Why I feel I need someone to feel complete?

[Javfly33]

I am constantly looking for stimulation, people, or women, to feel complete.

Its like i cant bear the Nothingness of being Alone.

And so i am constantly looking for the Love outside, because i Dont find this (present moment experience) complete.

I feel something its lacking. The Love its lacking.

I feel this is not enough so i look for a external object to unite myself to.

I wonder why i cant be Happy and Loved just by myself

If i am God how cant I produce this Love for Myself withouth the need of an external person to trigger It in me?

[Chakra Lion]

We are a social creature. Go find some Love, no need to resist something so beautiful. Loving yourself and love from others feel different. And eventually you’ll enjoy moments of seclusion again. 

[nistake]

Leo brilliantly explained this very thing in his episode of "Root Solution to Loneliness".

[WelcometoReality]

@Javfly33 Yeah the feeling of lack can be so strong. The solution is to dissolve that feeling, everything else is just a temporary fix.

[dorg]

4 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

I wonder why i cant be Happy and Loved just by myself

Because you think you are a person, rather than there just being nothing/everything.

 

Edited March 20, 2022 by dorg

[Terell Kirby]

4 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

I am constantly looking for stimulation, people, or women, to feel complete.

Do tons of research on codependency. There are many resources and support groups.

You can't even begin to do effective spirituality without having a solid emotional base.

[PepperBlossoms]

I feel like maybe it is because it love is a basic need and also the desire to be with someone is what keeps families together and gets people to reproduce.  Also we may feel stronger, safer, and more secure with another person because we can then rely on each other and help each other.

[Razard86]

The answer is pretty much what many have already said. The phrase I use which is the foundation for all issues or problems in life is everything starts with you. 

1. You must first accept yourself in the present moment. Love is acceptance, and hatred is denial. Accept everything about yourself, your physical appearance, your personality, your past, your quirks, EVERYTHING.

2. Recognize (experientially) that you are the creator. You ARE THE APLHA AND OMEGA.

3. If you have trouble recognizing this go look up Leo's Neti Neti Guided Meditation Video as a good start.

4. Once you start to love yourself you will be able to love others in a HEALTHY WAY. As someone mentioned earlier stay away from co-dependent behavior. Seeking medical professional help is always a healthy choice.

5. Choose to act in a way that YOU believe is noble, and if you make mistakes lovingly accept those mistakes and their consequences and move on. Your lack of love for yourself is ALSO an illusion. Had you met yourself in another form you might very well pedestalize the form you are in now. But when you are inside looking out the form doesn't seem so great. Recognize that you may be thinking more highly of others than you aught to.  

 

[VeganAwake]

20 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

I am constantly looking for stimulation, people, or women, to feel complete.

Its like i cant bear the Nothingness of being Alone.

And so i am constantly looking for the Love outside, because i Dont find this (present moment experience) complete.

I feel something its lacking. The Love its lacking.

I feel this is not enough so i look for a external object to unite myself to.

I wonder why i cant be Happy and Loved just by myself

If i am God how cant I produce this Love for Myself withouth the need of an external person to trigger It in me?

That's the big dilemma for the sense of self..... it feels separate and incomplete and tries to make whole that which isn't even real. (The cosmic joke)

❤ 

 

Edited March 21, 2022 by VeganAwake

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yC2ZiPfwf1M
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4lk2ivhiEk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0Yw6wNNx7E

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLH7yUwkBPg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eit85FAj4wg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVqANXVTLN4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BTv9AXDOr4

 

[Javfly33]

14 hours ago, Benton said:

Because you want to include more of yourself. One of the reasons sex is so intimate, and creates so much emotion. Is because for just a little. You include something that you consider to be outside of yourself.

No single person can compensate for infinite Love. But that doesn’t make a relationship with a man/woman bad.

You can still have that and be absolutely inclusive.

You will only be complete once you Realize your own Love.

If you want to feel your Love then stop judging yourself, allow every part of yourself.

Love is what your are. So do not reject yourself. Love is complete acceptance. Even Love you, not Loving yourself. Not in an egoic way, but in a way where you surrender to it.

Surrender, allow, accept

 

Im.not judging anything. I just think its full of shit to say first "You are God and One and you are complete" But then also in a subtle way to say "But go find some sex or intimate relationships because you actually need It. . LoL

So actually What you are saying is You are Actually dependent on the other to feel complete. 

 

[nistake]

@Javfly33 You're pretty much conflating the Absolute with the relative.

The first part (you're God, you're complete, etc) is completely true, however, in the relative domain (i.e. ego) we tend to have tons of layers of social conditioning, traumas, various tendencies, different personality types and so on.

The point I'm driving at here is that it's your job to find a balance between the two. It's not black and white as some radical neo-advaitans say. If you don't have your survival needs handled properly, it makes little sense to say stuff like you're God/Love/Infinity, nothing to do, nothing to achieve. The more you work on relative aspect (along with rigorous spiritual practises), the more you realize the Absolute and the more you're satisfied with the present moment regardless of your current circumstances.

[Inliytened1]

18 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

I am constantly looking for stimulation, people, or women, to feel complete.

Its like i cant bear the Nothingness of being Alone.

And so i am constantly looking for the Love outside, because i Dont find this (present moment experience) complete.

I feel something its lacking. The Love its lacking.

I feel this is not enough so i look for a external object to unite myself to.

I wonder why i cant be Happy and Loved just by myself

If i am God how cant I produce this Love for Myself withouth the need of an external person to trigger It in me?

I have been in the exact same shoes I think this stems from a feeling that you are incomplete and you need another to complete you.  The ego always feels like it needs something else or some other to complete it when it is perfectly complete itself.  Another should not be a necessity it should just be a bonus to what already is complete.  I think with time this will become more evident for you but also realize that you are just perfectly complete the way you are right now.  You CAN be happy all by yourself.  I think you should take time to be by yourself (as I have done) rather then going through and endless cycle of women.  Once you can be happy by yourself a relationship can then be started for the right reasons but you need to be able to stand on your own first and be happy.

[Nivsch]

@Javfly33 You won't be able to bypass the problem with any spiritual method no matter how conscious is. You must listen to yourself and your authentic feelings first and foremost. Go do what your feelings wants you to do. Your development will come along the way but it must integrate also your social fulfilling.

Edited March 21, 2022 by Nivsch

[Dazgwny]

Because your limited and acting from a limited nature and mindset. Detached from your true nature. That’s part and parcel of being a finite limited being. Become infinite and this desire fades into oblivion. The issue is when you become infinite will you remain in an infinite state? Likely not. So you’ll be back searching for your outside love. Unless you accept your infinitude 100% completely as a finite being. Then the searching will stop. But then you won’t be finite. You’ll be infinite, and there’ll be no one else to love. Gods dilemma. Hence, here you are ?

[Spence94]

13 hours ago, nistake said:

@Javfly33 You're pretty much conflating the Absolute with the relative.

The first part (you're God, you're complete, etc) is completely true, however, in the relative domain (i.e. ego) we tend to have tons of layers of social conditioning, traumas, various tendencies, different personality types and so on.

The point I'm driving at here is that it's your job to find a balance between the two. It's not black and white as some radical neo-advaitans say. If you don't have your survival needs handled properly, it makes little sense to say stuff like you're God/Love/Infinity, nothing to do, nothing to achieve. The more you work on relative aspect (along with rigorous spiritual practises), the more you realize the Absolute and the more you're satisfied with the present moment regardless of your current circumstances.

I second this. The most enlightened man I ever met told me that the teaching of Non-Duality used to be known as the 'secret teaching', only those who had done enough work on the relative plain were seen as worthy of the teaching because the yogis believed there was so much work that had to be done on the yogis psychology on the relative level in order to properly embody the Absolute teachings. It makes sense. I have these same issues as you. I am working with 3 coaches and therapists right now to work on my truamas and emotional attachments that are hodling me back from success and fullfilment in life, love and relationships. While at the same time I aspire to be more loving by having an experientialy understanding of the Oneness of  universal Self love. It's both, not either or.

"I've been walking the path of enlightenment for over 40 years and even just last year I was going to therapy sessions." -Shinzhen Young.

"This is a lifelong path brother." - Gary, a 50 year Meditation teacher, giving me adivce on emotional mastery.

Edited March 22, 2022 by Spence94

[Barna]

If you're constantly looking for stimulation then it's an addiction.

You could be asking the same way: "Why do I need to do heroine all the time to feel good? If I am god, why can't I just raise my serotonin and dopamine levels by being alone?"
Well, you can be happy while you're alone. But it's a skill, and it seems like you haven't developed it yet. 
You're in the right place here, the people on this forum will point you in the right direction to develop these spiritual skills.

[Javfly33]

22 hours ago, nistake said:

@Javfly33 You're pretty much conflating the Absolute with the relative.

The first part (you're God, you're complete, etc) is completely true, however, in the relative domain (i.e. ego) we tend to have tons of layers of social conditioning, traumas, various tendencies, different personality types and so on.

The point I'm driving at here is that it's your job to find a balance between the two. It's not black and white as some radical neo-advaitans say. If you don't have your survival needs handled properly, it makes little sense to say stuff like you're God/Love/Infinity, nothing to do, nothing to achieve. The more you work on relative aspect (along with rigorous spiritual practises), the more you realize the Absolute and the more you're satisfied with the present moment regardless of your current circumstances.

Go Tell that to Sadghuru. Which can bliss itself the fuck out by himself.  He wont have to Tell itself the BS story of "Yeah I am God But Also lets not confuse the relative and Absolute ok? So let me go Chase some sex like any other human".

Bro, stop kidding yourself. If you are not Conscious of God/Love NOW, then you are dont get the benefits NOW.

If you cant put yourself minimally into a non dual/completedness state right now, then yes, of course you Will have all of those rationalizations as to why "you need to burn karma" or "first handle survival needs" ? which btw its all Parroted by Leo. Nobody in forum actually thinks by itself lately damn.

You guys keep thinking you can take the Absolute as a memory and rip off the benefits like Its an actuality.

But in reality, it doesnt work like that. 

20 hours ago, Nivsch said:

@Javfly33 You won't be able to bypass the problem with any spiritual method no matter how conscious is. You must listen to yourself and your authentic feelings first and foremost. Go do what your feelings wants you to do. Your development will come along the way but it must integrate also your social fulfilling.

Just read What i told the Guy above. You are literally parroting the same BS as everybody else. 

[nistake]

@Javfly33 Well, this whole thing is not black and white as we tried to point out.

But okay, if we want to simplify things, you have two options. Either you keep living your ordinary life in society, you go to work, you socialize, etc. You'll have addictions, you'll struggle with everyday life, and you'll experience suffering on a daily basis. You'll feel like this whole life is just a drag. Like what the 98% of humanity is doing.

Or you can go to a monastery, meditate several hours a day, thus you don't have to worry about external things like stimulation, food, sex, relationships. Do that for several years or even decades and then maybe you'll have to chance to bliss out for days on end just by sitting.

The choice is yours. If you want to do the two at the same time, you'll have to bite the bullet and try to find a balance.

[Spence94]

@Javfly33

Sadhguru has been practicing yoga and yogic living for 50 years (in this lifetime and probably many more lifetimes before).

Do you really think Sadhguru has never done any work on his physical/astral/ energetic/ causal bodies, social conditioning, trauma, karmic memory, attachments, addictions, cravings, identity, self-agenda and ego in this life or in past lives? What do you think a yogi does? Just turn on the light switch and then they are done? Give me a break.

Edited March 22, 2022 by Spence94