Dating Someone Who Isn't "as Good" As You Are

[electroBeam]

@ElenaO is watching tv not living life? Just because something doesnt align with your values, doesnt mean the person is less experienced than you. It just means other people's trash is other people's treasure. 

If you dont like nerds who play video games, thats fine, but making the assumption that he's less than you because of it is purely destructive. I use to hate nerdy friends as well because i thought that they were wasting their life.... until I grew up and realized my values dont determine the worth of other people. You have no idea how much youre stabbing yourself in the foot by doing this.

[ElenaO]

OK, I think I might be misunderstood here. I am not saying that entertainment is evil. That's a person's choice of how to spend their time. What I meant to say is that I think these types of experiences do not really help in building a relationship. So if I had to choose from a guy who is experienced in, for example, organizing some events, and a guy who is experienced in playing games, I would rather go with the first option. Because he is more likely to know how to socialize, how to handle difficult situations, etc.

[SFRL]

@electroBeam @ElenaO This starts to turn into the classic discussion between men and women where both sides think they are right and the other side is wrong. Men and women should understand that we are not the same creatures. Men and women both screen each other really hard but on different criteria. 

The thing is that no matter how true and correct you think your personal opinion is....the Universe as a whole does care very little for your own personal little opinion. Or mine. The only thing it cares about is what is Truth. And if you go against that you will end up with a reality check every time. 

So the best thing to do is to look where you yourself are wrong or lacking. And if you really fully understand whats going on yourself. Instead of focusing on the other person. 

[ElenaO]

2 minutes ago, STC said:

The thing is that no matter how true and correct you think your personal opinion is....the Universe as a whole does care very little for your own personal little opinion. Or mine. The only thing it cares about is what is Truth. And if you go against that you will end up with a reality check every time. 

So the best thing to do is to look where you yourself are wrong or lacking. And if you really fully understand whats going on yourself. Instead of focusing on the other person. 

This sounds vague. But I will try to think about your idea, thanks. 

[electroBeam]

@STC who cares, its all an illusion

[SFRL]

6 hours ago, ElenaO said:

I can offer him my commitment to the relationship - to try my best to improve and try to understand if there's something that needs to be understood. 

I can give it to you more direct. 

What you say there in that comment; what do you exactly offer here that not literally every other other girl in this world can offer a guy if she has the slightest good intentions towards the relationship?    

This is exactly the same as sort of comment that your typical 'nice guy' that you find not attractive will make: I am nice, and faithful, and I respect your opinions. 

Really thats it? Level up right? 

If that is all a girl says she has to offer then that would really not do it for me. Its a dry cake. Where is my icing? Where is my whipped cream? 

[ElenaO]

1 minute ago, STC said:

I can give it to you more direct. 

What you say there in that comment; what do you exactly offer here that not literally every other other girl in this world can offer a guy if she has the slightest good intentions towards the relationship?    

This is exactly the same as sort of comment that your typical 'nice guy' that you find not attractive will make: I am nice, and faithful, and I respect your opinions. 

Really thats it? Level up right? 

If that is all a girl says she has to offer then that would really not do it for me. Its a dry cake. Where is my icing? Where is my whipped cream? 

OK, good to hear. So what's the icing that you expect?

[SFRL]

23 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

@STC who cares, its all an illusion

Well my man like I say: "A spanking a day keeps the brattiness away"

Sometimes they have to go over the knee and you need to show them who daddy is. 

That will fix that illusion quickly. 

Edited January 26, 2017 by STC

[SFRL]

43 minutes ago, ElenaO said:

OK, good to hear. So what's the icing that you expect?

Well you know I dont like fat women. I can do a little juicy sometimes. And I like a nice booty as well. 

I like a woman who is smart. I like women who are as intelligent as me or more intelligent then me. 

I like a woman who is good with kids. She needs to like kids.

A sense of humor is important. 

She needs to be affectionate. I love to cuddle if she is not into that then thats a real problem. Its not going to work. 

I dont really care if she makes good money. Thats a nice bonus but I can make my own money. I can date a waitress or a cashier. 

I dont like women who get cold and resentful either. She needs to be able to kiss and make up quickly. I think thats a real good quality. 

Sometimes I like a little bitchiness. I like it when mamma is strict on me   

Ohyeah and a real good quality is when she is generally can have fun doing anything. If that is going for coffee, the museum, the club, the beach, the park, watching a movie at home, hiking, road trips, traveling, etc, etc, etc. Its more fun like that why limit yourself. 

Edited January 26, 2017 by STC

[ElenaO]

16 hours ago, STC said:

Well you know I dont like fat women. I can do a little juicy sometimes. And I like a nice booty as well. 

I like a woman who is smart. I like women who are as intelligent as me or more intelligent then me. 

I like a woman who is good with kids. She needs to like kids.

A sense of humor is important. 

She needs to be affectionate. I love to cuddle if she is not into that then thats a real problem. Its not going to work. 

I dont really care if she makes good money. Thats a nice bonus but I can make my own money. I can date a waitress or a cashier. 

I dont like women who get cold and resentful either. She needs to be able to kiss and make up quickly. I think thats a real good quality. 

Sometimes I like a little bitchiness. I like it when mamma is strict on me   

Ohyeah and a real good quality is when she is generally can have fun doing anything. If that is going for coffee, the museum, the club, the beach, the park, watching a movie at home, hiking, road trips, traveling, etc, etc, etc. Its more fun like that why limit yourself. 

Your requirements aren't anything supernatural in my opinion.
Any woman who is more or less into growing herself cares about her body. Hence, she is most likely in a pretty good shape. Same applies to intelligence. 

In fact, a lot of things that you mentioned I took for granted. I never mentioned them, but I thought that those are the necessary prerequisites to qualify for a high quality man  Not sure about the sense of humor though (I struggle with this one, perhaps).
Seriously, nothing that you mentioned seems anything super special to me. I am certain there are a few women who qualify for this in my opinion. 


To add: I would also expect all those things from a man too. 

[jse]

Judging by successful relationships that I've seen (I'm not in one), they often display balanced attributes such as an equality in terms of maturity - i.e., there is no "leader".  In other words, aim for a relationship with your equal in terms of development and experience, and grow together from that basis.  We are all on a life journey, and sharing it with partners (and friends) with similar levels of experience and maturity, can turn our travels into an incredible adventure.

[SFRL]

4 hours ago, ElenaO said:

Your requirements aren't anything supernatural in my opinion.
Any woman who is more or less into growing herself cares about her body. Hence, she is most likely in a pretty good shape. Same applies to intelligence. 

In fact, a lot of things that you mentioned I took for granted. I never mentioned them, but I thought that those are the necessary prerequisites to qualify for a high quality man  Not sure about the sense of humor though (I struggle with this one, perhaps).
Seriously, nothing that you mentioned seems anything super special to me. I am certain there are a few women who qualify for this in my opinion. 


To add: I would also expect all those things from a man too. 

From my experience those things I listed by far not everyone possesses. And then to have them all present in one person is even more rare. I could come up with a few more examples and some R-rated ones but that's besides the point. 

Now I don't have this desire to date up. If I want success, status, or money I will go acquire those for myself. But women I think are biologically wired to date up. 

[Birdcage]

On 23/01/2017 at 0:17 AM, STC said:

Another thing is that being a 'kind and honest person,' or a so called 'nice guy' or 'good person' doesn't really get you any bonus points. That's a basic requirement. Just like getting up in the morning and taking a shower and brushing your teeth. It's something that you should expect of any person. 

A self proclaimed 'nice guy' will say things like: "I respect women that's why I don't treat women like a badboy does". The thing is the self proclaimed 'nice guy' would not know how to ignite that attraction in a woman even if he tried. So him being 'nice' is being 'nice' from a position of incompetence. It's all he got.

A girl is not going to sleep with a guy because he is doing something that you would expect from any human being. 

She will sleep/date/marry the guy for the extras he brings to her life compared to other men. 

You cracked me up:))))  it's so true and they way you put it was very entertaining. I completely agree. 

 

[ElenaO]

On 1/27/2017 at 2:30 AM, STC said:

From my experience those things I listed by far not everyone possesses. And then to have them all present in one person is even more rare. I could come up with a few more examples and some R-rated ones but that's besides the point. 

Now I don't have this desire to date up. If I want success, status, or money I will go acquire those for myself. But women I think are biologically wired to date up. 

Well, it's rare for a man to have all those qualities. Btw, when you say you do not need to "date up", it actually does seem you want at least a high quality woman. If she's intelligent, in good shape, she's got her things together, she isn't probably going to do a cashier job either. 

[FindingPeace]

On 22/01/2017 at 9:04 PM, ElenaO said:

Is it worth dating someone who has less experience in life, is in a worse shape than you are, but is, otherwise, a kind and honest person?

If you are judging and evaluating someone by comparing them to you, then really you are never going to have an authentic and loving realtionship. Authentic love and authentic relationships comes from the absence of judgment. Not from whether or  not someone is 'as good as' you or whatever. True, authentic and meaningful connections come from understanding and aceptance of one another. Not by judging a person's list of 'attributes'.

And again, I see people using such simplistic 'judging' mechanisms for evaluating people's worth. Someone being 'kind and honest' doesn't necessarily make them compatible or meaningful to you. There are far deeper layers to someone than this. And far more relevent and important factors that will determine the quality of the resulting relationship.

[SFRL]

21 hours ago, ElenaO said:

Well, it's rare for a man to have all those qualities. Btw, when you say you do not need to "date up", it actually does seem you want at least a high quality woman. If she's intelligent, in good shape, she's got her things together, she isn't probably going to do a cashier job either. 

You can love someone with your mind, your heart, and your body.

 

Loving with the mind: 

This this the logical and rational look at your lover. 

You rationally love or do love him/her because of objective reasons.

• Promising/great career/dead beat
• Good looking/ugly
• Flashy car/bucket
• Liked by your family/disliked by your family
• Good credit/bad credit
• Kids/no kids
• Owns a house/lives with parents
• Polite/ rude 
• .............
• .............

This list is endless. But thats what we are talking about when we are talking about 'dating up' or 'dating down'

. 

Loving with the heart:

 This is the romantic love. How you feel about the person. The warm fuzzy feelings.

 

Loving with your body: 

This is not about looks very much. But it is about the blend of chemicals, hormones, and pheromones two body's produce. This goes mostly by scent but on an unconscious level. Some body's mix better with certain body's then other body's. Its about biological attraction. Basically it is about how well will two gene pools be able to produce prospering offspring. 

 

A lot of times people will fall in love by one or two out of these three ways. So their body's may like each other, and they love them with their heart. But rationally they think they shouldn't. (Or another combination of the three).

So the best thing of course is to find someone that you love with your mind, heart and body. And they love with mind, heart, and body as well. 

[Passionate]

I just had to post that I have thoroughly enjoyed reading through these three pages of postings.......appreciate everyone's comments thus far.  For my part:  A relationship is about finding someone you have positive energy with, and that the two of you can exchange that positive energy and continually manifest this through each other.  So, if the two of you are talking - and your conversation continually sparks other beneficial thoughts, then you are engaging in this exchange I am discussing.  The central theme for me will always be about how I feel when I am with someone, and asking myself - do they give me positive energy and am I able to give that back to them?  I agree with the other posters who talked about this being a rare thing.  In my experience, this kind of positive energy and interaction with another person is very hard to come by, although not impossible.  Good luck in your endeavors, no matter where they take you.  Thanks for the post/thread and comments!!