I'm just depressed

[Preety_India]

 

 

24 minutes ago, Loving Radiance said:

@Kksd74628 I like to share with you a thought which came up when reading this thread, and I'm curious how it is for you.

I project this dynamic on your interaction in this thread, and perhaps it's true for you too: Just today I let go of helping a former friend of mine. I hold her close to my heart. I wanted to support and guide her in recognizing the self-destructive stories she believes. It came from good intentions. I thought I wanted to help her to alleviate her suffering, but it was about me putting my agenda and will on her. It was me putting my desire on her for her to change. And she doesn't want to change. In fact, she views any attempt of me to "help her" as an attack because I put my agenda on her. My unwanted help is like me slapping her.

Do you notice that in this thread? Perhaps to clarify what I mean: What you write with good intentions (your first post in this thread) can be interpreted as pushing advice on someone. When one has a particular lens, one can see every good intention as condescending, manipulative etc. That is okay. We all do that every time when we read, interpret and understand any writing. The thing is that when viewing your post through this lens it then changes its form. The good intention comes with an energy of "I want you to change to feel better myself" which wears the clothes of "I am here to help you to feel better".

Here is a quote which can be seen as "I want you to change":

^ In this context these questions are not coming from curiousity but from judgement. I don't like the name askholes for it and yet, they are not questions to get unknown information. ... I don't think that you are a bad person. Only the way you wrote makes it seem so.

Here are some assumptions which of course might be backed up by evidence. And yet it doesn't change their nature:

Of course, assumptions are the only way to form a picture of someone. And still, the quote above has a charging energy to it which is accusatory. I made the parts bold which are assumptions and carry the accusatory energy. Any writing like this can easily be interpreted as coming from a perpetrator who wants to make the addressee a victim.

Especially the "you" has a lot of perpetrator energy in it. In non-violent communication the "you" is replaced by "I". "I think", "I assume", "From what I read it seems to me..." etc. It takes the charge out and makes it more impersonal. It is not the person itself which gets criticized but the specific actions of the person. When speaking from personal experience "I", it then is much more connecting. Speaking from "I" is sharing one's inner world and making oneself vulnerable. When the inner world is projected out onto someone (with "you") it then has a quality of putting the person into a box. It is putting the person into one's own inner world and that can feel like abuse to the person.

Notice that it's more vulnerable, connecting and caring when writing, "Hey, just wanted to check in because I am worried about you and I see that you might be not living up to your potential. My worry comes from reading all the stuff you write, which I think is negatively impacting you and is unhealthy." This is not how I think and advice how you should write. It is just to make the vulnerability point more clear.

^ This shows your good intention. And yet, it can be also perceived as a mask to hide behind in order to veil attack or abuse.

I am curious for your answer and how you see the dynamic @Kksd74628. I too like to see how much stuff I project on you (e.g. the story with my former friend) and what you recognize as true for you.

 

[Preety_India]

I fucked up 

[Preety_India]

I feel immense pain. 

I want love. 

I wish I could have everlasting love. 

 

Now I feel like a lonely leaf in the wind. 

 

My heart has broken into a million pieces. I feel shattered and I feel shame. 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I'm still so nervous. 

 

[Preety_India]

I wish this world was bonded by true love 

[Preety_India]

I want to feel real love and peace. Only that makes sense. 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I felt this terrible misery and pain that I could not process. 

 

[Preety_India]

I just wanted to hide deeper and deeper into myself and kill myself. 

What else was there to do? 

 

[Preety_India]

It's like the masculine saying to you 

"hey I'm loyal to you. See I'm here. I can take your anger. You can say whatever the fuck you want and I can take it. I can possess you. I can own you. I will never leave you." 

But then you have your rules. You put too much pressure. Your love has conditions. You are rude. You are hurtful. And then you say you are only being honest. 

But that's not what I want. 

So fuck your masculinity 

 

 

 

Edited March 22, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

The feminine has other issues.. 

She is a cold heartless bitch 

The feminine says 

"hey I love you. You are perfect. I love you. I want you. Baby everything is going to be alright. You are cute as fuck. I love you. My darling. Hugging you. Sweetheart."

And then she disappears in the middle of the night like a heartless faceless guileless shameless creature. 

 

Or she acts cold and doesn't own you. 

 

Edited March 22, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I get called crazy bitch 

I get called crazy bitch 

I get called crazy bitch 

I get called crazy bitch 

I get called crazy bitch 

I get called crazy bitch 

I get called crazy bitch 

 

 

 

 

I can't trust anyone 

 

 

[Preety_India]

This space is a combination of masculine and feminine. 

The feminine is loyal and caring Empathetic and gentle. 

The masculine is protective, owning, claiming, possessive, (of course a bit of negging for sexual tension), fierce, forceful but not controlling and primal like Rarakrumi. 

 

The feminine has a firm role to play. 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited March 22, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

This space is important. This space guides me. It's the duality of love. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

I feel so sick cold and depressed. And the people here (some users) constantly bully me. 

I can't even breathe right now 

 

 

[Sucuk Ekmek]

On 22.03.2022 at 7:07 PM, Preety_India said:

"hey I'm loyal to you. See I'm here. I can take your anger. You can say whatever the fuck you want and I can take it. I can possess you. I can own you. I will never leave you." 

But then you have your rules. You put too much pressure. Your love has conditions. You are rude. You are hurtful. And then you say you are only being honest. 

Impressive, you actually have potential for literature.

[Preety_India]

 

 

LEFT THE FORUM PERMANENTLY. BYE

 

How much can I take? 

It's too much. 

 

 

Edited March 23, 2022 by Preety_India

[Etherial Cat]

@Preety_India

Hey...

It's okay. It's going to be alright. Have hope.

This forum is not a reflection of how the whole world functions. This place is full of people who do not value vulnerability and compassion. It's not personal. Most of them don't have it for themselves either. You can't find love and compassion given from those who think it has to be earned.

Just like you can't find water in the desert, you can't find much love in a space where people are afraid their love makes them weak.

Find for yourself spaces on the internet where the Feminine is valued and cultivate it. Your progress and your resilience is truly impressive. 

Here is a quote from Matt Kahn:

If you're not telling yourself what you are doing right, or telling someone else what they're doing right or telling someone how beautiful and worthy of love that they are; no truth is being a spoken. - Matt Kahn

[Preety_India]

@Etherial Cat

I understand your concerns. I'm not demonizing the whole forum. Just a few users here make it difficult for me to be here. 

If such attitude is dealt with, then I have no trouble here 

All I am asking for is "zero personal attacks" and non invasive behavior. 

Calling for some user's ban is not how we create peace. 

I don't go around saying that a user should be banned. 

 

[Preety_India]

5 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

@Preety_India

Hey...

It's okay. It's going to be alright. Have hope.

This forum is not a reflection of how the whole world functions. This place is full of people who do not value vulnerability and compassion. It's not personal. Most of them don't have it for themselves either. You can't find love and compassion given from those who think it has to be earned.

Just like you can't find water in the desert, you can't find much love in a space where people are afraid their love makes them weak.

Find for yourself spaces on the internet where the Feminine is valued and cultivate it. Your progress and your resilience is truly impressive. 

Here is a quote from Matt Kahn:

If you're not telling yourself what you are doing right, or telling someone else what they're doing right or telling someone how beautiful and worthy of love that they are; no truth is being a spoken. - Matt Kahn

Thank you for the comment. That was very supportive and encouraging. 

 

[Preety_India]

One way is to keep some boundaries.