Feeling extremly afraid to say that i want to leave the job

[kras]

I want to leave my job for 1 year and i cannot gather the courage to tell my boss that i want to leav. Its a dead end job and i feel so misrable.

I feel afraid because i am sure that reaction won't be good and i am stuck in my head always imagining scenarios. What to do?? I cannot stay in that job even one more day.

[PepperBlossoms]

The hardest part is just starting the conversation and the part leading up to it but once you start it, it is a breeze and you will be SO SO SO happy you did it and got it over with.  Just say, fuck it, walk over to your boss or message your boss, tell them you want to talk, and then just let it spill out.

It doesn't matter if you cry or get angry or how it goes to the extent that you did it, got it over with, and can feel a sigh of relief of having gotten out of there.  Forget about what your boss thinks or wants.  Do what you want.

You can still be like, "Thank you so much for letting me have this opportunity but I have decided that this is not a good fit and that I am putting in my two weeks notice.  I have enjoyed ABC but I feel that I need to make a move on to something else.  I appreciate having worked with you."  Your boss may let you leave even earlier.  Also you don't have to do the two weeks notice thing either and could make any day your last day.

No one stays at any job forever anyway - we either die, quit, get fired, etc.  You weren't going to stay there forever and will have to leave at some point regardless so this situation is going to happen anyway - it is just a matter of when.

If you don't want to do it anymore, I say don't waste another day and get it over with now.  The faster you do it, the faster it is over with.

You don't have to have a resignation letter typed in order to tell your boss you are leaving but he/she may ask you to type one after the fact to have it official.

[PepperBlossoms]

Also, everyone's financial situation is different.  Some people suggest not leaving a job until they have another one.  I have personally never done that as it was always where it was too horrible and I had to get out immediately but some do.  If there is enough funds to not work, then that makes it even easier to leave.

There is the perspective of not being able to afford to not work due to money.  There is also the perspective of not being able to work due to mental health, the job being so horrible and against one's values, the job making one miserable, the job impacting other parts of one's life in a really bad way, etc.  Mine has always been the second one.

[elizabethh]

You're on the right track with knowing to have a job that you at least somewhat like. Have you thought another income stream that'd be more enjoyable? 

I felt the same way about my job for a while until I grew to like it as it helps with good money helping my life purpose (not saying that it is the case for you)

[Yarco]

What's the worst that's going to happen, they fire you? LOL

If you want to avoid burning bridges (you want to use your boss as a reference for a future job, or to have a chance to come back to this job if nothing else works out) -- Then suck up the 10 minutes of discomfort and have the conversation. Just knock on your boss' door when they seem not busy and ask if you can talk to them for a minute. Or schedule a meeting with them depending what kind of job it is and how formal it is.

If you want to kind of chicken out and go halfway in between, you can just write a formal resignation letter in an email and send it. But they are inevitably going to talk to you at some point unless you send the email and then never come back.

If you are so avoidant that you have no other option, just ghost your employer and stop coming in. Try to line this up with when you get paid to avoid the risk of not getting paid for some days you worked.

[Spence94]

Do you want freedom, purpose, ownership of your life and happiness and fulfillment? Or do you want to be a slave to someone else and sacrifice your life for someone else's benefit and be miserable forever?

Your Choice. 

I doubt the response will be anywhere near as bad as your mind is making it out to be anyways. Go get take your fucking life back brother. You will be dead one day.

"The quality of our life is determined by how many difficult conversations we are willing to have." - Tim Ferris

[flowboy]

15 hours ago, kras said:

I feel afraid because i am sure that reaction won't be good and i am stuck in my head always imagining scenarios.

 

Have your parents empowered you to make your own choices, or were you raised to do what your father or mother said, or else?

If that's the case, then childhood conditioning can be at the root of this need to please people.

Edited March 23, 2022 by flowboy

[Razard86]

15 hours ago, PepperBlossoms said:

Also, everyone's financial situation is different.  Some people suggest not leaving a job until they have another one.  I have personally never done that as it was always where it was too horrible and I had to get out immediately but some do.  If there is enough funds to not work, then that makes it even easier to leave.

There is the perspective of not being able to afford to not work due to money.  There is also the perspective of not being able to work due to mental health, the job being so horrible and against one's values, the job making one miserable, the job impacting other parts of one's life in a really bad way, etc.  Mine has always been the second one.

Great advice. Great post!!

[Razard86]

15 minutes ago, flowboy said:

 

Have your parents empowered you to make your own choices, or were you raised to do what your father or mother said, or else?

If that's the case, then childhood conditioning can be at the root of this need to please people.

The former was me, I was also bullied. The irony is the bullying got rid of my desire to people please, but the impact of bullying gave me a desire to alleviate and not ADD onto the suffering of others which made me people please as a result.....LOL

[flowboy]

5 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

The former was me, I was also bullied. The irony is the bullying got rid of my desire to people please, but the impact of bullying gave me a desire to alleviate and not ADD onto the suffering of others which made me people please as a result.....LOL

I was also bullied. It got rid of my desire to fit in. So I went my own way, but still had a desire to fit in somewhere, and being in groups would trigger the hell out of me because I was terrified of being excluded.

Childhood conditioning can work in unpredictable ways. Do you still feel influenced by that?

[Gladius]

Can relate 100%. You have been conditioned to please others.

Just tell your boss you need to talk for a minute in private. Then tell him you are grateful for the chance of being there but you feel the need of moving your career in a totally different direction.

Make your mental health number one priority. 

[kras]

Thank you for your advices. 

I managed to gather the courage and say it. Everything was fine.

Yes  i am coditionet that others needs are more important than mine, its very difficult to stad for myself, because i always deem the other people feelings superior than mine.

[vizual]

I have been in that situation before where I had a case of Stockholm syndrom at my job, the work environment was extremely toxic from top to bottom. And I felt guilty for wanting to quit, telling myself that I should just 'suck it up' and go on. That I owe these people for giving me the opportunity, that I should suffer along with them, and more of those nonsensical justifications.

Just being aware of that self delusion helps you move forward. There's no virtue in staying in a toxic dead end job, none. 

Edited March 23, 2022 by vizual

[Alex_R]

But do you have another job lined up?

[Razard86]

On 3/23/2022 at 6:51 AM, flowboy said:

I was also bullied. It got rid of my desire to fit in. So I went my own way, but still had a desire to fit in somewhere, and being in groups would trigger the hell out of me because I was terrified of being excluded.

Childhood conditioning can work in unpredictable ways. Do you still feel influenced by that?

The only influence I have left is I want to alleviate the suffering of the world. I know ambitious much? I have overcome my suffering and have learned that suffering is our own creation. So my desire is to teach my world (which is basically anybody I can communicate with) that we have the power of choice. It is literally the most powerful thing that exists. If you think of life as a blank canvas and that all we do is project onto that canvass then you will understand that perception is your reality. Everything around us is neutral and we project our beliefs and expectations or preferences onto it and create our experience. 

Of course for you to accept this you would have to shift your identity to something transcendental. So yeah as long as I remember that I can choose how to experience each moment it helps me. Now I am by no means perfect and every now and then must gently remind myself, breathe and center my self. I never suppress my emotions, I just allow it to come, acknowledge it and slowly it LEAVES. Its freaking amazing when I am able to do this consistently. 

Question: How did you get started in your current career? 

Edited March 25, 2022 by Razard86