just speculating here, i'm speaking from experience.

The way I feel now at this point in my life is that I would absolutely not be fulfilled or happy if I just lived an average life pursuing basic survival pleasures like everyone else, but if I pursued and reached awakening then without a doubt I would be happy, and not only would it make up for what i've been through, but my suffering would make the awakening and discovery of love SO much deeper and pure because only now can I truly appreciate it. What i've been through was hell, but I am so grateful for it all and I wouldn't change a thing.

After knowing all of this, I don't have a problem at all staying positive and optimistic for the future even after all i've endured. So to answer your question from this post, like I said, look to spirituality. If you go on to just live a pretty normal life then I can't guarantee you'll be that happy, but if you pursue awakening then you will discover that all the suffering you've been through was actually the biggest blessing ever, and you will never have to worry about life not being worth the pain.

Hopefully this helps. I want to leave you with some quotes on this topic as well:

“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.” - Carl Jung

"When God loves people he afflicts them. If they endure with fortitude, he chooses them." - Rumi

"The wailing of broken hearts is the doorway to God" - Rumi

"for one slap there is an infinite reward" - Rumi

Seriously where have all these wonderful insightful people such as you live cause I would move there!!!! Great Post I had a similar experience and I agree with everything you said!!! Suffering is indeed a blessing in disguise. I am not sure how I made it so far without finding out the ultimate truth but somehow God (higher self) kept me motivated to keep pursuing. 

I learned that logic had a limit (because everything is infinite you could study ANYTHING FOREVER) and that there has to be greater truth that I had been missing. Anyway I truly believe that everything happens in steps for a reason to prepare us, so as you said suffering is there to give us the opportunity to awaken. I truly believe that suffering is a privilege that is only appreciated with DISTANCE!!! Anyway great post I love people like you on this forum!! 

[Tristan12]

@Razard86 Thank you!! and yes I agree!

[Snader]

From what I've learned through my own life and studying others, I've come to a conclusion that the greatest gratification in life comes through suffering. When you're in the deepest end, it's obviously hard to see.

If you can't let go of the suffering, try letting go the need to feel positive. If you can't let go of that need, try letting go in just general. Drop it all and be in the present moment for a while and see how that feels like.

Contemplate the suffering. Think about it. Where is it? How does it feel? What does it mean to you? Maybe you can realise something of its nature that will change the way you deal with it or how it affects you.

[PepperBlossoms]

 To focus on the stuff that is weaker than me OR focus on the stuff that is stronger and more intelligent than me.

[vizual]

Let go of the story. Bad story, good story, average story, it’s all just baggage anyway. Not much need for it.

[Breakingthewall]

when in all sincerity you think: I wish I had never existed. It is when you are ready to leave the ego behind and open yourself to true spirituality. you have been chosen, as there is no other path for you. get into it

[Arthogaan]

Gojira - The Axe: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rhMnv2nKcw&ab_channel=RoadrunnerRecords)

 

I've been a victim to the blade against myself
Bloodletting all of my soul
Suck in, paralyzed in this vortex
Reduced to silence
In the dark I've lingered too long
This sharpened axe, beam of light
I reach for and I master
Wield against these shadows
It's purpose now revealed in silence
Keep searching, question if this light ends

 

Now I will strike and dig with precision
Introspective eye, erase the concept
I lost my fears and the notion of time
I healed my sorrow
All boundaries are illusion
When you reach the center light
And reinforce the striking power
By chance you're followed
It's purpose now revealed in silence
Keep searching, question if this light ends
All ghosts dwelling in, inside, in the heart
I see them all, release their shadow

 

Edited April 6, 2022 by Arthogaan