Overcoming my alcohol addiction

[Ima Freeman]

This journal has the purpose to help me quitting alcohol for good.

 

I always had a leaning towards addictions. Ok, everyone has that, but I am more prone to it than average people.
The one substance I consumed the most during the last three years was alcohol. It serves the purpose of calming myself and of making me more content.
I'm drawn to drinking alcohol as it gives me something, that I don’t have otherwise.

 

To make the severity of my addiction clear: I only drink beer and wine. I do not like spirits, they are overkill for me. Usually I drink two to three beers a day. The most I drink, which seldom happens, is four beers or a bottle of whine. I do not drink everyday, but nearly everyday, recently more.

 

I have many problems which makes it harder for me to kick the habit. I’m a restless person, I have chronic depression, I have low self esteem, I have social anxiety, I live socially isolated, couple of my friends are drug users, I like music which goes well with being on drug influences,...

 

The last two years was especially hard for me addiction-wise, since the pandemic let me more into social isolation, which I’m dealing with for a long time.
On top of that, I’m in the process of detoxing mercury since the summer of 2020. I have faith that this will eventually alleviate a lot of my health problems, including the restlessness and depression. While the detoxification is happening, my inner restlessness and depression is increased though.
This is part of the process, but can be reduced by proper supplementation.

 

Alcohol is so easily available in central Europe, where I live. I can purchase it 24/7 within 15 min. The dealers are in every supermarket. Not only that, but people drink it in all kinds of occasions: going out, family celebration, as a beverage to a meal,…
People are soo uncritical about alcohol, just because it is part of the culture.
That’s funny, because other, oftentimes less harmful drugs are used as a boogeyman.

 

I knew that I have a not so unserious problem, as I noticed that not drinking was increasingly harder for me. It got to a point, where I reached out to my mother and swore to her that I will no longer drink any alcohol as long as the vow holds. It did hold for three months from mid October to mid January, which I am happy with.

This was clever. I knew that involving my mother, I will take it more seriously and will stick to the vow. I had someone who is supportive of me and whom I can report to how I’m doing.
In the end I revoked the vow and allowed myself a beer after three months. Of course this slowly led to myself drinking regularly again.
The vow itself as a psychological mechanism helped me.

Being drunk seriously impedes with many projects and necessities of mine, including self-actualization, life purpose and consciousness work. Quitting and staying sober will rewire my brain and clean my mind of cravings. Than my outlook on other desired, far more constructive things will grow.  

Three months is a quarter year, that is fine. And now I try do it a second time. I do not consume alcohol from now on. See it as a vow.
I will post my experience going forward here in this journal.

[Ima Freeman]

Yesterday I had my first big test, since quitting alcohol again. I was visiting a friend. We drove into the woods and hiked a little to some waterfall. It was a beautiful scenery.

Later we drove to his home and listened to some music, played video games and chatted. He offered me beer, put I declined. it wasn't hard. But I have to say that we smoked some weedbefore, so I already was intoxicated. 
I almost always drank alcohol the last years when visiting friends, so this is not too insignificant. Cannabis should not get a replacement though. 

[Ima Freeman]

In the first week I had no problem at all. There was no craving, I felt relatively good.

[Ima Freeman]

Yesterday however I had moments of stronger cravings.
I felt agitated because of a round of mercury detoxification.

Especially as I was going out for a walk I had vivid thoughts about where the next supermarket is and what drink to buy. 
If only my mind could produce strong thoughts that lead in directions I want to go.

[Ima Freeman]

Sadly, yesterday I relapsed.
I felt agitated and restless the last days and fought against constant cravings. As time went on I tried to calm myself with cannabis, cbd oil, sugary snacks, but these things didn't bring me any relieve.

In the end, I didn't see, what worth there is in denying myself the only drug I know to reliably and effectively halt this agitation.
I do not want to take prescribtion medication on a daily basis. That would be the obvious alternative.
It seems, that I have to detox enough and do other things to reduce my physical and mental discomfort sufficently.

I do not feel like drinking this day, which is at least something positive 

[Arcangelo]

Hi @Ima Freeman I have been sober for 10 years and 4 months! It's my life's biggest accomplishment.

On 3/25/2022 at 3:30 AM, Ima Freeman said:

Usually I drink two to three beers a day. The most I drink, which seldom happens, is four beers or a bottle of whine. I do not drink everyday, but nearly everyday, recently more.

My problem was worse than yours. I drank 10 Heineken beers per night from Monday to Saturday. On Sunday the accumulated hangover was so bad I couldn't drink.

I got tonsillitis and that's how I  got rid of alcoholism. I couldn't do it all by myself. I was so sick I couldn't drink so I took it as an opportunity to quit.

Catching tonsillitis was THE best thing that could have happened in my life.

[Ima Freeman]

@Arcangelo

Hm, but I'm otherwise too healthy to get tonsillitis I fear 

[cjoseph90]

hey, hows your streak going? wishing u the best of luck

[eTorro]

On 6/26/2022 at 0:44 AM, cjoseph90 said:

hey, hows your streak going? wishing u the best of luck

Thanks for asking. 

[Ima Freeman]

On 25.6.2022 at 11:44 PM, cjoseph90 said:

hey, hows your streak going? wishing u the best of luck

Thank you for your wishes 

Unfortunately I drank the last two nights.
At least I socialized a little yesterday, as I visited a bar. Normally I only drink alone.

I do not have strong cravings anymore, as I put effort into distancing myself from the habbit.
But it still overcomes me sometimes.

 

[Ima Freeman]

I pick up my effort to stop drinking alcohol again.

As I'm doing the Life Purpose Course I see how much drinking runs counter to my top values.
On the one hand I am passionate about health, eat only organic, drink only spring water, do detoxification, etc. and on the other hand I drink alcohol, which damages my gut, burdens my liver, etc.

I took a break from detoxing, as I got too heavy side effects. Especially restlessness, which only alcohol can decrease satisfactorily.
This is the main problem by the way, not the alcohol itself. But drinking produces more problems.

I won't pour the last bottle of alcohol down the sink, but will put it in my living room and say NO to it every day.
My mother will surely help me by being a accountability partner again.

If I have problems with my mental wellbeing again, I will simply lay down and try to rest.

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

I craved alcohol from adolescence until I was 38 in 2005. It's a blessing to no longer crave it. I have no desire to start drinking again either. Alcohol made me really emotionally unstable. I used to attend AA meetings a long time ago. One of the sayings I remember.... H.A.L.T. Try to avoid being hungry, angry, lonely, or tired - These conditions/emotions can often trigger a strong compulsion to drink. Being hungry always made drinking more of a temptation for me,,, The other conditions- angry, lonely and tired are not so easy to avoid.  I experienced alcoholism almost as an allergy in the way my body reacted to it.  Although I no longer drink, I have a methamphetamine habit/addiction that I'm trying to observe. It's been my experience that  Society\cultural ego often tries to shame people into quitting their addictions which I think actually worsens a persons condition related to whatever habit or substance they may be compelled to indulge in. 

I smoked cigarettes for 15 years or so. It was a very difficult addiction to break. This was 22 years ago.  It was realization that I did not want quit and so I smoked for another 5 years before I felt the full motivation to quit. I haven't smoked cigarettes since. 

Long story short- IMO.,, People shaming others about their addictions only adds to the problem. How nice it would be if we could live in a world without having some insecure, self righteous asshole shaking their fingers at others who were in the midst of resolving their own disparities. 

Good luck @Ima Freeman

 

[Ima Freeman]

@Zigzag Idiot

Thank you 
I often had an urge to drink beer after coming home from work stressed and thirsty.


I wish you the strength and perseverance necessary to quite methamphetamine.

One thing I noticed is, that I often drank when listening to music in the evening. So I will cut that habit out of my life temporarily.
Maybe you have some occasions that lead you to consume too, that could be avoided.