I'm just depressed

[Preety_India]

What I gather is this. 

Yes this question comes to my mind very often. 

The answer is all about strong intent. 

Psychic intelligence when cultivated really strong helps you to smell intent even from far. 

The second thing is to not trust easily. 

The third is time. Time tells you everything you need to know. Time is the great revealer. 

You also need to test  commitment and loyalty in your own unique way 

 

And yes stop giving a fuck. 

The other thing that you need to understand is what is fundamentally true is fundamentally true and what is fundamentally false is fundamentally false. If you hold the bastion of truth, you will attract truthful people. Your own conscience is the attracter. You attract what you are. This does not mean that you can't attract bad apples. Yes you can. But sooner or later there will be a fallout with bad apples. Because they won't align with your conscience. If you give leeway to sociopaths, you will attract sociopaths. But if your conscience denies sociopaths  you won't have them in your company. It's what you choose to associate yourself with. This is ultimately decided by your own conscience, nobody can do this for you. 

 

 

Edited March 24, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

So I'm coming back to the same question. How will I know if I a guy is committed to me or not? 

The question is a great question but there is no straight forward answer. 

Psychic protection perfume lol

One way to find out is to not create camaraderie with them. The more you give in, the more the person is at an advantage to have power over you. You give your power over to them. You let them decide your fate. You shouldn't do that. Take control within your own hands. This might seem dominating and bossy but this is about self protection. You stay stoic. You stay where you are. You stay how you are. Let the other person come to you. Let people come to you rather than the other way around. This way you have monopoly over your own emotions and you are less vulnerable or prone to being emotionally exploited. You set your own rules. You define how things are going to be. If they truly wish to be with you, they will find a way to be with you.  You have to learn to let go. You have to test their commitment rather than the other way around. 

What does this truly mean? 

I think the best solution is to be an observer and spend time observing rather than believing. Your own belief, naivete and trust can come back to bite you. The best is to limit yourself as much as possible. The best is to not show much Camaraderie. Show it after a year of having neglected that person. Is the person still showing interest even after you have never shown much closeness to them? Don't reach hook point. Because once that is reached it's easy for them to let you go. 

If you didn't invest too much, you don't end up feeling like a loss. 

So what you do is just be on standby mode. Do nothing. Ask nothing. Expect nothing. Don't give affection. Don't be too vulnerable. This is about self empowerment. You be you. You don't give away your power. You get to play your own deck. 

What happens then? 

The person who truly wishes to be with you will continue showing interest and if he doesn't then it just wasn't meant to be. You automatically screen them out. But the ones who truly care and are sincere enough will be with you through and through. 

 

 

Extroverted people don't thrive in this area. 

Why? 

 

 

Edited March 24, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Extroverted people don't thrive in this area. 

You would ask why? 

 

Because extroverted people tend to reach out way too much. Whereas introverts remain to themselves. It takes a great degree of effort to pull an introvert out of their zone. 

 

Edited March 24, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

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What about introverts like me? 

 

Maybe my extroversion caused me to go further and further and further and further. 

What's left of me now? 

 

 

I have a very high degree of introversion in me.. The problem is that I tried to break free of it. 

Because I realized that long term introversion will lead to loneliness and lack of social skills. 

 

 

 

Edited March 24, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

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There is a reason why both extroversion and introversion are necessary. 

 

 

You have to be an introvert. There are obvious benefits to it.. 

Extroversion on the other hand is more suited to an open environment. 

 

 

Edited March 24, 2022 by Preety_India

[Etherial Cat]

5 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Thank you for the comment. That was very supportive and encouraging. 

 

[Preety_India]

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When I woke up from the dream, I saw that the lights were out. I screamed loudly out of pain. 

I don't know why. I just felt so scared to death. I could feel chains around me. I was feeling awkward and frustrated. 

I got up and I felt drained. I touched my body on all sides and kept rubbing my skin. It was all itchy for some reason. I could not understand what was going on. Why was it so itchy? What had I eaten? I looked around me. I felt so controlled. I could feel a scissor under me. I don't know what that was doing there. I had finished an entire bottle of coke. I felt like the devil was with me. And the devil had been sexually seducing me. 

I don't know why this thing gave me such an enormous sense of comfort. Why is the idea of a devil seducing me such a sense of comfort? Why did I feel protected? 

 

 

Edited March 24, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

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So yes I was talking about the devil. And how being seduced by the devil gave me an enormous sense of comfort. 

I don't know why I felt this way. But it was like that. I still feel some sensation over my whole body like a mild tingling. I woke up but I felt a bit terrified. 

I'm still reeling through these sensations. I still can't figure out what must have happened while I was asleep. Maybe I was going through a nightmare and didn't realize that it was hurting my skin. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited March 25, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

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So these dreams have been troubling me. When I woke up, I kept scratching. 

When I woke up I saw my mom and I screamed at her, "what the hell are you doing here? Why aren't you sleeping in your bedroom?" 

I feel very uncomfortable just thinking about this. 

What was she doing there! 

Was she watching me while I was having a nightmare? Why would she do that?

Because as soon as I opened my eyes I saw her there and I screamed at her immediately. 

This is because her presence right after I wake up is a source of trauma for me. 

I have had dreams where I saw her standing over me and squeezing my neck till I suffocated and died. I would wake up screaming. 

I felt really frightened this time 

Usually I get these dreams where I feel like she is watching me 

 

Edited March 25, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

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Why is it that there has to be some sort of a volcano for good things to happen! 

Thank God liberation!! 

 

 

 

Edited March 25, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

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Why was I thinking about Ukraine and Russia suddenly. Out of the blue. 

Because it's war. 

And my body is going through intense anxiety and discomfort and it wants to release that anxiety and the war in my dreams is a representation of it. 

Edited March 25, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

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My body kinda feels tight and rigid 

I don't know what happened but I think I got dreams again 

There has been something going on. 

 

[Preety_India]

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I'm very much like a hermit. There's very little that you could get out of me. 

Do you do things that you like versus do you do things that are best for you? 

 

Edited March 25, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

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I'm very much like a hermit. There's very little that you could get out of me. 

Are you getting signs from the devil? 

 

Is the devil helping you? 

Why do I always flip flop between good and evil? 

 

[Preety_India]

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One of the reasons why I felt like I was an energy vampire is because I am needy around relationships. 

Neediness is a sign of energy vampirism. 

Although neediness is not inherently a bad thing 

So I basically figured out two issues in me. 

One is neediness and the other is anger. 

I will go deeper into this later. 

 

[Preety_India]

..

it is damn arduous and a not for everyone sacrifice getting up in the dark the eerie silence the cold every morning

 

i am giving it all for what i consider the most important thing

 

i will keep giving more and more as my body allows

 

i seek absolutely nothing except a fantastic now

 

 

 

 

 

Edited March 27, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I think I always fall for a particular type of men who are dark haired, long faces, thin lips, big forehead. 

Is there something wrong with my vagina that I always tend to attract such men only 

Must be such men who fucked my ancestral spirit or something 

 

 

 

Edited March 27, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Although this is just temporary, my permanent love is a Chunky Cat.

My knees go really weak for a Chunky Cat

 

 

 

 

 

Edited March 27, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

Do I want a Swedish Chunky Cat or a German Chunky Cat? 

Swedish no thanks. 

German chunky cat..... Yes.. 

This time someone went full German on me. 

When are they going to turn Swedish? I'm waiting desperately for someone to turn Swedish on me 

 

Please O please. 

 

God please I pray to you, please make them Swedish. 

 

 

Edited March 27, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

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I know this might sound absurd. But I have decided to transform myself into a Swedish woman for the purposes of healing. This is my new journey as a Swedish woman. I just want the Swedish way. There is something happening to me. All the trauma causes me to strip away everything that is me. 

I just want to scrub and rub my skin till it bleeds and remove every identity out of me and take up a new role, a new image, a new identity. 

Because I hate whatever was done to my body, to my soul, I feel bad who I was. Now I don't want it anymore. 

I want to be a new me. 

I want to be a new person.. 

I want to forget the last six months and scrub them off  from my life. I feel played and abandoned and I don't ever want it again.. 

I just don't want to date men anymore. No never. Enough hoping that I will find a faithful man because I will never find one. These hoes ain't loyal. So I have to figure out my own path. Enough betrayals. 

I just don't want men. My only man is the Swedish guy I have fallen in love with. 

Viking style. 

 

Edited March 27, 2022 by Preety_India