Should i just settle for average/below average girls? Confused, need advice

[something_else]

36 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Yes i do what 95 percent of guys do and they all get results and i do not. You think 90 percent of guys talk to 5 new girls a week?

Your average extroverted dude (approx. 50% of the population) will easily meet 5 girls a week if they go out at weekends or go to parties

36 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

it is an extreme measure to take which already shows there is something seriously wrong with you

Talking to lots of girls when you want a girl friend is an extreme measure? Most guys don't have girls falling at their lap, it takes work. Especially for an introvert

Talking to a bunch of girls is exactly what most guys do when they want a GF...

36 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

As i said i will try to though

Just do it, don't try. This isn't something you can succeed at with an "well I'll maybe give it a shot" attitude

Edited March 25, 2022 by something_else

[Federico del pueblo]

@Karmadhi When you 'game' and date these girls, how do you feel on the inside?

Are you still rather nervous and insecure or do you feel comfortable and confident?

Doing game is one thing. But it's still something that you're doing. And if you feel e.g. insecure, but then act confident ('gamey'), girls still might spot the incongruence.

But I could be wrong in your case, maybe you have good inner and outer game, idk.

Anyway, if there are still significant insecurities (self doubts, feelings of unworthiness for a certain type of girl/level of attractiveness) then probably you just have to keep going.

It's hard to overcome these insecurities when the feedback from the real world basically gives more food to your insecurities, but it might still be the necessary thing to do.

I remember RSD Tyler saying something like 'first you are insecure and look like you're not getting laid, so you don't get laid. But you just keep going. At some point you've experienced enough rejections, so you're starting to not care about the rejections any more. Therefore you start looking like you don't care. If you look like you don't care, you look like you're getting laid. And if you look like you're getting laid, you're getting laid :)'.

Maybe this helps a little.

[Karmadhi]

1 hour ago, something_else said:

Your average extroverted dude (approx. 50% of the population) will easily meet 5 girls a week if they go out at weekends or go to parties

Most guys i know do not go to parties regularly or they just go for fun but do not approach spam girls. They just meet a girl however and it clicks for them and that's it. Happens naturally, the girl likes them and they start dating. Simple shit. I want that.

[something_else]

Just now, Karmadhi said:

Most guys i know do not go to parties regularly or they just go for fun but do not approach spam girls. They just meet a girl however and it clicks for them and that's it. Happens naturally, the girl likes them and they start dating. Simple shit. I want that.

Whether they approach spam or not, they’re still approaching at least a few girls which from the sounds of it is more than you’re doing

Everyones path is different. It sounds like you just want girls to fall into your lap with zero effort because you see a few other guys get that. Well tough shit, very few guys get that. Life ain’t fair

Sorry if this sounds aggressive but I do get the sense you want to get results with girls with very little effort which just isn’t how it works. You’re going to need to challenge yourself and do things that are difficult 

[Terell Kirby]

14 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

My "game" got better but the girl's desire to properly date me did not improve much and i was always punished really harshly for the slightest mistake. 

Seems to me like you are getting dates, but not able to close. You mention "slight mistake", but that isn't what the girls you are talking to see it as. Not sure if you are becoming pushy/attached/clingy to girls once they show initial interest.

You have to be detached throughout the entire process of seduction, all the way up until after you have sex. Sounds to me that are you getting too attached to end results which is preventing you from closing.

The mind-fuck of it all is that You won't even be able to get average / below average girls if you are clingy and needy. ALL WOMEN ARE REPELLED BY NEEDY MEN.

Edited March 25, 2022 by Terell Kirby

[integral]

9 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

I am very empathetic and i make girls feel super close to me. I have had great success in that regard, however it is usually friendly shit which leads to me being a good friend, not someone they would want to be romantically with

That's not what I meant i'm not talking about being their friend i'm talking about connecting deeper. Women know my intention immediately there is no second-guessing anything I'm not a cuddly bear for them to unload all their problems on. i'm romantic interesting intimate and create a connection immediately all this is being displayed.

Are you boring?

The only explanation is they experiencing you as a friend and you're boring them sexually, they're not getting excited for you to take them, for whatever reason you're not viewed you as a man who can take them properly and dominate them in bed. 

Edited March 26, 2022 by integral

[Razard86]

If you stimulate her only emotionally she will see you as a friend

If you stimulate her only sexually she will see you as a Dick.

To really get a woman long term you gotta do both.

Most men struggle with sexual stimulation only because the Modern Man has been emasculated and the Modern Woman has been masculinized.

To stimulate a woman sexually : Work out, buy form fitting clothes, crack jokes, teach her something, be spontaneous, Not care about her feelings and just enjoy the moment as she will pretend to be offended by things you do to TEST YOU, Be direct in conversation and mix in a little mystery every now and then. Always end each interaction first. 

But remember...the less attractive you are physically the more upkeep you have to do in stimulating her emotions. Smell and bedroom domination can make up for this gap, as well as style and social proof.

[Hardkill]

I think if you are totally starting out as a newbie with girls then should lower your standards a lot. You don't have to start out getting with girls you find to be unattractive or below average (that would actually be demeaning to yourself and to those girls); however, you should start out dating and having sex with average or slightly above average girls. After you get enough dating and sexual experiencing with girls around that level, then you should raise your standards back up to where they were, by dating and sleeping with girls who are well above average in attractiveness. Maybe if you develop enough skill then you might be able to sleep with the 9s and 10s. You'll eventually realize that hot girls are still only human in the grand scheme of things. Though they are harder to find as available and come off as a lot more intimidating than average or unattractive girls.

[Leo Gura]

It's odd that girls are going on dates with you but not sleeping with you or seeing you again. This is not an attraction problem because if the girl was not attracted she would never agree to a first date. Sounds like you just need to work on your date game. You should be closing like 50%-75% of your dates.

On dates you gotta be building deep rapport / romantic connection and escalating physically.

Don't give up yet. It sounds like you are close to decent success.

Can you describe your typical date, where and how it unfolds?

[Hardkill]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

It's odd that girls are going on dates with you but not sleeping with you or seeing you again. This is not an attraction problem because if the girl was not attracted she would never agree to a first date. Sounds like you just need to work on your date game. You should be closing like 50%-75% of your dates.

On dates you gotta be building deep rapport / romantic connection and escalating physically.

Don't give up yet. It sounds like you are close to decent success.

Can you describe your typical date, where and how it unfolds?

Why does building deep rapport/romantic connection matter if you just want to have casual sex and if the girl is already sees you as high value, nonjudgmental, and is attracted to you enough to want to fuck you? In fact, wouldn't building deep rapport/romantic connection right away influence the girl to think that you want a serious relationship?

Edited March 26, 2022 by Hardkill

[Jacob Morres]

when i read your post i thought of the heros journey where the hero is at the 'abyss & rebirth' part

https://www.google.com/search?q=heros+journey&rlz=1C1ASVC_enUS941US941&sxsrf=APq-WBsC8DW0cljvjJVlXlKnTaTN8QdSMA:1648271266288&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiy98f6gOP2AhXxkokEHZkcDJ8Q_AUoAXoECAIQAw&biw=1242&bih=568&dpr=1.1#imgrc=9EM95fk3JpAXAM

maybe that tool resonates if ur familiar with it 

[Terell Kirby]

3 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Why does building deep rapport/romantic connection matter if you just want to have casual sex and if the girl is already sees you as high value, nonjudgmental, and is attracted to you enough to want to fuck you?

You assume girls think like guys, in which physical appearance alone is enough for them to want to have sex. But it’s not. They may be attracted to you physically and to aspect of your personality, but ultimately they want a deep emotional connection prior to being open to intimacy/sex.

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Why does building deep rapport/romantic connection matter if you just want to have casual sex and if the girl is already sees you as high value, nonjudgmental, and is attracted to you enough to want to fuck you? In fact, wouldn't building deep rapport/romantic connection right away influence the girl to think that you want a serious relationship?

Most girls will not have sex with you without rapport.

Without rapport you will get lots of LMR.

[Raze]

If you are consistently getting dates and it’s not going anywhere the problem is something you are doing or not doing. No need to settle.

[somegirl]

@Karmadhi is the male version of me ?

Literally I have all these thoughts, just the other way around. 

[PepperBlossoms]

On 3/24/2022 at 10:25 PM, Karmadhi said:

Should i just try to go for average or below average looking girls? I just want to be feel desired and loved by someone for once.

Should i just try to go for girls no one wants to date?

Note that if you have a million people, half the million will be considered above average and half the million will be considered below average.

But everyone will have a different definition of what above average and below average looks like.

Everyone is messed up in various ways.  Sometimes you just have to take a chance on someone you think is too low for you and then find out that they were greater than you realized.  

Or, lower the bar and make every single person a potential partner; find potential in everyone.  Every single single person on the dating app, in the room, is a potential mate.

Edited March 26, 2022 by PepperBlossoms

[Razard86]

11 hours ago, Tortured Soul said:

You don't get to determine your value girls do.

You always determine your value. You allow something outside of yourself to determine your value, you will never be able to raise your value. Besides value itself is an illusion. Depending on the culture and social environment you live in your value will fluctuate. Your value in one country will be different in another and vice versa. 

Then there is a thing called social proof. Research shows that a woman's evaluation of a man changes based on how others evaluate them. Its why Men who are successful and popular automatically attract women. This means that women are HEAVILY influenced by outside stimulus in regards to how they evaluate a man. It's why I say, a woman drops all logic if you can make her feel the emotions she wants to feel.

[Karmadhi]

21 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

It's odd that girls are going on dates with you but not sleeping with you or seeing you again. This is not an attraction problem because if the girl was not attracted she would never agree to a first date. Sounds like you just need to work on your date game. You should be closing like 50%-75% of your dates.

On dates you gotta be building deep rapport / romantic connection and escalating physically.

Don't give up yet. It sounds like you are close to decent success.

Can you describe your typical date, where and how it unfolds?

Basically the issue is that i get ruthlessly punished for small mistakes i make. It is not that i am perfect, it is just that a girl is harsher to me than she would be normally. I will write some examples:

1. A girl ghosted me (kinda, did not want to meet me again), just because i did not kiss her on the first date. Now this is obviously a mistake but i still flirted with her, touched her hand a lot, we sat next to each other, i teased etc. I know plenty of guys that did not kiss on the first date and still managed to get the girl as long as they were not just platonic. Meanwhile i did not get a second date.

2. Another girl i actually managed to make out with on the first date, touched her, flirted a bit, teased a lot, talked for quite some time but she made some retarted shit tests and in her mind i failed them and that was enough for her to cast me out. Example: I saw on her phone that the train she would take to go to her city (she lives in a close town) was on platform 4 when we were on the bar. When we are at the train station going to the platform she asks me if it is platform 3. I tell her: "No, it is platform 4". She says: "No, it is platform 3". I repeat, "it is platform 4, i remember well do not worry". Then she says: "I have it on my phone, it is platform 3, i can see it on my phone". Then i am like: "Fine, if it is on your phone it is platform 3". She gets bit frustrated and goes like : "You should be more confident in your opinion, im trying to make you more confident". 

She says this legit 20 mins after i go in and kiss her with her not giving me any super clear obvious signs, if this is not confident i do not know what is. She accepted my kiss and then kissed me herself. After the first date she friendzoned me harshly. So out of like 3 hour date i "slip up" once even though the overall was good and that is enough for her to frienzone me. The proof that the rest was good was the fact that she actually accepted my kiss and even kissed me back towards the very end. The next big thing that happened on that date after the kiss was this story with the train platform. So i probably got friendzoned because she did not think i was "confident" enough for her just because of this 1 slip. Quite ruthless imo.

These are 2 examples out of many. 

Usually for a first date i go for a drink at a nearby bar/loungue place near the center. Afterwards usually for a walk (the center is quite pretty) and while walking we might get a waffle or something. I am not advanced yet to lead the date to my place but that is on the works. I tend to prefer to fuck on a second date (if i actually would get one) then on the first date (unless i am meeting a girl from tinder or something).

During the date, well it depends. General rule is that i make it positive, fun, playful. Also i try to build some rapport/comfort with the girl and find out what she likes, her dreams, what is into etc. I use this also as a way of screening the girl to see if she would be a good fit. After a while i try to slowly escalate with the girl, at first by touching her hand and if she is receptive slowly escalate to the point where i can kiss her. So far escalations have been smooth, never had issues with them nor been rejected a kiss. I do not do heavy makeouts unless i know i can fuck her but i definetly kiss her.

Edited March 27, 2022 by Karmadhi

[Karmadhi]

On 3/25/2022 at 8:00 PM, Something Funny said:

Tbh you sound too obsessed with getting a girlfriend rn. Maybe that's what fucks up your results. Imagine if your mindset would be: "I am living a life of meaning. I am following my hero's journey, contributing to the world and growing to become the best version of myself. If I get a girlfriend along the way it will be a nice cherry on top of the cake, and if I don't then who cares, I will still live an amazing life with no regrets."

I did that for 21 years, did not work. I focused on other things, did not even get 1 date. Meanwhile at least now i can get dates and even first date makeouts even if they will not lead anywhere. "Focusing on your purpose" in itself wont work if your skills suck. Improve your skills, then focus on purpose.

10 hours ago, somegirl said:

is the male version of me ?

Literally I have all these thoughts, just the other way around. 

ohhh  

On 3/25/2022 at 7:53 PM, something_else said:

Whether they approach spam or not, they’re still approaching at least a few girls which from the sounds of it is more than you’re doing

Everyones path is different. It sounds like you just want girls to fall into your lap with zero effort because you see a few other guys get that. Well tough shit, very few guys get that. Life ain’t fair

Dude i am not talking about party guys. Believe it or not most party guys i know do not even approach girls. They just have fun with the other 10 people they go with and that's it. Most guys are not party guys. The number of girls i know is arguably the highest out of all my guy friends and higher than a lot of guys i know so it is not just that. Yes, i did not approach 1000 girls but almost nobody does and they still get some result once in a while. I do not. That is what i am saying. I am not complaining why i am not banging 10s every 2 weeks, i am complaining why i have not managed to get a girl to geniounly want to date me despite having talked to probably more girls than those guys that had 1-2 girlfriends during their life so far.

[something_else]

14 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

Dude i am not talking about party guys. Believe it or not most party guys i know do not even approach girls. They just have fun with the other 10 people they go with and that's it. Most guys are not party guys. The number of girls i know is arguably the highest out of all my guy friends and higher than a lot of guys i know so it is not just that. Yes, i did not approach 1000 girls but almost nobody does and they still get some result once in a while. I do not. That is what i am saying. I am not complaining why i am not banging 10s every 2 weeks, i am complaining why i have not managed to get a girl to geniounly want to date me despite having talked to probably more girls than those guys that had 1-2 girlfriends during their life so far.

Well somehow those dudes are getting girlfriends. I highly doubt they’re doing that without talking to any girls

A lot of extroverted dudes don’t need to frame it as approaching because they go out with friends and naturally bring new people into the conversation, many times girls. It’s not really approaching for them, it’s just all very natural

If they go out and have fun with their group of friends there will be lots of natural socialising and intermingling of groups where they get tons of exposure to girls

But if this doesn’t come naturally then you’ve got to be a bit more direct and start approaching rather than just waiting for things to happen to you

Most of the framing in your posts very much comes across as “I want a girlfriend without having to go and talk to girls”

That is often what it feels like you want when I read your posts

90% of relationships start with the guy approaching the girl in some flirty way, it’s unavoidable. If you’re introverted you have to learn this skill

Also no one is telling you to go and do a thousand approaches. Even just like meeting 5 new girls a week would be better than sitting waiting for things to happen to you. It’s scary, but it’s not as bad as it seems. Just find one or two ways you can increase your exposure to girls and go from there

Even if you have everything else in your life together, which it sounds like you do, that doesn’t mean you automatically deserve a GF with zero extra effort. You still need to do a bit of work for it, but it’s not that much work. Well, it’s not that much work if you get lots of exposure to girls