Dating Someone Who Isn't "as Good" As You Are

[SFRL]

18 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

true, but it's also true that people at that age usually don't look for help on this subject in places like this. so it's very safe to assume that the readers need that advice, as we can see on her answer:

@clytaemnestra

@ajasatya I think that's a convenient assumption that fits your agenda. 

Edited January 24, 2017 by STC

[ajasatya]

7 minutes ago, STC said:

@ajasatya I think that's a convenient assumption that fits your agenda. 

my agenda is acing life

[SFRL]

6 minutes ago, ajasatya said:

my agenda is acing life

Good luck with that. 

[Life Coach]

So, what can you offer for a man in return? Why should a handsome successfull guy (like Leo) on a self-development path be with you? Just curious.

Women tend to date up, men tend to date down. I see a lot of women acting like the real shit and expecting a lot from the guy, while they themselves have absolutely nothing of value to offer. While an amazing guy just might realize..."why give a shit?" and he loses the need for "leveling up" or impressing the woman. He stops giving a damn about what other people think of him and just focuses on the real values and the real objective of life. He might even stop dating, relationships and caring about women alltogether. While he is getting more and more advanced he leaves more and more of the societal values and norms behind and commits to Truth only.

[ElenaO]

20 hours ago, aurum said:

Women tend to be very unhappy in these kind of relationships. On some level, they resent their man. They resent that he isn't what he could be. So if you're a man, you've got to recognize this and take appropriate action.

That being said, if you're a woman, let's not just go pointing the finger at men and saying "yeah men, why don't you man up? I'm perfect, so it must be your fault if everyone I'm dating sucks".

No. That's immaturity and not taking responsibility for your own life.

If you're not getting the quality of guy you want, ask yourself: what could you do to change this? Because high quality men do exist...and some women are getting them. What are they doing that maybe you're not? Hint, it's probably not all about looks.

The sad thing I see though is that a lot of women just complain about how their man isn't what they want.

Sure, you want him to "just get it". Great. But he doesn't get it. So now what?

Complaining is never the solution. You have to be willing to point the finger at yourself, even if it's painful to admit.

I agree. Feeling resentful towards men is the exact description of the way I felt. 
Yes, I don't want to point any fingers. I am sure that I can find someone who's at my level or even above. And I agree that most of it is up to me. 
Didn't mean to complain. I guess I just got a bit grumpy because there's guys who are less experienced around me. And yes, it's again my mistake - I must do something to change the environment. 

[ElenaO]

23 hours ago, STC said:

As a guy you want to 'level up' ofcourse. There are always going to be be people who are more attractive to you or less attractive to you. (Or women in general). 

Now that being said there are legions of women out there with completely unrealistic worldviews that are not productive to stable relationships. It's not always men who are to blame. 

Yes, there are tons of women out there who themselves need to level up. I don't mean to blame men for all the evil in relationships. 
 

[electroBeam]

On 23/01/2017 at 8:04 AM, ElenaO said:

Is it worth dating someone who has less experience in life, is in a worse shape than you are, but is, otherwise, a kind and honest person?
I am asking it from a women's perspective, i.e. the woman is the one dating someone who is presumably not as "developed".

The answer is rather obvious to me. But I wonder what others think. 

What do you mean by more experienced in life? Seems like a rather lofty term. I guarantee you that I am waay more experienced than you in playing with computers, rock climbing, etc. But I'm pretty sure women don't really care about that. 

Osho said once that everyone is intelligent, but are intelligent in different ways. Just because you might seem more 'enlightened' than your partner, doesn't mean he can't teach you some esoteric thing that he is really good at.

Honestly, any guy who is at a 'higher level' than you is eventually going to do the same thing as you would and dump you. A highly developed person knows that no one can truly fulfil him, and will treat the relationship as a way of gaining some sort of pleasure through manipulation from it. An honest, kind, inexperienced guy is much less likely to dump you, and be accepting of who you are. But if you don't really care about that, eventually you are going to reach a stage of mental growth, where you realise that relationships are just a form of titillation, and they are going to seem no more fulfilling than eating chocolate. 

[Life Coach]

22 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

What do you mean by more experienced in life? Seems like a rather lofty term. I guarantee you that I am waay more experienced than you in playing with computers, rock climbing, etc. But I'm pretty sure women don't really care about that. 

Osho said once that everyone is intelligent, but are intelligent in different ways. Just because you might seem more 'enlightened' than your partner, doesn't mean he can't teach you some esoteric thing that he is really good at.

Honestly, any guy who is at a 'higher level' than you is eventually going to do the same thing as you would and dump you. A highly developed person knows that no one can truly fulfil him, and will treat the relationship as a way of gaining some sort of pleasure through manipulation from it. An honest, kind, inexperienced guy is much less likely to dump you, and be accepting of who you are. But if you don't really care about that, eventually you are going to reach a stage of mental growth, where you realise that relationships are just a form of titillation, and they are going to seem no more fulfilling than eating chocolate. 

Very wise. This will be hard for the regular woman to comprehend however, because this wisdom goes against their very basic nature.

[Kaity]

@ElenaO

I'd say you could date him if those differences are acceptable to you and aren't irritating. However, it's only worth trying if you promise yourself and the other person that you'll stay 100% honest throughout enitre time. This is because chances are one day you will decide to move on and you wouldn't want any pain or guilt. Just be clear with that person that you're still not sure about your feelings and this relationship shouldn't be taken too seriously. 

I think any close interaction with another human being can be a very growing experience from which you can learn a lot. Personally I wish I could just be in piece with other person's flaws and wasn't easily repelled by them. It would give me a ton of flexibility to be more experienced and knowledgable as far as dating goes. So it you don't have that resistance, just go for it and try out, you never know where you'll end up

[Elisabeth]

15 hours ago, electroBeam said:

Honestly, any guy who is at a 'higher level' than you is eventually going to do the same thing as you would and dump you. A highly developed person knows that no one can truly fulfil him, and will treat the relationship as a way of gaining some sort of pleasure through manipulation from it. An honest, kind, inexperienced guy is much less likely to dump you, and be accepting of who you are. But if you don't really care about that, eventually you are going to reach a stage of mental growth, where you realise that relationships are just a form of titillation, and they are going to seem no more fulfilling than eating chocolate. 

Whether advanced people eventually stop caring about relationships or not, I am extremelly surprised by the notion emerging in this thread that a (more) advanced person would manipulate their partner. Shit, if I have someone who is less experienced in life and relationships (meaning they don't have as clear hold on what they want as me, aka I'm able to manipulate them), I will be taking all the care in the world to give them enough space to form their own decisions and treat them as equals. It is a responsibility I accept, if I care in the least for my ethics. Manipulate them to take "more pleasure" for me? Push my self agenda upon them? How advanced is that?

I personally think that relationships, caring and honest relationships, bring much value and pleasure to our lives and can facilitate our self-development journey. And I certainly don't have to manipulate the other person to gain access to that pleasure - quite the opposite. The pleasure comes from a voluntary participation in the intimacy, the common projects we have and the things we choose to do for each other. 

The art of respecting and accepting your partner is a learned skill necessary in relationships, as well as the art of holding your boundaries. Relationships may have a timer attached, be it because of death or simply because peoples preferences change, but crossing and joining paths with someone for a bit of the journey is an experience very much worth it. 

[SFRL]

33 minutes ago, Elisabeth said:

Whether advanced people eventually stop caring about relationships or not, I am extremelly surprised by the notion emerging in this thread that a (more) advanced person would manipulate their partner. Shit, if I have someone who is less experienced in life and relationships (meaning they don't have as clear hold on what they want as me, aka I'm able to manipulate them), I will be taking all the care in the world to give them enough space to form their own decisions and treat them as equals. It is a responsibility I accept, if I care in the least for my ethics. Manipulate them to take "more pleasure" for me? Push my self agenda upon them? How advanced is that?

I personally think that relationships, caring and honest relationships, bring much value and pleasure to our lives and can facilitate our self-development journey. And I certainly don't have to manipulate the other person to gain access to that pleasure - quite the opposite. The pleasure comes from a voluntary participation in the intimacy, the common projects we have and the things we choose to do for each other. 

The art of respecting and accepting your partner is a learned skill necessary in relationships, as well as the art of holding your boundaries. Relationships may have a timer attached, be it because of death or simply because peoples preferences change, but crossing and joining paths with someone for a bit of the journey is an experience very much worth it. 

I do agree with you on this. I think there is advancement possible beyond advanced. 

The least advanced person is the oblivious who is easily manipulated. After that there comes a fase where the person becomes to understand the dynamics and can manipulate the situation. But beyond that there comes a fase where a person has enough understanding of the dynamics to manipulate the situation, but they choose not to do so out of ethical reasons or/and because manipulating their partner does not lead to the most rewarding and fulfilling relationship. 

Edited January 25, 2017 by STC

[ElenaO]

13 hours ago, Kaity said:

@ElenaO

I'd say you could date him if those differences are acceptable to you and aren't irritating. However, it's only worth trying if you promise yourself and the other person that you'll stay 100% honest throughout enitre time. This is because chances are one day you will decide to move on and you wouldn't want any pain or guilt. Just be clear with that person that you're still not sure about your feelings and this relationship shouldn't be taken too seriously. 

I think any close interaction with another human being can be a very growing experience from which you can learn a lot. Personally I wish I could just be in piece with other person's flaws and wasn't easily repelled by them. It would give me a ton of flexibility to be more experienced and knowledgable as far as dating goes. So it you don't have that resistance, just go for it and try out, you never know where you'll end up

 

Good point! I do notice, however, that a lot of things do get on my nerve eventually - I start being irritated by even small things. So I would rather skip the possibility altogether.

 

 

 

[ElenaO]

21 hours ago, electroBeam said:

What do you mean by more experienced in life? Seems like a rather lofty term. I guarantee you that I am waay more experienced than you in playing with computers, rock climbing, etc. But I'm pretty sure women don't really care about that. 

Osho said once that everyone is intelligent, but are intelligent in different ways. Just because you might seem more 'enlightened' than your partner, doesn't mean he can't teach you some esoteric thing that he is really good at.

Honestly, any guy who is at a 'higher level' than you is eventually going to do the same thing as you would and dump you. A highly developed person knows that no one can truly fulfil him, and will treat the relationship as a way of gaining some sort of pleasure through manipulation from it. An honest, kind, inexperienced guy is much less likely to dump you, and be accepting of who you are. But if you don't really care about that, eventually you are going to reach a stage of mental growth, where you realise that relationships are just a form of titillation, and they are going to seem no more fulfilling than eating chocolate. 

Maybe you are more experienced in some things (like playing games, watching tv :D), but who the hell needs that for a relationship? We are talking right now about experience in living life. 

[Life Coach]

1 minute ago, ElenaO said:

Maybe you are more experienced in some things (like playing games, watching tv :D), but who the hell needs that for a relationship? We are talking right now about experience in living life. 

Your posts are full of ego. You ignored my question before, maybe you are not too full of yourself to ignore this one: What is living life really for you? Why do you make fun of that other poster even if you have no idea about him?

[ElenaO]

On 1/24/2017 at 7:55 PM, Old Soul said:

So, what can you offer for a man in return? Why should a handsome successfull guy (like Leo) on a self-development path be with you? Just curious.

Women tend to date up, men tend to date down. I see a lot of women acting like the real shit and expecting a lot from the guy, while they themselves have absolutely nothing of value to offer. While an amazing guy just might realize..."why give a shit?" and he loses the need for "leveling up" or impressing the woman. He stops giving a damn about what other people think of him and just focuses on the real values and the real objective of life. He might even stop dating, relationships and caring about women alltogether. While he is getting more and more advanced he leaves more and more of the societal values and norms behind and commits to Truth only.

I can offer him my commitment to the relationship - to try my best to improve and try to understand if there's something that needs to be understood. 

[Kaity]

@ElenaO

yes, i've noticed the same thing that you start picking on and judging tiniest details about that person. Things that you'd never even notice with somebody else that you're really really into

[khalifa]

@ElenaO

Have you read the The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People? You seem to misunderstand when it comes to  'how to understand and communicate people' Then again this is just a mere projection of reading a few text posts off yours. But they did show that vibe off you. Just wanted to let you know.

 

Commitment and improvement sounds pretty good but your too attached to it to a point where it's deluding you from seeing clearly. Your nature at looking at other points of life seem auto toxic. There's no need to go like who the hell needs that or so as you seem to lack understanding. Which will usually buy itself into compassion by knowing why at times/it depends.

[ElenaO]

6 minutes ago, khalifa said:

@ElenaO

Have you read the The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People? You seem to misunderstand when it comes to  'how to understand and communicate people' Then again this is just a mere projection of reading a few text posts off yours. But they did show that vibe off you. Just wanted to let you know.

 

Commitment and improvement sounds pretty good but your too attached to it to a point where it's deluding you from seeing clearly. Your nature at looking at other points of life seem auto toxic. There's no need to go like who the hell needs that or so as you seem to lack understanding. Which will usually buy itself into compassion by knowing why at times/it depends.

Could you elaborate please on this " You seem to misunderstand when it comes to  'how to understand and communicate people'". I would appreciate that. 
 

[khalifa]

@ElenaO

Your desire to narrow down your sight/lens to commitment and improvement has it's side effects.

Notice how you projected/judged that 'there is no place for games or watching tv :D)'

Quote

37 minutes ago, ElenaO said:

Maybe you are more experienced in some things (like playing games, watching tv :D), but who the hell needs that for a relationship? We are talking right now about experience in living life. 

 

Then again ironically i did judge you for off a single post it would better be if i just accepted the situation and moved on as there is nothing wrong with it as life is neutral. As acceptance is truly key when it comes to unconditional views/unattached views vs justifying with ego. I did point out however that it was just based off a single text and i did read through a few of the earlier posts but i was skipping through the content wondering. Hence not really putting much effort into this. Don't mind me as my projection could be wrong, Just try to examine it yourself maybe. If you feel like your fine then, I'd say play skeptic a bit longer as it does help seeing things overtime on how you feel about your certainty lies. Either way do whatever floats your boat.

[ElenaO]

1 minute ago, khalifa said:

@ElenaO

Your desire to narrow down your sight/lens to commitment and improvement has it's side effects.

Notice how you projected/judged that 'there is no place for games or watching tv :D)'

Quote

 

Then again ironically i did judge you for off a single post it would better be if i just accepted the situation and moved on as there is nothing wrong with it as life is neutral. As acceptance is truly key when it comes to unconditional views/unattached views vs justifying with ego. I did point out however that it was just based off a single text and i did read through a few of the earlier posts but i was skipping through the content wondering. Hence not really putting much effort into this. Don't mind me as my projection could be wrong, Just try to examine it yourself maybe. If you feel like your fine then, I'd say play skeptic a bit longer as it does help seeing things overtime on how you feel about your certainty lies. Either way do whatever floats your boat.

Never said that playing games, watching tv shouldn't happen. What I meant is that those experiences do not really help in sustaining a healthy relationship.