Why is Indian society so judgmental?

[Preety_India]

I don't hate Indians, let's be clear about that at the get go. 

But I'm sick of Indian communities wherever I go. There are legitimate reasons for this. 

They are extra extra smart and meanwhile there's nothing wrong with being smart, but this attitude of always topping others, hyper competitiveness and this oversmart mentality and behavior causes them to become hard nosed and judgmental and reject anything that doesn't fit their success doctrine in life. It feels very reductive, hurtful. 

Most Indians would actually agree with the Right Wing US mentality if you asked them. 

I don't see any empathetic understanding in Indians. 

If you asked a regular Indian guy what does he think of a single mother looking to date then his immediate response would be that she is baggage and that it's all her fault that she chose the wrong person or didn't have better judgement. Now I'm not saying that all Indians are this way but this is just an example of their judgemental nature of the overall social psyche of Indian communities. 

 

[BlueOak]

Do you travel much around India? Is it the same everywhere in India?

The place I am in myself is socially conservative. I do know there are many places around the UK which are not, that have different attitudes.
 

[vizual]

3 hours ago, Preety_India said:

If you asked a regular Indian guy what does he think of a single mother looking to date then his immediate response would be that she is baggage and that it's all her fault that she chose the wrong person or didn't have better judgement. Now I'm not saying that all Indians are this way but this is just an example of their judgemental nature of the overall social psyche of Indian communities.

 

This is not an Indian specific thing. I man in his prime with opportunities in life would think very hard before dating or marrying a woman with children. This is just universal for men.

And women are no different. If a woman has a choice between a man with a prestigeous job in some big company, or a guy who lays bricks as a job. The woman will almost always go for the former.

Of course there are exceptions, but there are general rules that people tend to follow whom they choose to mate with, and whom they desire to mate with.

[Preety_India]

@BlueOak yes almost everywhere 

@vizual this is not true. You might think that in western countries men think conservatively but this is not true or else I won't see so many single mothers getting remarried there. In Indian society even divorced men and women find it difficult to get remarried. I was just giving an example of the mindset. 

And if you visited India, the social culture is very judgemental and bad, you could be demonized simply for being divorced. It's pure hell. The lack of empathy is on a disastrous level. There is simply no room for anyone who isn't perfect enough 

Suicides in our country are extremely high 

You simply cannot thrive in a society that offers you little beyond survival based on tough competition. 

You would feel like you are living in a social hell unless you're among the top 20% of the social class. 

Most people in India report feeling depressed, stressed, lonely and suicidal. 

This is shown in a study. 

 

 

[PurpleTree]

i've been to india twice

once as a kid and once as an adult, found both times interesting but had for example very little contact with the female population

but maybe that's changing and would have been different in bigger cities

 

 

@preety why do you change your avatar every day?

[Preety_India]

5 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

once as a kid and once as an adult, found both times interesting but had for example very little contact with the female population

but maybe that's changing and would have been different in bigger cities

Not much has changed. 

 

[PurpleTree]

8 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Not much has changed. 

 

it's a bit similar to a muslim country in that sense.

men are mostly the ones you meet and see working, taxi drivers, restaurants etc. are always men.

people working at stores are mostly men s far as i've seen, although in india i've seen some women at markets.

for example in south east asia much more women work in stores and markets etc.

while in europe there are also many bus drivers who're women, taxi drivers are still mostly men i guess

but i guess in a big city like mumbai you would see many women work at stores, restaurants etc.

last time i've been to kerala which is one of the richest parts of india

Edited March 22, 2022 by PurpleTree

[BlueOak]

For the UK perspective at least where I am. Both perspectives are true. Men do think about their partners about what they can provide for or support, and men do marry single mothers. When you get into the age where most women have families and the man might do himself, there isn't a stigma here that you describe. There is always consideration of what someone can afford or what responsibilities they want in their life however.

Its a big deal taking on a kid, and something anyone should consider if they are ready for the responsibility. Whether that's a newborn or starting a relationship with a mother. As for social mobility yeah we do okay with that in the UK, quite high but not the highest. 



Here is a 2020 link:

https://citi.io/2020/02/04/the-countries-with-the-highest-social-mobility/

Edited March 22, 2022 by BlueOak

[BlueOak]

Finally I found the full link India is 76th

http://reports.weforum.org/social-mobility-report-2020/social-mobility-rankings/?doing_wp_cron=1647946949.4859139919281005859375

[vizual]

44 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@BlueOak yes almost everywhere 

@vizual this is not true. You might think that in western countries men think conservatively but this is not true or else I won't see so many single mothers getting remarried there. In Indian society even divorced men and women find it difficult to get remarried. I was just giving an example of the mindset. 

And if you visited India, the social culture is very judgemental and bad, you could be demonized simply for being divorced. It's pure hell. The lack of empathy is on a disastrous level. There is simply no room for anyone who isn't perfect enough 

Suicides in our country are extremely high 

You simply cannot thrive in a society that offers you little beyond survival based on tough competition. 

You would feel like you are living in a social hell unless you're among the top 20% of the social class. 

Most people in India report feeling depressed, stressed, lonely and suicidal. 

This is shown in a study. 

 

 

The research shows that India is average in terms of rates of depression.

https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/depression-rates-by-country

 And yes a lot of single moms get remarried. But in my own experience, they remarry a lot with other men who are divorced as well, who also have children.

 When a single mother marries a young guy in his prime, with no children or past marriages. There’s definitely a gap in social status there.

 Just like when a millionaire business man marries a waitress from the local pub, it’s unconventional.

[Preety_India]

41 minutes ago, vizual said:

And yes a lot of single moms get remarried. But in my own experience, they remarry a lot with other men who are divorced as well, who also have children.

In my country single moms don't get married at all, forget young or old. 

 

[PurpleTree]

38 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

In my country single moms don't get married at all, forget young or old. 

 

what if they're hot?

[Preety_India]

4 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

what if they're hot?

It's question of mentality. Not about hot or not hot. The mentality is very judgemental and considers anyone who doesn't have a perfect life as "unwanted 'or" beneath. "

And a perfect life is someone who has a great job, career, unmarried, single, young, upbeat with lots of money or social status. 

Of course people who don't satisfy all those requirements also get married but they aren't in happy marriages, it's just compromise and lifelong feeling of being judged or considered inferior or loser. 

 

Edited March 22, 2022 by Preety_India

[PurpleTree]

3 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

It's question of mentality. Not about hot or not hot. The mentality is very judgemental and considers anyone who doesn't have a perfect life as "unwanted 'or" beneath. "

And a perfect life is someone who has a great job, career, unmarried, single, young, upbeat with lots of money or social status. 

Of course people who don't satisfy all those requirements also get married but they aren't in happy marriages, it's just compromise and lifelong feeling of being judged or considered inferior or loser. 

 

so what do you think is needed to change that "judging" part of society.

education, traveling, wealth?

i mean hinduism in some ways should be understanding in theory as far as i'm concerned since everybody gets reborn all the time and should therefor also be understanding of single mothers etc. because that could be them

[vizual]

Everyone judges people, it's part of human nature. We all judge, it's how we survive. The key is not to try and stop people from judging, that's a fools errand. It's to inform people so they can make better, more compassionate and more informed judgments.

And still, single don't have to date single moms if they don't want to. Just like they don't have to date transgender women. But you don't have to be judgmental about them as well. 

When I speak for me personally; I don't want to date single moms, but I don't judge them negatively for being a single mom. I respect single moms, it's gotta be pretty tough. But I personally don't want to date that out of personal preference. And there's nothing wrong with that, we don't all have to want the same thing in life

Edited March 22, 2022 by vizual

[Preety_India]

Just now, PurpleTree said:

so what do you think is needed to change that "judging" part of society.

education, traveling, wealth?

i mean hinduism in some ways should be understanding in theory as far as i'm concerned since everybody gets reborn all the time and should therefor also be understanding of single mothers etc. because that could be them

What needs to change is the level of empathy. Awareness. Stage Green values of acceptance into society instead of treating someone as unwanted. Western society is very open, kind and inclusive and doesn't judge people so hard. Heck even criminals are not judged so harsh in western society, even they have rights and freedoms. But in Indian society even normal individuals are made to feel like criminals 

 

If you don't become a Doctor or Engineer in India and if you don't get married or have children, you're basically considered a loser.. No matter how intelligent or nice you are as a person. 

If your parents are Indian and if you don't fulfill their social expectations out of you, you will essentially be treated worse than a criminal in the West. 

It's horribly judgemental, strict, greedy, unempathetic, insensitive society. 

 

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, vizual said:

And still, single don't have to date single moms if they don't want to. Just like they don't have to date transgender women. But you don't have to be judgmental about them as well. 

When I speak for me personally; I don't want to date single moms, but I don't judge them negatively for it. I respect single moms, it's gotta be pretty tough. But I personally don't want to date that. And there's nothing wrong with that.

You don't judge them. But Indian society does. In fact a rape victim is sometimes encouraged to commit suicide 

Because in the Indian mindset a woman with no husband has no identity. 

A woman violated is better off dead.

A son who doesn't earn the salary of a doctor is a worthless person and a failure in the eyes of the parents. 

A single mother is a brainless slut who gave her virginity to the wrong man and deserves lovelessness and loneliness and every bit of suffering coming to her. 

Any person in Our society who doesn't satisfy expectations that are set ridiculously high are to be shamed and judged and abandoned into anonymity and should deserve nothing but disdain, contempt and suffering. 

 

How will you feel in such a society? 

That's why the suicides

Half of the suicides don't get reported. 

 

[vizual]

I think it's because India is a very stage Blue country. Stage blue is defined by being very judgmental of people who don't 'fit the mold'. It should become less as it progresses toward stage Orange, as stage orange is more about personal liberty and a 'live and let live' attitude toward personal lifestyle choices.

[Preety_India]

@vizual it's very hard to thrive in such a society. It is completely loveless. 

In my building nobody even talks to another person. 

If anyone talks they only do it to gather information and laugh behind their back or spread gossip. 

There are no child protection services, no 911

Once I felt threatened by a man so I called the woman's helpline, this was years ago, nobody picked the call on the helpline 

The society and government is heartless and bureaucratic. 

There is Generational trauma 

People don't look at each other with trust. 

The only security is family and If you don't have a family or if your family is unkind, then you are ROYALLY FUCKED. 

Its like there is absolutely no help if you are in any kind of trouble. You are completely on your own. The government doesn't help.. The society doesn't help. 

Nobody helps except family. 

But sometimes even family who are greedy don't help.. 

So.in India people mostly feel very desperate. 

 

[kray]

@Preety_India probably a result of post colonial mindset….remember this is the same culture where we have many woman goddesses